Data Gathering Poll - Do Men Enjoy Looking at Women?

[qwlauren35]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by Omaha Steve (a host of the General Discussion forum).

Last edited Sat Jul 16, 2022, 12:28 AM - Edit history (1)

A friend recently posted something about "body positivity" that suggested that women are not put on this earth to be looked at.

I would argue that straight men naturally look at women and that's never going to stop. Some men go a step further and think lustful thoughts. Some men go a step further and approach the woman, hopefully.

There are many, many women who don't like being looked at by men. Especially women who are not interested in men. There are women who wish that men would see what they have "on the inside". There are women who say the companies that sell their products by having attractive women display them are objectifying women.

It is EXTREMELY real and extremely detrimental that entire industries have developed that sell products (cosmetics, wigs and hair products, laser trims, tummy tucks and plastic surgery, girdles and Spanx, the list goes on and on) based on the idea that a woman who doesn't use these products is undesirable, and won't be looked at. The overwhelming bombardment of this advertising and negative messaging is very, very challenging for some women, especially teens and young women. So, I understand the idea of "body positivity", and teaching women that they are fine exactly as they are. But to suggest that men are not looking at them seems a stretch.

So. A biased poll. Just to see if I'm off base.

32 votes, 1 pass | Time left: Poll closed
	I am a straight male, and I tend not to notice women around me.
	0 (0%)
	I am a straight male and I notice women, but do not purposely look at them.
	5 (16%)
	I am a straight male and I enjoy looking at women. Period.
	8 (25%)
	I am a straight male and I enjoy looking at women who I find attractive.
	13 (41%)
	I am a straight male and I enjoy looking at women who haven't done anything to "enhance" their appearance.
	2 (6%)
	I am a straight male and I enjoy looking at women who have done things to "enhance" their appearance.
	0 (0%)
	I am a straight male and I sometimes have sexual thoughts about women who I find attractive.
	2 (6%)
	I am a straight male and I may try to strike up a conversation with a woman I find attractive.
	1 (3%)
	I am a straight male and feel like today's society and today's women do not want me to look at them, so I don't.
	1 (3%)
	1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[Lochloosa]

1. I'm a straight male and pass on this poll.

[HelpImSurrounded]

2. Should allow multiple responses

This poll doesn't accurately capture my true response because it spans several of the potential responses.

[qwlauren35]

5. Hmmmm...

Is there an option I could create that you think would fit you exactly?

[HelpImSurrounded]

10. In a single line? I doubt it

I'm a straight male...

I enjoy looking at women I find attractive ... I can't help that
My sense of what is attractive ... is probably programmed by media and industry
My sense of who is attractive can be radically altered by a single action or statement
I've been aware that oggling makes women uncomfortable for almost 50 years
I've always been sensitive to that discomfort so I learned not to look
It was actually a girlfriend (later wife) who basically taught me "how to watch girls" and gifted me a degree of freedom I had denied myself
So... ?

[True Dough]

19. I can relate to practically everything you've written

including the "for almost 50 years" part!

I hope we don't become dirty old men since we've aimed to be relatively mindful all these years.

[Wounded Bear]

31. Hey! Dirty old men need love too...

Yeah, I'm in that group as well. I still enjoy looking at women, but I try to be discreet about it.

[True Dough]

32. Wait a second, Wounded Bear

You mean to tell me that this ISN'T you???

[Wounded Bear]

33. Nope, more like this guy...

[mvd]

3. Other

Find women attractive, but I know what is rude and inappropriate. Staring is one of those rude things.

[Phoenix61]

4. No idea but I'm a straight woman and I notice nice looking men.

Hard not to when they are jogging down the street in nothing but a pair of sweat soaked shorts. All joking aside, IMHO there’s nothing wrong with that. Consider the amazing art that glorifies the human body. Michael Angelo’s “David”, Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus”…. The problem is when people are valued only for their physical appearance.

[qwlauren35]

13. I hear you.

There was a time when I loved having men look at me. And then I got older, and fatter, and felt uncomfortable about my looks. Right now, I do not enjoy looking at photos that capture "my bulk", but in general, I am happy with myself. I wear a bit of eyeshadow to keep from looking "tired", but that's it. The clothes I wear when I'm not working are clothes that I look at and like, and I'm not even sure that they always look good on me, but I don't care. I prefer to camouflage my midsection and plentiful behind but that just means wearing clothes my size.

People's physical appearance changes over time, and people who trade on it find themselves having a less marketable product as time goes on, although in my mind, women in their 40's and 50's often look better than they did in their early years.

I *love* looking at women, and I *love* looking at men, and I don't think it's unnatural. It does not surprise me that an attractive woman in an ad gets a straight man's attention. And the advertisement industry knows it, and uses it to full advantage.

When I got into this "discussion" recently, I pointed out that a peacock expects to be looked at. Is designed to be looked at. And is not the only such species. I really think that looking at the sex you're interested in is one of the most normal things in the world.

Where it gets sticky is when a man makes unwelcome noises or advances. In my opinion, as long as we teach women to say "no", and teach men to accept "no", we've done what's possible and life continues. By anecdotal evidence, hook-ups at the workplace are common, so there are men asking and women saying yes pretty much any place, any time, anywhere. And before they ask, men are usually "looking".

I think the bombardment of advertising products that make women feel imperfect is a very, very bad thing. And I think men not taking no for an answer is just plain wrong. I also hate when men approach a woman who is wearing a wedding ring. Although, anecdotal evidence says that some married women are "available".

But to insist that men not look seems contrary to nature. OK, so you don't like being looked at, you don't like being approached. You don't even like compliments. There are ways to project a "don't approach me" image that all but the densest or rudest men can figure out. As a young feminist, I bought into the "don't objectify women" idea. But as I get older, I think we have to help men understand the difference between looking and objectifying. And let them know that looking is okay.

[Phoenix61]

15. The photoshopping of either sex annoys me.

They are pushing an image that isn’t even a real human anymore. But yes, I completely agree with you. Especially about the wedding band situation. The slimmest incident I ever had was with a guy who hid his wedding band under his Annapolis Class ring. I was recently divorced and didn’t notice it the first couple of times we talked. Once I did I ripped him a new one. Several years later he came up to me and apologized. But what a jerk move.

[Doc Sportello]

26. Well said

It's hard as we get older to be happy with our appearance, but I think we can be surprised at how attractive we still are to many of the "lookers". And you are right: looking is part of our nature, along with most every other creature on this planet.

[NewHendoLib]

6. I passed because I simply enjoy looking at people - I enjoy the diversity of looks, clothes,

walking - I also enjoy looking at dogs. I am just a very observing person - people, animals, trees, nature, stars, clouds.

My wife and I go to the local farmers market each week - we buy some stuff, then we sit for an hour with one of our dogs and just...chill out and watch - everything.

[House of Roberts]

7. I'm a straight male...

and I haven't figured out women who have done things to "enhance" their opinion. (6th option)

[qwlauren35]

14. I'll check what I typed. Sorry.

[TexasTowelie]

8. What about the "I'm a gay male and I enjoy looking at women that I find attractive" option?

[captain queeg]

9. As I've gotten older I think it's kind of creepy when I check out younger women

But I don’t stare or harass them. I guess it’s some kind of instinctive drive, it’s unconscious.

[gay texan]

11. Well

I'm a gay guy, but I love fashion, so yes I do technically look at women.

[edbermac]

12. I've gone on group model shoots a few times

So when I look at women I usually react more as a photographer than a guy. And I prefer them to look as natural as possible. I am not a fan of implants or cosmetic surgery.

[Wounded Bear]

35. I understand the need for cosmetic surgery and even implants...

because I've known some accident survivors and women who've had breast cancer that led to mastectomies and they deserve all that medical science can do to help them return to normal.

However, many women (and men for that matter) do overdo it with elective procedures to the point where they look cartoonish. When it's too obvious and over the top I don't find it attractive. Then, my looking is more in a "WTF" manner than in the "Ooh la la" style.

[meadowlander]

16. I think you need to go back to what your friend actually wrote.

Women are not put on this earth to be looked at. Not "men should not be looking at women".

Straight men might like to look at them but that is not the reason the woman exists in most situations. Most of the time she's just buying bread or doing her job or talking to her friend or any of the other millions of reasons a woman, as a variation of human being, might want to exist in a public space.

The problem is when either:

1. it goes beyond a normal look registering the existence of the woman and turns into staring, catcalling, space crowding, taking pictures without consent, abnormally solicitous attention (like holding the door open for her and letting it slam in the face of her obese friend) or any other variation of creeping on a woman who is just going about her day.

2. the price of entry into a situation is a woman looking "presentable" and "presentable" is defined as "attractive to the male gaze". For example, black tie work networking events where a woman would be turned away at the door if she wasn't wearing a cocktail dress, heels and make up.

That's what your friend is talking about. Not "men you must train yourself to never look at a woman let alone register attraction!" It is possible to look at a woman you think is attractive and also register her as a human being who deserves respect and it is possible to acknowledge the existence of and extend respect to women whose sole goal in life is not to appear attractive to you.

[LizBeth]

22. +1

[demmiblue]

23. +1

[petronius]

17. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (nt)

[BlueTsunami2018]

18. Well yeah.

I don’t stare or ogle but I certainly do look. It’s just a natural thing to do. For me anyway.

And really, I’m looking at a person for a second or two, I don’t consider all that stuff in your third paragraph in those few seconds. You’re there, I see you, I instantly evaluate you. But I do this for everyone. I live in the city, I work in some dangerous areas and I ride the subway every day. I check everyone out. If you happen to be a woman I find attractive, you’ll get a few extra seconds or an extra glance or two. Hell, if you’re extraordinary in any way you’ll get a few extra seconds, I see some really bizarre shit on a daily basis.

Do I enjoy looking at women I find attractive? Yes.
And also no. Sometimes it’s painful.

[OhZone]

20. Where is - "I am a gay woman and I enjoy looking at women. Period"?

Ha!

Yes, we do.

Yeah, we are not put on this earth to be looked at, specifically, but, as meadowlander says, look but respect and acknowledge as a person.

That being said, I admit to being a femme lesbian, and I do wear a lot of makeup at times. I went through some phases as a kid where was a tomboy, but I ended up enjoying the femme look. I like femmes, studs, stems, and no labels though.

[Layzeebeaver]

21. I'm going to ramble a bit... and probably make a few people very angry.

We are chastised because we use too much plastic, but need to eat. Yet most food it packed in it. Are we to blame for the plastic because of the foods we like and the plastic it’s wrapped in? Perhaps the companies that package their food in that manner are due a good portion of chastisement?

I know that was not a perfect analogy, and I’m not trying to make it a “what about ism”. What Hetero male will not take notice of a woman wearing the latest incarnation of hot pants or mini-skirts? And where does this fashion get made? Who decided to buy it and decided to wear it? People wear tee shirts with provocative images and messaging because why? All these things are designed to appeal to the primitive areas of our brain.

Also, there is some level of human nature in play, and the survey is “pigeon holing” a bit too much for me.

On a personal note…

When an attractive and or attractively dressed figure walks into my view, I will appreciate in my own way. What goes on inside my mind is my own business. How I outwardly act on my thoughts is more than my own business.

I’m also 62, and deep inside of me remains a bit of a 16 year old. The part of me that still likes the Andy Williams tune “Music to watch girls by”

My similarly aged friend and I still have an occasional afternoon out where we comfortably position ourselves outside in a downtown joint on a weekend summer afternoon, with a drink and our sunglasses. When an attractive woman walks by, we sometimes mutter to each other a code word or two, but usually it all amounts to us sighing, and reflecting, “ah, to be young again…”

We are all at the same time victims, consumers, constructors and preachers of an objectifying, consumeristic, blaming and impersonal culture. A culture that has many components and actors. We should refrain from putting all the blame on one target constituent.

We can’t change our nature, but we can all be aware of our behaviour and our underlying prejudices. That applies to a lot of things, not just how we might look at an attractive person.

[CTyankee]

24. I'm a straight, old woman. I stared at two men, openly. It was in Venice and I was crossing the

Last edited Sat Jul 16, 2022, 05:00 PM - Edit history (2)

Bridge of Sighs. Two young, beautiful men in their summer uniforms were crossing the other way. I can not explain it, I never did it before and never have since. But they were exceptionally handsome, as many young Italian men are. They surprised me.

I confess that they were in a summer uniform of some sort. I searched the Internet for uniforms that would match and couldn't find one. It is possible they weren't Italian.

One thing someone told me about men in Italy. They know how they look from different angles and aim to look that way all the time. The saying is "Fare la bella figura" or "make a beautiful appearance."

I stared, but HOT DAMN..

[WhiskeyGrinder]

25. What the fuck is this shit right here

[Iggo]

30. Yep.

[GoneOffShore]

27. I am a straight male and I enjoy looking at all sorts of people - I am a photographer

[48656c6c6f20]

28. Much more rewarding watching flowers

And I don't think I offend them by staring. Animal or bird watching I avoid too. I never know if they are uncomfortable when I look at them, so I avoid making eye contact with those Park squirrels.

[Iggo]

29. I thought it couldn't get dumber than the Ivana threads.

I was wrong.

[ForgedCrank]

34. I won't

claim to know the general truth with certainty, but life has taught me that most women do enjoy being noticed but only by men they approve of, and only for the socially acceptable amount of time. Those lines are short and quite abrupt as well. I've seen how women react to other men when they are noticed, we learn from those reactions.
A quick notice of what we perceive as beauty is mostly acceptable and welcomed (or so I think at least), but beyond that it becomes a stare that will make women increasingly uncomfortable, and for obvious reasons. And we are talking about very very short time frames here. If you get caught glancing, that means she was looking at you as well for one reason or another.
I think this is because the initial glance and quick smile is an unspoken complimentary acknowledgment. If the stare phase begins, it is because someone is beginning to assess and think "other" things, possibly even inappropriate things. Women seem to be naturally aware of that, maybe because it is a self-preservation thing?
And as we all know, those rules change dramatically when you get married. The additional scrutiny ensures that you keep your eyes to yourself and even a quick glance will land you in hot water.
I'm not trying to speak for women, it's just my assessment of socially acceptable behaviors learned through life.
The same rule applies to other men regarding staring, but for very different reasons.

[boston bean]

36. Leering makes women uncomfortable. I suggest men stop doing it.

It’s gross and disgusting.

You might actually find a woman if you stop doing it.

Is this DU?

[newdayneeded]

38. Yes it's DU

Women are beautiful, and my eyes still work.

[Polybius]

39. Especially at the nude beach

If an attractive woman is by herself there, men go out of there way to plop their towels next to her.

[Iggo]

40. Yeah. Just another grenade rolled into the room.

What’ll they try to make us fight about next? I’m on the edge of my seat!

[highplainsdem]

37. There's nothing wrong with straight men looking at women, especially women they

find very attractive. It isn't a problem IMO unless it turns into harassment.

Or unless women are seen as having value as people only if they're attractive.

As a straight female, I enjoy looking at men, especially attractive men. But I don't judge men only on appearance.

And that includes performers, whether actors or musicians. I enjoy watching them more if they're beautiful as well as talented. But that's icing on the cake. Beautiful performers with little or no talent aren't interesting.

[Omaha Steve]

41. After a review by forum hosts....LOCKING

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