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lindysalsagal

(21,165 posts)
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 01:59 PM Oct 2023

Breaking: Republican Intern Named Zach to Be Speaker of the House

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/republican-intern-named-zach-to-be-speaker-of-the-house?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_10132023&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=639d8f242bd81a04de0da4d8&cndid=72191988&hasha=fe8bc45b402994c6754f546553256d09&hashb=d52437994f776ceb222bcc6a2655628fedf2a0d6&hashc=f6a0d94c816fe5ba8d662ac9ee83dfdbae1a51d1a7fb8eba2a9d0718e9759a89&esrc=BX_Multi1st_Borowitz&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz


“This is gonna be dope,” he said.

By Andy Borowitz

October 13, 2023

https://media.newyorker.com/photos/65297fcb628e3ee72d922835/master/w_1280,c_limit/borowitz-intern%20house%20speaker.jpg

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what they are hailing as a consensus choice, House Republicans have nominated a college intern named Zach to be the new Speaker of the House.

The freshly minted G.O.P. nominee acknowledged that he was “kind of surprised” to be chosen as Speaker but said that he was “totally stoked about wielding that hammer.”
36 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Breaking: Republican Intern Named Zach to Be Speaker of the House (Original Post) lindysalsagal Oct 2023 OP
Great choice dalton99a Oct 2023 #1
Is that the Northern University of Southern Florida in East Westchester? gratuitous Oct 2023 #14
Hilarious underpants Oct 2023 #2
He can't POSSIBLY do any more harm than the rest of the GQP assbags. 634-5789 Oct 2023 #3
lol obamanut2012 Oct 2023 #4
I half thought it was true CatWoman Oct 2023 #15
Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. dchill Oct 2023 #24
When it comes to Republicans, none are innocent. Wonder Why Oct 2023 #29
Right? I intended irony, but failed... dchill Oct 2023 #32
I was HOPING it was true. Hermit-The-Prog Oct 2023 #31
"This is gonna be dope." . . . Journeyman Oct 2023 #5
Is he selfish enough? moondust Oct 2023 #6
I love good satire LetMyPeopleVote Oct 2023 #7
Borowitz is great. SergeStorms Oct 2023 #10
Yup. He looks like he checks all the boxes. FailureToCommunicate Oct 2023 #25
At least he'd get paid nothing to do nothing nt Shermann Oct 2023 #8
i think we're all "totally stoked" nt orleans Oct 2023 #9
That's funny, but there is a certain logic to it Xavier Breath Oct 2023 #11
"Weilding the hammer" - that acting, pinhead Speaker (WHN) swung the gavel with a vengeance. EarnestPutz Oct 2023 #12
Zach orders the office of the Member who cursed him and other interns reassigned to a men's room. Marcuse Oct 2023 #13
Much better than Trump... qwlauren35 Oct 2023 #16
Worth a try. They have only UP to go Attilatheblond Oct 2023 #17
Hah! Should known, BOROWITZ UTUSN Oct 2023 #18
Let's Go Zach!! BadGimp Oct 2023 #19
I fully believed it until I clicked on the link. n/t Yavin4 Oct 2023 #20
Andy Borowitz!!! calimary Oct 2023 #21
Hysterical... Backseat Driver Oct 2023 #22
Let me guess: he slept with half the 'velvet mafia' in the Republican caucus peppertree Oct 2023 #23
This came to mind when choosing the Speaker is the subject... twodogsbarking Oct 2023 #26
Zach can't be a real conservative. He correctly IDs the names on the coffee cups. 4lbs Oct 2023 #27
Hopefully somethings can now get done. republianmushroom Oct 2023 #28
Jake from State Farm turned it down. ZonkerHarris Oct 2023 #30
Did he beat out the Mayhem guy from the Allstate commercials? tclambert Oct 2023 #33
Zach looks like he has the goods! Aussie105 Oct 2023 #34
Not enough indictments. JohnnyRingo Oct 2023 #36
A national treasure. JohnnyRingo Oct 2023 #35

dalton99a

(82,431 posts)
1. Great choice
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 02:00 PM
Oct 2023
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what they are hailing as a consensus choice, House Republicans have nominated a college intern named Zach to be the new Speaker of the House.

The freshly minted G.O.P. nominee acknowledged that he was “kind of surprised” to be chosen as Speaker but said that he was “totally stoked about wielding that hammer.”

“I’m, like, whoa—all of a sudden, I’m Thor,” he said. “This is gonna be dope.”

Zach, who is taking a year off from his studies at the Northern University of Southern Florida, is well liked within the G.O.P. conference, insiders said.

“Zach never screws up our coffee orders,” one Republican congressman said. “You couldn’t say the same for Kevin McCarthy.”

gratuitous

(82,849 posts)
14. Is that the Northern University of Southern Florida in East Westchester?
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 02:55 PM
Oct 2023

The Fighting Nor'easters if memory serves.

dchill

(39,199 posts)
32. Right? I intended irony, but failed...
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 10:18 PM
Oct 2023

Change the names all you want. You're not innocent, MAGATS.

SergeStorms

(19,222 posts)
10. Borowitz is great.
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 02:33 PM
Oct 2023

His satire is so outrageous it fools many into thinking it's reality. It's just too outrageous to be satire, it has to be the truth, right?

Xavier Breath

(4,143 posts)
11. That's funny, but there is a certain logic to it
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 02:33 PM
Oct 2023

especially with that party.

If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.

qwlauren35

(6,162 posts)
16. Much better than Trump...
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 02:59 PM
Oct 2023

Anyone is better than Trump... even a Republican Intern.

Well. Let me think about it. Greene vs. Trump, Boebart vs. Trump.

Yup, Trump is the worst option.

Attilatheblond

(2,989 posts)
17. Worth a try. They have only UP to go
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 03:03 PM
Oct 2023

Good luck, Zach. Might wanna borrow Indiana Jones' whip to get started. The GOP House Whip seems to need replacing too.

Backseat Driver

(4,490 posts)
22. Hysterical...
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 04:02 PM
Oct 2023

Oh FPS, let "Give me librium or give me meth" get out the appliance to call the bingo numbers; in plain view of all, place GOP names in the wire ball one by one; spin it around, and draw. The name drawn is Speaker. Give that person plenty of time learning to use the gavel, 216 burner phones, a meet and greet with the Parlimentarian, and this training video.



peppertree

(22,244 posts)
23. Let me guess: he slept with half the 'velvet mafia' in the Republican caucus
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 04:06 PM
Oct 2023

Always a good career strategy in the GOP.

4lbs

(7,051 posts)
27. Zach can't be a real conservative. He correctly IDs the names on the coffee cups.
Fri Oct 13, 2023, 04:57 PM
Oct 2023

That tells me he knows how to properly read and write. As they said, he NEVER screws up their coffee orders.

He's not a screwup. He can't be conservative.


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