"The craving for human touch doesn't vanish with age."

[mia]

Boomer sex with Dementia foreshadowed in nursing home torn apart

CORALVILLE, Iowa — At 8:30 p.m. on Christmas Day 2009, nurse Tiffany Gourley was called to a room at the Windmill Manor nursing home in Coralville. She found a 78-year-old male resident who had just had intercourse with an 87-year-old woman. The man, a former college professor, was divorced. The woman, a retired secretary, was married. Both had dementia.

What followed illustrates one of the most complex and unexamined issues facing elderly care facilities as the Baby Boom generation enters old age: How to determine if residents with dementia have the mental capacity to consent to sex.

The Windmill Manor incident and its lengthy aftermath also show that nursing homes, regulators and families are not prepared to deal with that question....


Sex among the elderly, especially those with Alzheimer's or other types of dementia, is a subject that many of the nation's 16,000 elderly care facilities have largely been able to ignore. The aging of the Baby Boomers, many of whom grew up in the 1960s sexual revolution, will force more facilities and families to confront the sorts of legal, ethical and moral questions that arose at Windmill Manor....

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-news-bc-elderly-sex27-20130727,0,6101716.story

With two parents in an assisted living facility, I regularly browse "nursing home" news. Both of my parents are nearly 90 and have separate living areas in an assisted living facility. They are able to visit one another and eat together every day. On numerous occasions, elderly ladies have wandered into my Dad's room. He's hard of hearing and is wheelchair bound. When my Mom is there, she guides them back to their rooms.

[randome]

1. There may not BE a way to deal with it absent 24/7 real-time monitoring.

Not everything can be defined, unfortunately. I suppose the best that can be done is to closely monitor everyone and make judgment calls. Which may mean having more personnel on hand, something most agencies resist.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]You should never stop having childhood dreams.[/center][/font][hr]

[mia]

3. I agree. There would have to be someone watching traffic in the halls

via security monitors at all times. It would be nearly impossible during the day, as all of the workers are very busy seeing to the personal needs of the residents. The halls are full of the elderly with and without walkers and wheelchairs. A lonely soul could enter another's room so easily.

[randome]

4. But you always have the equal danger of abuse by NH personnel.

So maybe there should be mandates to have a certain number of personnel always on duty per x number of residents? Maybe some states already have that.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]You should never stop having childhood dreams.[/center][/font][hr]

[mia]

5. There are federal and state staffing standards.

They are minimum standards and most facilities will tend to stick to the minimums. The place where my parents are had high ratings but there never seem to be enough staff around. The other problem is that many residents advance through different stages of dementia before the need to be Alzheimer's residents. Some in assisted living need nothing more than assistance with medications, others wander around the halls looking for their rooms. It's sad, really sad.

[Uben]

2. I think it's great!

My ex father in law has dementia and is now in a nursing home. He has a girlfriend there, and they act as if they are a couple, hugging and kissing, even in front of my ex mom in law. I know it's hard on her, but even she is happy they can find time for affection despite their condition. One just has to remember who they were before they lost their cognitive skills.

[mia]

8. Nice that they found each other!

Old age can provide some sweet surprises.

[angstlessk]

6. Why can't your parents be together in the same room?

At 90 they must have been married 60 or more years..and woke up beside each other for that many years.

Why can't they be together in the same room...not a queen bed, but two hospital beds with a small table between them...and waking up to see each other like they did for 60+ years?

[mia]

7. Father needs more care.

He's on a different floor. Mom is independent and could have stayed in their apartment alone, but wanted to live near Dad.

[madrchsod]

9. many years i was a dishwasher at a nursing home.

one night the nurses were all a buzz..actually laughing their butts of because a man and wife in their 90`s were still trying to do the do. they all most felt sorry they had to stop them.