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NanceGreggs

(27,813 posts)
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 08:57 PM Feb 2013

For Robert, and the man who loved him ...

For those not on FaceBook, I thought I would share HillWilliam’s own words on FB upon the passing of his beloved Robert:

“My beloved, my anchor, the love of my life, the wind in my sails, my advocate, my chief adviser, my trusted ally, the one who always-always had my back passed from this earth around one o'clock. I never knew a person could hurt so bad and still keep breathing.”

Anyone who believes that two men are incapable of the depth of feeling for each other that only heterosexual couples can possibly know should read those words – and, in the doing, recognize that true love IS truly love, and knows no bounds.

HillWilliam and I became friends here on DU, a friendship which continued through our contact on FaceBook. He often shared his thoughts on his Beloved Robert with me – thoughts that spoke of mutual respect, equal partnership, unwavering support of one for the other; laughter shared, challenges faced together, and the joy to be embraced when two people find their true soul-mate and revel in the fact that they have done so.

I cannot stop weeping since hearing the sad news. HillWilliam’s devotion to his Beloved Robert, for me, has always epitomized what a loving couple should be – always in each other’s corner, ready to take on the world together when necessary; always ready to take on the nay-sayers who insisted their union was somehow unrecognizable as true devotion, or somehow deserving of being dismissed or diminished because their marriage was not ‘acceptable’ according to archaic and bigoted beliefs.

My heart goes out to HillWilliam tonight. The loss of one’s beloved life partner is as devastating as it gets.

I have no more words. I wish I did. I wish I knew the words that would ease the pain, but I don’t. I wish I knew the words that would somehow make things all right, but I don’t. If I knew them, I would say them – a thousand times over. And so would many here.

We are with you, HillWilliam – tonight and every night. Your Beloved Robert did not pass unnoticed, nor has your love for him gone unrecognized.

Peace be with you both, until you meet again.




(Edited to add: I have sent HillWilliam a link to this thread. You have all expressed such incredibly loving thoughts; he should see them all and know that he is not alone in his grief, and that his DU friends are with him in spirit at this unbelievably sad time. Thanks to all who have taken the time to respond.)


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For Robert, and the man who loved him ... (Original Post) NanceGreggs Feb 2013 OP
Please pass on my condolances. hedgehog Feb 2013 #1
Thank you, my dear Nance, for this beautiful post... CaliforniaPeggy Feb 2013 #2
Deepest sympathies. nt MADem Feb 2013 #3
although I did not know either of them, please know that HillWilliam has my deepest sympathies niyad Feb 2013 #4
How sad malaise Feb 2013 #5
. one_voice Feb 2013 #6
Lovely, Nance, thank you for sharing. babylonsister Feb 2013 #7
A beautiful tribute to Robert, and to a devoted loving couple. I'm so sorry HillWilliam.... nt AnotherMother4Peace Feb 2013 #8
How terribly sad. May William find peace and comfort. Mnemosyne Feb 2013 #9
I wish there were words to help comfort HillWilliam. sabrina 1 Feb 2013 #10
Thank you for your loving Cha Feb 2013 #11
A beautiful tribute Irishonly Feb 2013 #12
Hillwill bless you and your partner in life and beyond Protalker Feb 2013 #13
I am so sorry for your loss. NanceGreggs Mar 2013 #25
Thank you. Protalker Mar 2013 #34
Perfect movie, perfect line HillWilliam Mar 2013 #60
This is a beautiful tribute & I hope your loving expression will bring much comfort to HillWilliam. pacalo Feb 2013 #14
I did not know either man , forgive me if this is considered inappropriate..but can't help but think pkdu Feb 2013 #15
I, too, thought of that scene NanceGreggs Mar 2013 #24
Heartfelt words about a wonderful couple. nt FLyellowdog Feb 2013 #16
My deepest sympathies to your friend. Ken Burch Feb 2013 #17
Well put and touching. The Wizard Feb 2013 #18
Beautiful, Nance. cliffordu Feb 2013 #19
... Raine1967 Feb 2013 #20
Sending my condolences and deepest sympathies solara Feb 2013 #21
Beautiful... DollarBillHines Feb 2013 #22
Go with love, Robert. And I hope HillWilliam feels ours. nolabear Feb 2013 #23
Thank you Nance for your unwavering friendship and support HillWilliam Mar 2013 #26
Thank you for this! It is so good to see you here... CaliforniaPeggy Mar 2013 #27
oh, HillWilliam bigtree Mar 2013 #32
Deepest condolences HillWilliam panader0 Mar 2013 #33
I am so, so very sorry to hear this HillWill. riderinthestorm Mar 2013 #41
It's been a bad week for losing loved ones... FLyellowdog Mar 2013 #43
What a wonderful tribute. grantcart Mar 2013 #47
Tears are streaming down my face, Sissyk Mar 2013 #51
Condolences to you, HillWilliam nt susanr516 Mar 2013 #52
Thank you, Nance. I know HillWilliam only slightly Warpy Mar 2013 #28
Deepest condolences, HillWilliam. loudsue Mar 2013 #29
K & R Scurrilous Mar 2013 #30
HillWilliam samplegirl Mar 2013 #31
Love is love and the loss..... prairierose Mar 2013 #35
I'm so very sorry, HillWilliam. polly7 Mar 2013 #36
I'm so sorry, HillWilliam. redqueen Mar 2013 #37
My heart is breaking too. When you know true love even the idea of losing it is unthinkable Rowdyboy Mar 2013 #38
A beautiful love story - my condolences to HillWilliam. LoisB Mar 2013 #39
A beautiful tribute to a loving couple. HappyMe Mar 2013 #40
Sending positive thoughts and my deepest sympathy. n/t BeeBee Mar 2013 #42
condolensces and a thought maffl Mar 2013 #44
Well, Nance, that was purely beautiful. DollarBillHines Mar 2013 #45
This is so very sad...our thoughts are with HillWilliam joeybee12 Mar 2013 #46
All my best. nm rhett o rick Mar 2013 #48
Dearest HillWilliam Smilo Mar 2013 #49
much love to you HillWilliam AlecBGreen Mar 2013 #50
HillWilliam. I am so very very sorry this has happened. glinda Mar 2013 #53
My deepest condolences! mecherosegarden Mar 2013 #54
My deepest condolences to HillWilliam and to everyone who knew and loved Robert Tom Ripley Mar 2013 #55
Oh, no. I am so sorry. LiberalAndProud Mar 2013 #56
My condolences, HillWilliam TxDemChem Mar 2013 #57
HillWilliam. I do not know you, but I am stopping to think of you now. BlancheSplanchnik Mar 2013 #58
I'm so sorry, HillWilliam. GoCubsGo Mar 2013 #59
Thank you, Nance sibelian Mar 2013 #61

CaliforniaPeggy

(148,879 posts)
2. Thank you, my dear Nance, for this beautiful post...
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 09:00 PM
Feb 2013

You have said all of it so eloquently! Much more so than I ever could...

I hope HillWilliam will see this. I know it will help him immeasurably.

niyad

(110,955 posts)
4. although I did not know either of them, please know that HillWilliam has my deepest sympathies
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 09:03 PM
Feb 2013

and condolences. I know there are no words to ease the pain, but perhaps knowing how much people out here care might help just the tiniest bit.

babylonsister

(170,851 posts)
7. Lovely, Nance, thank you for sharing.
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 09:17 PM
Feb 2013

And HillWilliam, if you read this, my deepest condolences. NanceGreggs eloquently put into words how we all feel about your loss.

Mnemosyne

(21,363 posts)
9. How terribly sad. May William find peace and comfort.
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 09:28 PM
Feb 2013

Thanks for bringing this up, Nance. Nice to see you.

sabrina 1

(62,325 posts)
10. I wish there were words to help comfort HillWilliam.
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 09:30 PM
Feb 2013

Maybe there is some comfort in knowing that people do understand his pain, small comfort I know.

RIP Robert

Irishonly

(3,344 posts)
12. A beautiful tribute
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:05 PM
Feb 2013

I only know HillWilliam through his posts on DU and know how much he and Robert loved each other. I have no words either. I can only offer my love and support.

Protalker

(418 posts)
13. Hillwill bless you and your partner in life and beyond
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:07 PM
Feb 2013

Saturday I found my best friend in life dead. Although were gay we were not lovers. He was closer than a brother. You put into words my feelings. Thank you so much.

NanceGreggs

(27,813 posts)
25. I am so sorry for your loss.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 01:50 AM
Mar 2013

My best friend passed, very unexpectedly, three years ago.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her - of the laughs we shared, the confidences we entrusted each to the other, the joy we always found in each others' company.

From the time we met, many years ago, we always watched the Oscars together. It was one of our many 'traditions'. We were both movie nuts, and often exchanged film dialogue as a form of communication.

A favourite for both of us was "Moonstruck". I remembered last Sunday night a line from the film, Cher (as Loretta Castorini) explaining the death of her husband: "Who knew that man was a gift I couldn't keep."

Those we love are often a gift we cannot keep. We can only remember that they were indeed a gift - and be grateful they were ours for the time we had them in our lives, as fleeting as that time may have been.

Protalker

(418 posts)
34. Thank you.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 09:26 AM
Mar 2013

I am relatively new to DU. One of the 7 Habits of Success ful People: it is better to understand than be understood. I appreciate your time.

HillWilliam

(3,310 posts)
60. Perfect movie, perfect line
Mon Mar 4, 2013, 02:14 AM
Mar 2013

I'm a movie nut, too. I troll the $3-$5 bins at the dollar stores for hidden gems, old favorites, filling holes in my collection. I rip them down to my portable drive and listen to them at work. I don't even have to see them. I know every scene by heart. "Moonstruck" is one of my very favorites. When asked about Robert, I very, very often quoted the line, "Yeah, Ma, I love him awful."

pacalo

(24,721 posts)
14. This is a beautiful tribute & I hope your loving expression will bring much comfort to HillWilliam.
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:10 PM
Feb 2013


I wish HillWlliam comfort & peace.

pkdu

(3,977 posts)
15. I did not know either man , forgive me if this is considered inappropriate..but can't help but think
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 10:16 PM
Feb 2013

of this scene by John Hannah..

&sns=em


Best wishes Robert.

NanceGreggs

(27,813 posts)
24. I, too, thought of that scene
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 12:54 AM
Mar 2013

when I heard the news of Robert's passing. It is very appropriate, and a lovely addition to this thread.

Thank you for posting it.

 

Ken Burch

(50,254 posts)
17. My deepest sympathies to your friend.
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:14 PM
Feb 2013

A love that deep is rare.

If he's reading this, let me add:

HillWilliam, I do not know you, and never knew the man you loved so deeply, but the bond between the two of you is clear in the pain-seared words you wrote above. Be well, and let yourself feel what you will feel.

solara

(3,830 posts)
21. Sending my condolences and deepest sympathies
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:38 PM
Feb 2013

Nance, you are right, there are no words, but if there were I would join you in saying them

My heart aches for you, HillWilliam..Bless you and your beloved Robert

DollarBillHines

(1,922 posts)
22. Beautiful...
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:44 PM
Feb 2013

Thanks, Nance...

There is still a bottle of Four Roses and a pack of Lucky Strikes...

Riding 'cross the Caprock...
DBH

HillWilliam

(3,310 posts)
26. Thank you Nance for your unwavering friendship and support
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 02:12 AM
Mar 2013

You wrote the blessing for our wedding. Funny, I was just re-reading it not a few days ago and had a warm, glowy smile on. We were still so much in love.

I managed to sleep for a couple of hours this evening before startling awake, realizing again I'm alone and I'm not supposed to be. Everything's wrong, it's not supposed to be like this. There's an energy missing and there's a hole in the atmosphere.

There's a hole in me.

Rob was a tall, tall man on earth. There was none the like of him anywhere else to be had. So many years I wandered the earth like Diogenes with a lamp, looking for one honest man. I alone was the lucky man who found, fell in love with, and was privileged to live beside one such for 17 wonderful years. He was a strong, strong Democrat, a champion of the weaker ones. Though he was disabled and his health had been failing the last couple of years, he never stopped fighting for people in worse shape than he was. He was the kind of man who would stop to assist elders on the road, even though he had to stand with a cane.

The angels got envious, I suppose, for they have him now and here I sit, chain smoking between fits of sobs and housecleaning.

As I said, I managed to sleep for a couple of hours, passing out from the exhaustion of sobbing through the evening in between pulling myself together to answer a slew of phone calls, negotiating arrangements with his divorced parents who don't get along (thanks Amendment One, NC, sigh). I awoke a few minutes ago with sobs again in disbelief that G'd would give me such a beautiful gift only to take it back so soon.

For a tiny space in my life my every emotional need was answered -- somebody *loved* me, just for me, just for existing. Nothing to prove, just to be me, somebody it was safe to love with all my heart, mind, strength and soul.

This morning, I looked into the future and saw future. Now I'm just terrified. Here I sit in a bigole house we bought together to fix up with seven rescued furkids. How can I finish this dream alone? My advisor, my rock, the better brain, the clever one is gone.

And what about him? Is his spirit safe? Is he comfortable? Is his pain eased? Will he wait for me until my time? He knows I have to stay until our last rescued furkid crosses the bridge and that's going to be a long while. (We just adopted a youngun less than a month ago, sigh...)

I worry most about his aide dog. She's curled up on his side of the bed and won't budge, hasn't eaten, hasn't moved since I got home. She knows. I don't know how she knows, but she knows. Those two were so devoted to each other. I'm afraid she's thinking about following him. She's twelve, retired, and tired. I poured much soul into her as a pup and she poured much into him keeping him interested and alive. Her focus (and mine) has left the building.

Somehow, strength always comes. Right now it looks a longdamnway out from here.

Again, thank you all for having our backs all along. The rush of love is keeping me going now.

CaliforniaPeggy

(148,879 posts)
27. Thank you for this! It is so good to see you here...
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 02:28 AM
Mar 2013

Know that we all are here for you in whatever way we can be...



My deepest, deepest condolences to you as you walk through this time of loss...

panader0

(25,816 posts)
33. Deepest condolences HillWilliam
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 09:13 AM
Mar 2013

I lost my friend of 44 years in October. It really is like a hole in your life.
Each morning as I shower, I rinse my face three time with handfuls of water. First one is Body, to get the soap off. second is Mind, to clear my thoughts, and third one Spirit, is for Greg, my oldest friend.

 

riderinthestorm

(23,272 posts)
41. I am so, so very sorry to hear this HillWill.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 11:39 AM
Mar 2013


Your beautiful love with Robert shines through... what a tremendous loss.



grantcart

(53,061 posts)
47. What a wonderful tribute.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 03:59 PM
Mar 2013

I wish I was in your neighborhood so I could stop by and help with the housecleaning and walk the dogs for you.

Peace.

Sissyk

(12,665 posts)
51. Tears are streaming down my face,
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 05:04 PM
Mar 2013

HillWilliam! I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I hope you can find some sort of peace and comfort from sharing this with us.

Warpy

(110,539 posts)
28. Thank you, Nance. I know HillWilliam only slightly
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 02:32 AM
Mar 2013

but he's in my thoughts. It's devastating to lose a partner, gay or straight, through death or divorce.

My hope is that he gets through this and comes back to find out how many people are with him in his grief.

samplegirl

(11,239 posts)
31. HillWilliam
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 08:54 AM
Mar 2013

I am so sorry for your loss...those words always seem to ring hollow until you've experienced it yourself. Wish there was more that I could do to ease your pain. Your Robert has peace now and you will too someday again. Hold on tight to the friends you have like Nance they will be good listeners. Anyone who has lost someone so dear has to say nothing to know your pain right now. I feel helpless for you.....but I listen well. What they do have to do........is be there for you and they will. True friends will take some of your pain and turn it into laughter again. Until you can laugh again...I wish you love, support and good friends who will stand by your tears and fears and pull you up each and every day for however long it takes.
I do not know you or your beloved Robert.....but I know the pain of losing someone you love so much.
I am here my friend.

prairierose

(2,145 posts)
35. Love is love and the loss.....
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 11:11 AM
Mar 2013

of a loved one hurts. Gender does not matter; love matters.

Hillwilliam It takes a very long time for the loss to begin to subside. But, please know that there are people who will listen and care about you and give you when you need them. Take care.

redqueen

(114,901 posts)
37. I'm so sorry, HillWilliam.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 11:18 AM
Mar 2013

I can't imagine the pain you must feel. I wish you peace, and I hope you have friends and loved ones close to you to help you get through this. Please take care of yourself.

Rowdyboy

(22,057 posts)
38. My heart is breaking too. When you know true love even the idea of losing it is unthinkable
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 11:19 AM
Mar 2013

Now my dear friend has to experience the unthinkable and there's nothing I can do to help. And the realization hits me again that someday either my partner or I will experience that anguish. I cannot begin to fathom his grief.

.

maffl

(4 posts)
44. condolensces and a thought
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 01:28 PM
Mar 2013

HillWilliam,
My deepest sympathy to you for your loss. As Nance said, the words to ease the pain are hard to find. That you found Your Beloved Robert is a miracle. A quote that brought me some comfort; "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet, I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." May Your Beloved Robert rest in peace. May the hole in you heal with the knowledge that the two of you had found love in each other.

DollarBillHines

(1,922 posts)
45. Well, Nance, that was purely beautiful.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 03:45 PM
Mar 2013

A toast to Lifelong Love.

And Friendship.

By the way, I still have that bottle of Four Roses and a pack of Camels in the console of my convertible.

Smilo

(1,943 posts)
49. Dearest HillWilliam
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 04:21 PM
Mar 2013

May the memories held deep within your heart, help to soothe you.

My sincere condolences.

Sending you hugs

AlecBGreen

(3,874 posts)
50. much love to you HillWilliam
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 04:47 PM
Mar 2013
Its trite but true - it REALLY IS better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all. I hope you find peace, even now under these circumstances. Much love to you, brother.

TxDemChem

(1,918 posts)
57. My condolences, HillWilliam
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 08:39 PM
Mar 2013

Your relationship is one we should all strive for, and for those fortunate enough to obtain it, we should remember how you and Robert inspired us all. Thank you for allowing us in DU into your wonderful world.

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
58. HillWilliam. I do not know you, but I am stopping to think of you now.
Fri Mar 1, 2013, 11:54 PM
Mar 2013

I am.





Peace.


:,(
Cindy
BlancheSplanchnik

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