Borowitz: Floridians Demand to Know Where Disney Is Going so They Can Come With

[sheshe2]

FLORIDA (The Borowitz Report)—Shortly after the corporate giant cancelled plans for a new campus in Lake Nona, Florida, residents of the state demanded to know where Disney was going so that they could come with.

Across the state, Floridians indicated a desperate desire to join Disney in its departure, suggesting that an unprecedented exodus may soon be under way.
“When I think of Florida, I think of gun violence, draconian abortion laws, and book banning,” Carol Foyler, who lives in Boca Raton, said. “When I think of Disney, I think of teacups, princesses, and singing animals. I want to be where Disney is.”

“I’ve lived in Florida all my life and never considered leaving before,” Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Fort Lauderdale, said. “But, wherever Disney goes, Ron DeSantis won’t be there, and that’s good enough for me."

Tracy Klugian, who resides in Tampa, expressed a sentiment echoed by millions of others in the state. “I’d rather live in Disney without Florida than in Florida without Disney,” she said.


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/floridians-demand-to-know-where-disney-is-going-so-they-can-come-with?

[gordianot]

1. Borowitz may well be prophetic.

Satire is difficult to discern when dealing with Republicans.

[highplainsdem]

2. Love Borowitz...

[BOSSHOG]

3. If they ain't making fellow Americans miserable

They (conservatives) ain’t happy. Their values in a very small nutshell. Apparently doing good things for America and it’s people won’t get you the stupid vote. DeSantis does not deserve his citizenship. The only thing he wants to do is harm as many citizens as he can however he can and call it freedom.

[niyad]

4. truth is stranger than. . .

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

5. lol

[DENVERPOPS]

6. I so hope

the Disney Corp and their ton of high powered attorneys make hamburger out of DeSantis and just obliterate he and his minions......

The Corporations have much more power than should have ever been given them, but the egomaniac DeSantis should have picked on a much smaller one and also one not loved by the American public...........

[moniss]

9. There is case law about a

elected officials targeting a specific company with taxes/penalties/regulations specific to that company rather than to an industry in general. If De Senseless wanted to do these things against amusement parks/tourism/special tax districts in general he would be on more firm ground.

This may be argued on the basis of being afoul of the Bill of Attainder prohibition in the US Constitution. Trying to specifically target a single person etc. with legislation that has the main feature being punishment is forbidden because it imposes the punishment without giving the person their due process rights etc. It is not a defense for the legislative body to say "well you can sue me later so you do have your rights". Your rights are whole, intact and guaranteed prior to the legislative action and imposing punishment on a specific individual/persons/entity prior to any due process actions is prohibited. If it were otherwise then states could simply threaten legislation against individual businesses and persons with taxes and penalties specific to them in order to obtain political/financial etc. goals. This is precisely what De Senseless has done with Disney. He was too stupid to even cloak any of it. He made the demand specifically of Disney, made specific threats applicable only to Disney if they did not comply and then he carried through on those threats by asking for and signing into law legislation to specifically impose financial/administrative punishment on Disney.

Disney is already able to show that these actions are affecting their expansion plans worth hundreds of millions of dollars and many billions of overall capital investment plans. Although the Florida courts might not be willing to slap at De Senseless the Federal Courts know they can't allow such targeting because a workable economy would be impossible if every bunch of local yokels on a County Board could extort any business in their jurisdiction.

The lawyers for Disney know that the process of extracting a huge financial penalty from the state government may take awhile but we are talking about many billions of dollars and I certainly think Disney can outlast FLA. De Senseless will declare moral victory and move on to continue his grift and it is a testament to the stupidity of the GQP rank and file in FLA that they think he actually gives a crap about them.

[Ilsa]

11. Thank you so much for explaining all of this.

I couldn't have imagined how it all worked, but I see the federal issue now.
I appreciate you taking the time to write this explanation.

[DENVERPOPS]

12. Awesome

thanks for your contribution moniss

[JohnnyRingo]

7. Scathing.

Don't you hope the governor accidentally sees this? Or on purpose if someone sends it to him.

[gratuitous]

8. DeSantis doesn't realize that Jack Handey was satire

[LetMyPeopleVote]

10. I love good satire

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