BREAKING NEWS: Man convicted in January 6th attack makes unconventional offer to Clarence Thomas
A man recently convicted in the January 6, 2021 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol has made a rather unique and unconventional offer to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, which he hopes will lead to a “mutually beneficial friendship” between the two of them.
Paul Franklin, 52, of Uniontown, Pennsylvania, was convicted by a District of Columbia court last December of trespassing, disorderly conduct and public urination as it relates to his involvement in the January 6th attacks and was sentenced to 60 days in prison, but has subsequently appealed that conviction.
Franklin says he has vowed to “take it all the way to the Supreme Court, if necessary.” And with that newly minted sense of purpose and dedication, he has taken a keen interest in the recent controversy surrounding Justice Thomas, where it is alleged the 32-year tenured Supreme Court justice may have received hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of luxury travel and other benefits from a wealthy donor.
“At first, when I heard about Justice Thomas, everything was about him getting trips to luxury resorts in Indonesia or these exclusive retreats up in the mountains, and I figured I couldn’t keep up with any of that,” Franklin explained. “But then I heard him give an interview where he said he really prefers to spend time vacationing in Walmart parking lots, and I figured well, hell, even I could swing that!”
With that, Franklin officially extended an offer to Thomas where the two could spend an entire evening hanging out in the parking lot of the local Walmart on whatever date of Thomas’ own choosing.
“I figured if we had the whole evening together, Clarence and I could sit around and shoot the s—t all night about whatever it is he likes to talk about, like the law, or women,” Franklin said. “Of course, I don’t know a whole much about the law other than the fact that taking a piss on the Senate dais is apparently something that is very much frowned upon. So, it would probably have to be about women.”
Franklin said he would “spare no expense” in entertaining the Supreme Court justice.
“I don’t know if he just wants to stay in the parking lot proper, or if he plans on going into the store at any time while he’s there,” he continued. “If it’s the latter, there’s some cool fishing gear in there I want to check out. And it’s a SuperCenter, so it’s got a food section where we can pick up some chips and maybe a six pack of Coors to enjoy in the parking lot.”
Besides quality time in the Walmart parking lot, Franklin also made the offer of providing Thomas with “fine dining.”
“They’ve got an Arby’s right next door there, so you know what that means,” Franklin said. “Seasoned curly fries! You know Clarence can’t resist that. Nobody can! Plus, you’ve got the sauces—the Arby’s sauce, the horsey sauce, all of them! And I promise you, Clarence wouldn’t have to pay a penny for any of it.”
“I’ve got you covered, buddy,” he added.
Still unclear was the matter of overnight accommodations, although Franklin insisted he would arrange for that as well.
“Now, I’m not sure if Clarence is planning on bringing an RV to the Walmart lot like a lot of the folks do,” he noted. “But if not, my buddy Tommy is the night manager over at the Holiday Inn Express, and he can hook him up with a sweet room up there on the second floor, completely free of charge.”
“Of course, I don’t mean an actual suite,” Franklin quickly added. “To be honest, I don’t think Tommy wants to attract any undue suspicion like that. I just mean ‘sweet’—as in it’s a really nice room. Like halfway between the elevators and the ice machine. Super convenient. But Clarence, I’m telling you now. We’re not talking about some basic, no-thrills Super 8 or anything. You’re going to be getting the entire Holiday Inn Express experience. Free breakfast, complimentary wi-fi, even a pool that’s open until 10 pm every night!”
Franklin did concede that if Justice Thomas was a stickler for “true luxury style accommodations,” there was a Hampton Inn just down the street and he would simply have to “bite the bullet, so to speak.”
While Franklin’s offer was technically made specifically directly to Justice Thomas alone, he added that Justice Thomas’ wife Virginia was very much welcome to accompany him to the parking lot soiree as well.
“I’ve heard about Ginnie, and it sounds like we have a lot in common,” Franklin said. “Well, maybe not everything in common. Whereas she and her husband may reside in a 5,000 square foot mansion in Northern Virginia, I myself live in a two-bedroom apartment directly facing the Pennsylvania Turnpike. But on the other hand, she and I both believe that the 2020 election was a complete sham and that its results should have been overturned by any and all means possible. So, in that respect, I think we pretty much see eye-to-eye, right?”
Notably, Justice Thomas was not the only high-profile political figure that Franklin made overtures towards.
“I told Donald [Trump] that an 18-hole round is entirely on me,” Franklin said. “No, I don’t actually have any connections to any courses in the area, but that mini-golf place over there on Farm Road? He can have at it on my dime. Besides, we all know putting’s the most important part of the game, anyways.”
“Just so sure as he doesn’t forget about that little pardon thingie once he gets re-instated back into office,” he emphasized.
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You got me 
...he's really trying to pull "man of the people" crap? Sorry, but until some 10+-year-old photos of him and Ginni at RV parks surface, it didn't happen.
I'm thinking a 'guest week' on the Daily Show would be a worthy consideration! 
