They call themselves 'Wives of the Deplorables'

[sarisataka]

They call themselves 'Wives of the Deplorables' because their husbands support Trump

Carole Catherine did not know her husband, Tim, supported Donald Trump until the day after Hillary Clinton lost the 2016 election. She called him the next morning crying.

"And he was like, 'Yeah, of course she lost. She is an awful human being,' " she said.

"It was like a light went off for me. And I thought, 'Oh boy, we're going to have trouble.' "

For the next three years, Catherine felt like she was living an alternate reality. Her husband was her high school sweetheart. A rekindled love after a first marriage, children and divorce. They barely fought for the first 11 years of their marriage. And now they were working through major ideological differences.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/29/politics/wives-of-the-deplorables-support-group/index.html

Seems odd you can be married for years and not be aware of your partner's politics and values.

[chowder66]

1. My guess is that the husband was emboldened by Trump and so much not known came out at that time. nt

[greenjar_01]

2. I know a lot of Trumpies who were "apolitical" until Trump spoke to them

Probably one of those types - busy with sports, drinking beer, and nonsense, and then Trump told them why they weren't as successful as their high school nerd classmates, and it had nothing to do with their own bad choices.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

3. I will never date or

Form a deep relationship/freindship with a republican.

I cannot tolerate them.

I ask all the questions about thier veiws
morals,likes,dislikes,
and politics early on in relationships. Than I observe them carefully. For a year.

#1 don't ever want to fall for a narcissist asshole.

#2 I dispise the right wing

#3 I cannot
date any form of christian.

[dawg]

5. I kind of get it, but still ...

I don't really think it's 100% fair to lump people like me in with narcissist assholes and the right wing.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

7. Dawg

I do not trust republicans or christians. They undermine my human rights(I am transgendered) because of thier beliefs.

I totally reject the republican parties platform and agendas.

I cannot date someone morally repugnant to me. I have good reasons why I refuse to date certain people.

You might not be a narcissist but you are a person I would not date. I have
to maintain boundaries on whom I consider relationship worthy. It's for my mental health I reject certain beliefs and the people that hold them.

[dawg]

8. I understand, but please don't forget ...

that some of us love you. I love you!

Maybe I just have poor reading comprehension skills compared to other Christians, but I've never been able to reconcile "love your neighbor as yourself" with the way they want to treat people who are different.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

23. I can accept your kindness

But part of me will always be wary. It's because of what I have been through. And the beliefs republicans have like a natural hierarchy.
I believe in equality.

Different yet equal.

Some christians hate me because I am trans gender they want to treat me as a second class citizen, based on my own experince of my own gender. Which is abusive and insane.

Or they want me to believe in thier god. So many times in my life christians acted like possible friends.. than the god question gets popped and I tell them why I don't want christianity and they go pouf,realizing I will not convert.

They had an ulterior agenda. They were faking in thier kindness. It was a lie.

Personally,
I rather dispise the god discribed in the bible and his stupid tyrannical rules..

That's two examples of the behavior that I cannot tolerate.

[dawg]

30. The older I get, the more I learn how lucky I've been in so many ways.

I fit into virtually every privileged category that exists in today's society. I still have struggles and disappointments, of course, but the wind is always at my back in certain respects. Others aren't so fortunate. Lots of people that I love aren't so fortunate, and it pains me to think of them being mistreated.

A lot of the people who would reflexively hate you would probably love me - at least until they got to know me a little better.

I don't blame you for being wary of certain people. I would be, too. To some extent, I'm a little hesitant with some of them myself. I'd rather be friends with other kind-natured people, even if they're very different from me in lots of other ways.

[not_the_one]

10. An argument frequently heard by those who don't want to be judged

by the company they keep. It is pretty black and white. There is no gray.

But the axiom is still true, lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

Anyone who wants to be a part of MY life MUST believe in equality (regarding human rights, absolute), fairness, and science.

For me, belief in science negates the belief in ANY religion that is based on creation and judgment, or god(s). Buddhism or Hinduism seem more about a philosophy of nature (although they do have gods), so I can't really address them, but they don't seem judgmental the way Christianity is. The only religious text I am familiar with is the bible, and you can justify almost anything by cherry picking the gems of wisdom from THAT treasure trove.

Regardless, if you have an R behind your political designation, or if you are fine with some of their current tenets of beliefs which are the antithesis of equality and fairness, I don't want you in my life.

[dawg]

17. Well, you can't really judge me by the company that I keep because ...

I'm essentially an outcast and a hermit. (Not really, but it does feel that way sometimes)

I agree with you about equality, fairness, and science.

To me, science reveals a world of almost infinite possibilities and wonder. I hope I live long enough to see the first discovery of extraterrestrial life. I think it's inevitable, but it could come sooner than most of us think as we begin exploring the vast oceans of moons like Europa and Enceladus. I think it's impossible right now to even grasp how much we could learn from life forms that are, potentially, organized dramatically differently from those that arose on Earth.

Like you, I'm not all that familiar with religious texts other than the Bible. From the passages of the Quran I've seen, it appears to be quite similar to the Bible, containing many of the same stories and characters.

As for Buddhism, I think it has much to teach us. Far too often, I find myself living in a hell of the past, or in an imagnined hell of the future. Buddhism, as I understand it, teaches us to be present in the here and now. I think we all need that.

It's true that people pick and choose what to follow and what to ignore from their various religious texts. I'm certainly guilty of that, as anyone who has ever gone with me to Red Lobster can attest. But maybe that's the point.

If there really is a God who will judge us all someday, maybe we'll be judged by which parts we wanted to be true, rather than by some arbitrary rules with which we did, or didn't, comply.

Anyway, please forgive me my rambling. I'm feeling a little existential lately, as are we all.

[Turin_C3PO]

22. Some Christians are liberal and very humanist.

Churches like the Episcopals, many Lutherans, and some others. They don’t believe in the intolerant bullshit that many Christians do. They believe in equality, acceptance, science, etc.

[BainsBane]

4. This is bizarre to me

A Republican is one thing; a Trump supporter is another. It speaks to a complete lack of empathy or decency. How can you live with someone without knowing how morally bankrupt they are?

[Merlot]

9. I don't see any difference between a republican and a trumpft supporter.

Look at republican policies throughout the years and you'll see that trumpft has embraced all of them.

trumpft has removed plausible deniability from the republicans.

[BainsBane]

13. the problem with Trump is less his policies

than Trump himself. Trump believes in nothing and only adopts GOP policies to advance himself politically. He is at heart an authoritarian. He is cruel, a sociopath, and vindictive. I think there is an enormous difference between traditional Republican ideology and Trump. I don't understand how anyone can't see what a departure Trump is from political norms in this country.

Are you really going to say there is no difference between Steve Schmidt and Donald Trump? The Lincoln project isn't opposing Trump because he adopts Republican policies.

[Caliman73]

18. Trump and conservatism/republicans.

This is the way I see the situation.

Trump was a Democrat at one point, Republican, then Independent. He NEVER attempted to run as a Democratic Party candidate. He ran once on the American Independent ticket, and finally found his success as a Republican.

Republicans are typically conservatives and conservatives support (maybe not implicitly) the idea of a natural hierarchy of people usually based on race, wealth, and religion. That ideology allows them to become Trump or embrace people like Trump. While there may be differences between Schmidt and Trump on a moral level, conservatism will not allow Schmidt to support any policies that will distribute resources from the very wealthy to people in need even if they are suffering. Schmidt may not want to rip children out of the arms of their parents to cause suffering as a "deterrence" to immigration, but there is no problem with pursuing the policies in other countries that create the horrible situations that force people to come to the US for their safety.

Left to their own devices, Republicans sooner or later, will end up at a demagogue. Nixon was crooked and elitist but he was restrained by a media and politics that was more center left at the time. Reagan moved the needle to the right and began gutting the modest Social Safety Net that had been set up in the 1930's and 1960's. Both men committed treason to gain office. The Bush administration used the fear of terrorism for political gain, to launch 2 unnecessary wars and to steal from the rest of us. This has been a slow but steady march by the entire Republican party to where we are now.

I will give people like Schmidt a small benefit of the doubt and say, they are worried about the country, However, they are also worried about the state of the Republican Party and of conservatism. They oppose Trump because he makes them all look horrible.

[BainsBane]

28. the right doesn't have a monopoly on demagogues

but I agree with your assessment of conservative policies and the Lincoln types hating Trump because he makes them look bad.

[Merlot]

34. Does Steve Schmidt want to abolish the ACA?

trumpft is definitely a departure from political norms but he's given republicans every thing on their wish list and more.

[BainsBane]

35. I don't know

Is that your primary objection to Trump?

[Merlot]

36. I object to republican policies. trumpft is just the messenger.

[Blue_true]

24. I once briefly became friends with a woman that lived with a guy

for ten years before marrying him. Shortly after they married, she became pregnant and went on to become a mom. The thing is, after her marriage she said the guy became a totally different person, a real evil bastard. They divorced fast and then he pushed her into giving him half of everything, including their house, immediately. The situation that she was in then was why I met her. Normally I avoided asking a person in that situation too many personal questions, but she seemed like a very decent person. One questions that I asked her still sticks in my mind to this day “why did you marry your former husband, he seems like an awful person? How could you live with him for 10 years and not see that?”

In my mind, her situation was beyond confounding, I have always been able to determine a person’s basic character by observing them in person. Until this day, I can’t understand why that woman couldn’t see the true character of the man she eventually married, having lived with him for so long before marriage.

[BainsBane]

27. There may have been signs

that he let go, but signs aren't the same as what your friend described. Still, she was living with him. That's different from just dating. Some people are adept at hiding themselves. Think of the BTK murderer, for example.

What did your friend say when you asked her why she didn't see his true character?

[Blue_true]

29. She was not a friend. She was in a financial workout situation and was chosen

to try to help her figure it out. Through that process, I got to asking her questions that highlighted the reasons for her predicament.

What did she say to the two questions. Nothing that explained how she got lured into her situation. I concluded that she went into it blindly, so then I focused on how to help her figure out how to get out of the financial situation that she was in. Unfortunately too many people like the skill to detect clues that other people throw off in face to face direct interpersonal situations. I can have lunch with a person and learn tons about that person just from observing mannerisms and how the person interacts with wait people, other people in the lunch, traffic getting to the venue, ect.

[BainsBane]

33. You seem particularly observant

I don't think most people are.

[Clearly fogged in]

6. Seems odd

Maybe having a few more skirmishes in the first eleven years is better than hiding? Regardless, cannot picture a trumpster without Fox TV. Something gives.

[xmas74]

12. The one I dated followed Fox at work.

He never had it on at home and even said he didn't think it was accurate in telling the news.

[Clearly fogged in]

15. Accurate is a pretty loose term.

A friend was so exacting that it took him 15 minutes to tell us what happened when he merged into traffic on the interstate. They wouldn't have time for ads if they were that accurate.

[xmas74]

11. I dated someone who I knew had different views politically

And religious. We both decided early on not to engage in those discussions, though I knew he was mostly moderate. Instead he discussed literature, art, history, etc. We both volunteered with the same local groups. We enjoyed many similar activities.

It was over about a month before the election. One day after it was all over I saw him posting social media memes about Clinton. His teenage daughter bought MAGA hats for the two of them. He bragged about donating to the campaign. He never mentioned Trump the entire time we dated. I thought he'd vote for Johnson.

Some people can keep mostly silent.

(Btw-daughter got pregnant at 14. had baby at 15, uses every kind of assistance you can imagine. She just doesn't think anyone else deserves the same.)

[gollygee]

14. I can't even imagine how I would cope if my husband were a Trump supporter

I shudder at the thought.

[Solly Mack]

16. I grilled my husband on everything before marriage. I made a point of asking

the same questions twenty different ways to see how he replied, to mull over every instance of nuance and word choice.

Yes. I am aware of how that sounds.

People get into relationships with unexpressed/hidden expectations. Instead they make assumptions about how their potential partner feels/thinks about things like marriage, life, love, children, politics, and everything in between (expectations) - only to find out later their expectations were based on assumption instead of fact.

No thanks. I prefer my way of finding out. Ask, and then ask again.

If your potential partner has a problem with questions - that's a red flag.

[Blue_true]

25. You seem to have a sense of how to find the "true" person in a person via

face to face interaction. Believe me, that is a skill that you shouldn’t undervalue, because most people don’t seem to have it.

[Solly Mack]

31. People tend to be on their best behavior on dates, the getting to know you honeymoon phase of

courtship.

Most will have hidden expectations that remain unexpressed until after the "I do's". For example, your spouse has a different view of marriage based on their family dynamic. You have your own. Both bringing in expectations of marriage based on how their family did things. Unless you talk about those things in depth, you'll eventually run into problems with difference of opinions in how marriage should work.

Talking about housework sounds boring and not something you want to talk about when you're in love. Housework is such a small thing, it seems. But it isn't. At all. If you want to avoid the whole My mom did it all - cleaned, cooked, had a job, and still had time to do whatever - then you'll talk about housework before you say "I do". Because people do have unexpressed expectations about how things are supposed to work.

Child rearing, religion or no religion, politics, racism, sexism, all forms of bigotry, etc.. Simply everything that could be a problem.

People will hide their worst habits in order to maintain the good opinion of the one they want to impress. Before marriage.

After marriage, those efforts slip and people want to be themselves. Problems can arise.

There is no way to prevent all problems but some of the biggies can be avoided by simply talking. Asking questions. Especially the uncomfortable questions.

A lot of people will say but you find that stuff out just by spending time together. Well, that's bullshit. Few people are their true self during courtship.

A good deal of the time people aren't even aware they have a hidden expectation. That's why asking questions is so important.

I knew I wanted to marry my husband on the 3rd date. I was head-over-heels. We didn't marry until well over a year later and in that time I asked a lot of questions.

31 years later and he still surprises me. But not about the things that can break a marriage.

[Blue_true]

32. I have found that people give out "tells" even when they are desperately trying to hide them.

If it is the possibility of infidelity in marriage, a person gives out tells. For example, a man or woman who almost instinctively flirts with any attractive or powerful person most likely isn’t a good bet for marriage.

If a person seems like a slob in public, even to a small degree, it is a good bet that person is awful at maintaining a home in a clean condition. People put their best foot forward in public, a person who is routinely off on that likely lives in a dirty home and is ok with that.

[Caliman73]

19. I think that for the "layperson" there are more commonalities than differences.

Usually for the average Democratic Party supporter and the average Republican Party supporter, there are more things that they agree upon than not. It is when you get into the weeds, that the differences come out.

That said, Trump exposed the worst aspects of conservative ideology. He exposed exactly how conservatism leads to fascism, the way Mussolini (who began political life as a socialist) did in Italy. Although I personally think that conservatism ultimately and eventually leads to fascism (based on their core ideology), I could say that most Republicans are likely that based on maybe a few key issues or simply by tradition and that there are bridges that could be built.

To support Trump however, you have to be able to completely suspend the reality of his depravity (to the point of delusion), or you have to actually like it and want it. Either way, for me at least, I could not accept those traits in a partner.

My wife and I have differences of opinion on some things but fundamentally, at our core, we have the same values. I cannot imagine not knowing what her values and political views are at that fundamental level. You have to either be completely uninformed, or support some horrible things to pull the lever for Trump.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

20. I can't imagine not having the kind of conversations

that would have revealed his support of Trump. Especially over 11 years.

[Bettie]

21. I can not imagine being married to someone who

doesn't share my basic values.

Trumpers don't share my values. At. All.

Luckily, my husband does, even if we don't agree on everything. He gets to be wrong sometimes (Kidding, I'm wrong sometimes too).

[moonscape]

26. I grew up with a Democratic mother and

Republican father. Well, he was a social liberal, so there was that. My mother was extremely liberal.

We used to have plenty of arguments/discussions at the dinner table, but they were always respectful, often informative, and quite sane. When it came time to vote, one of my parents would ask the other, “are you ready to go cancel each other’s vote” and they’d laugh. They had a long, loving, beautiful marriage.

I could have been married to someone like my father, but not to a Republican of today.