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Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:37 PM

"Wait, wait. Hold it for a minute. I have to answer this."

So you're speaking with someone face-to-face and your phone rings.

You whip it out, glance at it, say, "Oh, I've gotta' get this." You pick it up and whoever you were speaking with is left waiting with their thumb up their ass.

And to one degree or another, you have one pissed off, (or at least annoyed), friend, acquaintance or whoever.

If that's been done to you, try doing what I do. If you're speaking with someone, face-to- face and they answer their phone, walk away when they pick up. If you're speaking with them on a land line, hang up, walk away, and don't worry about it.

Why does some random phone call get priority over you? In effect, when you're speaking with someone, their phone rings, and they tell you to "Hold on a minute," what they're really saying is "I must answer this call that may or may not be more important than you."

If there has ever been a bigger "Fuck You" that existed before smart phones existed, tell me about it. Because that's what smart phones have done to society. They've made "whoever" more important than you while you're having a conversation with someone. They've made you a second class citizen. They've made you a slave to the person you're speaking whose phone suddenly rings and they consider that answering it, is more important than speaking with you.

If I'm speaking with someone and my phone rings in my pocket, I ignore it. The phone has captured the number and I will call back. Perhaps it was a call in which I was going to be informed that a meteor was going to destroy Earth in five minutes. Well, if I had answered the call, it really wouldn't have made much difference.

Do yourself a favor. Be polite and put whatever conversation you're having with someone at the head of the line. If you're phone rings, just say, "I'll get it later," and continue your conversation. Don't let a ring in your pocket control you. As far as I know, there's no law (yet) that says you have to drop everything you're doing and answer it.

And recognize the fact that if you stop whatever you're doing to answer a ring, Pavlov's dogs were trained to answer a bell, no matter what, in order to get food.

So try this out for a while. When you're speaking with someone, or you're even in the middle of making yourself an omelet, let the fucking thing ring. The world won't end because you didn't grab it immediately. And 99.9% of the time, it won't matter that you didn't drop everything to immediately answer a bell from whoever.

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Reply "Wait, wait. Hold it for a minute. I have to answer this." (Original post)
Cyrano Feb 11 OP
MANative Feb 11 #1
Staph Feb 11 #47
leftyladyfrommo Feb 11 #73
jberryhill Feb 11 #2
MH1 Feb 11 #14
saidsimplesimon Feb 11 #59
Mariana Feb 11 #3
kag Feb 11 #23
LuckyCharms Feb 11 #4
luvs2sing Feb 11 #5
WhiskeyGrinder Feb 11 #6
MineralMan Feb 11 #10
LineLineLineReply .
WhiskeyGrinder Feb 11 #15
TygrBright Feb 11 #70
dumbcat Feb 11 #7
Chakaconcarne Feb 11 #27
Ferrets are Cool Feb 11 #36
MH1 Feb 12 #91
Aristus Feb 11 #8
MineralMan Feb 11 #11
Aristus Feb 11 #17
MineralMan Feb 11 #19
jberryhill Feb 11 #20
pnwmom Feb 11 #25
jberryhill Feb 11 #37
pnwmom Feb 11 #43
MineralMan Feb 11 #41
Shell_Seas Feb 11 #61
Bayard Feb 11 #72
Aristus Feb 11 #74
Coventina Feb 11 #76
MineralMan Feb 11 #9
jberryhill Feb 11 #18
MineralMan Feb 11 #21
Whiskeytide Feb 11 #42
MineralMan Feb 11 #51
Whiskeytide Feb 11 #89
Ms. Toad Feb 11 #52
Whiskeytide Feb 11 #90
Coventina Feb 11 #71
MineralMan Feb 11 #77
Coventina Feb 11 #78
MineralMan Feb 11 #82
Cyrano Feb 11 #12
Shell_Seas Feb 11 #62
nolabear Feb 11 #13
TreasonousBastard Feb 11 #16
PeeJ52 Feb 11 #22
happybird Feb 11 #79
shanti Feb 11 #24
PoindexterOglethorpe Feb 11 #26
bluescribbler Feb 11 #28
DirtEdonE Feb 11 #29
Dyedinthewoolliberal Feb 11 #30
SCantiGOP Feb 11 #31
Perseus Feb 11 #40
Kurt V. Feb 11 #32
nocoincidences Feb 11 #33
Delmette2.0 Feb 11 #34
justhanginon Feb 11 #35
Perseus Feb 11 #38
llmart Feb 11 #39
MineralMan Feb 11 #44
llmart Feb 11 #58
loyalsister Feb 11 #45
2naSalit Feb 11 #46
GeorgeGist Feb 11 #48
zaj Feb 11 #49
Tikki Feb 11 #50
llmart Feb 11 #56
happybird Feb 11 #81
Ms. Toad Feb 11 #53
Doreen Feb 11 #54
AZ8theist Feb 11 #55
iluvtennis Feb 11 #57
Shell_Seas Feb 11 #60
Demit Feb 11 #63
Kind of Blue Feb 11 #64
littlemissmartypants Feb 11 #65
Hulk Feb 11 #66
Charlotte Little Feb 11 #67
hopeforchange2008 Feb 11 #68
TexasBushwhacker Feb 11 #83
hopeforchange2008 Feb 11 #86
treestar Feb 11 #69
LastLiberal in PalmSprings Feb 11 #75
MineralMan Feb 11 #80
LastLiberal in PalmSprings Feb 11 #84
MineralMan Feb 11 #85
VOX Feb 11 #87
GusBob Feb 11 #88

Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:41 PM

1. Yes, with one exception.

When Mom calls, I answer. She's 85. Never not going to take that call.

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Response to MANative (Reply #1)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:45 PM

47. My exception as well!

Mom is 95, and she gets priority over anyone and everyone!

(And if my sister calls, I'll check quickly. Sis usually texts, so a phone call not preceded by a text is usually a problem, and could be a Mom problem.)

Frankly, anyone who doesn't understand that an aging parent's phone call take priority . . . well, that person is probably not worth having in my life.


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Response to MANative (Reply #1)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 05:48 PM

73. My phone is on silent all the time.

I ck for calls often. I only turn the ringer on when I am waiting for something important. And then I explain that it us the doctor or vet.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:44 PM

2. Yes, if your mother is in the hospital, and your sister calls from the emergency room with an update

Then don't let that get in the way of a Jehovah's Witness on your front porch.

Having called my wife while I was suffering a heart attack on the side of the road a few months back prior to my heart actually stopping and before being revived in an ambulance, you'll forgive me for thinking this is silly advice. That phone call may have been my last words on earth to her.

Likewise, if you are shooting the breeze with a friend, and the company with whom you had a job interview last week calls you, then of course you should realize that jobs come and go, but friends are forever.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #2)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:06 PM

14. I would add that if it's a person who knows you, they will know from experience

that you sometimes glance at your phone and then "ignore" the call ... and sometimes you answer but tell the caller pretty quickly, "hey can I call you back in x minutes" ... so when you say you really need to take it, there's probably a good reason.

If it's someone that doesn't know you, they should probably be charitable and not assume the worst. Until like the 5th time it happens in 20 minutes or something. In that case you probably would have told them "hey I have a situation going on and may get a call, I apologize in advance".

There's plenty of okay ways to handle these things without having a binary rule.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #2)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:16 PM

59. jberryhill, I have been reading

your posts for what seems like an eternity. Thank you for all that you do.

I will increase my positive energy towards your recovery. Sometimes, it is appropriate to step back and let those who love you stand up.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:44 PM

3. This was going on long before there was such a thing a cell phone.

It usually happened when you were a visitor in someone's home, since that was where people's phones tended to be, but this behavior isn't new at all.

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Response to Mariana (Reply #3)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:46 PM

23. Exactly my thought, Mariana.

In fact two or three decades ago it was even worse because you couldn't tell who the caller was, and so you ALWAYS answered just in case it was "important".

Also, telemarketing wasn't as common, so when the phone rang there was a very good chance it was someone you wanted to talk to.

And since there was generally one phone per family, often you would answer, and it would be for someone else in the family, so you would hand off the phone and continue the conversation.

Ah, the old days.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:46 PM

4. I hear you, and I have walked away before, but

sometimes you have to cut the other person off if the call is important. Example: You've been playing phone tag with an MRI provider who needs to interview you for pre-MRI questions because you are having the MRI the next day.

I never cut people off unless I actually have been waiting for an important call such as the example above.

Otherwise, if I am having a conversation with someone, I will put my phone on do not disturb if the conversation is extended. Otherwise, I'll just let it ring.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:47 PM

5. If it isn't my husband or my doctor,

it can wait. The reason I mention my husband is he isnít the kind of guy to call in the middle of the day just to say hey. If itís not important, heíll text. If he takes the time to call, something important is going on.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:49 PM

6. It's like a Mineral Man post, but with swears.

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Response to WhiskeyGrinder (Reply #6)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:59 PM

10. Ha! And here I am.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #10)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:08 PM

15. .

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Response to WhiskeyGrinder (Reply #6)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 05:05 PM

70. I totally wish I could "like" this reply... n/t

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:54 PM

7. Really?

" ...what they're really saying is "I must answer this call that may or may not be more important than you."

I'm sorry, but I can envision lots of situations where a call from someone else is more important than talking to me. I can wait. I'm not that important that I can't occupy myself for a few minutes while someone takes care of some other issue.

Whatever. I guess I just don't have such an inflated notion of my own importance.

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Response to dumbcat (Reply #7)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:52 PM

27. Completely Agree...

"Whatever. I guess I just don't have such an inflated notion of my own importance."

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Response to dumbcat (Reply #7)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:17 PM

36. Thank you.

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Response to dumbcat (Reply #7)

Tue Feb 12, 2019, 01:22 PM

91. Yeah, what you said. nt

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:58 PM

8. When I enter an exam room, if the patient is on the phone, I'll give him or her a few seconds.

If they say: "I gotta go. The doctor (I'm a Physician Assistant) is here." No problem.

If they give me the 'Just a second' finger and continue with their conversation, I move on to the next exam room.

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Response to Aristus (Reply #8)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:00 PM

11. If they want to make you wait, you have to wonder how serious

their problem is, anyhow. Every cell phone I have ever seen has a silent mode and a power button. Why people don't use those, I will never understand.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #11)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:19 PM

17. I had a patient once who wouldn't stop texting while I was trying to get the history

of her current illness.

Finally I said "Why don't you put that away until we're done? If I see it again, I'll terminate the visit, and we can do this another time."

She teared up like I'd just killed her dog in front of her, but she put her phone away.

Never saw her again after that...

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Response to Aristus (Reply #17)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:29 PM

19. Some folks have become sort of addicted to their cell phones.

I think it's a real issue that needs to be studied. If they don't have access to the phone and their texts and other communications, they get physically challenged. The phone dings when there's a text, and there's this almost panicky look on such people's faces until they can check the text and answer it. Or, the phone rings and it MUST be answered, even if it's some telemarketer or spam call.

The cell phone has conditioned people to respond to it instantly, I think. That's why, even in states where cell phone use in cars is illegal, and comes with serious fines, you still see people with a cell phone in their hands driving down the road. It has become more than just a phone. It's some people's lives. It's their only escape from their own thoughts.

It could even be a medical problem of the psychiatric kind in some cases, I think.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #19)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:33 PM

20. Before answering machines were common, nobody would simply let the phone ring


I have to disagree with this analysis.

It was only when answering machines began to be commonly available due to a court ruling that allowed people to connect third-party equipment to their phone line, that people had the luxury of NOT answering the telephone.

Decades ago, no one would simply let the telephone ring unanswered.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #20)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:47 PM

25. Right. But many are still behaving as if our phones don't have the ability to take messages,

and they do.

At home I usually don't answer the land line. Similarly, I don't answer my cell immediately (unless I've been waiting for an important call), when I'm talking to someone else in person.

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Response to pnwmom (Reply #25)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:18 PM

37. "unless I've been waiting for an important call"


Which is usually signaled to someone present as "I have to take this call" per the OP.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #37)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:30 PM

43. But that is less than 1% of the time for me. I think the OP is complaining about people

who do it frequently. And who don't say something like: "I'm sorry, the hospital is calling."

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #20)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:23 PM

41. Well, these days, 80% of calls on our landline are telemarketers. Caller ID lets me

know whether I need to answer. If not, I press the talk button and then the end button after the first ring. My cell phone is off. I use it to make calls, not receive them. My wife, on the other hand is a cellular sort of gal. She was texting back and forth with her sister last evening, and I asked her, "Who decides when to end the exchange of texts?" She had no answer for that. Generally someone just stops replying, but it can go on for some time. I hate the ding of texts. and, then, there's another sound for emails, and yet another for some other interruption.

I'm a curmudgeon, I know, but there it is.

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Response to Aristus (Reply #8)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 05:41 PM

72. I actually had the reverse of this happen once

I was the patient in an exam room, and the doctor was pressuring me to have a test I really didn't want. He had a call come in on his cell, and proceeded to talk for five minutes, while ignoring me. He lost a patient.

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Response to Bayard (Reply #72)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 05:57 PM

74. The professional discourtesy of that is staggering.

I never take my phone in with me for a patient visit. Even though my phone has medical apps I can consult if I'm stumped for a diagnosis. If I need to do some research, I go back to my desk to do it.

I have a reputation among all of my patients as a good listener. I don't want to do anything to damage that.

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Response to Aristus (Reply #74)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:02 PM

76. I had a doctor take a call once. However, it was not on her cell.

One of her staff knocked on the door and interrupted the visit.

She apologized profusely, saying it was coming from a surgical room.

I had no problem with that.

In all the doctor visits I have had (and I've had many, I've got lots of issues) that's the only time that has happened.

I hope most people can say something similar.

Stuff happens, but it should be relatively unusual, not the usual.

I commend your professionalism.

I think most doctors and other medical professionals, like yourself, are on the same page on this.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:58 PM

9. Besides, it will go to voice mail, so the other person

can leave a message if it's an important call. If I'm meeting with someone, I shut my cell phone off. That way, if someone calls, they'll go to voicemail immediately. The person I'm with in person is the priority. The other person can wait. I'll call back.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #9)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:27 PM

18. Just hope none of your kids are ever arrested

Because they get one call, and you can't call back.

If your kid is mistakenly arrested and needs someone on the outside to make bail, then you should tell them up front not to call you in those circumstances.

And, yeah, as a lawyer, I've gotten those sorts of calls too.

If one's life is structured so that no one else critically depends on your professional services or personal relationship then, yah, let 'em all go to voice mail.

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #18)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:36 PM

21. Well, in the first place, I have no kids.

In the second place, what are the odds for a typical person that a call is an emergency? Pretty slim, I'd think. Now, if there is an actual situation where you know you might be getting a crucial call, then you can tell the person you're with that you might have to take a call, because there's something crucial going on.

I do know this: If I'm in a meeting with someone, even a client, and they blow me off to take a call that isn't an emergency, they just lost me. I don't have to do business with someone who thinks someone else is more important at the moment. It has happened, too, more than once.

Remember in the old days, when people still had secretaries? "Helen, please hold my calls. I'm in a meeting." Turn off your phone. It will go straight to voice mail if someone calls. Then, you can focus on the valuable client sitting across from you in your office. When that client leaves, the voice mail or number will be waiting for you.

The cell phone is not an excuse for rudeness, it seems to me.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #21)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:29 PM

42. Sure, the odds are relatively small, but...

... the potential consequences could be great. You might only get an emergency call once or twice a year, but it might well come when your having an in person conversation with another. Low possibility, but not taking that call could be very serious. How would you cope with not taking a call from a loved one in desperate, possibly mortal, need because you were talking about the latest GOT episode with a co-worker?

Take the call. Ask if itís an emergency or can you call them back in 10 mins. No big deal, I think.

Cell phones have certainly changed our lives. Constant connectivity, and our dependence on that, is a part of our existence now. I think some etiquette rules will simply have to adapt.

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Response to Whiskeytide (Reply #42)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:47 PM

51. Etiquette rules? What are those these days?

I'm about halfway finished writing a book on etiquette, entitled "Uncommon Courtesies: An Etiquette for the 21st Century." I've been studying etiquette in a historical sense for decades, now.

A big section of the book deals with the impact of technology on etiquette. New rules, yes. Old principles, though. Human relationships have not really changed, but how we carry them out certainly has. It's very interesting.

There was a very interesting period in the history of etiquette when the telephone became a commonplace device. It took quite some time for it to have a major impact on certain social norms, but its impact was inexorable. Etiquette books in the first three decades of the 20th Century spend a good deal of time discussing the telephone and when it was useful and when using it was a breach of etiquette.

Current technology is far more intrusive and its impact is far more significant than the telephone was. I'm still working on those chapters and trying to come up with a sensible set of guidelines. So, this discussion is interesting.

Low probability events have always been an issue. More so now, when we're expected to always be available. The hand-delivered telegram was once the communications medium of emergencies. But that was long ago. In the days of operator-assisted calls, one could ask for a call to be interrupted if there was an emergency. Today, we have no such options.

I have two elderly parents, who, at 94 years of age, are always a potential emergency waiting to happen. I'm the second-in-line emergency contact number, since I live 2000 miles away. So, I check Caller ID on every call on my landline, which is the number to call. My wife's cell phone is the alternate number, since she always has it with her and on. We can be contacted at any time, but we do not wait constantly on the phone for such contacts.

When we are with friends, my wife's phone is on Do Not Disturb. She checks it periodically to see if voicemails have been left. At home, when we're entertaining, the landline is set up to go to voicemail after one ring. However, I use a digital answering machine, and have it set so that voicemails can be heard on the speaker. All of that for emergency calls. So far, none have come in at such times, and are unlikely to.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #51)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 10:17 PM

89. That really is an interesting topic you ...

... have undertaken to write about. I hope youíll post information about obtaining it when youíre finished.

Iím 57. I was born to older parents in their mid forties (I was the youngest of 5). And I had two children in my early and mid 40s - so I have enjoyed a somewhat greater exposure to multiple generations than many people. My parents were typical southern parents who taught me manners and etiquette from their generation. I also had an aunt I was close to, and she taught high school English for 45 years. I was corrected concerning my language and conduct A LOT growing up. I suppose some of it took.

But my children have also forced me and my wife (who is a few years younger than I) to acquire at least a little modern perspective. Life is just very different for them. A substantial part of their lives are on-line and/or nose to screen time. They both play multiple sports, and make good grades - but still manage to find time for electronics. And their friends are the same way. Iíve watched them interact and it is interesting how they can sit at a table and eat and converse and ďphoneĒ all at the same time. Amazing. Or scary. I havenít really decided yet.

I think the rules probably have to have some situational criteria as well as a participant modifier. If youíre 15 and with friends at the burger joint, phones rule. If youíre with grandmom on Easter Sunday, put it away.

And I often silence my phone when in a meeting or in court (always), but I check it often. When my oldest starts driving ... ugh. I may never put it down.

Good luck with the book.

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Response to Whiskeytide (Reply #42)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:53 PM

52. Yup.

I rarely have my cell phone with me. When I do, it is when I expect urgent or emergency calls. I'm going to answer it.

I'm glad my family feels the same way. I battled black ice and gravity 3 weeks ago, ending up with a spiral fracture and two less serious fractures. My spouse was home and - belatedly - responded to my screams In the mean time, 911, my daughter, and the person who had to jump in and teach my class on 45 minutes' notice got emergency calls. I'm very glad they didn't just decide not to answer because the odds of it being an emergency were so small.

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Response to Ms. Toad (Reply #52)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 10:27 PM

90. Wow. I hope you're feeling betterMs Toad ...

... and Iím also glad they answered.

Iím not sure any invention has had quite the impact smart phones have had on our societal interaction. The wheel, gun powder, automobiles, flight ... all changed society dramatically and were tools for massive advances of our species. But phones have almost become a part of us. They are personal and constantly with us.

I really canít remember how we got a long without them - and Iím not young.

Please feel better.


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Response to MineralMan (Reply #21)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 05:40 PM

71. Apparently, the world ended on a regular basis before cell phones.

Or answering machines.

Or, just plain old telephones.

It's frankly amazing we survived as a species!

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Response to Coventina (Reply #71)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:24 PM

77. Indeed...

Thank goodness we can all be reached 24/7.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #77)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:28 PM

78. I have a dumb phone (and a landline).

My friends and family hate that I don't text.

"But you can just call me!" doesn't seem to help.

I can't figure that one out.
It's not an age thing, because my dad gripes at me as well.

Of course, full disclosure, my dumb phone is often on silent and/or has a dead battery.
So, I'm not available 24/7

For some reason, that's considered offensive to them.



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Response to Coventina (Reply #78)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:41 PM

82. I have a flip phone. It fits in my shirt pocket. Only my wife knows the number.

I use it for emergency calls when I'm out of the house. I also have an Android phone that travels with me, along with a 4g tablet that lets me set up a Wi-Fi hotspot for my notebook PC. Also for travel.

I use technology, but I use it as I choose. It's all a collection of tools.

My business number, though, is a landline. I work at home. My desk phone is a headset, so I can type while on the phone.

I'm posting this on my Kindle Fire, which is my couch device.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:04 PM

12. Okay, all the calls mentioned above are important and must be answered

But give me a fucking break. The vast majority of smart phone calls we all get aren't that. For the most part, we answer phones because we are conditioned to answer phones.

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Response to Cyrano (Reply #12)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:33 PM

62. Most people text, now a days.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:05 PM

13. I have a husband and a son with chronic medical conditions.

I have driven or followed an ambulance to the hospital literally more times than I can count. If Iím in a conversation, a meeting, the library, a therapy session, church, on the gynecologistís table, or on my grave I will answer their call.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:18 PM

16. Small points...

As has been said, there are times when you get a call from a big customer, doctor, pregnant daughter, or whatever that should interrupt your discussion about last night's game. In such a case the proper thing to do is apologize and explain that the call is indeed important.

Worse, though, is the person who ignores the obvious fact that you are deep in conversation and just walks up and starts talking with one of you about something else. I find that to be extremely thoughtless and rude, but if I walk off or say something, then I'm the bad guy.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:37 PM

22. Ha! I never answer the phone. That's what voicemail is for. If it's important...

I'll call you right back.

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Response to PeeJ52 (Reply #22)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:28 PM

79. Same, lol!

Caller ID and the received calls log are my favs.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:47 PM

24. Something else that's annoying

I have a relative with Parkinson's, who I exchange messages with a couple of times a month. He has trouble speaking on the phone, so messaging works better for him. Invariably, a friend of mine will drop in at the same time that I'm conversing with said relative, sometimes out of the blue. It's happened a few times already. The last time, my relative was getting deeply into a serious convo about his condition, when the friend knocked on the door. I felt like I had to end the conversation with my relative. I told him I'd contact him later, but it still didn't feel good. I messaged him back the next day, but he hasn't responded.

Also, one of my sons lives nearby, but is in a serious relationship (for a change!) He does not visit often, but when he does, he has that damn cellphone in his hand, looking at it! It annoys the living shit out of me! When you come to visit someone, put the phone down and visit! I've called him out on it and he continues to do it. Kind of at my wit's end

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:51 PM

26. Then there are the people who simply never get off their phones.

Last night I was out with a friend doing Geeks Who Drink (which is giant fun if you like that sort of thing) and next to us was a couple, probably in their 40s, who were not doing the trivia but had a couple of beers, never spoke to each other, and each one was on their cell phone texting away. All I could think was, Why bother to go to a bar if that's what you're going to do?

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:53 PM

28. I was interviewing a job applicant once when his phone rang.

"I have to get this", he said. He was not hired.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:54 PM

29. I hate it when that happens!

I don't own a smart phone. We have a flip phone that belongs in the Smithsonian, and we still have a LANDLINE!

With me, face to face takes precedence every time. I'm busy. Leave a message. If it's really important, I'll get back to you. LOL



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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 02:56 PM

30. another option is to

ask the person I'm with- ok if I take this, it's so and so an might be important (need attention etc)?

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:02 PM

31. I was reading your post when my phone rang

Iíll be right back.......

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Response to SCantiGOP (Reply #31)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:21 PM

40. LOL

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:06 PM

32. i go on a case by case basis. no one size fits all

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:07 PM

33. I am a Psychologist, by profession.

My Master's degree was very Behavioral, and as someone who has a bit of an Oppositional Disorder, even as an adult, I am all too familiar with Pavlovian Stimulus and Response-- bell rings, we push button.

My PhD was much different, focusing on the intervening variable of consideration and decision, Frontal Lobe deliberation, which suited me much better.

But with all of that, the notion that a bell rings and I respond without thinking, is total anathema to me.

It ain't happenin'.

There is no one in my life right now, thankfully, that can control me with a bell.

I'm convinced there are people in America who would stop doing CPR to answer their fricken' phone.

What percentage of calls are real emergencies? Some people for some people, might seem to be possible emergencies, because of their situation.

For most people, just NO.

Especially at the counter when someone is trying to transact business with you while you juggle the phone. That is pure rudeness.

And standing behind you, it is only my Frontal Lobe that stops me from knocking your stupid head off.

Cell phones are just damned intrusive.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:08 PM

34. There is only one thing worse.

I was out to dinner with a friend, her phone rang it was her granddaughter. She sat there in a restaurant with the speaker on!! She kept it down to about a minute but still, the speaker?

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:11 PM

35. Both of the doctors I see regularly have signs posted

in the exam rooms to please turn off cell phones which I do. They also should have a sign when leaving to turn the damn thing back on. Yeah, I'm old!

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:19 PM

38. I understand what you are recommending but...

The key to all this is to understand the importance of the call that is coming. If you are trying to close a deal and the call coming in has to do with that deal then, excuse yourself and answer your call. If the person you are talking to when the call comes in is a friend they most probably know what you do and will understand that your deals are time sensitive and you need to take the call.

Of course, the other thing you can do to avoid all that is, if you are in the middle of a deal and you are expecting a call, then don't go out, don't answer anyone's call who is not part of the deal, if someone knocks on your door and they are not part of the deal then do not answer the door, that way you eliminate the probability of having to cut someone off to take that important business call.

I know I am being a bit sarcastic about this, but the cell phone and our ability to talk from anywhere, although it has its negatives like the one being discussed here, it also provides the freedom for you to work from your home and not have to wait in your house for a call to come in, you can go shopping, just take a walk, etc. because you know people can reach you on your cell phone almost wherever you are.

You can tell someone, "please forgive me, please don't go, I have to take this call and it won't take long", someone who cares for you should not feel offended. If you think the call is going to take a long time, then put the caller on hold for a few seconds and tell your friend/family/etc that you will call them later, and do call them...Technology has changed some of our social ethics, and as long as we are polite and able to explain, I don't see why someone would not understand that a call may be very important for you at that moment and the love/friendship between us is not defined by it.

To take such a negative action as to walk away, or leave the person on the phone, or hangup seems to me a bit petty, as I said, technology has given us a lot of freedom, and it has also changed some of our social interactions, as long as we can explain and stay polite, people should understand.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:20 PM

39. Along the same lines...

CBS Sunday Morning did a piece on how loneliness has increased amongst all age groups, and research has shown it has quite a bit to do with cell phones and social media. In fact, they went so far as to say we normally think of senior citizens as the loneliest, but that younger adults say they are lonely in greater numbers than seniors.

Food for thought.

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Response to llmart (Reply #39)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:32 PM

44. Among the two youngest generations, face-to-face

meetings are becoming less frequent. That is having an impact on all sorts of social relationships, including courtship behavior. While it might be becoming the new norm, I'm not sure that's a good thing in the long run. The cell phone may be a depersonalizing device, and that can't be a positive change.

I don't know, though. I'm an old man, so maybe I'm missing something in all this.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #44)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:12 PM

58. I'm older too and I don't think you're missing anything.

I think the jury is out about the effect cell phones have on society/culture. In fact, you and I are old enough to see some of the changes in young persons' relationships from when we were their ages. Let's not forget the ramifications of comparing oneself to others who post all about their "perfect" life on social media. It was bad enough for women my generation when they were fed constant images in women's magazines about how they should look.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:33 PM

45. I see your point

And I think there are degrees of offense in our those kinds of interruptions. I once had dinner with a friend (for my birthday) and she spent most of it on her cell phone. The waiter even commented that he hoped she was paying.
As annoying as that was, I won't begrudge someone taking a phone call from their kid. I also think it's good manners to let a person know if they might have to interrupt conversation to take a call.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:33 PM

46. I don't care for that either yet I would have to disagree

with your premise that the person is telling you that you don't matter as much as the call at that moment means they are saying FU. Perhaps you don't matter as much as the call at that moment. You have to ask yourself why that is.

I would answer a number of calls, even in an important interview, depending on what that call might be about.

I was homeless for a long time in the recent past and the only thing that I had to keep in touch with all the people and services who kept me alive was my cell phone, my literal lifeline.

Social services are hard to come by in a red state and you must jump through a lot of hoops to stay in good graces with them in order to have them help you. Some demands are that you are available for a phone interview at a given time, which they never honor so it means all day but you better answer when they call because if you don't answer the call, like the SNAP interviewer, I would have no way to feed myself and would have to go through the whole process of hoop-jumping for weeks to be able to get back to the point of that phone call again. The same with the people helping me find housing, and my disability claim. And then there were my family and friends who would check up on me to make sure I didn't blow my brains out.

And I might be talking to you at the grocery store where I went to get warm but we got in a conversation and then the phone rings...

Before you go into the "I wouldn't have been talking to you..." Let me tell you that 98% of the people I encountered during that time had no idea that I was homeless. I present as a middle-class, educated, well dressed individual with a decent looking vehicle, that I lived in.

Along with the other reasons mentioned above, I have to disagree, step back and think about why you feel offended about that.

So making that claim about how you can't stand how someone answers the phone when you are engaged in a conversation and they pick up the call is understandable to a small degree. It may be annoying but you will just have to accept that it is one of the courtesies we gave up for our newer, completely connected lifestyle. It's a cultural shift, might not be a positive one but it's a shift.

ETA: You know hat I hate? That everyone expects me to have a damned "smartphone".


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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:45 PM

48. Maybe it's someone more important than you.

Hard to believe but it happens.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:46 PM

49. Your over generalization could be equally inconsiderate and selfish

People are busy, we multitask. It's easy enough to be understanding of their needs and not demand that they meet my perfect example of full and undivided attention.

Like anything, some people can be rude, but your over generalization and over reaction here refects a potentially equally inconsiderate selfishness.

It all depends on the situation.

It can certainly feel annoying, and at times it might be rude.

Generally I think of it this way... In an alternate universe where they stayed home to wait on this priority 5 minute call, I lost out on the benefits of spending the remaining 55 minutes of the meeting with them.

Hope that's helpful.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:47 PM

50. Please, if you are volunteering at a site with your children...please don't answer your....

cell phone during one-on-one time with your child or any of the children youíre spending time with.

Sad to see a childís face when a parent/volunteer walks away from recess/sharing time and starts
talking away on the phone.

Leave an emergency phone number with the site office and ask staff to inform you if there is an emergency.

Children love to show off their parents in volunteer situations.


Tikki

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Response to Tikki (Reply #50)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:06 PM

56. Yes.

I was at a preschool/kindergarten grandparents day where you get to eat lunch with your grandchild that day and I was appalled at a couple of the grandmothers who kept looking at their cell phone and one even took two calls in the forty-five minutes we were there and neither of the calls was important. I could tell it was gossip.

The irony of this was that one of the grandmothers asked me how old my granddaughter was because she had such a fabulous vocabulary for her age. I told her how old she was and the grandmother replied, "This little guy hardly talks much. She must really be smart." I wanted to say to her, "Well, why would he talk when no one is paying attention to him?"

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Response to llmart (Reply #56)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:37 PM

81. Oh, that breaks my heart

Poor little guy.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 03:55 PM

53. Umm...nope.

On the rare occasions I have my phone with me, it is because I expect urgent and/or emergency calls. Definitely answering it if it is a family member - and likely answering it even if I don't know the number becaus it is likely someone to whom I've given my number for urgent calls. The other 10 months of the year, I'm not even likely to have my phone with me.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:02 PM

54. My mother is 79 and relies on me for

if she needs help with something so for her I will answer. If I am waiting for an important call I let the person I am talking to know when I first see them. Other than that others can wait. Oh yeah, I do answer if it is a call we are both waiting for together but that is a duh.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:04 PM

55. Once during an eye exam...

The nurse walked in and told the doctor his Mercedes dealer was on the phone.

Without saying a word, not even an "excuse me", he got up and walked out of the room in the middle of the exam.

Obviously his fucking car was more important than his patients.

We never went back to him again.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:10 PM

57. School/my teens is the exception for me. With the kids, I start with, is this urgent. If it isn't,

I tell them I will call them back.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:27 PM

60. What if it's your kids school? Or your expecting a relative to land on a plane?

Or the second time your husband calls in 10 minutes? What if it's an important work related call? What if it's your attorney? What if it's someone calling to say they were in the hospital?


Gee. I understand not picking up if it's a sales call of something like that, but some people have other people that depend on them. Ignoring your family or family obligations if an emergency comes up doesn't seem very responsible, even if it's at the risk of upsetting a friend you are chit-chatting with.



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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:34 PM

63. Whenever I was on the phone with a friend & they put me on hold to take another call,

I'd wait a bit, but if the wait felt too long I would hang up. Some people get absorbed in the 2nd conversation and kind of forget they've left you dangling. And I agree with you, that's rude.

I was always taught that you answer the phone and, if it's a friend just calling to chat, you say I can't talk right now so I'll call you back. Or I'm busy right now so I'll call you back.

All these responses you're getting about dire emergencies or important calls people have been waiting for, I don't think those were the kinds of calls you were talking about. I did thoroughly enjoy reading the nasty responses, though, all that high dudgeon and outrage and insults to you. People's concept of manners sure has changed, that's for sure.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:37 PM

64. Good points and it's why

my husband and I share a cell phone. Any family or close friends know that he has it during the day at work and they must leave a message on the good old landline and I'll get back to them later if I don't answer right away. The cell is an inconvenience unless I'm on the road alone. I never could get with having a phone next to or on me that I feel strangely compelled to answer right away.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:37 PM

65. My ringer nor vibrate mode are ever on.

I rarely answer my phone at all. Voice mail may lie in wait for hours. So it's highly unlikely I will follow any advice on this subject. I most likely won't answer if you call and if the face to face conversation I'm having with you is a waste of my time, I will most likely end my participation in it, as well. You see I'm a grown up and make my own decisions on what to do, not to do and how and when to do it.

Rock On, Cyrano! I'm sorry folks are being rude to you. Let them roll off, like water off a duck's back. Or you can flick them off like bugs and carry on.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:41 PM

66. Amen to that....I've ALWAYS been offended when that happens.

I had a friend that LIVED on the fucking phone. He'd come to visit, and his phone would ring. He wouldn't even ask permission or say anything to me...he just took the call. Fuck you! Not a friend any longer, for a number of reasons...THAT being one of many.

If we were outside, I'd walk away. If we were in my house, I just left the room and left him sitting alone. I get so pissed at people who think they have to take every g'damned call that comes in, and even on the public transit system...they have to take it and share their g'damned conversation with everyone sitting around them.

Cell phones are a plague. They serve a useful purpose in so few ways, yet invade our privacy in so many.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:45 PM

67. This is easy

If you are expecting an important call of any kind, just let your friend/loved one know when you are speaking with them either on the phone or face to face. My Mom does it with me all the time. When I call home, I feel like I should be the center of attention. My mother knows this intuitively as I've never complained to her. But if one of her sisters, my Dad, or my sister calls or she's waiting on a call from someone (typically a doctor or pharmacist), she is going to take the call. But she always says to me, "I'm sorry, I have to take this, it's _________ fill in the blank." And if she knows ahead of time, she just tells me. "If I have to get off the phone, it's because I'm expecting a call from _______ fill in the blank." She then calls me back with a "sorry, I had to take that."

No hard feelings at all, just good communication. Because let's face it, people do need to take calls even when spending time with people they love.

Now, if it's someone who takes a call and starts chatting with a friend while I'm just sitting there waiting, nope. I have a friend who does that and we've had words about it. Definitely awful behavior.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:47 PM

68. This is kind of a tangent, but I irks me no end when this happens at a checkout

Especially, if I've been standing in line, and the clerk drops everything to pick up the suddenly ringing phone, and it becomes the priority ahead of we poor slobs who are waiting for service.

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Response to hopeforchange2008 (Reply #68)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:57 PM

83. Oh hell no!

I will go straight to a manager about that! They are getting paid to work, not talk on the phone.

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Response to hopeforchange2008 (Reply #68)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 08:18 PM

86. I meant they take a call from a customer calling

totally on the personal call - that is a major no!

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 04:54 PM

69. My parents' generation think you always have to answer

Even the landline.

The second issue is that you get so many more calls since anyone can call at anytime - they don't have to find a phone first or be at the office or at home. They can be anywhere and so the number of calls increased.

And then all the spam calls!

I just about always let it go to voicemail unless it's an elderly parent.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:00 PM

75. In the good old days, when a wire ran from the telephone to the wall,

if I had a guest and we were engaged in a conversation I'd let the phone ring. After about five rings they'd usually ask, "Aren't you going to answer that?" I"d tell them that whoever was calling would call back. Talking with my guest was more important.

My personal pet peeve is to be standing in line at a store and having the clerk answer the telephone and serve the caller's needs before they serve a person who has been waiting in line. Grrrr!

Telephone terms we still use that don't really apply anymore: dialing a telephone, hanging up, looking up something in the Yellow Pages book, the phone is ringing. In small towns with only one prefix you only had to dial the last four digits. Later it was seven, and now ten. Many people don't know the telephone numbers of family or friends -- they just put it into their phone. There used to be payphones aplenty -- now I know of two in our town.

On a related matter, the "Save File" icon in the upper left corner of most programs is based on a 3.5" data disk that hasn't been used in more than 20 years.

And would somebody please tell me where the word "tarmac" came from when referring to the surface of an area to park airplanes? I flew in the Air Force for 18 years and was never able to find out.

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Response to LastLiberal in PalmSprings (Reply #75)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 06:34 PM

80. Tar Macadam

It's an old road construction term
A Macadam road was originally a stone and gravel road, higher in grade at the center for drainage. Later, such roads were coated with tar or asphalt to shed water better. Tarmac.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #80)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 07:11 PM

84. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can die happy now.

Actually, there are a few mysteries I have yet to solve before kicking the bucket, including:

1. Why do women who shop in Walmart park their carts full of unpaid merchandise directly in front of the women's room door, blocking it, while they use the facilities?

2. If I am at a stoplight where right turn on red is legal, why does the driver to the left of me -- who is going to go straight or turn left -- pull into a position to block my view in that direction? Also, if I edge forward to look around them, why do they move the same distance to continue to block my view, even though they can't go through the intersection until the light changes?

3. If I am standing in front of an elevator on the first floor and someone walks up, why do they push the button to summon the car? Are they assuming I was standing there just waiting for them to arrive and do it?

4. If there's a car blocking a gas pump in front of me and the driver is no where to be seen for several minutes, why does the driver eventually return holding candy and chips from the mini-mart, then pump their gas?

5. Related, once a person has finished refueling, why don't they pull forward into an empty parking space so someone else can use the pump, especially if they used a card to pay outside?

6. Why do some drivers refuse to zipper into slow moving traffic on a freeway, but insist on passing everyone to enter at the very last moment?

7. Why do people not throw away their trash at a fast food restaurant?

8. Why did that woman sitting next to me yell "Boo! Boo!" after the movie "Moulin Rouge" concluded, when the rest of the audience burst into spontaneous applause? Who yells "boo" at a movie screen? What adult yells "boo" unless they're watching a game of baseball or football, etc.?

9. Why do some people ignore overwhelming amounts of scientific evidence, and risk the lives of their children because of something Suzanne Somers said? (She was an early anti-vaxxer.) Why does anyone listen to anything Suzanne Somers says?

10. Why does the screaming child always end up near me on an airplane?

Once I have the answers to these 10 questions, I will crawl into my biodegradable coffin and die with a smile on my face.

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Response to LastLiberal in PalmSprings (Reply #84)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 07:44 PM

85. All of your questions pretty much have the same answer:

Each of those people considers him or herself to be the most important person in the planet. They are wrong, of course. I am the most important person in the planet.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 08:34 PM

87. Ignoring phone is tough when kids, sick spouses, crazy bosses & elderly parents are relying on you.

Smart phones arenít going away, regrettably.

Humans once needed technology to survive; now, technology needs humans so it can survive.

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Response to Cyrano (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 08:34 PM

88. I have a feeling this happens to you alot

Hint hint

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