Rape is a National Issue, Okay?>

[Survivoreesta]

We had female soldiers dying of dehydration in Iraq. Why? Because if they consumed liquids they would eventually have to use the latrine. That's where most of the rapes (by our own servicemen) occurred.

On the homefront, the "official" stats are that 1 in 4 females will be sexually assaulted in our lifetimes. What a joke! I know exactly ONE woman who's never been raped or molested. (And I wish to God I was her!)

I'm a heterosexual woman. I don't hate men. In fact, I desire a man! But I'm also afraid of men, based on what my father and uncle and five other men have done to me.

God only knows how many other women are in my position.

This issue isn't merely something for a police blotter. The whole damn country needs to have a long, SERIOUS discussion about it!

If you're a woman, or even a man who has some understanding, please K&R this. The #1 liberal site in America needs these issues discussed.

[Odin2005]

1. K&R

[CoffeeCat]

2. I understand...

Our situations sound very similar. Father, his best friend and many others, including a decorated police officer.

I applaud you for bringing up this very real, very serious subject. One in four women; and one in seven men--have
been sexually abused before they hit the age of 18. Most often, the victims know their perpetrators very well.
Stranger abduction is very, very rare. Usually, it's a father, stepfather, grandfather or some other person that
the victims trusts.

It's an epidemic. One in four means several people on your block. One in four means many people with whom
you work.

And no one wants to face that the perps are not toothless old men hanging out in the park wearing long trench coats.
They're your accountant, the restaurant owner, the police officer, the pastor and the city-council member. I've sat
in support groups and listened to hundreds of stories. The people who usually make it to support groups are the
ones who can no longer hold their silence, but cannot tell anyone in their immediate life. Because their perp is a
prominent business man, or upstanding member of the community. They feel that they won't be believed and they
are told by the perp that they will never be believed.

Dealing with this lasts a lifetime. We can heal and move on--but the damage never is completely unraveled.

Thank you again Survivoreesta for having the courage to bring up this topic. Silence only helps the perpetrators and
speaking out against this epidemic--that is damaging so many lives--helps to bring the hurt out from the shadows and
into the sunlight.

[Survivoreesta]

7. One in Four is a Massive Underestimate>

It just seems as though--if you're a woman in this country--you WILL be violated! Period!

[Ms. Toad]

28. 36 years of aftermath and counting.

"Dealing with this lasts a lifetime. We can heal and move on--but the damage never is completely unraveled."

I had it easy. I spoke up about it from day 1. I never believed it was my fault. I had a good support from both my friends and the administration of the college I was attending (stranger rape off campus, but it impacted my studies). I prided myself from early on that I only permitted my rapist to control me for the duration of the rape (I go where I want - when I want. I don't cower after night time meetings waiting for someone to walk me to my car for fear it will happen again, and so on.)

Still:

I indulge my (mild) PTSD by avoiding using the phone as much as possible (the person who raped me found my phone number and harassed me by phone; and I had to break the news to my parents by phone and their reaction was not as gentle on me as my own reaction - so I hate phones). I also (at least when I am with family) often insist on picking my seat location in a restaurant or similar forum - generally because sitting with my back exposed makes me extremely nervous.

Although it wasn't conscious, I married a man in large part to prove to myself I wasn't "damaged goods," even though I had already begun to recognize I was a lesbian at the time I married him. Fortunately, he understood and we parted friends - but that is the only piece of rape and aftermath I feel the shame about.

I have carried 20-65 extra pounds for most of my adult life. After I lost 65 lbs and was flipping through my closet preparing for a prison visit, I suddenly realized I was looking for clothes that made me look fat. I went through a few days of hell, reliving in a rapid pace, my entire initial recovery - angered that 20 years later my rapist was still controlling something that central to who I am. I still struggle with weight - but at least I am only trying to overcome (then) 20 years of bad habits, not trying to make myself invisible for protection. I've kept it off mostly - but not entirely - since then.

Penn State rattled me more than I expected, not because of the rape - but because I had been molested 9 years earlier by my swim coach at age 10 (I never told anyone outside of family until after Penn State, and I did question whether it was my fault - and even whether I imagined it).

I thought, at the 20 year mark, before discovering I was fat so that I would be invisible, it was all behind me (aside from mild PTSD). I was wrong. I now expect it will crop up again at unexpected times for the rest of my life. Likely less intense; likely shorter; likely farther apart, but never gone.

Thanks to Survivoreesta for starting this important conversation.

[horseshoecrab]

3. K&R

[getdown]

4. it's difficult

to have open discussion of an "epidemic" with spores everywhere ... here's part of why:

"Because their perp is a prominent business man, or upstanding member of the community. They feel that they won't be believed and they are told by the perp that they will never be believed. "

[tosh]

5. K&R

[RainDog]

6. k&r n/t

[TheWraith]

8. Not to pick a fight, but the dehydration thing is a myth.

Someone went through the casualty records and found that in the time period specified, the only female troops who died were two from a vehicle crash and one from a mortar attack.

[Liquorice]

11. If it's a myth why did Col. Karpinski testify that it was true?

"In a startling revelation, the former commander of Abu Ghraib prison testified that Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, former senior U.S. military commander in Iraq, gave orders to cover up the cause of death for some female American soldiers serving in Iraq.

Last week, Col. Janis Karpinski told a panel of judges at the Commission of Inquiry for Crimes against Humanity Committed by the Bush Administration in New York that several women had died of dehydration because they refused to drink liquids late in the day. They were afraid of being assaulted or even raped by male soldiers if they had to use the women's latrine after dark."

http://www.alternet.org/world/31584/

[Survivoreesta]

12. "Someone"?>

"Someone" also said that women enjoy being raped!

[Tx4obama]

9. Yes, rape is a national issue, but not every article regarding rape belongs in LBN

I am going to assume the thread we are now on was spurred due to another discussion on another thread.

Btw, I think that REP's comment #8 on this link here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002119790#post8
says it perfectly.

And thank you for starting up the discussion in GD, the general discussion forum is the prefect place to have a discussion regarding the issue of rape nationally and worldwide,

[Survivoreesta]

13. Thank you>

Thank you so much!

[uppityperson]

18. Indeed, thank you for starting these threads in GD. We need to be talking about this though I don't

believe only 1 in 4 women have been raped or molested. I guess it depends on how they define "molested". Would the 15 yr old who grabbed at me when I was 11 count? He "only" grabbed at me. (I count it).

Thank you again because too many women, too many girls, feel they can not say anything because it "was her fault", somehow.

[Survivoreesta]

24. It wasn't your fault, hon>

I deleted my initial response because it was too ideological. A woman who's bleeding and quivering in fear (as I have been, too many times) isn't thinking about ideology. We're thinking but "How could he do this when he KNOWS that I worship him?"

It's a primitive response. not exactly sophisticated, but it's human, and that's what we are.

[seabeyond]

10. i was standing with niece and a friend. 3 women standing and i say, how many rapes. 3

one of the women was never raped.

[tabatha]

14. It is a problem worldwide.

Amongst the rich, the poor, the educated, the uneducated.

The statistic of 25% (1 in 4 men) of rapes in South Africa, is probably the same in the US. But the rapes in South Africa get more attention or are recorded more.

[Justice wanted]

15. As a victim of Rape I may be a little rude here but DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS A NATIONAL PROBLEM

AND what the freakin sad part about this is IF men could be raped like a female we would see the harshest senates and really see this subject not glossed over.

We could see the abortion issue and rape take on a whole new light. You bet it wouldn't be a problem.

I'm just sick of this having to be brought up as a woman issue! When rape happens it degrades the human race as a whole!

[Survivoreesta]

16. We NEED to be rude!>

I like your view of this. But I think it important that we not turn this thread into misanthropy, i.e., hatred of all men. Some of them are actually decent.

[Justice wanted]

17. I know. I do get a little rude when it comes to this and abortion department. I am a married

woman and in general get along with men however I do have strongs views on those two areas. Thanks for reminding me I need to kind of stop being "so in your face"

[Survivoreesta]

19. Whoa!>

There's nothing wrong with being IYF! That's not what I was trying to convey. It's just that you've got to be IYF with the people who need to hear it!

[Justice wanted]

21. GOT IT

[Zalatix]

20. K&R because rape is a worldwide issue, a humanity-wide issue

[DefenseLawyer]

23. It's a national problem that probably isn't well served by a national solution

As someone that spent many years dealing with criminal matters in state and federal courts, I can tell you that federal criminal courts are expensive, inefficient and with a political appointee serving judge and a political appointee serving as prosecutor they are, quite naturally, very political. In other words there are a lot of right wing crackpots on the federal bench and serving in supervisory positions in U.S. Attorneys Offices. The fewer types of cases we bring into the federal system the better. That may not be what you mean when you say it's a "national issue" but as far as prosecution is concerned it is better for everybody, victims included, if it is handled locally.

[Survivoreesta]

25. Legalisms aside>

Isn't your body your nation? If it is raped, is that not an invasion?

We don't need to go state-by-state: We need to go DOOR BY FUCKING DOOR, and we need to knock on those doors LOUD!

[DefenseLawyer]

26. I'm not sure what you're suggesting

Go door to door and do what?

[Survivoreesta]

27. Off to bed, but keep those K&Rs coming!>

The #1 liberal website absolutely needs to have these issues on the front page!