Trump Praises Woodrow Wilson for Opposing Online Learning During 1918 Pandemic

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a rare instance of praising one of his White House predecessors, Donald J. Trump on Tuesday hailed Woodrow Wilson for opposing efforts to institute online learning during the 1918 pandemic.

“There were a lot of crybabies in 1918 saying, ‘The schools aren’t safe—let the kids learn on their computers,’ ” Trump told reporters at the White House. “Woody wouldn’t hear of it.”

Instead, Trump said, “Kids went to school and the influenza just kind of disappeared eventually. Woody did a fantastic job.”

Trump added that, during the 1918 pandemic, “The hallways of schools were jammed with kids. I wish one of those kids had taken a picture with his phone so we could see it today.”

Wilson’s opposition to online learning inspired Trump to demand in-person schooling for all American children, he revealed.

“It’s important for them to be in school so they can be as knowledgeable about history as I am,” he said. “The pandemic of 1918 was one of the main causes of the War of 1812.”


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-praises-woodrow-wilson-for-opposing-online-learning-during-1918-pandemic


Photograph from Bettmann / Getty

[Hoyt]

1. With trump, these headlines are so believable.

[brer cat]

13. It gets harder by the day to pick up satire.

He is such a moron it's all believable.

[lapfog_1]

2. The hard part of parody and Trump

is that he actually could have said that, no matter how stupid... the giveaway that this is parody is correctly identifying that the pandemic was in 1918 and not 1917 as the actual Trump would have said.

[PatSeg]

5. Jinx!

We said the basically the same thing at the same time!

[PatSeg]

3. I knew that wasn't real

because Trump would have called it the 1917 pandemic!!!

[UTUSN]

4. Him again didn't get me!1 Does he have a column every day?!1

[Rhiannon12866]

7. I think it depends on the news of the day

He obviously looks to the latest Trump crazy behavior or statement of the day/hour for inspiration. Yesterday he wrote 2...

[dweller]

10. he's a scrivener

thus he scribbles, daily ...

✌🏼

[AmericanCanuck]

6. This is ridiculously funny

[mshasta]

8. Lol

Always right on the money

[captain queeg]

9. Woody is an odd looking duck. But compared to blotus he's quite handsome.

I’ll be so glad after the election not to have to see or hear that abomination again.

[SiliconValley_Dem]

11. to be brilliant satire, he would have Trump referring to 1917 pandemic

[Historic NY]

12. not enough length.

[link:|]

[trackfan]

14. When I saw the thread I was 50-50 on whether it would turn out to be satire.

[Rhiannon12866]

15. That's a fair bet

There's an equal chance that it could be actual Trump news...

[StevieM]

17. Same. (eom)

[ornotna]

16. The flu pandemic was in 1917

Get it right damn it!

[Totally Tunsie]

18. But...

[Rhiannon12866]

19. LOL!

He must have read Trump's Tweets!