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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe One Where Tucker Carlson Gets Fired (Ferret!)
I have a favorite push notification now. I think its the nicest thing my phone has ever done for me, actually. Whats that you say, phone? Tucker Carlson got fired? Goodness me, what a wonderful thing tove happened, and what a wonderful thing to know! and I skipped all the way home. Random April Monday. Delightful.
(Makes more sense with thlinks: https://showercapblog.com/the-one-where-tucker-carlson-gets-fired/)
And yeah, theyll replace him with someone worse, possibly some lab-grown fusion of Gutfeld and Watters DNA, marinated overnight in Pirros boxed wine dregs, and yeah, hes gonna keep on driving people violently insane, and making a ton of fucking money doing it. Such is the state of our fallen world. But gone forever is that sweet, sweet 8 p.m. time slot on Fox, bar none the choicest real estate available anywhere in the multi-billion-dollar rube indoctrination economy.
For now, I will drink to any night without Tucker Carlson on television. I dont know if theres any less hate in the world tonight, but at least its not being distributed quite so efficiently.
Fuck, Ill drink to the contents of that oppo file the Murdochs apparently have on him. Imagine the outtakes from Tuckers Icarus phase, prancing around in front of his beloved Pelosi mural, imagining himself an untouchable white nationalist messiah
heres to all the push notifications to come.
Also, Foxs ratings took a massive hit in the absence of their star softboi, perhaps the beginning of the very audience exodus they feared in the Dominion lawsuit texts that brought Tucker down. Basically, a massive lose/lose situation for the very worst people alive. I confess Im enjoying it. I wonder who gets custody of the January 6th footage?
I feel like I should buy a voting machine, to express gratitude, but I dont have room in my place. Plus you get bamboo fibers all over everything.
Everybody liked the idea of Ron DeSantis, but the minute you give him even a cursory closer look, you cant help but go, oh, heavens no, this man absolutely sucks. And its funny watching it happen, yknow?
Like, the way Ron DeSantis behaves is objectively embarrassing. More so when we remember every single batshit thing he does is part of a meticulously crafted plan to present himself to the public as a potential President.
IM GONNA BUILD A PRISON NEXT TO DISNEY WORLD BECAUSE THEY DONT HATE GAY PEOPLE ENOUGH! Well, I dont think itll fit on a red ballcap, Ron. Enjoy getting sued, though.
Its especially funny because its working so badly. Ron is on his I Am A Very Fancy Man Indeed tour, and the second he hit Washington, a bunch of House Republicans from his home state endorsed the Dotard. Oof. Ron DeSantis is diet, caffeine free Ted Cruz.
Finding an alternative to the grunting weirdo whos autographing insurrection artifacts for convicted Capitol rioters on the campaign trail shouldnt be too terrifically difficult, but the talent pool in the GOP has scummed over. I was hoping to go on laughing at Mike Pompeo for a few more months, but I suppose I shall have to make do with laughing at Chris Christie.
Ive got Hutch fever, though. Im on the Asa train. No, the Asa EXPRESS. Asa Hutchinson is running a completely real and serious presidential campaign thats going to win primaries and amass delegates and everything, because theres a normal lane in Republican politics right now. Were only talking about real things in this paragraph. Hutchamania runneth wild.
I assume everyones having a nice time watching Kevin McCarthy fumble with the debt ceiling like an incel with the bra clasp on a new waifu pillow. Will America stupid the global economy to death? Tune in this summer, I guess.
An emerging genre Im enjoying is the Well, You Wanted the Attention, Sparky profile of Kevins bumbling chief investigator, Jim Jordan. "Over eight terms in the House, Mr. Jordan, who served for a decade in Ohios Statehouse before winning election to Congress, has not been the lead sponsor of a single bill that became law. At a certain point, I think we have to start looking at the Rights propensity for rewarding failure in evolutionary terms. People still take ivermectin, you know.
The Jewish space laser lady says adoptive parents arent real. (Fact check: they are!) I hadnt heard that one before, is that a thing, or is this just her reflexive shittiness? Elevating Marj was definitely one of Kevins leaderier bits of leadership.
Paul Gosar promoted a Holocaust-denying website, but only because they praised his anti-Semitism, you see.
Lauren Boebert called on patriots to start more fights on airplanes. Great advice. Pitch a mighty fit, then shit yourself in the seat they duct-tape you to while you await arrest. Thatll show em.
Theyre calling in bomb threats to Budweiser factories now. Cult45 really hates trans people, folks. Wingnut boycotts never work, but the little fuckers actually moved the needle with this one, because they really, really, really hate trans people.
The Republican Party isnt doing a hell of a lot right now, beyond passing as much anti-trans legislation as they can. You never hear about any Republican supermajority solves long-standing problem, improves constituents lives stories, just ever more elaborate restrictions on transgender care and drag shows and womens bodies. Yeah, I wonder where that red wave went.
Montana Republicans ritually cast Zooey Zephyr, the states first transgender lawmaker, from the statehouse floor, because conservativesre sick n dang tired of this newfangled tolerating-the-physical-presence-of-minorities thing.
(Everybodys paying attention to Montana, right? I say this because Jon Tester is a damn fine Senator, and Montanas getting pretty freaky these days. Bookmark that sexxxy ActBlue page, is all Im sayin.)
Fun to hear actual audio of Ted Cruz plotting to subvert American democracy, innit? Constitutionally, its nonsense, of course, but you see, the fellow who likes to laugh about how ugly my wife is has decided hed rather stay President, and I live only to serve him. Ted Cruzs ultimate legacy will be as Trumpisms ur-cuck and that, my friends, is fucking just.
On the extremely specific topic of audio recordings of fascist plotting, turns out law enforcement officials in McCurtain County, Oklahoma enjoy chatting about murdering journalists and lynching Black people.
Everybody whos upset about the theocrat SCOTUS majoritys snowballing ethics scandal is really gonna get mad when they find out about the puppy mill Amy Coney Barrett runs out of her garage. (Harlan Crow pays for it, on the condition that he gets dibs on any puppies that happen to resemble Hitler.)
Peter Thiel says hes not gonna piss any more of his constitutionally-protected Free Speech Buxx away on the GOPs rotating cast of drooling fuckwits for a while, which strikes me as a fiscally sound decision.
Stop the Steal creep Ali Alexander turns out to be what some might call a groomer. Gosh, and he seemed so wholesome. Nick Fuentes and Marjorie Taylor Greene are at war over this extremely normal controversy, and I think we need to get some HIMARS to this front, pronto.
In the interest of both fairness and balance, I am compelled to inform you HHS Secretary Xavier Becerra violated the Hatch Act, conclusively proving the mathematically equivalent criminality in Americas two major political parties.
Elons Musks ongoing meltdown is gonna earn some irritatingly committed method actor an Oscar someday. You can see it, right? Pacing in an empty office, desperately flinging fistfuls of blue checkmarks at celebrities, emitting howls of primal self-loathing as theyre rejected on a wave of mockery. Its gonna be Jared Leto, isnt it? God, what an irritating movie thats going to be.
The movie about Mike Lindell going broke losing $5 million prove-me-wrong challenges is going to rule, however.
Quick shoutout to the Donald J Chump guy for the chuckle. Sometimes the direct route is best. Also to the guy who sincerely believes the furry-kids-shitting-in-litter-boxes thing is real, for being such a dumb fuck.
And I see Putins bombing his own cities now. Sounds about right.
Okay, I think were more or less caught up, and I for one plan to drink until I forget every word of this shit. Stay safe out there, folks!

Response to TheFerret (Original post)
Chin music This message was self-deleted by its author.
flying rabbit
(4,808 posts)
underpants
(188,604 posts)2naSalit
(95,248 posts)
Cha
(307,150 posts)tuckster got Fired.. so the replacement better not repeat that shit.
TY Ferret
tblue37
(66,219 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(152,926 posts)Always enjoy reading your prose.
I'm staying safe, thank you, and you please do the same!