BREAKING NEWS: Fox News to debut new primetime show, "Test Signal Pattern Tonight"

[Tommy Carcetti]

Following the sudden departure of top-rated Fox News primetime host Tucker Carlson--reportedly terminated in the wake of the gargantuan $787 million settlement entered into with Dominion Voting Systems to resolve that company's defamation lawsuit against the network--Fox News officials made haste to announce an immediate replacement for Carlson's program.

"We'd like to welcome the newest addition to the Fox News primetime family," a network official announced during a press conference at Fox's New York Headquarters. "Specifically, SMPTE color bars will continue to provide viewers with the fair and balanced coverage that Fox has been known for over the past 27 years."

Network officials say the brightly colored test pattern--containing vertical bars of gray, yellow, cyan, green, magenta, red, and blue--will "dazzle and delight" viewers during the 8 pm Eastern hours. The pattern will be accompanied by a constant, monotoned signal frequency sound, interrupted only for commercial breaks featuring spots for Mike Lindell's MyPillow products and erectile dysfunction treatments.

One factor proved more vital than all others in the decision to replace Carlson with a Test Pattern Signal.

"One longtime criticism of Fox is that it has not had enough people of color as program hosts," the network official explained. "So we figured, fine. We'll play ball. You want a person of color as host? Well then, try seven colors! That will shut everyone right up."

As for the incessant blaring signal sound that will go along with the signal bars for the duration of the program, network officials said it would be "left up to the viewer's imagination" as to what news or commentary might be reported underneath the long beeping sound.

"So long as whatever the viewer happens to be thinking doesn't cost us another couple of hundred millions of dollars," the official continued. "Lord knows we can't afford any more hits right know."

DETAILS AT ELEVEN

[Goodheart]

1. Don't do that.

[LiberalFighter]

2. Could they do that with all the segments?

[Johnny2X2X]

3. Yuge news

"Test Signal Pattern Tonight is the only source ofr truth, those other news stations with facts and people talking are just George Soros funded pod people!" Rightwingers probably.

[LiberalFighter]

4. Doesn't that mean cable companies should pay less to Fox?

[DBoon]

5. Followed by a very special guest!

The Belarus Minister of Agriculture reading crop report statistics! Live!

[louis-t]

6. Giggety.

[underpants]

7. And they'd still get the same ratings. Seriously

[asiliveandbreathe]

8. Turn down sound..ewwww

[dweller]

9. here

✌🏻

[asiliveandbreathe]

10. That is spot on..

[Permanut]

12. And there will not be any lies..

Not even the tiniest fib.

[lame54]

13. Fox viewers don't like test

[Best_man23]

14. And it would be more informative and truthful

Than the preceding 23 hours of Fox Propaganda programming COMBINED.