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SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
Sun Nov 1, 2020, 11:42 PM Nov 2020

Steve's last lesson. (my youngest son's death)

Steve’s last lesson.

You are a man …let’s say 35 to 40 ish.

Were you a “jock” in high school/college?
Remember all those times you were hurt and the coach said “walk it off”?

Sports injuries are a part of life when you are a teen/twenty-something, and your youth pretty much guarantees that in a few days you’ll be okay.

But NOW, you are a grown-up man, who may have put on a few pounds. Perhaps you choose fast food because you are in a hurry or it just tastes good to you. You like to watch sports, and sports means snacks.

You are still active and do physical things (my son routinely hung garage doors, laid tile, worked a full-time job, did yard work, hiked, etc.)

My son’s death can be a lesson.

His death was because of a massive heart attack at age 41. He also had sky-high cholesterol, arterial plaque, high blood pressure, and an enlarged heart.

These were all undiagnosed.

Why?

Because, like so many men, he was still strong and felt okay, so he did not go to the doctor.

None of these issues came on suddenly, and he had health insurance, so any of them could have been diagnosed by a doctor with ample time to treat them. Perhaps he would have still had a heart attack, but he might have had enough time to treat these issues, change his lifestyle and diet, and could have lived a much longer life.

We will never know because that did not happen for him.

Once you hit your 30’s, please investigate family health histories, just in case your family has issues that might affect you as well. Steve knew there was a history of heart disease in our family, but he felt strong and shrugged it off.

He was a busy guy and even though his wife and I reminded him to go to the doctor for his shoulder pain (a “strained muscle”), he did not go. He promised he would, but he didn’t. That “strained muscle” may well have been a precursor; a warning sign his body was sending.

We will never know, and all the “shoulda/couldas” are in vain now.

All we have now is the insane grief that’s left behind.

This is not to blame him, because we all are in denial sometimes, and we all think we have time to deal with difficult issues. We all rationalize our aches and pains.

You love your life, love your wife, love your family.

Do you want your Mother to cry every day for the rest of her life? Do you want your wife to be a young widow, crying herself to sleep every night? Do you want your children to be fatherless?

Please see a doctor to get a baseline, a heads-up while there is time to do something about it.

Do it for your family,
Do it for your friends.
Do it for Steve.
Do it for YOURSELF.
(1st pic is from the world cup in Brazil, 2014
2nd one is his "jock" pic, a personal favorite of mine)


https://www.dropbox.com/s/36bzn5kuvxidtxx/STIGGINS.mp4?dl=0&fbclid=IwAR2cN2n_i4e3dPlA41GblF7-kyne2-LSG1Tj4l_scrM5czLYgwTApo86CRM
link is for the lovely video presentation at his ceremony of remembrance..It was at a soccer field and about 350 people drifted through..He had so many friends

104 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Steve's last lesson. (my youngest son's death) (Original Post) SoCalDem Nov 2020 OP
Thank you for sharing. A beautiful son. I'm sorry for your loss. 58Sunliner Nov 2020 #1
I'm sorry to hear that. I lost a football buddy exactly the same way. In the two and a half brewens Nov 2020 #2
With deepest condolences. Vadem Nov 2020 #3
Oh no. I can't imagine the pain MontanaMama Nov 2020 #4
I am so sorry, over the loss of your son. shrike3 Nov 2020 #5
Still a young man--such a loss. I am terribly sorry. BusyBeingBest Nov 2020 #6
... Nevilledog Nov 2020 #7
This nearly did me in MFM008 Nov 2020 #8
what a truly shitty club we belong to.. SoCalDem Nov 2020 #10
I can't even imagine the depth of your pain. A young and promising life cut short. The video was alwaysinasnit Nov 2020 #9
We also lost our son at 41 the exact same way. It's heartbreaking. SharonAnn Nov 2020 #11
This message was self-deleted by its author SharonAnn Nov 2020 #12
Your brilliant love shines a hard light. ancianita Nov 2020 #13
I am very, very sorry to learn of what must be unimaginable pain you must be in. NNadir Nov 2020 #14
Hugs to you lunatica Nov 2020 #15
Thank you for this. For the reminder. Duppers Nov 2020 #16
My deepest sympathy in the loss of your son. Frustratedlady Nov 2020 #17
A great tribute grantcart Nov 2020 #18
Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. crickets Nov 2020 #19
I'm so sorry for your loss. hoosierspud Nov 2020 #20
Your beautiful, heartrending eulogy brought tears to my eyes, my dear SoCalDem... CaliforniaPeggy Nov 2020 #21
Thank you. I am so sorry. nolabear Nov 2020 #22
I am so sorry Chili Nov 2020 #23
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. smirkymonkey Nov 2020 #24
Handsome young man lillypaddle Nov 2020 #25
Please accept my condolences. Dyedinthewoolliberal Nov 2020 #26
I am so sorry for your family's loss. PatrickforO Nov 2020 #27
I am so very sorry. Solly Mack Nov 2020 #28
Very, very sorry . . . people Nov 2020 #29
Oh, SoCalDem... no parent should have to bury their child... I'm so sorry... TygrBright Nov 2020 #30
Thank you for sharing this with us ailsagirl Nov 2020 #31
Deepest condolences SheltieLover Nov 2020 #32
So sad malaise Nov 2020 #33
The love for your son is a beautiful tribute you've chosen to use to help others. hlthe2b Nov 2020 #34
So young... I'm so sorry Arazi Nov 2020 #35
Deepest sympathy at your loss GeoWilliam750 Nov 2020 #36
My most profound condolences. Roisin Ni Fiachra Nov 2020 #37
Sooo sorry SoCalDem ucrdem Nov 2020 #38
I am so sorry cally Nov 2020 #39
Words are never enough at a time like this Maeve Nov 2020 #40
I am still alive now because I learned that lesson early DFW Nov 2020 #41
That is the ultimate irony here SoCalDem Nov 2020 #45
I lost a cousin who was 41 DFW Nov 2020 #46
I am so sorry, my dear SoCalDem 💔 UpInArms Nov 2020 #42
My deepest condolences... OneGrassRoot Nov 2020 #43
So heartbreaking... NurseJackie Nov 2020 #44
I am so very sorry for your loss, SoCalDem. babylonsister Nov 2020 #47
He must have been a lovely guy. His memorial video shoes so much love. mahina Nov 2020 #48
I'm so sorry, SoCal. I'll pass on Steve's lesson. Hortensis Nov 2020 #49
My sincere sympathies, SoCal Metatron Nov 2020 #50
I'm so sorry for your loss, SoCalDem. Very same thing happened to my 43 yr old nephew BComplex Nov 2020 #51
So very sorry for your loss 😢 voteearlyvoteoften Nov 2020 #52
So very sorry for your loss 😢 voteearlyvoteoften Nov 2020 #53
I should listen NorthOf270 Nov 2020 #54
Please see a doctor. SoCalDem Nov 2020 #58
So very sorry for your loss... Freedomofspeech Nov 2020 #55
My heart breaks for you nt Nululu Nov 2020 #56
My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your loss. chia Nov 2020 #57
Thank you for sharing and warning us. Ilsa Nov 2020 #59
Can't imagine the pain you and family must be in. cry baby Nov 2020 #60
SoCAlDem... Upthevibe Nov 2020 #61
So, So sorry for your loss. joanbarnes Nov 2020 #62
So heartbreaking. May your wonderful memories give you some comfort. Lonestarblue Nov 2020 #63
Very sorry for your loss .. jb5150 Nov 2020 #64
I'm so sorry SoCalDem barbtries Nov 2020 #65
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. davsand Nov 2020 #66
I opened this link with a feeling of dread. BobTheSubgenius Nov 2020 #67
Thank you so much for sharing. colorado_ufo Nov 2020 #68
a beautiful post and a sober reminder... Phentex Nov 2020 #69
He was a party animal SoCalDem Nov 2020 #89
I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words. nt Baltimike Nov 2020 #70
I'm so very sorry. cate94 Nov 2020 #71
I am so sorry for your loss Meowmee Nov 2020 #72
Feel ya! And it is a great lesson to share Wawannabe Nov 2020 #73
So sorry for your loss. Stuart G Nov 2020 #74
I can't imagine... spanone Nov 2020 #75
So, so sorry. democrank Nov 2020 #76
Condolences on your loss.... Heartstrings Nov 2020 #77
Thank you for sharing your Steve with us cp Nov 2020 #78
that was a beautiful tribute to him--I watched every minute and feel as though I know him... renate Nov 2020 #79
This breaks my heart. My thoughts are with you. Paper Roses Nov 2020 #80
So sorry to hear about this. haele Nov 2020 #81
I am so sorry for your loss! Pugee Nov 2020 #82
*HUGS* SoCal CatWoman Nov 2020 #83
Sending you 💕💕💖💖💕. Thank you for helping others despite your pain. MLAA Nov 2020 #84
I'm so sorry for your loss wendyb-NC Nov 2020 #85
Deepest condolences. Dark n Stormy Knight Nov 2020 #86
so very sorry... handmade34 Nov 2020 #87
I cannot imagine life without him in it SoCalDem Nov 2020 #99
I cannot imagine life without him in it SoCalDem Nov 2020 #100
... peacebuzzard Nov 2020 #88
I am so sorry you lost him. redwitch Nov 2020 #90
My sincere Condolences carburyme Nov 2020 #91
My deepest condolences susanr516 Nov 2020 #92
So sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Miigwech Nov 2020 #93
I'm so sorry eleny Nov 2020 #94
1+... Good message! keithbvadu2 Nov 2020 #95
Oh God. ismnotwasm Nov 2020 #96
My love to you and your family. herding cats Nov 2020 #97
Heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you are carrying this pain. JudyM Nov 2020 #98
I'm so so sorry for your loss SoCalDem. joshcryer Nov 2020 #101
This message was self-deleted by its author SoCalDem Nov 2020 #102
Please go SoCalDem Nov 2020 #103
So sorry for your loss and thanks for sharing ecstatic Nov 2020 #104

brewens

(13,208 posts)
2. I'm sorry to hear that. I lost a football buddy exactly the same way. In the two and a half
Sun Nov 1, 2020, 11:47 PM
Nov 2020

years since, I have lost 140 pounds and gotten off the BP meds. He got my attention.

MFM008

(19,745 posts)
8. This nearly did me in
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:11 AM
Nov 2020

Im so sorry.
My son is the same way.
He just turned 37
But has a bad weight problem.
Im not as brave as you.
Hes my only child and i wont make it
With out him.

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
10. what a truly shitty club we belong to..
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:21 AM
Nov 2020

When my husband of nearly 50 years died in 2018, I could wrap my brain around it, but not this..

I too am not coping well at all, but I do take some meagre solace from the fact that this was fast (it was a "widowmaker" heart attack, so he did not lay there suffering for long) and even an ambulance would probably not been of much if any help.

He was the baby of the family and my "soulmate" child..he looked like me and our senses of humor were in sync..

I am so glad I am old..I don't want to carry the burden of his loss for a long time.. PM me if you ever want to call and talk..

alwaysinasnit

(5,027 posts)
9. I can't even imagine the depth of your pain. A young and promising life cut short. The video was
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:15 AM
Nov 2020

wonderful and a fitting tribute. Thank you for sharing.

Response to SoCalDem (Original post)

ancianita

(35,548 posts)
13. Your brilliant love shines a hard light.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:23 AM
Nov 2020

Someone's life will be saved because you've said this.

I'm so sorry for your loss, grateful for your sharing how loved he was by so many.

NNadir

(33,298 posts)
14. I am very, very sorry to learn of what must be unimaginable pain you must be in.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:24 AM
Nov 2020

Please accept my deepest condolences.

Duppers

(28,074 posts)
16. Thank you for this. For the reminder.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:43 AM
Nov 2020

For Steve ....

I'm so sorry. Folks tend to take health for granted & make excuses for not seeing a doc.

You may have saved a life for someone or their loved one here.




I'm lucky that my 33yo, who had shoulder pain, saw a doc...& exercises regularly (runs & wall climbs where he injured his shoulder). He lost 15lbs earlier this yr...for his g.f.

We need affordable health care & reminders (& nagging if needed) to use it.

Frustratedlady

(16,254 posts)
17. My deepest sympathy in the loss of your son.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:43 AM
Nov 2020

I know so many young men who are probably in the same condition and they feel their youth keeps them safe.

So sorry.

crickets

(25,836 posts)
19. Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:54 AM
Nov 2020

I just can't imagine what you and your family must be going through right now. Your loving words about your son may save someone else from the same fate, and how generous of you to think to share them. Comfort, strength, and peace to you and your loved ones, and hugs. Many hugs.

hoosierspud

(148 posts)
20. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:58 AM
Nov 2020

You are absolutely correct about a lot of men not going to the doctor when they leave home. When I married my husband at 41, he hadn't seen a doctor since he was 18. I told him if something happened to you, an illness or an accident, you have no medical record in this state. Also, if you had some blood test that showed something completely out of whack, doctors wouldn't know if it was something that's been going on a while or if it was due to your current condition since they don't have any baseline testing on you. I also told him if he had a stroke that left him so disabled that I would have to wipe his ass and tend to all his bodily functions, I would do it, but he would hear about every day if it happened because he refused to see a doctor. He went once, then didn't go again until he was 50 and started going yearly. Though he was in really good physical shape, he's been the one with several hospitalizations over the years.

CaliforniaPeggy

(148,881 posts)
21. Your beautiful, heartrending eulogy brought tears to my eyes, my dear SoCalDem...
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:01 AM
Nov 2020

I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine how terrible this is.

And my words cannot really convey my deep feelings. Please be good to yourself.



for Steve and all who mourn his death.

nolabear

(41,831 posts)
22. Thank you. I am so sorry.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:01 AM
Nov 2020

I’m good with words mostly, but some things defy them. Yours are powerful. May you all, somehow, find peace.

Chili

(1,725 posts)
23. I am so sorry
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:04 AM
Nov 2020

...but what a great collection of memories you will always have, you and all who love him.

I watched the whole video and was amazed at what a wonderful life he lived - so much joy, so much fun, so many who loved him.

Bless you and your family, and while time may soften the pain, it can't ever fade the love you shared.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
24. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:19 AM
Nov 2020

It is just so tragic. What a lovely tribute to him and what an important message in his honor. Thank you for this very important reminder. I hope your son is resting in peace.

lillypaddle

(9,580 posts)
25. Handsome young man
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:27 AM
Nov 2020

He left the world way to soon. Your advice is excellent. I am so sorry for your loss, and for the rest of his family's loss.

PatrickforO

(14,465 posts)
27. I am so sorry for your family's loss.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:49 AM
Nov 2020

May your son have eternal rest and be surrounded by perpetual light.

people

(599 posts)
29. Very, very sorry . . .
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 02:05 AM
Nov 2020

Sorry for sadness and pain for you and your son's wife, children and mother. Kind of you to remind each of us to see our m.d.s. Take care. Sounds like your son has a good family and enjoyed his life and that is good.

TygrBright

(20,697 posts)
30. Oh, SoCalDem... no parent should have to bury their child... I'm so sorry...
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 02:14 AM
Nov 2020

There is no pain, no grief to even approach it.

Holding you and your family in the Light.

May Steve's memory become a blessing and a comfort, and may you find some comfort from the place within your heart where Steve will be forever.

Thank you for sharing this- both Steve's story, a little chance to know him through your memory, and the reminder that our need for each other's love carries the responsibility to care for ourselves, too.

sadly,
Bright

SheltieLover

(57,073 posts)
32. Deepest condolences
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 04:36 AM
Nov 2020

I am so deeply saddened by your loss. May you find peace in your beautiful memories. 💗

hlthe2b

(101,282 posts)
34. The love for your son is a beautiful tribute you've chosen to use to help others.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 06:09 AM
Nov 2020



I'm so sorry for your loss but so proud that you've chosen to try to use tragedy to help others.

cally

(21,583 posts)
39. I am so sorry
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 07:05 AM
Nov 2020

You have suffered so much loss the last few years. It is not fair to have a child die. I have an adult child with medical problems and it is devastating to face her potential death.

:hugs:

Maeve

(42,164 posts)
40. Words are never enough at a time like this
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 07:10 AM
Nov 2020

And so we fall back on "Sorry for your loss" and other set phrases that are inadequate.

Thank you for sharing and may you find peace in the remembered joy.

DFW

(53,759 posts)
41. I am still alive now because I learned that lesson early
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 07:23 AM
Nov 2020

My dad's parents died of heart attacks before they reached 70 years old. I read up on symptoms, and my employer insists on yearly physicals. Blood tests revealed elevated cholesterol decades ago, and warned me to read up on danger signs, and take counter-measures if they showed up. Eventually, in 2004, I started having what I recognized to be danger signs. I sought out a cardiologist immediately, and he recognized that I was in acute mortal danger. Only due to my low blood pressure was I still alive at that point.

Within 72 hours of the first visit, I was resting in a hospital bed with my newly inserted stents keeping my coronary arteries open. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have lived to see May Day, 2004.

Take any and all danger signs seriously. Take it from one who has been there. You might not get a second warning.

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
45. That is the ultimate irony here
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 08:29 AM
Nov 2020

Steve and his two brothers recently spent 3 weeks here with me. They had time off due to covid, so they made a gorgeous bathroom for me, created a magnificent pantry and a new laundry room.. they were all under mom's care again and we talked about MY eventual demise..where things were..like insurance policies, bank accounts. etc..
I cooked healthy meals for them every day for 3 weeks..and I also joked with them about our "short life genes".people in our family do not usually live very long..

Little did I know that in a month the baby of the family, would be gone at 41.

They did not completely finish the bathroom so Steve and Maria were planning to come back for a few days ..I called Steve the evening of Oct 1st so we could have a few laughs about trumpies covid diagnosis, and to get the dates set for their visit..Oct 23-27. were the dates.

He would be gone by 7 pm the next day.

November was a blessing..at least I no longer see STEVE & Maria on my calendar..couldn't bring myself to delete it

DFW

(53,759 posts)
46. I lost a cousin who was 41
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 08:36 AM
Nov 2020

He had a glioblastoma, which also killed his mom a few years later. If it weren’t for my maternal grandfather, who lived to the age of 102, I suspect I would have been ten years gone by now.

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
44. So heartbreaking...
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 08:24 AM
Nov 2020

... I'm very sorry for your loss. I can only begin to imagine your pain and sadness. This was a great post, thank you.

babylonsister

(170,855 posts)
47. I am so very sorry for your loss, SoCalDem.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 08:52 AM
Nov 2020

Amidst your grief, you are trying to educate us. I just know Steve would have approved.

mahina

(17,405 posts)
48. He must have been a lovely guy. His memorial video shoes so much love.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 08:56 AM
Nov 2020

Wishing you a good heart healing. I don’t know how we bear loss like this.

I will be thinking of you and holding you and him and your whole family in the light

Hortensis

(58,785 posts)
49. I'm so sorry, SoCal. I'll pass on Steve's lesson.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 08:59 AM
Nov 2020

I immediately felt an anxious clutch because of our own precious son, of course, a young middle aged, healthy and active but carrying a few extra pounds, and was immediately relieved to remember eye surgery next week means he's been recently checked out. Premature cataracts in both eyes (!) as a twist of fortune that forced this one to the doctor.

I'll be telling him anyway and ask him about his friends.




BComplex

(7,933 posts)
51. I'm so sorry for your loss, SoCalDem. Very same thing happened to my 43 yr old nephew
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 09:06 AM
Nov 2020

about 3 years ago. Very same thing.

It's so terribly sad to see such a young, vital life taken, totally by surprise. Not getting to say 'good-bye' is it's own devastating pain that makes closure next to impossible, it seems.

Sending you and your family much comfort and sympathy.

 

NorthOf270

(290 posts)
54. I should listen
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 09:48 AM
Nov 2020

I'm a man who'll be 45 soon.

I've lost some weight.

I know I have HBP.

I probably have borderline diabetes.

I don't have great insurance.

I'm saving to make sure my kids get thru college smoothly without worrying about the bills.

I'm afraid what the doctor will tell me.

Sorry for your loss.

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
58. Please see a doctor.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 10:44 AM
Nov 2020

The money saved for college will be for naught if you die prematurely. A widow's life is very hard when she has to raise kids alone. Spend some of it to make sure your health is taken care of❤.

My son had plans...he was prepping for Dubai world cup in 2022..he and his wife were almost at their paid up house goal..he planned to retire early so they could travel more..Oct 2 ended all of it.

Ilsa

(61,633 posts)
59. Thank you for sharing and warning us.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 10:52 AM
Nov 2020

I just made an appointment for my spouse's physical last week. It's been about four years since his last one. His doctor had moved and not told anyone or referred his patients to a new caregiver.

barbtries

(28,634 posts)
65. I'm so sorry SoCalDem
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 11:33 AM
Nov 2020

41 is so young. and the shock. my heart hurts for you and Steve and all of your loved ones.

BobTheSubgenius

(11,502 posts)
67. I opened this link with a feeling of dread.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 11:51 AM
Nov 2020

Perhaps I hold too much empathy to be reading stories like this, but I can't look away. I'm so, so sorry that this tragedy visited your door.

I had always had a vague sense of being bulletproof, and I have never been shy about taking whatever problem I might have to the medical professionals. In late 2009, early 2010, I had a flu that morphed into pneumonia, and we just could NOT get a handle on it.

It turned out to be a Staph A infection in my heart, which is a difficult diagnosis. Not everyone is subject to this extreme malady, but I had a congenital heart murmur, and that's the underlying condition. My cardiologist and the surgeon both said it was the most damaged heart they had ever seen someone survive.

After having a chunk of the heart muscle excised, and two valves replaced, I now have a regimen of interface with the medical community, as frequently as once a week or as seldom as once a month. Although the regimen is usually not too intense, there are some annual and semi-annual rituals I have to attend as well, but all of that is a damned site better than dying.

It is something that people need to take very seriously, should they also have a heart murmur. Thank you so much for making that advice such a central part of your bitterly sad story.

Phentex

(16,329 posts)
69. a beautiful post and a sober reminder...
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 12:48 PM
Nov 2020

for everyone.

The video proves he had a wonderful life - cut too short. I am so sorry for your loss.

PS. And what a sense of humor he must have had to pose in his underwear and a nightgown!

Meowmee

(5,164 posts)
72. I am so sorry for your loss
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:01 PM
Nov 2020

Wishing you peace and comfort at this terrible time What a beautiful tribute, you have so many cherished memories.

He was way too young, this is a tragedy. We all need to get screened for possible health issues whether we have symptoms or not, especially if there is a family history. If you have symptoms and or family history go to a good doctor and keep at it until you have an answer. My mom had symptoms of the brain aneurysm that took her life but it was not diagnosed in time. I also had a friend who passed at 30 from a massive heart attack, he had pain his arm in the days preceding as well.

Wawannabe

(5,544 posts)
73. Feel ya! And it is a great lesson to share
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 01:03 PM
Nov 2020

The love of my life dropped dead from an enlarged heart Oct 14. He wouldn't go to Dr either. Always an excuse. I am not being negative. It is fact. And your story should speak to some people. You did a great job of making a good case. I am not able to be so articulate. Good on ya.

I am so sorry you lost your loved one to this!

((Hugs))

renate

(13,776 posts)
79. that was a beautiful tribute to him--I watched every minute and feel as though I know him...
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 02:10 PM
Nov 2020

... and love him too. What an incredibly full life he had! He wrung every last drop out of the time he got that he could. So many trips to all kinds of places--he really saw the entire world! (Although I didn't see a picture of either the North or South Pole... I'm sure he would have gotten to them eventually.) There must be hundreds of people who genuinely feel as though they lost their best friend--it was so striking how many friends there were in all of those pictures.

He had so much more living to do, which makes his way-too-early death so tragic. But he got so much out of his time here on earth.

He loved and was so loved by so many. His life was so short but it was so good.

I am so sorry for your loss, and so glad that his life was extraordinarily bright and brilliant while he was here.

haele

(12,549 posts)
81. So sorry to hear about this.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 02:29 PM
Nov 2020

No parent ever should ever have to bury a child.

Laz lost his first child to SIDS and it still affects him 31 years later, especially around the birthday in September, Christmas, and oddly enough, today - Trevor died today. He's off doing busy house work now, trying not to think too much of small children today.

At 30, at 40 - one still feels somewhat immortal. And there's just too much that has to be done. Seeing a doctor regularly is something children, the disabled, or old folks do. Not people raising families and working..
But we should all see at least a GP every year, and be honest about things like numbness, forgetfulness, shortness of breath, aches and pains in the torso and head areas, gastric distress; all these things are symptoms of potential major issues developing, even if we aren't already diagnosed with some sort of co-morbidity issue.

Again, Laz and I are so sorry you are going through this.



Haele

Pugee

(346 posts)
82. I am so sorry for your loss!
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 02:35 PM
Nov 2020

I lost my first husband at 33 to his third heart attack. (his first was at 26 and he was very athletic and busy) It was devastating to my kids and me, but, I cant even imagine losing a child, even grown, although my son had his first heart attack at 40, last year. (He is doing well)

wendyb-NC

(3,212 posts)
85. I'm so sorry for your loss
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 04:23 PM
Nov 2020

There are no words to express such grief, when a beautiful, young person with so much to live and love for, passes on so suddenly. My heart goes out to your and your family.

Dark n Stormy Knight

(9,760 posts)
86. Deepest condolences.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 05:03 PM
Nov 2020

My father died a week ago. He would have been 85 in December. He had a pretty good life. He wasn't exactly the greatest father or husband in the world, emotionally speaking, though he was a good "provider," as the priest as his funeral mass put it.

Still, my grief is debilitating. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you and the family.

handmade34

(22,753 posts)
87. so very sorry...
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 05:05 PM
Nov 2020


we lost a son last year...

I find comfort in Joe Biden's words “There will come a day, I promise you, when the thought of your son, or daughter, or your wife or your husband, brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner than later.”

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
99. I cannot imagine life without him in it
Tue Nov 3, 2020, 04:40 AM
Nov 2020

How do you go on ?? My heart breaks for you and everyone enduring this agony..

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
100. I cannot imagine life without him in it
Tue Nov 3, 2020, 04:41 AM
Nov 2020

How do you go on ?? My heart breaks for you and everyone enduring this agony..

carburyme

(146 posts)
91. My sincere Condolences
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 07:11 PM
Nov 2020

I don’t post much but I just want to stop by to give SoCalDem a big hug. Your loss is too painful for words 😢...I’m so sorry.

herding cats

(19,518 posts)
97. My love to you and your family.
Mon Nov 2, 2020, 11:00 PM
Nov 2020

This broke my heart. He was such a vibrant person... which drives your message home all the more. I applaud your strength in sharing his story to help others.

Peace, love and healing to all of you. ❤️

I'm truly, deeply sorry for your loss.

joshcryer

(62,259 posts)
101. I'm so so sorry for your loss SoCalDem.
Tue Nov 3, 2020, 05:52 AM
Nov 2020

A mother should never have to see their child go before them. Best and well wishes. I hope you know that you are beloved here at DU as one of our OG members, and we cherish all our moments with you. And we feel your pain and you are making me want to go get myself checked out even though I can't afford it right now. Be well. 🤗

Response to joshcryer (Reply #101)

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
103. Please go
Tue Nov 3, 2020, 12:56 PM
Nov 2020

Steve thought he had all the time in the world..and then he didn't. Talk to your parents. I'm sure they would rather help you get an "all clear", than to get that awful phone call and then have to pay for your funeral..sorry to be so blunt, but it try can be a matter of life or death.

Previous post double posted. So I deleted one😀

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