"Due to/We are . . . experiencing . . . higher than normal/usual/anticipated call volumes . . . . ."

[Stinky The Clown]

". . . all our representatives/operators are helping other customers/clients//sheeple."

And then you enter "please push n" Hell.

One of the biggest farces in which we all participate, generally not by choice.

Just grousing as this happened several times today.

[Diamond_Dog]

1. Then, after an interminable amount of time waiting,

You get a person on the other end whose voice is so faint you’re sure they must be calling from Greenland. And hard to understand as well. I feel your pain.

[unblock]

2. Due to higher than reasonable profit requirements from our shareholders,

your wait time may be more than you might expect from sensible customer service.

For a faster response time, please hang up and try again at 3am. Our third string team will be more than happy to misinterpret everything you say and further delay your request!

While you wait, please enjoy our annoyingly repetitive hold music. We cranked it up extra loud so you will turn down your phone and not hear when the operator finally connects and then promptly hangs up on you.

Thanks you for choosing us! We appreciate your business!

[OAITW r.2.0]

15. "If you'd like to speak to a person, please have your creditcard ready.

We will require a $30.00 charge to get expedited service with a real person."

I suspect that this will be the corporate answer to customer service in the near future. CS as a profit center.

[treestar]

20. lol

[littlemissmartypants]

3. Fun Fact: if you push '0' enough times, usually more than ten, you will be sent to a human. ❤️

[live love laugh]

14. Sometimes ...

[littlemissmartypants]

19. Exactly! Stay encouraged, live love laugh.❤️

[unblock]

16. I just say "f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck". That usually does the trick.

[littlemissmartypants]

18. Hahaha! ❤️

[LakeArenal]

4. Due to etc etc.....I usually get disconnected and have to start over.

[slightlv]

13. Yippers... that's my experience, too!

So far, I've been trying for four days to get in touch with the retirement section of DoD, to no avail. Frustrating as hell.

[albacore]

5. Ignore...

[treestar]

21. love it when they try to refer you to their web site

when you've already been there and it does not answer the issue.

[Ferrets are Cool]

6. It's particularily irritating when it's MY govenment that is giving me that message.

The government that our taxes pay for. WHAT?? Am I being too greedy to want enough gov'ment workers to handle WE THE PEOPLE?

[Turbineguy]

7. I used to tell the people at the Microsoft Helpdesk

"Never leave somebody on hold for longer than it takes to install Linux"

[Stinky The Clown]

9. Ha! Good one!

[Hermit-The-Prog]

12. Insert usbkey with knoppix on it, reboot, done.

If windows is running, don't wait to reboot, just power off and on.

[happybird]

8. I feel your pain

I’ve been trying to deal with the unemployment folks since the new year started. We were temporarily laid off until March and I don’t want to pick up a new job and then screw the people over by leaving after only a few weeks. Decided to do unemployment instead. For some reason the system won’t verify my identity on the online portal so I’ve had to call several times. Way too many times. It’s been sooooo fun.

[leftyladyfrommo]

10. That was me waiting on AT&T this morning. nt

[agingdem]

11. I was caught in that Southwest shut down..

the lone text said my flight was canceled but to call and reschedule so I did..5 to 7 hour hold time..."your call is very important to us, don't hang up, the next available customer service representative will be right with you"

[a kennedy]

17. My tracfone experience was really something........

I was just texting them and found out I was 43rd in the call line.......so they have this “text person” available, please write your inquiry here..... so I start writing in all capital letters, like 3 sentences and I swear to gawd I got a response from a a guy named Lance right away. 😅. Have never used capital letters before when texting to someone for help. Might keep using them now.

[MissMillie]

22. Not only when you're the caller!

When Al's prescription is reading at the pharmacy we get a call that tells us to "press (x)" for more info.

About a week ago he got a call from the pharmacy and it was a human (!!!), but because he was expecting the automated voice, he didn't bother to say "hello." He almost hung up.