Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:03 AM Mar 2022

My son committed suicide 1/27/2022-I heard from the White House staff

I apologize if this thread doesn’t belong in “General Discussion”. But because it reflects on the President Biden White House I thought I’d use this category.

On 1/27/2022 my precious son took his own life—he was 25. I was absolutely destroyed (still am) and was trying desperately to find a place to run to, to hide, to stop the pain. But there was/is no where to go.

This may sound idiotic but I thought of President Joe Biden and all the grief he has had in his life. How he would talk about his losses (wife, daughter, Beau) and try to comfort others experiencing loss. I thought “I wish I could talk to someone like Joe Biden”. So in desperation I wrote an email via the WhiteHouse.gov website. I poured out my heart but never expected a reply.

A couple of weeks after I sent my email I was sitting outside on my porch in absolute despair and agony. Sobbing. Then I see a call from someone in Reno, NV. Normally I’d let a call I don’t recognize go to voicemail but for some reason I answered. Someone asked “Is this ( my first name) ?” I answered “yes, who is this?”. The person answered “This is The White House. I’m calling about the email you sent about your son.”

No, it wasn’t Joe Biden himself but someone working for the Biden administration. The person on the phone talked to me for over 45 minutes. Let me talk about my son as well as tried to help me find resources in my area for support. The person I was talking to wasn’t perfunctory...they were real. They would have let me talk forever. The part about finding resources for me didn’t happen until the very end of the call. The majority was just this person allowing me to talk about my son.

Amazing. I miss my son desperately. I will NEVER be the same. But to have a White House that would read an email out of the hundreds of thousands, and give me a call personally, that meant so much.

116 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
My son committed suicide 1/27/2022-I heard from the White House staff (Original Post) crimycarny Mar 2022 OP
That is why I love this man... orwell Mar 2022 #1
Yes--Joe Biden is the perfect man for these horrible times crimycarny Mar 2022 #7
My heart is with you Goddessartist Mar 2022 #27
My heart, too. Sending the warmest thoughts to you from Missouri. XacerbatedDem Mar 2022 #63
My heart also, crimycarny. calimary Mar 2022 #106
That would be my nightmare - I have 2 teen girls ArizonaLib Mar 2022 #2
It is very scary the pressure on kids these days crimycarny Mar 2022 #17
I agree 1000x over ArizonaLib Mar 2022 #21
Thank you for this description Alice Kramden Mar 2022 #28
It took a while to figure out what to do ArizonaLib Mar 2022 #69
I am so happy to hear you are making progress. MLAA Mar 2022 #36
Thanks - tbat reminds me I used to love documentaries ArizonaLib Mar 2022 #64
Yes-TV content really effecting me crimycarny Mar 2022 #110
true... as much fun and education as the internet can bring, it really seems to be causing a ton of LymphocyteLover Mar 2022 #79
here is a hug. as long as you want it to be. peace. peace friend. n/t babydollhead Mar 2022 #3
Good eggs this WH. So sorry about your son. applegrove Mar 2022 #4
My heart is breaking over your loss. herding cats Mar 2022 #5
I am so sorry for your tragic loss of your son Meowmee Mar 2022 #6
That was wonderful, crimycarny. Would you like to share something here about your son? pnwmom Mar 2022 #8
One of the kindest people I know crimycarny Mar 2022 #14
It sounds like he was deeply empathic and took everything to heart. pnwmom Mar 2022 #18
It must be shattering to feel as though you didn't know what he was going through... but-- renate Mar 2022 #23
Wow, I'm crying reading that LymphocyteLover Mar 2022 #78
You were and are a wonderful mother people Mar 2022 #102
Please, listen to pnwmom ChazII Mar 2022 #44
Tears in my eyes after reading your message. I am so sorry you lost your son, highplainsdem Mar 2022 #9
Please accept my deepest condolences. NNadir Mar 2022 #10
This is why I am still pissed off at MTG and Boebert BigmanPigman Mar 2022 #11
they are filth LymphocyteLover Mar 2022 #77
I know that words really don't help, but know how sorry I am for the loss of your niyad Mar 2022 #12
I am so glad he/ abmin reached out to you sheshe2 Mar 2022 #13
Yes--it's a pain that is indescribable crimycarny Mar 2022 #15
Wow. I am so terribly sorry, but thank you so much for sharing this. Rhiannon12866 Mar 2022 #16
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll extend to you a thought I LuckyLib Mar 2022 #19
I can only imagine the heartbreak Duppers Mar 2022 #20
My heart to you. Totally Tunsie Mar 2022 #22
K&R BlueJac Mar 2022 #24
I am so sorry. I understand your pain peacebuzzard Mar 2022 #25
I'm so sorry. I'm crying reading your post. yardwork Mar 2022 #26
So am I ailsagirl Mar 2022 #84
My heartfelt sympathy to you Gilbert Moore Mar 2022 #29
I'm going to Survivors of Suicide groups and a Grief Counselor crimycarny Mar 2022 #65
I am so sorry for your loss. Trueblue Texan Mar 2022 #30
Deepest condolences Alice Kramden Mar 2022 #31
I am truly sorry for your loss MissB Mar 2022 #32
He is such a good man. Democrats are good people. I am so very sorry for your loss. Love you.❤️ LiberalLoner Mar 2022 #33
I have tears in my eyes reading your post PatSeg Mar 2022 #34
Deeply sorry for the loss of your son, I hope you find peace, give yourself time. 2Gingersnaps Mar 2022 #35
Thank you for some hope crimycarny Mar 2022 #86
Crimycarny MLAA Mar 2022 #37
Crying as I read this. Irish_Dem Mar 2022 #38
I am sorry for the loss of your son LetMyPeopleVote Mar 2022 #39
Such a horrible loss. I'm so sorry MaryMagdaline Mar 2022 #40
I'm so sorry about your son. LittleGirl Mar 2022 #41
beautifully described. It can be that way. electric_blue68 Mar 2022 #62
Thanks. ❤️ LittleGirl Mar 2022 #73
My deepest sympathy to you Danmel Mar 2022 #42
My condolences Ohio Joe Mar 2022 #43
I am so sorry for your loss mcar Mar 2022 #45
Thank you for sharing your heart-breaking story FakeNoose Mar 2022 #46
I'm so so sorry for your loss😢😢😢 seta1950 Mar 2022 #47
I'm so sorry Yorkie Mom Mar 2022 #48
Your post brought tears to my eyes, both for the loss of your son and for your sharing the story LaMouffette Mar 2022 #49
What a terrible loss for you. I am so sorry Wicked Blue Mar 2022 #50
Sorry for your loss IronLionZion Mar 2022 #51
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. redwitch Mar 2022 #52
Please accept my condolences. n/t malthaussen Mar 2022 #53
My sincerest condolences for babylonsister Mar 2022 #54
There is something very special and unique about the Biden admin. Mosby Mar 2022 #55
Thank you so much for sharing this, crimycarny. crickets Mar 2022 #56
My condolences for your loss nvme Mar 2022 #57
I am so sorry for your loss and pain pandr32 Mar 2022 #58
President Biden... Snackshack Mar 2022 #59
I grieve for your loss RainCaster Mar 2022 #60
Tears here.... You have a tough road here, don't ever stop talking about your son. LizBeth Mar 2022 #61
. Carlitos Brigante Mar 2022 #66
My deepest condolences. A shock for any parent... electric_blue68 Mar 2022 #67
Thank you for sharing . SayItLoud Mar 2022 #68
Thank you for sharing with us Wild blueberry Mar 2022 #70
My condolences to you and your family. Niagara Mar 2022 #71
True leadership is seen not in the acts of the leader, but in the character of those s/he leads. n/t TygrBright Mar 2022 #72
My son committed suicide 12/14/16 he was 22. YOU ARE NOT ALONE KBlagburn Mar 2022 #74
I'm so very sorry. LymphocyteLover Mar 2022 #76
My son hung himself in our garage KBlagburn Mar 2022 #82
I can't even imagine how hard that would be -- the ultimate nightmare LymphocyteLover Mar 2022 #88
That's what scares me--that it will stay like this forever crimycarny Mar 2022 #85
Your thoughts are normal but you are not at fault! cally Mar 2022 #89
Therapy Does Help, it will get better KBlagburn Mar 2022 #92
Thank you crimycarny Mar 2022 #95
Wow, that is incredible but I'm so sorry for your loss. LymphocyteLover Mar 2022 #75
there are many people out here who have lost a child. Biden gets that. You never know if the demigoddess Mar 2022 #80
I'm so sorry for your unimaginable loss. mzmolly Mar 2022 #81
First, my very deepest condolences to you. ificandream Mar 2022 #83
I'm just sending lots of love and compassion cally Mar 2022 #87
Empathy.....just to show that empathy says everything about his team.....and your family... turbinetree Mar 2022 #90
I too lost a son in the same way. gibraltar72 Mar 2022 #91
I lost my 22 year old son... I am so sorry for your loss. KBlagburn Mar 2022 #93
Males are very high risk crimycarny Mar 2022 #101
💕💖💖 Cha Mar 2022 #94
My deepest condolences to you cc Quakerfriend Mar 2022 #96
Thank you--I felt I had to share that I actually got a call from Biden's WH crimycarny Mar 2022 #100
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. smirkymonkey Mar 2022 #97
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. smirkymonkey Mar 2022 #98
I lost my brother to suicide. whfinlay Mar 2022 #99
So sorry for your loss. Mad_Machine76 Mar 2022 #103
I am so so sorry. Demsrule86 Mar 2022 #104
Your post is helping others, please take comfort in that. Cozmo Mar 2022 #105
We as people need to be more compassionate, more forgiving, and more attentive to each other Bucky Mar 2022 #107
I emailed Joe Biden and got a reply from him. displacedtexan Mar 2022 #108
My heart goes out to you. frogmarch Mar 2022 #109
So painful. Yet such a wonderful story about the phone call Stinky The Clown Mar 2022 #111
I send my love and sympathy Scottie Mom Mar 2022 #112
I am so sorry for your loss. gldstwmn Mar 2022 #113
Very, very sorry papa3times Mar 2022 #114
I have no words. MontanaMama Mar 2022 #115
I'm so sorry 💔 🕯 Raine Mar 2022 #116

orwell

(7,794 posts)
1. That is why I love this man...
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:10 AM
Mar 2022

...and why I trust him to make the best choice.

Everything about him is authentic.

We are so used to lies and deceit from our politicians, that we don't even recognize honor and goodness when it is right in front of us.

I am so glad he is leading our nation now at this most perilous hour. Thank you so much for writing this. It confirms what I suspected.

I am heartbroken to hear of the loss of your beautiful boy.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
7. Yes--Joe Biden is the perfect man for these horrible times
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:16 AM
Mar 2022

Going through that much grief in life, none of the other “noise” matters. President Joe Biden has a perspective as no other. He is solely focused on doing what is right for humanity and all the insults, attacks, worry about “how will this look politically?” doesn’t matter a d*mm bit.

My son was a Joe Biden fan. That call meant so much.

Goddessartist

(2,065 posts)
27. My heart is with you
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 08:52 AM
Mar 2022

And yes, Biden is the perfect man for these times. Sending huge hugs from Vashon, WA.

Love,
Rebecca

calimary

(82,046 posts)
106. My heart also, crimycarny.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 07:46 PM
Mar 2022

Sending you love and sympathy from northwest Oregon. I can’t imagine the agony…

And both of my kids are healthy and safe, but I worry about them every day. Especially our son, who’s somehow managed to make it through two decades, despite kind of a bumpy ride for awhile when he was younger and more reckless.

ArizonaLib

(1,242 posts)
2. That would be my nightmare - I have 2 teen girls
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:11 AM
Mar 2022

So glad someone gave you something. I am sorry but I am without words. Just love. I hope daily that you find distance from your suffering. Thanks for sharing this. I always tell parents of kids that are good for my daughters that good kids don't grow on trees. He is/was blessed to have your love and compassion.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
17. It is very scary the pressure on kids these days
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:59 AM
Mar 2022

32 days after my son killed himself my daughter’s soccer teammate killed herself. So my daughter had a double whammy. Her teammate was a warrior for others. The LAST person I would have considered at risk. Her parents had to grieve in public as their daughter made national news. I can’t even imagine.

Social media is a big factor IMO. The “fake” amazing lives people post make others feel there must be something wrong with them when in reality we’re all struggling.

ArizonaLib

(1,242 posts)
21. I agree 1000x over
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 05:16 AM
Mar 2022

We are trying to figure this out in our home also. My oldest made a feeble suicide attempt a couple of years ago. We have since had to teach them with very rigorous effort to understand and feel what certain media does to affect our brains as we watch it. The oldest used to consume several hours at a time of very emotional/dramatic video content. Then she used to get very emotional about everything. So we worked hard to limit this content to 1 or 2 episodes at a time and she and I worked to find content we both could enjoy together. One of the shows we tried was Breaking Bad because it was on AMC and we both though we would like the action. I couldn't make it through 1 or 2 episodes (I think it was 1). I got really frustrated by what I was experiencing on the screen. Months after trying, she and I were visiting my best friend in another state and I asked him if he had watched the series. He replied that he tried but did not like what it was doing to his mind. That identified it perfectly. I have been suffering depression for years that I never had before marriage and have been seeing a therapist for over a year. After visiting my friend, explained our conversation to my oldest and she understood, because she had been trying to work on finding better content as a favor to me (I also checked on her constantly and she gave up her relentless efforts against it). I was starting to find her watching old Disney and Pixar things she grew up with.

So I have been struggling to get my head back (after an emotionally abusive 23 year marriage) and have found there are old sitcoms from the 90's and forward that feel like they are doing positive stuff in my head. Mostly about people struggling to come back from their past or struggling to find their better selves (Grace Under Fire, Coach, Mom, Community, Grace and Frankie, and even the narcissistic Seinfeld after watching a documentary on how Larry David's personal foibles are characterized by the George character). There is one sitcom that helped me identify this better feeling called Kim's Convenience on Netflix. If you don't know about it yet, I love the struggle the store owner undertakes to understand and deal with himself and to own his own crap.

Also, Gandhi's grandson, Arund Gandhi wrote a short, easily consumable book about the power of anger. I am not an angry person, but it is loaded with little nuggets that describe his time with his grandfather who taught him about compassion and dealing with hard people and the world that comes at you. He was a kid who had to deal with his grandfather who had the world coming at him. This compassion and the wisdom required to be compassionate became a major tool in dealing with family stuff - the feelings of guilt, failure, the lack of appreciation of the good things about me that I admire in other people.

I understand that getting out of bed, taking care of myself, etc. takes a lot of strength.

My friend went through a divorce years ago but our deep suffering has been concurrent. We dealt with it differently, and I need to tell you, we both learned something critical: I spent a lot of time really working hard in thinking, processing, understanding and learning about our situation for several years and figured many things out and my girls are doing well. However, my ability to work and the stamina to stay on top of my responsibilities diminished to almost nothing. He on the other hand kept busy gardening cooking (it took him 2 hours to prepare dinner for me and my daughter and he clung to routines to get from dawn to dusk to put one more day behind him. The difference between us was that by keeping busy he was taking care of himself. My stamina for those things had almost completely dulled out. Now he can think about and process things a little, etc., and keep moving forward. I on the other hand struggle to do the things I need to pay bills, stay out of debt, take care of myself etc. I even had to learn to resolve that in procrastinating my heaviest responsibilities with the most mundane things like laundry, cleaning, etc were ok sometimes because I try to prioritize the more serious responsibilities, which if they take days or weeks, the other lessor things stack up into serious problems. I am doing much better and a couple weeks ago my 'If I do this task, I will better afterward and possibly while I do it' kicked in after years of not having it. So this is getting better for me.

You should learn as much as you can about what trauma entails. In short it is one side of the brain not being able to pass parts of the trauma(s) to the other and back. It is the shock of loss, pain and unfairness. Good people feel these things the most because they are good people. I told a cousin who has been putting an abusive marriage behind her that we are both good people...they took advantage of us. Media content and social media take advantage of us and our loved ones.

I hope your struggle and suffering is no bigger or more than it has to be every moment from here on out. Also, have a couple of friends or family to visit once in a while who don't care about anything else but are glad to see you on their doorstep. It takes a little edge off for a little bit.

Best to you and your loved ones!






Alice Kramden

(2,193 posts)
28. Thank you for this description
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 08:53 AM
Mar 2022

It helps me to understand the trials that younger people are going through. I have family members this really relates to, especially the "content" issue that you describe

ArizonaLib

(1,242 posts)
69. It took a while to figure out what to do
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 01:29 PM
Mar 2022

We felt helpless for a long time including her cousins in their early 20's who subscribed anonymously to her social media and very discreetly informed us about anything they found weird. It helped so much. She had a tik tok account which had over 20,000 followers. When we found out, it freaked us out. There were s couple of weird videos bht mostly alot of discussion about video she posted where she rappeda very difficult rap s couple of years prior.

I am not on social media unless one considers DU social media, buI I knew that my relentlessness was more than hers and the help from family members was irreplaceable.

MLAA

(17,566 posts)
36. I am so happy to hear you are making progress.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:35 AM
Mar 2022

I find watching animal /nature programs soothing. I especially enjoyed watching the remake of All Creatures Great and Small. Beautiful scenery, charming characters and seemingly a simpler time.

Thank you for sharing your journey. ❤️

ArizonaLib

(1,242 posts)
64. Thanks - tbat reminds me I used to love documentaries
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 01:14 PM
Mar 2022

I have those sitcoms memorized. I will check some nature shows out. Thanks!

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
110. Yes-TV content really effecting me
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:00 PM
Mar 2022

Before my world crashed it seemed like I could watch pretty much anything and not get affected. However, with this intense grief I find I can't handle ANY emotion. I've been watching British mysterious like Foyle's War, George Gently. I for whatever reason I keep watching A&E's Pride and Prejudice over and over. I've also got Jamie Raskin's audiobook "Unthinkable" that I keep listening to. I can't listen to anything else. It's these weird obsessive behaviors that are coming out as a coping mechanism.

When I can't watch anything but the most benign shows due to my overwhelming anxiety/grief/fear--I have to wonder if those shows I was watching before all of this happened were actually affecting me more than I thought?

I think coming out of COVID after 2 years of the world slowing down (so to speak) has been very hard for those with anxiety. What I'm hearing is that suicides actually went down during COVID, but as things are ramping up again suicides are increasing alarmingly. With my son I'm thinking that the anticipation of going back out into the world was made worse by being in a cocoon for 2 years. When he was dealing with daily stress it was actually easier because you get a bit desensitized. Or you're just used to it. Not sure what I'm trying to say. But being in a very isolated and protected environment for 2 years, only to feel you have to start back into all that stress--I think that's very hard for people with overwhelming anxiety.

LymphocyteLover

(5,765 posts)
79. true... as much fun and education as the internet can bring, it really seems to be causing a ton of
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:25 PM
Mar 2022

mental health problems, especially in young people

herding cats

(19,575 posts)
5. My heart is breaking over your loss.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:13 AM
Mar 2022

I'm deeply sorry for what you're going through right now, but I'm grateful a kind person from the current administration took the time to reach out to you and cared. I'm glad it had a positive effect in your life because in the end that seems to have been their goal, to try and ease your burden a tiny bit by being there for you when you needed it.

Meowmee

(5,164 posts)
6. I am so sorry for your tragic loss of your son
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:14 AM
Mar 2022
that is wonderful you received that phone call to help you.

pnwmom

(109,068 posts)
8. That was wonderful, crimycarny. Would you like to share something here about your son?
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:25 AM
Mar 2022

We're all here for you.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
14. One of the kindest people I know
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:39 AM
Mar 2022

When my husband and I were trying to come up with his tribute obituary we tried to think of a funny story from a time he got in trouble for something. Neither one of us could think of a single time he had been in trouble (we still can’t). He was always such a PERFECTIONIST, including following the rules. He was always so hard on himself that there was no need to get on him even if he had gotten in trouble.

What fooled me into thinking he was doing ok was his sense of humor. He loved making the ironic comment and making others laugh. That was his thing, making others laugh. Even the night before he ended his life he made a funny comment about going out to get his younger brother fast food (as usual). The next day he was dead.

We found notes after he died where he was so full of self loathing it broke my heart in two. How could I have not known? What sort of mother was I?

We always had looooooong conservations about politics. He was a Bernie Sanders supporter in the primaries but quickly got behind Joe Biden. He used to troll on the Trump subreddit (I couldn’t even bear to read those posts) and was a fierce warrior for the underdog. I wish he’d been that same warrior for himself.

pnwmom

(109,068 posts)
18. It sounds like he was deeply empathic and took everything to heart.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 04:04 AM
Mar 2022

He knew what to say to make everyone else laugh, while hiding his own pain. I completely understand why you are agonizing about missing the signs, but this wasn't your fault as a parent. He was such an expert on holding things in. I hope some day you'll be able to believe that.


renate

(13,776 posts)
23. It must be shattering to feel as though you didn't know what he was going through... but--
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 05:29 AM
Mar 2022
That was what he wanted. He hid his pain and it was his choice to do so.

Unfortunately it worked. But that was his choice.

I am so, so, so, so sorry. What a terrible, heartbreaking, devastating, soul-wrenching loss. My heart goes out to you.

people

(641 posts)
102. You were and are a wonderful mother
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:52 PM
Mar 2022

This is a sad sad tragedy and I am so sorry for your incomparable loss. You loved your son dearly and you were a good, good mother. This sadness isn't your fault.

ChazII

(6,217 posts)
44. Please, listen to pnwmom
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:21 AM
Mar 2022

and share stories about your son. March 6, 2020 my 35 year old son passed from the same tumor that took Joe's son. Everyone grieves differently but surround yourself with support. DU is a great place to get the love and warmth to help you through when the intense ways of grief hit. I did click on your profile and saw that you have been to the bereavement group. They helped me last week when it was the two year anniversary of my son's passing.

highplainsdem

(49,476 posts)
9. Tears in my eyes after reading your message. I am so sorry you lost your son,
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:26 AM
Mar 2022

that he was in so much anguish he took his own life. How tragic, especially at such a young age.

I am so glad you called the White House and they responded in such a caring, thoughtful way.

Sending love and hugs...

BigmanPigman

(51,826 posts)
11. This is why I am still pissed off at MTG and Boebert
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:29 AM
Mar 2022

for being total asses at the SOTU address. Joe was sharing a personal moment and those two bitches were so disrespectful.

niyad

(115,064 posts)
12. I know that words really don't help, but know how sorry I am for the loss of your
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:31 AM
Mar 2022

son. Thank you for sharing the kindness and caring of the WH in your grief with us. Know that your DU family is holding you in light and love.

sheshe2

(84,557 posts)
13. I am so glad he/ abmin reached out to you
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:31 AM
Mar 2022

Suicide is so hard to understand or recover from.

My brother committed suicide 14 years ago. I had a year of nightmares. It happened on the first day of a vacation. I hadn't had one in over a year, lost 10 pounds in a week. It rained the whole week, and the day we had his service, the sun came out. The sun.

My heart goes out to you and yours, crimycarny.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
15. Yes--it's a pain that is indescribable
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:45 AM
Mar 2022

For me it’s the guilt. I’ve lost at least 10 lbs too. Just no appetite at all. It’s not depression it’s despair. Intense anxiety/fear/GRIEF.

I’m sorry to hear about your brother. So worried about my younger son who is 1.5 years younger than his brother and EXTREMELY close.

Rhiannon12866

(209,754 posts)
16. Wow. I am so terribly sorry, but thank you so much for sharing this.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:45 AM
Mar 2022

And I agree that not only is Joe Biden a man of compassion, but he is the right leader for this time. Much of the world needs compassion - and help - right now and he has stepped up to the plate. And I am so glad to hear that someone in his administration cared enough to reach out to you.

LuckyLib

(6,830 posts)
19. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll extend to you a thought I
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 04:14 AM
Mar 2022

sent as part of a condolence note to a friend whose sister had taken her own life: "You will need to remember as you continue to live that 'love gives us courage . . . life brings us change.'"

Duppers

(28,157 posts)
20. I can only imagine the heartbreak
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 05:01 AM
Mar 2022

...you're going through.

Biden staff must be as amazing as he is. Thank you for sharing here.

I have a single son who will be 35yo next month and I cannot imagine losing him. My heart goes out to you. 💔



Gilbert Moore

(218 posts)
29. My heartfelt sympathy to you
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 08:54 AM
Mar 2022

Please take advantage of the resources the the White House presents you as it will help... slowly.

Also contact some of the local hospice organizations as many have grief groups and they shouldn't mind if your son wasn't a hospice patient. Neither will people in your grief group. We are all in this together...

Love, peace, chocolate

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
65. I'm going to Survivors of Suicide groups and a Grief Counselor
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 01:19 PM
Mar 2022

One thing I've learned from this experience is that the grief over losing a child to suicide is far different than losing a child to an illness or something like a car accident. Not that losing a child in ANY circumstances isn't absolutely horrible and filled with gut-wrenching pain, but losing a child to suicide adds the complication of guilt, what-ifs, why, anger...all sort of things that can be hard to get over.

My grief counselor lost his wife through suicide several years ago so not only understands personally what this type of grief is but is trained in helping others. I just don't want to get stuck in this phase. It will literally be like living in hell every day.

Trueblue Texan

(2,484 posts)
30. I am so sorry for your loss.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 08:54 AM
Mar 2022

I am very glad you put your feelings into words, a healing way to vent some of the overwhelming grief. I'm proud we have a President who values the experience of every person in this nation and makes sure that Americans are heard, not just taxed and governed.

Peace and healing to you.

Alice Kramden

(2,193 posts)
31. Deepest condolences
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 08:57 AM
Mar 2022

Thank you for sharing about the White House reaching out. So compassionate. It starts from the top.

MissB

(15,826 posts)
32. I am truly sorry for your loss
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:09 AM
Mar 2022

My oldest is only a year younger and has recently mentioned a battle with depression, so your post really hits home. I’m so sorry for the anguish and pain.

The Biden administration is amazing.

PatSeg

(48,465 posts)
34. I have tears in my eyes reading your post
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:33 AM
Mar 2022

Clearly Joe Biden has created a culture of compassion and empathy in his administration. How wonderful that this person just let you talk about your loss. Apparently this is encouraged in Joe's White House, it is quite unlike any administration I am familiar with.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

2Gingersnaps

(1,000 posts)
35. Deeply sorry for the loss of your son, I hope you find peace, give yourself time.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:34 AM
Mar 2022

My son grew up watching his father suffer and die from cancer. He was a giver, humor hid his pain. He tried desperately to get help, had a job and good insurance. But mental health care is hard to access if you have not hit bottom. His version of hitting bottom was taking his life. And I am there with you. I will never be the same, but time gives a measure of relief. Be good to yourself, tight hugs.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
86. Thank you for some hope
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:12 PM
Mar 2022

That there is the possibility of SOME relief. So many Survivors of Suicide say it's been 5 years, 10 years, 20 years...and they don't feel any better. I can't bear the thought of living my life with this constant searing pain of loss, crushing guilt, and not wanting to live another day. I'm getting up and breathing because my body is still working, but my soul is dead. I don't want to remain in this state.

MLAA

(17,566 posts)
37. Crimycarny
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:40 AM
Mar 2022

I am sending you kind thoughts and love. Please try and care for yourself physically and emotionally. 💖❤️💫💗?️

LetMyPeopleVote

(147,558 posts)
39. I am sorry for the loss of your son
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:49 AM
Mar 2022

Thank you for posting about the 45 minute phone call from the White House

MaryMagdaline

(6,872 posts)
40. Such a horrible loss. I'm so sorry
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 09:50 AM
Mar 2022

Thank you for this story of humaneness of our current President and staff.

LittleGirl

(8,299 posts)
41. I'm so sorry about your son.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:03 AM
Mar 2022

I believe grief, profound grief, comes in waves.
It flows in and out of your days like waves.
Some strong, overpowering and they knock you off your feet.
The next day or hour, it may be easy, calmer and soothing.
I try to do my best to stand up, keep standing and let the waves wash over me, cleansing the pain. The guttural pain of loss is so great, that you must lay down. On a floaty, so you can drift through the storm until you can stand strong again…against the waves.
Hugs xx

Danmel

(4,983 posts)
42. My deepest sympathy to you
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:08 AM
Mar 2022

May sweet memories of your beloved son bring you comfort and peace. I am so grateful to have a president who is kind.

mcar

(42,698 posts)
45. I am so sorry for your loss
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:27 AM
Mar 2022

and so glad we have a compassionate, kind man leading us now. Thank you for sharing this.

FakeNoose

(33,531 posts)
46. Thank you for sharing your heart-breaking story
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:36 AM
Mar 2022


May your son rest in peace, and may you find solace in your memories of him from happier times.

seta1950

(933 posts)
47. I'm so so sorry for your loss😢😢😢
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:42 AM
Mar 2022

Joe Biden Bless his heart, is the perfect president for our times.

LaMouffette

(2,051 posts)
49. Your post brought tears to my eyes, both for the loss of your son and for your sharing the story
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:48 AM
Mar 2022

about the phone call you received from the White House.

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your son to suicide! We also lost a close family member to suicide six years ago, so I understand the extra shock and grief and (unfounded) guilt that go along with losing a loved one this way.

Please take care of yourself during this awful time! And thank you so much for sharing your amazing phone call with all of us here on DU.

Wicked Blue

(5,897 posts)
50. What a terrible loss for you. I am so sorry
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:54 AM
Mar 2022

I hope you will find healing and eventual peace after this tragedy

IronLionZion

(45,905 posts)
51. Sorry for your loss
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 11:14 AM
Mar 2022

Biden, like Obama, actually cares about people and is the right leader at the right time.

redwitch

(14,971 posts)
52. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 11:16 AM
Mar 2022

Even if you had known he was struggling you might not have been able to prevent his suicide. My friends lost their son in March 2020. They had done everything they could to get him mental health counseling but he had such terrible depression it was too much for him. His parents are so lovely and kind and like you they are devastated. A virtual hug to you.

babylonsister

(171,215 posts)
54. My sincerest condolences for
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 11:54 AM
Mar 2022

your terrible loss, crimycarny. It's comforting to read you were comforted via President Biden.

Mosby

(16,581 posts)
55. There is something very special and unique about the Biden admin.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 12:04 PM
Mar 2022

Hard to put into words.

Sorry to hear about yuour son. Just tragic.

crickets

(26,062 posts)
56. Thank you so much for sharing this, crimycarny.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 12:06 PM
Mar 2022

I cannot imagine how difficult it has been to cope with the loss of your son. I am so sorry.

How wonderful that we have a man in the White House so empathetic, with a staff to match. How lovely that someone from that staff called you to lend an ear, a shoulder, and some good advice just because you needed it. I am smiling through tears, so grateful for that on your behalf.

I don't know what else I to say except that I wish you peace and comfort, and many virtual hugs are winging your way.

pandr32

(11,747 posts)
58. I am so sorry for your loss and pain
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 12:38 PM
Mar 2022

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is good to know there is compassion in The White House.
We are here and hopefully you can find some comfort and support among us.
One day and one step at a time you will make your way through the grief. Hopefully, you will continue to find compassion along the way.

Snackshack

(2,541 posts)
59. President Biden...
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 12:44 PM
Mar 2022

…and the people he has chosen to be staff really and truly care about the Country and it’s Citizens.

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand it. This is a great post. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.

RainCaster

(11,047 posts)
60. I grieve for your loss
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 12:47 PM
Mar 2022

What you have endured is one of the most horrific things that a parent can experience. It will take time. I'm so glad you got to experience the humanity of our current administration.

LizBeth

(9,966 posts)
61. Tears here.... You have a tough road here, don't ever stop talking about your son.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 12:53 PM
Mar 2022

He is with you always.

electric_blue68

(15,413 posts)
67. My deepest condolences. A shock for any parent...
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 01:23 PM
Mar 2022

...and what an amazing gesture to have someone from President Biden's WH call and talk to you?! Though with Joe's own terrible personal experiences - empathy, and compassion it's really not so surprising that those qualities would be present in his staff.


While not the same as I losing my mom to a unexpected condition within about a week (at 86, but most of her sibs lived into mid 90's)...
She'd had several things that caught her medically esp severe asthma when I was 5 1/2 back in the late 1950's.

Anyway she was quite an amazing woman. As she reached her early '80's I came up with my "mantra" for when she did die -

"She wouldn't want me to be too sad for too long".
I know it helped me weather the deep grief better than I would have otherwise.

Everyone grieves differently.
I'm pretty sure the love he had for you would incline him to feel this way for you.

I wish moments, over time hours, days, and more of peace, and joy for you once again.





KBlagburn

(567 posts)
74. My son committed suicide 12/14/16 he was 22. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:17 PM
Mar 2022

I completely understand what you are going through. unlike losing a parent or sibling, which Ive lost both, losing a child is something you never get over. There is never "closure". You dont learn to tolerate the pain, you dont learn to live with it. The searinug pain is with you every day for the rest of your life. I know, I'm living it every day. I am so sorry you're son has died. I am so sorry you have to go through this nightmare. I am so sorry you are now part of this group. I am so sorry. But I want you to know you are NOT ALONE. if you need to talk, you are welcome to PM me anytime.

KBlagburn

(567 posts)
82. My son hung himself in our garage
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:38 PM
Mar 2022

I found him and took him down. I could not sleep for two weeks. I still have nightmares. I already suffered from PTSD and two brothers who died this way. I am still in therapy at the VA and still on their suicide watch list. I had one attempt already but am better now. but still have thoughts

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
85. That's what scares me--that it will stay like this forever
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:54 PM
Mar 2022

Feeling this acute pain that never ends and is so all-consuming that I can't even breathe. I'm basically a shut-in, only leaving the house to drive up to the site where my son killed himself, or go for solitary runs. I literally am waiting to die so this pain will end. That's not living. If that's what it's going to be like for the rest of my life, why bother?

It hasn't been two months yet so I'm hopeful I can find a way to live without the acute knife piercing pain, the obsessive thoughts of "it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault", seeing him the last time I saw him--when he was standing on the stairs asking me if everything was ok (because his dad and I had just gotten in a stupid fight). He would get anxious whenever there was conflict and so I added to his anxiety that night by telling him about the fight, even exaggerating the seriousness of it because I was so mad at his dad. Why did I do that KNOWING it would add to his anxiety? If I hadn't told him about the fight would he still be here? I think he would, so I feel like I was the last straw. I am the reason he went through with his plan that night. Me.

These thoughts CONSUME me. I can't eat, I can't sleep without medication. When I wake up it's like "I'm back in hell again".

I'm hoping my grief counselor can help. I'm fighting, I'm trying, but if there is no end to this pain even with therapy then all I can hope is an early death to take me out of this hell. I won't commit suicide, I can't put my family through that pain, but I won't be living either. Just waiting for death.

cally

(21,606 posts)
89. Your thoughts are normal but you are not at fault!
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:19 PM
Mar 2022

And grief often feels like you described. I got tremendous relief through grief counseling and help forgiving myself for any mistakes I made. It does get better

KBlagburn

(567 posts)
92. Therapy Does Help, it will get better
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 04:04 PM
Mar 2022

I am still in therapy at the VA. I have my son's picture by my bed and tell him good night every night. He died on Dec 14th. my brother on Dec 31, different years. Christmas is no longer something I celebrate. My wife gets mad at me. Yes I am better but I still have days. It helps to find someone to talk to. I blames myself for a long time for noyt checking on my son. Most people think suicide is a selfish act but in reality they honestly believe they are doing something for us. They believe that their problems are OUR problems and that they are taking OUR problems away. My son dealt with anxiety and depression as well. But he also fought addiction to try to deal with those problems. (he was clean when he died) I got him into a mental health therapist. They saw him like three times and then kicked him out because they said they couldnt help him until he got help for his addiction. These idiots could not see that his addiction came from his mental health problems. and that is our societies problem with mental heath. But trust me it will get better. Yes you will carry this pain with you every day. But I look at it this way. This pain I carry with me, is my son and I carry him with me every day, and the pain allows me to keep him with me every second of every day. I am here if you need me. if you want to text my # is 256-612-8863.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
95. Thank you
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:18 PM
Mar 2022

Thank you for being willing to allow me to reach out. I feel bad that I never even tried to get my son help. He hid it so well that I figured it was just his normal anxiety (which I suffer from too) but manageable anxiety. Throughout his life I would help him through those things that made him very anxious--applying for college, getting his first job--all things that were more anxiety-provoking for him than most people.

And you are soooooo right that our mental health system is completely messed up. Our mental health system wants to follow some sort of "one size fits all" formula which isn't helpful at all. Some kids need more serious intervention, some kids need to know they can work with a therapist while still staying in school/sports/etc--"processing in place"-- and some like your son need mental health care which will then help with his addiction! Why did they think he was addicted in the first place?

I'll never get my son back and the regrets and guilt just absolutely crush me. If I could just go on life support where my body was kept alive by machines but I didn't have to think, my brain was at rest, that would be preferable to what I'm going through now. My body would still be alive for my family but I won't have to live this hell.

LymphocyteLover

(5,765 posts)
75. Wow, that is incredible but I'm so sorry for your loss.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:18 PM
Mar 2022

I also have a 25 year old son who's had mental issues and we worry about him constantly.

demigoddess

(6,651 posts)
80. there are many people out here who have lost a child. Biden gets that. You never know if the
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:32 PM
Mar 2022

guy or woman sitting next to you may have the same feelings you do.

mzmolly

(51,062 posts)
81. I'm so sorry for your unimaginable loss.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:34 PM
Mar 2022

I'm glad however, that we have a compassionate President, who was able to (indirectly) provide you some comfort.

ificandream

(9,579 posts)
83. First, my very deepest condolences to you.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 02:47 PM
Mar 2022

And thank you for posting this. We all know how wonderfully empathetic President Joe is compared to his predecessor. This only proved it more.

cally

(21,606 posts)
87. I'm just sending lots of love and compassion
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:15 PM
Mar 2022

I have a child who has tried suicide twice but did survive. I know I am blessed but I also know the agony of second guessing yourself. It has helped to talk to others with similar experiences.

turbinetree

(24,793 posts)
90. Empathy.....just to show that empathy says everything about his team.....and your family...
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:36 PM
Mar 2022

Sorry for your loss.....

gibraltar72

(7,537 posts)
91. I too lost a son in the same way.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 03:51 PM
Mar 2022

I know your grief and sorrow. What a lift this must have been. We all grieve in different ways. Hope your burden gets lighter.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
101. Males are very high risk
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:49 PM
Mar 2022

That's one thing that I have learned, the number of males committing suicide, particularly in their 20's, is absolutely shocking and alarming.

Our world with the pressure, social media, focus on the wrong things as a sign of "success" (money, looks, twitter/tiktok followers) is killing our kids.

Cha

(299,405 posts)
94. 💕💖💖
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 04:54 PM
Mar 2022

My heart breaks for you,cc

Heartbreaking and Heartwarming that the Biden White House reached out to you in your time of unbearable pain.

Quakerfriend

(5,489 posts)
96. My deepest condolences to you cc
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:21 PM
Mar 2022


I too have experienced suicide in my family but, not the unimaginable loss of a child.

I pray that you will find the strength to go forward.

Please know that we all here for you- And, the White House staff too apparently! Thank you for sharing your incredible story. It gives me hope for all of humanity.

crimycarny

(1,351 posts)
100. Thank you--I felt I had to share that I actually got a call from Biden's WH
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:32 PM
Mar 2022

I didn’t mean for this thread to turn into me talking about my pain. A couple of DU’ers have reached out privately which has been a huge help. I appreciate everyone on this forum.

I just thought it so amazing that I actually got a phone call from my email done from the WH.gov website. To have someone not only reach out, but to talk to me so emphatically and just listen was incredible. I wanted everyone to know because it’s truly an indication of the amazing man we have in the WH. To hire the type of people who would care about some anonymous person screaming out for help. It was the miracle I needed that day.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
97. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:27 PM
Mar 2022

I can't even imagine what you are going through. My deepest condolences!

May he rest in peace.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
98. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:27 PM
Mar 2022

I can't even imagine what you are going through. My deepest condolences!

May he rest in peace.

whfinlay

(14 posts)
99. I lost my brother to suicide.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 06:30 PM
Mar 2022

My pain was deep, he was born when I was 11 years old and he was my baby in a way. My mothers grief was so hard to see. Our family missed him so much, he was very young at 25. The White house responding is so human. Go Biden.

Bucky

(54,278 posts)
107. We as people need to be more compassionate, more forgiving, and more attentive to each other
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 07:51 PM
Mar 2022

I know words alone can't console you, but thank you for taking the moment you're great to let us know that we have president who has brought in a White House staff capable of letting his compassion trickle down their ranks

It's a sign of a good hearted leadership. It's a sign of fundamental decency in the highest corridors of power. It's a reminder that we can slowly, carefully build a better world.

I'm so sorry your son won't live to see that ray of hope. I wish you solace, strength and patience with your process as you go through this

displacedtexan

(15,696 posts)
108. I emailed Joe Biden and got a reply from him.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 08:56 PM
Mar 2022

I asked him to include a moment of silence to his SOTU for Ukraine, and I got a reply. Very thoughtful response, too. Never would've expected it in a million years.

gldstwmn

(4,575 posts)
113. I am so sorry for your loss.
Fri Mar 11, 2022, 10:47 PM
Mar 2022

I am so impressed but not surprised that the White House reached out to you. What a lovely gesture. This is the level of class and true American leadership that we voted for.

papa3times

(150 posts)
114. Very, very sorry
Sat Mar 12, 2022, 12:10 AM
Mar 2022

for your tragic loss. Contrast that with the previous administration. Doing something like returning a call to your email wouldn't even occur to them. I hope the American people can stick with this guy to deliver us from fascism.

MontanaMama

(23,432 posts)
115. I have no words.
Sat Mar 12, 2022, 12:13 AM
Mar 2022

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your son. I cannot imagine your grief. If I could, I would sit with you and listen to you speak of him. I lost my mother and an uncle to suicide….but a child? I am so sorry.

Latest Discussions»General Discussion»My son committed suicide ...