Steve's last lesson. (my youngest son's death)
Steve’s last lesson.
You are a man …let’s say 35 to 40 ish.
Were you a “jock” in high school/college?
Remember all those times you were hurt and the coach said “walk it off”?
Sports injuries are a part of life when you are a teen/twenty-something, and your youth pretty much guarantees that in a few days you’ll be okay.
But NOW, you are a grown-up man, who may have put on a few pounds. Perhaps you choose fast food because you are in a hurry or it just tastes good to you. You like to watch sports, and sports means snacks.
You are still active and do physical things (my son routinely hung garage doors, laid tile, worked a full-time job, did yard work, hiked, etc.)
My son’s death can be a lesson.
His death was because of a massive heart attack at age 41. He also had sky-high cholesterol, arterial plaque, high blood pressure, and an enlarged heart.
These were all undiagnosed.
Why?
Because, like so many men, he was still strong and felt okay, so he did not go to the doctor.
None of these issues came on suddenly, and he had health insurance, so any of them could have been diagnosed by a doctor with ample time to treat them. Perhaps he would have still had a heart attack, but he might have had enough time to treat these issues, change his lifestyle and diet, and could have lived a much longer life.
We will never know because that did not happen for him.
Once you hit your 30’s, please investigate family health histories, just in case your family has issues that might affect you as well. Steve knew there was a history of heart disease in our family, but he felt strong and shrugged it off.
He was a busy guy and even though his wife and I reminded him to go to the doctor for his shoulder pain (a “strained muscle”), he did not go. He promised he would, but he didn’t. That “strained muscle” may well have been a precursor; a warning sign his body was sending.
We will never know, and all the “shoulda/couldas” are in vain now.
All we have now is the insane grief that’s left behind.
This is not to blame him, because we all are in denial sometimes, and we all think we have time to deal with difficult issues. We all rationalize our aches and pains.
You love your life, love your wife, love your family.
Do you want your Mother to cry every day for the rest of her life? Do you want your wife to be a young widow, crying herself to sleep every night? Do you want your children to be fatherless?
Please see a doctor to get a baseline, a heads-up while there is time to do something about it.
Do it for your family,
Do it for your friends.
Do it for Steve.
Do it for YOURSELF.
(1st pic is from the world cup in Brazil, 2014
2nd one is his "jock" pic, a personal favorite of mine)
https://www.dropbox.com/s/36bzn5kuvxidtxx/STIGGINS.mp4?dl=0&fbclid=IwAR2cN2n_i4e3dPlA41GblF7-kyne2-LSG1Tj4l_scrM5czLYgwTApo86CRM
link is for the lovely video presentation at his ceremony of remembrance..It was at a soccer field and about 350 people drifted through..He had so many friends
= new reply since forum marked as read
wonderful and a fitting tribute. Thank you for sharing.
Someone's life will be saved because you've said this.
I'm so sorry for your loss, grateful for your sharing how loved he was by so many.
For Steve ....
I'm so sorry. Folks tend to take health for granted & make excuses for not seeing a doc.
You may have saved a life for someone or their loved one here.
I'm lucky that my 33yo, who had shoulder pain, saw a doc...& exercises regularly (runs & wall climbs where he injured his shoulder). He lost 15lbs earlier this yr...for his g.f.
We need affordable health care & reminders (& nagging if needed) to use it.
I just can't imagine what you and your family must be going through right now. Your loving words about your son may save someone else from the same fate, and how generous of you to think to share them. Comfort, strength, and peace to you and your loved ones, and hugs. Many hugs.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine how terrible this is.
And my words cannot really convey my deep feelings. Please be good to yourself.
for Steve and all who mourn his death.
It is just so tragic. What a lovely tribute to him and what an important message in his honor. Thank you for this very important reminder. I hope your son is resting in peace.
He left the world way to soon. Your advice is excellent. I am so sorry for your loss, and for the rest of his family's loss.
It must be very difficult for you right now. Peace be with you.
I'm so sorry for your loss but so proud that you've chosen to try to use tragedy to help others.
My heart goes out to you.
And so we fall back on "Sorry for your loss" and other set phrases that are inadequate.
Thank you for sharing and may you find peace in the remembered joy.
My virtual arms are around you (((((((((((hugs)))))))))
May his memory be a blessing.
Amidst your grief, you are trying to educate us. I just know Steve would have approved.
I immediately felt an anxious clutch because of our own precious son, of course, a young middle aged, healthy and active but carrying a few extra pounds, and was immediately relieved to remember eye surgery next week means he's been recently checked out. Premature cataracts in both eyes (!) as a twist of fortune that forced this one to the doctor.
I'll be telling him anyway and ask him about his friends.
about 3 years ago. Very same thing.
It's so terribly sad to see such a young, vital life taken, totally by surprise. Not getting to say 'good-bye' is it's own devastating pain that makes closure next to impossible, it seems.
Sending you and your family much comfort and sympathy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss....
41 is so young. and the shock. my heart hurts for you and Steve and all of your loved ones.
Please know you and your family will be in my heart.
Laura
for everyone.
The video proves he had a wonderful life - cut too short. I am so sorry for your loss.
PS. And what a sense of humor he must have had to pose in his underwear and a nightgown! 
Wishing you peace and comfort at this terrible time What a beautiful tribute, you have so many cherished memories.
He was way too young, this is a tragedy. We all need to get screened for possible health issues whether we have symptoms or not, especially if there is a family history. If you have symptoms and or family history go to a good doctor and keep at it until you have an answer. My mom had symptoms of the brain aneurysm that took her life but it was not diagnosed in time. I also had a friend who passed at 30 from a massive heart attack, he had pain his arm in the days preceding as well.
so sorry....
Hugs and love
No parent ever should ever have to bury a child.
Laz lost his first child to SIDS and it still affects him 31 years later, especially around the birthday in September, Christmas, and oddly enough, today - Trevor died today. He's off doing busy house work now, trying not to think too much of small children today.
At 30, at 40 - one still feels somewhat immortal. And there's just too much that has to be done. Seeing a doctor regularly is something children, the disabled, or old folks do. Not people raising families and working..
But we should all see at least a GP every year, and be honest about things like numbness, forgetfulness, shortness of breath, aches and pains in the torso and head areas, gastric distress; all these things are symptoms of potential major issues developing, even if we aren't already diagnosed with some sort of co-morbidity issue.
Again, Laz and I are so sorry you are going through this.
Haele
My father died a week ago. He would have been 85 in December. He had a pretty good life. He wasn't exactly the greatest father or husband in the world, emotionally speaking, though he was a good "provider," as the priest as his funeral mass put it.
Still, my grief is debilitating. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you and the family.
we lost a son last year...
I find comfort in Joe Biden's words “There will come a day, I promise you, when the thought of your son, or daughter, or your wife or your husband, brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner than later.”
