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(8,994 posts)
Sat Nov 3, 2012, 10:09 PM Nov 2012

A Letter From a Republican Male Voter to Richard Mourdock (WARNING!!! Potentially OFFENSIVE satire)

Disclaimer: this shit is probably offensive. EXTREMELY so. It touches on the assumption that a woman is property and other issues that make sensible people's skin crawl. It is, however, a response to this epically awesome, powerful and hard-hitting modern satire by John Scalzi. Ultimately this post is the trope of a Republican male voter who defends Richard Mourdock, brutally played straight. There are some absolute HOWLERS of illogical reasoning and even self-centered thinking contained in this letter: but again, it is what you'd expect to hear from the mind of a Mourdock supporter.

Minorities, it may also sound insensitive in that I am also bringing up racial issues in this letter. I trust you remember history and the magnitude of racist reactions to allegations of rape by minorities. I am using this trope to help drive the point home. These racists are to be reviled, rape by minorities is no more or less horrible than rape by whites, which is why I wrote it the way I did. Think like a Conservative: what hurts more than anything? The thought of a minority touching your wife. It's how they think, and it's what I am satirizing.

Christians, please note that I am staying in character here; this fictional fellow I am portraying does not represent Christianity even though any logical understanding of Mourdock supporters must conclude they think they are devout, righteous Christians. They are not. Perhaps I will go wrong in assuming that their brains are complex enough to reason things out that far.

Rape victims, especially those who got pregnant by rape, should probably stop now. Full stop.

A Letter From a Republican Male Voter to Richard Mourdock

Greetings from a fellow Indiana Tea Partier! I am writing to you because I love God, I love limited governments, and I share your feelings on abortion. We are going to send Obama back to Chicago and hopefully we will send you to Washington, DC as our next United States Senator!

Sometimes it is easier to talk about one's principles than to actually live by them. We have seen that recently with Governor Chris Christie who embraced Mr. Obama (I can't call him President, because he's not a U.S.-born citizen and his occupancy of that office represents an illegitimate Muslim takeover of our Christian nation) when the chips came down. Instead of protesting the need for Washington, DC / FEMA intervention, he abandoned his principles and clung to Obama as if for dear life, praising the "benefits" of collectivist intervention. It's as if he completely forgot that had New Jersey never sent tax money to Washington, they would have had plenty of money to take care of their own problems regarding Sandy. As I said, when the chips came down, expediency ruled over principles in Chris Christie's world. Sadly that is the case with far too many people, which is why our Christian nation is in the mess we're in now.

I want to share with you a story of a calling that led me to face my own moment of truth. Recently, I was called upon to either stand by my principles or deny them. It wouldn't be the first time that, facing hardship, a supposedly devout follower of Christ did such a thing. Fortunately, I am a God-fearing man and I do actually attend church and I do try to learn the lessons imparted to me. I could say I was somewhat prepared for the test that was put before me. At least, I feel I reacted the way God would want, and not the way that emotional and moral convenience would dictate.

The test came early this summer when my wife was coming home with groceries. She was detoured by road construction into a poor neighborhood. She was broadsided by a car with three drunk men. These men - one white men, a Hispanic man and a black man - dragged her from her car while she was still recovering from the airbag that hit her in the face, stole her cell phone, held her down, and took turns raping her while she screamed for help. As if this wasn't bad enough, they... did other, equally horrible things to her. When it was all over they threw her back in her car and threatened her with death if she didn't drive off. Thankfully her car limped to the nearest gasoline station where she got help.

As you can imagine, Mr. / future U.S. Senator Mourdock, the test was two-fold. The second part came when we discovered that she'd gotten pregnant. A football injury in high school rendered me unable to father children, so we know for certain that one of those men is the biological father. What we don't know yet is which man impregnated her.

I love my wife dearly and it was utterly devastating to know what happened to her and to see her emotionally wrecked by her experience. It was even more devastating, emotionally, to find out that she had gotten pregnant as a result of this brutal rape. To make matters worse, the perpetrators used her cell phone and took turns filming the incident. We found all of this out, plus the following, only because law enforcement got involved: since they knew Youtube would erase the video, they posted it on a foreign site and bragged about what they did, and even made mock bets on what race the baby would be if she got pregnant. Her cell phone had a lot of personal information on it, and as a result they monitored our emails and Facebook posts and started asking her how "their" baby was doing.

It is obvious what our solutions were. Either have the baby or get an abortion. Coping with a pregnancy caused by rape has unimaginably difficult for me. I found it hard to touch her because of the way she had been defiled by those men. Worse than that, she started suffering morning sickness and finally she started to show. I could not help but wonder if this was a legitimate rape after all. Not a night went by that I didn't get on my knees and pray over these issues. I didn't know what to do. To put it crudely, the option of abortion started looking pretty good as a solution.

But I think you know what God would say. A life is a life, it isn't the baby's fault how he or she is conceived. A child is a gift to an otherwise childless couple. A gift given to us under circumstances that we would not find desirable is a gift nonetheless. It's no different than an adoption, it's not our child in either case. Actually, it is - this child is half hers, biologically speaking. Just as people die when their time comes, they also live when their time comes to enter this world.

I've harbored feelings of anger at the rapists, guilt that I wasn't there to protect my wife, even jealousy over the fact that one of these men fathered a child while I could not. I've felt deeply insulted that they put a baby in my wife's belly and left their mark upon her and within her forever. I've contemplated with terrible uncertainty how I'll feel when I look into the eyes of a rapist's child, and even more uncertainty at how I will raise that child as my own. Through prayer I have started to get over my reluctance to touch my wife; as surely as it wasn't the baby's fault that they're alive and growing inside her, it wasn't her fault that she was raped. I can't let them win. I can't let the devil win.

As for not knowing the father of our baby, we chose not to get DNA tests. The tests are unnecessary to ensure the life of the baby. Why know who the father is if you have moved past your anger, or are trying to move past it? Thus, as part of my Christian therapy I have started meeting with the perpetrators in prison. I didn't start doing that right away, mind you. It took until I was able to accept in my heart that our child is a gift and that the circumstances of their creation was secondary, even if not irrelevant. I had to remember that just as these men sinned by coveting thy neighbor's wife, I have sinned in many ways - ways which I feel are much lesser, but which are not lesser in the eyes of God. Forgive us our trespasses, is part of a basic Christian prayer. For the sake of my own soul I am still working my way through this. Part of this working through process involved thanking these men for being the deliverers of God's gift to my family.

In closing, Mr. / Future Senator Mourdoch, I had planned to write you this letter 2 months ago, but I kept putting it off. I understand why now. The three men who accosted my wife and gave her the blessing that's swelling inside her now, accepted a plea bargain. They received a reduced sentence and have joined the prison ministry, and are already model citizens behind bars. I am confident that they are well on their way to repentance and emerge as productive members of society. So perhaps it was a gift to them as well.

I am supporting your candidate for U.S. Senate, Mr. Mourdoch, because while your words are uncomfortable for people to hear, they are truthful. Thank you.

A Republican Male Voter

* Dear Republican Freeper trolls who wandered in here, I hope you read this, and I hope this sinks in a day later and forty inches beneath your mental dermis before you realize what you just read.
8 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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A Letter From a Republican Male Voter to Richard Mourdock (WARNING!!! Potentially OFFENSIVE satire) (Original Post) Zalatix Nov 2012 OP
I don't see how this is funny or satire. Brickbat Nov 2012 #1
A Republican would go MAD before they come to terms like this fictional fellow. Zalatix Nov 2012 #4
mourdock sucks DonRedwood Nov 2012 #2
LOL I am emailing that one around. Thanks! Zalatix Nov 2012 #5
my pleasure! DonRedwood Nov 2012 #7
This is the post of night for me. pacalo Nov 2012 #3
So unrealistic. Dem2TheCore Nov 2012 #6
Oooh, got me there! LOL. Zalatix Nov 2012 #8


(19,339 posts)
1. I don't see how this is funny or satire.
Sat Nov 3, 2012, 10:18 PM
Nov 2012

If a woman is raped and becomes pregnant and decides to carry the pregnancy to term, I support that as a choice. There wasn't any forced birth in this "letter," just a thought process that ended up choosing to carry the pregnancy to term.

Wait, is that the joke? It's late and I've been drinking, so maybe it's over my head.



(8,994 posts)
4. A Republican would go MAD before they come to terms like this fictional fellow.
Sat Nov 3, 2012, 10:24 PM
Nov 2012

Considering the child a gift? Ain't gonna happen for many Republicans. Insanity will occur first. Disowning the baby, divorce, you name it. Thanking the rapist? Are you kidding me? They'll want their head. But they must do it if they truly believe the child is a gift from God, as Mourdoch said. And they never would consider the child a gift. Foregoing abortion? No, not even. A lot of them would be SCREAMING for it. Republicans get a lot of abortions that go under the radar. Abortion would be a SACRAMENT to Republican men in this situation.

Most of all, most Republican men coping with a rapist's baby growing inside his wife, will go mad. Not all, but most. They look at their wives as property, in their mind that's their wife that got violated.

In 99% of Republican men the logical process in this letter would never, ever happen. Insanity would come first.


(24,721 posts)
3. This is the post of night for me.
Sat Nov 3, 2012, 10:24 PM
Nov 2012

Your disclaimer is so AWESOME!

On edit, I hadn't read the letter before I posted. I'll leave it at that but the disclaimer was worthy of a spit-take.


(220 posts)
6. So unrealistic.
Sat Nov 3, 2012, 10:34 PM
Nov 2012

Good grammar, correct spelling and punctuation, noun-verb agreement, and complete sentences.

Conclusion: not written by a Republican Voter.

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