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Wed Oct 10, 2018, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-15: All About That Kav (No Pedo) Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-15: All About That Kav (No Pedo) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Lexington???? Yeah how about those Wildcats? I’m not really talking about the Wildcats of UK, I’m just talking about Wildcats in general. I was watching nature documentaries last night. But no seriously how about the Wildcats football team going 5 and 0 right now? Yeah! That is awesome. Do we have time for the thing? Yeah so we got to talk about art for a minute. Now I am definitely *NOT* an artist. You can tell. But Banksy who is one of the most notorious street artists in the entire world, may have pulled off what may be his finest work yet. See, his works are what one would consider to be “rare”. And one of the rarest of all may have sold for over $2 million. But then what did Bansky do at the auction? He only destroyed the painting that was worth $2 million. And how did he do that? He built the frame with a shredder built into it, and the shredder – malfunctioned as it destroyed the painting. But here’s where it gets weird and of course it would – the value of the now destroyed $2 million art piece – went up! Yes, Banksy may have created his best work ever, by destroying his best work ever! Now how many artists can do that? There aren’t a lot that I know of! OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he delves into the Brazillian elections and they are about to elect an ultra far right wing nut job as the country’s new president and it’s insane:

So where do we begin this week? In the first slot this week it’s all about that Kav (1). Yes, after a brief but intense fight, the GOP installed him as the newest justice of the Supreme Court. So what does that mean in the long run? We’ll tell you. In the second slot is GOP Crybabies (2) including Trump and Mitch McConnell who think they are the victim in all of this despite Kavanaugh’s boofing, 4F-ing and Devil’s Triangle. Taking the third slot this week is a brand new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected” and this week we’re going to add Maine’s serial flip flopper Susan Collins (3) to the list. At number 4 this week another shakeup in the Trump administration means another installment of the Trumper Games! Yes, Tribute Haley has resigned which means that Trump will be appointing a new UN Ambassador soon! Taking the fifth seed this week is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we are going to tell you about a shocking new plastic surgery procedure that has the potential to make your butt look beautiful – and also has the potential to kill you! In the number 6 slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to tell you about some of the more batshit crazy conspiracy theories coming from the religious right about our newest justice. At number 7 this week, we have a new installment of “Beating A Dead Horse”. So this week Taylor Swift threw her hat into the political ring and we are going to tell you all about the Neo Nazis’ creepy lust for her. Taking In the number 8 slot this week we’ve got a brand new feature that we’re going to debut for you called “What’s Up With India?” (8). See, there have been some stories in the news this week that point to India potentially killing a whole lot of us, and well, we will put them together and see! And in the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new People Are Dumb, because, People Are Dumb! And finally this week we’ve of course got the next installment of our ongoing series “Deep State Diaries” and we’re continuing our military tour as we visit the unsung heroes of the military – the US Coast Guard! Plus we’ve got some live music from the legendary southern jam band Umphrey’s McGee! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Brett Kavanaugh
[br] [/font]

Brett Kavanaugh may have won this week by defying the odds against him including the allegations of sexual harassment and misconduct to become the 114th SCOTUS justice in US history. Now for those of you keeping score at home – the New York Times ran some rather interesting statistics on Supreme Court justices. So out of 114 justices total, there are 100 men, 14 women, and 4 minority justices, and that is absolutely insane. And now we can add 2 sexual predators to the list!

Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh was confirmed to the Supreme Court on Saturday by one of the slimmest margins in American history, locking in a solid conservative majority on the court and capping a rancorous battle that began as a debate over judicial ideology and concluded with a national reckoning over sexual misconduct.

As a chorus of women in the Senate’s public galleries repeatedly interrupted the proceedings with cries of “Shame!,” somber-looking senators voted 50 to 48 — almost entirely along party lines — to elevate Judge Kavanaugh. He was promptly sworn in by both Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. and the retired Justice Anthony M. Kennedy — the court’s longtime swing vote, whom he will replace — in a private ceremony.

For President Trump and Senate Republican leaders, who have made stocking the federal judiciary with conservative judges a signature issue, the Senate vote was a validation of a hard-edge strategy to stick with Judge Kavanaugh, even after his nomination was gravely imperiled by allegations by Christine Blasey Ford that he had tried to rape her when they were teenagers.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Of course, Fox News, in their infinite wisdom, celebrated the same way that Kavanaugh would approve of – with a kegger and boofing!

Chair goes round, chair goes round, I like beer!!!! Woooooooooooooo!!!!! You know what? This needs some music – It’s all about that Kav, about that Kav, no pedo!, it’s all about that Kav, about that Kav, no pedo! I mean come on in an era where Trump’s minions are trying to pin his political opponents in some bizarre sex trafficking ring, isn’t it weird that they championed a sex criminal to SCOTUS? Thank you audience! I mean come on this is the same week where Trump got toilet paper stuck to his shoe:

But getting back on topic here, this is absolutely insane. I mean this country really stooped to an all time new low this week:

The confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh, after a bitter fortnight of operatic intensity, is the most damaging blow to the Supreme Court since it decided a presidential election with Bush v. Gore, and the most serious assault on the court by another branch of government since at least Franklin D. Roosevelt's court-packing plan. Now what?

The episode was a vivid display of a broken process driven by ward-boss power politics. Senate Republicans employed a razor-thin majority (representing a minority of Americans) to create new rules and game the system at every turn — starting with their refusal, on the principle of “because we say so,” to provide the great bulk of Kavanaugh’s government records. Once Christine Blasey Ford emerged to credibly accuse Kavanaugh of sexual assault when they were teens, Republicans excluded important witnesses and by design turned a final hearing into a "he said, she said" standoff.

Among the indelible images of that standoff were 11 sclerotic, white, Republican males hiding behind their hand-picked prosecutor as she served up picayune questions to Ford, and Kavanaugh's face as he unleashed a torrent of bared-teeth partisanship. His features contorted in rage, he lashed out against enemies old and new, from Democratic senators to the Clintons. Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., then stoked the fires, calling Democrats' handling of Ford's claims an "unethical sham" and "the most despicable thing I have seen in my time in politics.”

And yes they most certainly do suck. I mean the whole way this thing is completely insane. The GOP was determined, for lack of better phrasing, to jam this thing down our throats whether we wanted it or not. I mean you know, much like the way Kavanaugh treats women!

In a country divided, the U.S. Senate is not immune.

The battle to nominate Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh has deepened division and distrust in a chamber already fraught with partisan fights, ripe with raw emotions and filled with frustration among senators who say this is a low point in the body’s existence.

While there’s hope among senators on both sides of the aisle that it can recover, it’s not clear how that happens.

Senate Democratic Leader Chuck Schumer called it a “low moment” for the Senate. Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Ariz., said the Senate has hit “rock bottom.”

Yup, America has officially hit rock bottom. And it can only go up from there, right? I mean right??? Yes, well if you’re wondering just how far an FBI probe can go (phrasing!), well, there is this thing called the “statute of limitations” that could prevent the truth about this scumbag from getting out:

FBI Director Christopher Wray told the Senate on Wednesday that the White House put limits on the re-opened investigation into Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, but the law enforcement chief insisted that the process used was a typical one.

"Our supplemental update to the previous background investigation was limited in scope and that ... is consistent with the standard process for such investigations going back a long ways," Wray said under questioning by Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) at a Senate Homeland Security Committee hearing on global security threats.

"I've spoken with our background investigation specialists and they have assured me this was handled in a way consistent with their experience and the standard process," the FBI director said, later adding that the inquiry was "very specific in scope—limited in scope."

Wray confirmed that background investigations are handled differently from other FBI probes and that the scope of inquiries into judicial nominees is dictated by the White House. However, he declined to discuss any specifics about what the White House decided should or should not be examined during the brief follow-up investigation conducted following the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Oh Mr. President, did you really think you are going to escape this week without us nailing you for thrusting this evil asshole up on a pedestal to judge the highest law in the land? Uh… I’m being told he doesn’t view our nonsense. OK then, we can only pretend that he hate views. Because we know he hate watches SNL. How dare someone else have fun at his expense! Well here’s just how fucking evil this man is.

President Donald Trump is embracing the conspiracy theories around the opposition to Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court nomination and the sexual assault allegations brought against him by Palo Alto University professor Christine Blasey Ford.

Kavanaugh was sworn in to the Supreme Court on Sunday and took part in another ceremonial swearing-in event at the White House on Monday after weeks of a bruising battle over his confirmation. Republicans, including Trump, have been taking a victory lap over the judge’s confirmation since the Senate narrowly voted to approve his nomination on Saturday.

Trump — who famously never says he’s sorry — on Monday’s White House event apologized to Kavanaugh “on behalf of our nation” for the “terrible pain and suffering” he was “forced to endure” in the nomination process. As for those who opposed Kavanaugh’s nomination, and Ford, who accused him of sexually assaulting her in the 1980s, the president has no such sympathies.

While speaking with reporters on the South Lawn of the White House during the day on Monday, Trump said that accusations against Kavanaugh were a Democratic “hoax.”

Except that it wasn’t. He seems to think all hoaxes are like bigfoot and UFOs, but really this one wasn’t, and well, it really shows how fucking evil Trump is. And here’s where things took a turn – Trump actually apologized! Yes, he actually said the words “I’m sorry”. Which we would never thought he would say the entire time he’s president. But even he managed to make an act of apology… evil!

Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in —again, for the cameras, this time — Monday night at a White House ceremony, but not before President Donald Trump slammed Kavanaugh’s opponents for a “campaign of personal destruction.”

In a ceremony that could have been a unifying moment for the nation, Trump instead delivered remarks that even he acknowledged began “differently than perhaps any other event of such magnitude.”

“On behalf of our nation, I want to apologize to Brett and the entire Kavanaugh family for the terrible pain and suffering you have been forced to endure,” Trump said, addressing the bitter partisan fight over Kavanaugh’s nomination that became a firestorm after the emergence of sexual misconduct allegations, which Kavanaugh emphatically denied.

With all the sitting justices in attendance, along with Kavanaugh’s family and top admiration officials, Trump said Kavanaugh had been the victim of a “campaign of political and personal destruction based on lies and deception.”

Only in this crazy bizarro world that we live in now could an apology be evil and sexual predators get promoted! Does this mean Bill Cosby has been innocent the whole time? But this is my favorite part of the story – Trump went full Infowars and says that the protestors were paid actors and got stiffed for bad acting!

President Donald Trump took his cues from Fox News Channel’s Fox & Friends this morning, tweeting about the “paid protesters” at Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings.

Not coincidentally, Fox & Friends this morning discussed a Wall Street Journal op ed that referenced hearing from protesters being hopping mad because they did not get their checks. Turns out, protesters were being sarcastic, which did not deter the F&F gang from using it as proof the women who confronted GOP Sens. Jeff Flake and Orrin Hatch in the halls and elevators of the Senate had been paid by George Soros.

Trump took the bait and ran with it, tweeting:

“The paid D.C. protesters are now ready to REALLY protest because they haven’t gotten their checks – in other words, they weren’t paid! Screamers in Congress, and outside, were far too obvious – less professional than anticipated by those paying (or not paying) the bills!”

That one suddenly seems very creepy now doesn’t it? I mean is that the kind of treatment you give sexual harassment victims, Mr. President? Or do you just call them “crisis actors” like you do the protestors? Oh and by the way in case you’re wondering – for those of you keeping score at home, there’s now 3 sexual predators in the highest levels of government and a trash tabloid TV network telling them what to do! Thank you audience! But really this whole thing seems scripted doesn’t it? And by the way, next week we may have to do a list of the things Trump so far has *NOT* apologized for.

Shortly after the Senate voted Saturday afternoon to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, he was sworn into his new job by Chief Justice John Roberts and retired Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy.

Which made what happened Monday night sort of, well, odd.

There was Kavanaugh and his family standing aside President Donald Trump at the White House. On the other side of Trump was Kennedy, the retired justice who Kavanaugh had replaced. In the crowd were not only Kavanaugh's new colleagues on the Court but virtually every Republican congressional luminary. (Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was greeted with a standing ovation when he entered the room.) After Trump spoke -- more on that in a minute -- Kennedy administered the judicial oath of office to Kavanaugh, the same dance he and Kavanaugh had done 48 hours earlier. Then Kavanaugh spoke. Everyone applauded and cheered. And, scene.

If you didn't know that Kavanaugh was already a Supreme Court Justice by Saturday night, you'd have thought that you had just witnessed him becoming one. Which is exactly how Donald Trump planned it!

One of the keys to understanding how Trump thinks and operates is to remember that he is former reality TV star. He's never really lost that lens through which to examine the world. You create the reality you want -- and then you tell people, over and over again, that this is absolutely 100% the real thing. And they'll believe you.

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[font size="8"]Susan Collins
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Politicians at the state, national and local levels who are so toxic that you ever wonder how they were able to get into office, much less stay there. This is:

This week: Maine representative Susan Collins. Now that the dust has settled on one of the worst and most unqualified Supreme Court justice in nearly 50 years has settled, one senator makes a clear standout as to her support of the new justice – Susan Collins. In fact her flip flop on the subject stands out like a punch in the face:

Activists upset with Sen. Susan Collins’s vote to confirm Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh say they will inflict economic damage on the Republican senator's home state by boycotting Maine products and tourism.

“Dear Susan Collins – I really struggled with this but my tourist $ just voted against ever visiting Maine while you remain in office,” actor and comedian John Fugelsang said Friday in a tweet that has since been deleted, according to the Portland Press Herald.

The tweet garnered hundreds of comments from users saying they would join Fugelsang in the boycott, with one person canceling a $2,200 reservation at Point Sebago resort, the Press Herald reported.

John Tesar, who owns six restaurants in Texas and is opening a seafood restaurant in California, told the newspaper that he’ll look elsewhere for the “hundreds of thousands of dollars” worth of seafood that he buys annually from Maine.

Yes, Susan Collins should feel bad about her vote as it is going to cost her state of Maine badly. And unlike Trump fan boycotts, ours don’t involve the destruction of property. In fact her vote also cost her very dearly as people have already been pouring in donations to fund her future opponent:

PORTLAND, Maine — She is not on the ballot this fall, yet the fight over Susan Collins’ political future is already raging.

Interest in the Maine Republican senator’s 2020 re-election has exploded in the days since she cast the deciding vote to confirm President Donald Trump’s Supreme Court pick — a vote that helped transform the balance of power on the nation’s high court for a generation and suddenly complicates Collins’ path to a fifth term.

Half a dozen Democratic prospects are openly considering running against the Republican political powerhouse, while an online fund has generated $3.6 million — and counting — for Collins’ ultimate Democratic challenger. The would-be candidates include Susan Rice, who had been one of President Barack Obama’s closest aides. Rice is not currently a Maine resident — she has family ties to the state — but would bring political celebrity that could make it difficult for the state’s shallow bench of lesser-known Democrats to stand out.

The emergence of a crowded field in a Senate contest two years away underscores the extraordinary political moment triggered by the debate over Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. Fighting allegations of sexual misconduct from three decades ago, he won confirmation by a razor-thin margin on Saturday over the screaming objections of Democrats and women’s groups in all corners of the nation..

Yes this is probably the worst thing to happen to Maine since they ran out of lobster and Stephen King stopped writing novels. Oh wait – neither of those things happened. Yes, this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to Maine, at least recently. But is the donations to her opponent when the race hasn’t even begun really a “quid pro quo”?

Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) on Sunday criticized the Maine progressive groups that have pledged millions of dollars to her 2020 opponent in opposition to her vote on Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.

Collins on CBS's "60 Minutes" on Sunday called the crowdfunding effort an attempt to "buy votes and buy positions." She said it did not influence her decision to vote in Kavanaugh's favor.

"This is a classic quid pro quo as defined in our bribery laws," Collins said. "They are asking me to perform an official act and if I do not do what they want, $2 million-plus is going to go to my opponent."

"I think that if our politics has come to the point where people are trying to buy votes and buy positions, then we are in a very sad place," she said.

The groups began fundraising several weeks ago, hoping to encourage Collins, a Republican swing vote, to vote "no" on Kavanaugh over his record on women's rights. The crowdfunding effort was supercharged by Collins's hesitance in the face of the allegations of sexual misconduct against the high court pick.

No it’s not quid pro quo. It’s just your time is up and people have had enough of your schemes, Senator Collins. But really how can you not believe that Kavanaugh was Dr. Ford’s assailant despite all the evidence literally pointing to the contrary?

Sen. Susan Collins said Saturday that while she believes that Dr. Christine Blasey Ford was sexually assaulted, she does not believe that now-confirmed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh did it.

"I do not believe that Brett Kavanaugh was her assailant," the Maine Republican told CNN's Dana Bash on "State of the Union" in an interview slated to air on Sunday. "I do believe that she was assaulted. I don't know by whom. I'm not certain when."

Ford accused Kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her while the two were in high school, prompting a week's delay in Kavanaugh's confirmation to allow the FBI to conduct an investigation into the alleged incident. Kavanaugh has denied all allegations.

Collins reviewed the results of the investigation, which included testimony from 10 different witnesses but not from Ford or Kavanaugh, on Friday. She then voted to advance Kavanaugh's nomination and has said that she will vote yes on Kavanaugh' during the full Senate's confirmation vote on Saturday.

Yes Susan you are clearly not helping the situation. But the vote is also so toxic that it literally caused the site hosting the fund drive to crash. That’s how eager the people of Maine are to get rid of Susan Collins.

Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) extinguished any lingering hopes that she might cast the deciding vote against Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court on Friday afternoon. As she delivered her lengthy speech on the Senate floor, a crowd-funding site created to fund a Democratic challenge to Collins in 2020 crashed.

“This entire process was up to Collins,” says Amy Halsted, co-director of Maine People’s Alliance, which launched the campaign. “And today she did the wrong thing.”

The Crowdpac campaign, which the progressive grassroots organization started with the express purpose of swaying Collins’ vote on the Kavanaugh nomination, had raised more than $2 million before Collins’ speech.

Halsted was listening to Collins on the radio while picking her children up from school. She hadn’t heard, when contacted by Rolling Stone, that the site had crashed under the weight of requests, but she says, “it doesn’t surprise me that the website is crashing because people are mad.”

There you have it, Susan Collins is so toxic people can’t wait to get rid of her. That’s Susan Collins, another in the growing list of:

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[font size="8"]The Trumper Games: Nikki Hayley
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Ah yes my pretties! I am back!!!! Yes, it has been a while but there is finally a new shakeup in the Trump administration! Another tribute has left the building. Yes, Tribute Halyey from the 5th district has thrown in the towel which means that the President has some actual work to do. You know, as opposed to his usual daily routine of office putting, yelling at Fox News, and eating cheeseburgers in bed. So what happened exactly? And damn it, Charlie, where’s my champagne?

US Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley will leave her position at the end of 2018, President Donald Trump announced from the Oval Office today.

He would be happy to have her back in any capacity, he said during the announcement. The President said she told him 6 months ago that she wanted to leave at the 2-year mark.

Haley called having the position "an honor of a lifetime."

During today's announcement, she addressed rumors she might run for President of the United States in 2020. Haley said she will not be doing that and she will be campaigning for Trump.

The President did not announce any potential successors for the ambassador position. He said many people want to do it.

The former South Carolina governor was tapped as ambassador to the UN following Trump's election win despite supporting Florida Sen. Marco Rubio in her state's all-important 2016 presidential primary and later backing Texas Sen. Ted Cruz.

Yeah you work it!!! So what caused Ambassador Hayley from the 5th district to resign? Hey you know don’t ask me how the districts here work, I didn’t create them! But apparently the President has already accepted her resignation!

President Trump has accepted Nikki Haley’s resignation as UN Ambassador, the two said Tuesday morning in a public Oval Office meeting. She will exit at the end of the year, Trump said.

What we're hearing: Haley discussed her resignation with Trump last week when she visited him at the White House, two sources said. Her news shocked a number of senior foreign policy officials in the Trump administration.

Axios was first to report the resignation earlier in the day.

Trump told reporters Tuesday that Haley raised the possibility of taking a break six months ago, and that she's welcome back at any time.

And that is true here at the Trumper Games! And damn it Charlie, I wanted the good shit! Bring me the Crystal! Wait, what? Why doesn’t our budget cover Crystal? Damn it! I may have to have a discussion with our producer. But it doesn’t stop there, as far as Tribute Hayley is concerned!

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump accepted the resignation of U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley on Tuesday, an unexpected departure for one of the president’s longest-serving top aides.

Haley, a former South Carolina governor who was confirmed just days after Trump’s inauguration, announced her decision during a hastily scheduled meeting with Trump in the Oval Office. She said she would leave by the end of the year.

“She’s done a fantastic job and we’ve done a fantastic job together,” Trump said.

Initially a critic of Trump, Haley helped shepherd in the administration’s tougher stance at the United Nations, including Trump's decision to leave the UN Human Rights Council earlier this year. She is also among the most prominent women in Trump's Cabinet.

"The U.S. is strong again," Haley said in the Oval Office. "Countries may not like what we do, but they respect what we do."

Really, Tribute Hayley? Is that why other UN ambassadors and dignitaries were laughing at Trump at the last summit which was a mere few weeks ago? And yes, they were laughing *AT* you, and definitely not with you! But for now, consider Tribute Hayley… ELIMINATED!!!

Nikki Haley is resigning as the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

President Donald Trump and Haley told reporters that she is leaving “at the end of the year.”

“She’s done a fantastic job, and we’ve done a fantastic job together,” Trump said.

He said he and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo think the world of her and that she’s been there “from the beginning.”

Haley was one of the first members of Trump’s cabinet, confirmed four days after his inauguration.

”It has been the honor of a lifetime,” she told pool reporters at the White House. “I’m such a lucky girl to lead the state that raised me” and the country she loves, she said.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Death By Butt Lift!
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Lexington it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

The most common phrase to describe what lengths people to go to look “beautiful” is “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. But the late, great musician Frank Zappa put it best when he said the words “beauty knows no pain”. Such is the case here with a controversial procedure that can not only make you look beautiful, it has the potential to end your life. And no, we are not encouraging you to try this procedure at home, or even with a doctor.

No cosmetic surgery is risk-free, but some operations are more dangerous than others, and the "Brazilian butt lift" (BBL) has been labelled the most dangerous procedure. So much so that the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS) is now urging surgeons not to perform it until more data has been collected.

One in every 3,000 procedures proves fatal, the organisation warned recently. This year alone, two British women are known to have died from the surgery, during which fat is removed from one part of the body, such as the stomach or back, and then injected into the buttocks.

Twenty-nine-year-old Leah Cambridge, from Leeds, died in August after travelling to Turkey for the procedure, while another unnamed woman, also in her late 20s, suffered the same fate, BBC Two's Victoria Derbyshire programme reported last year. An inquest into her death is due within 12 months.

Jane Park, 22, from Edinburgh, travelled to Turkey for the butt lift procedure in June 2017 when she was 21 years old. Her interest was piqued by the fact that "you can lose weight from different parts of the body and get a bigger bum all in one go," she told Refinery29. But she was left fearing for her life and regretting her decision.

So while your odds of dying from this procedure are very slim – 1 in 3,000 will from the procedure, it’s still dangerous enough that you shouldn’t risk it. But the question must be asked – is it worth risking your life to look “beautiful”? Some might immediately answer “yes” to that question but even doctors are questioning the controversial procedure.

UK surgeons were strongly warned this week by the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons to stop performing Brazilian butt lifts.

The organization warns that "risky" Brazilian butt lifts, sometimes called BBLs, have the highest death rate of all cosmetic surgery procedures -- estimated to be as high as 1 in 3,000 operations -- and often result in costly emergency complications. This year, two women in the UK have died from the procedure, according to the BBC.

This risk has galvanised the BAAPS to distribute a recommendation to all members, suggesting they refrain from performing BBLs, at least until more data is available," the association said in a statement Thursday.

The surgery involves taking fat from another part of the body and injecting it into the buttocks for a better shape, but doing so brings a risk of injecting fat into large veins, after which it can travel to the heart or brain, causing illness or death, according to the plastic surgeon group.

"The problem is that at certain volumes of fat injections, the fat can enter the vessels around the buttock area, which forms a fat embolism," said Dr. Mary O'Brien, consultant plastic surgeon and a member of the association's leadership council.

So here’s the thing – fat injections are bad, and too many of them could possibly kill you. Any doctor will tell you that, and that is definitely not the right way to die either. But on the plus side, Susan had a really nice ass.

A plastic surgery organization in the UK has warned its members to stop performing potentially deadly Brazilian butt lifts — at least until there's more research done on the procedure.

On Thursday, the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS) announced it was officially dissuading all members from offering the surgery while more data is collected, CNN reported.

The Brazilian butt lift (BBL) is a procedure in which fat is taken from one part of the body and injected into the buttocks. But that injected fat may cause serious or even fatal complications.

In a statement, the BAAPS said BBLs have the highest death rate of all cosmetic procedures— it's estimated to be as high as 1 in every 3,000 operations. And yet, the surgery is growing more and more popular. The American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) reports that the number of BBL procedures has more than doubled in the past five years.

In August, the ASPS issued its own "urgent warning" about BBL risks, and even announced the formation of an international task force dedicated to making safety guidelines for the surgery.

So the bottom line is that it’s a bad thing to do. In fact it’s called the deadliest of all aesthetic procedures, and really ladies (and some gents) – don’t do it. We are warning you!

The desire for a larger bottom is becoming more popular, with the number of so-called Brazilian butt lifts more than doubling in the last five years.

However, a recent high-profile case involving a doctor in Miami who was banned from operating after the death of a patient during surgery, highlights the risks associated with having this procedure. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, the Brazilian butt lift (BBL) has the highest rate of death of all aesthetic procedures.
What is a Brazilian butt lift?

Some people have a BBL for aesthetic reasons, but many have it after losing lots of weight, serious disfigurement after pelvic trauma or practical problems, such as holding up trousers.

The procedure involves taking fat from areas of the body where it’s not wanted and transplanting it into the glutes to enlarge them.

To be successful, a fat graft needs nutrition and so has to be injected into tissue that has a blood supply. Fat can survive if injected into other fat, but up to 90% of it can be absorbed if it is. Fat has more chan

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Lexington, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

You know last week there was something so jaw-dropping, batshit crazy that I was forced to break the only rule I had in my church. Which was that you’re never supposed to mention the evil, ungodly, unjust DAYMON in the White House by his name! You shall call him The Dark One! He is *NEVER* to be mentioned by name in my church! Again! But supporters of the Dark One have shown just how crazy they are in their latest allegations and conspiracy theories!

Last month, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer waged “major league spiritual warfare” against the “demons of hell” that were supposedly attacking Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. After Kavanaugh was confirmed over the weekend, Fischer used his “Focal Point” radio program yesterday to take a victory lap, celebrating “the victory of Jesus Christ over Satan and the powers of darkness and evil.”

“Saturday was the best day in American politics since World War II,” Fischer declared. “I believe the demons of hell, under Satan’s direction, threw every single piece of weaponry, every single piece of firepower that they had, threw it into the battle to take out Brett Kavanaugh. They wanted him not just defeated, they wanted him destroyed.”

“I believe it represented a victory of Jesus Christ over Satan and the powers of darkness and evil in the unseen world,” he added. “The spiritual warfare that was directed against Judge Kavanaugh, I believe was as intense as anything we have witnessed in the last several decades. It was as if all the demons of hell had been summoned by Satan and ordered to attack this good man in a concerted effort to destroy him. And I believe, thanks to the faithful, committed saints who released the power of God against the powers of darkness through focused and persistent prayer, victory was snatched out of the jaws of defeat.”

You are aware that SATAN himself is currently in charge, right, Bryan? For the devil is the one who is currently controlling the dark forces in Russia and therefore they are controlling the Dark One himself, and yes, it is a tangled web that the good LAWRD weaves!

On Saturday, self-proclaimed “prophetess” and “weather warrior” Kat Kerr spoke at River Rock Church in Reno, Nevada, where she reported that following the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, God gave her a vision of heaven in which she saw the souls of those who had been aborted having a party because Kavanaugh will be the key to overturning Roe v. Wade.

“God picked [Kavanaugh] like he picked Trump and he kept telling me, ‘I don’t care what they say, he is sitting on the Supreme Court and he is going to wipe out Roe v. Wade,'” Kerr said. “He kept showing me, letting me see all of these millions of babies who had been aborted that are in heaven, they sang and celebrated. They celebrated as they were saying, ‘Yes, he is going to sit on the Supreme Court.'”

“Today, they had a party in heaven,” Kerr added, “and they celebrated that other babies being conceived in the womb one day will never have to fear their lives being taken and they’ll get to complete their destiny on this earth. So there was a big party in heaven today because of that.”

“There is now God in the White House, because he’s welcomed and allowed to be there,” she continued. “And he said, ‘Now, I have permission to be in the Supreme Court’—because of Kavanaugh, as a believer siting on the bench in the Supreme Court—he said, ‘Now, I have the right to speak into the court system and because of that, I have assigned three special ops angels [to protect Kavanaugh].'”

Kerr said that the three angels are named “Justice, Liberty, and Freedom” and have been “assigned to help [Kavanaugh] bring justice, liberty, and freedom to this country.”

OK I think things just got creepy here didn’t they? And I’m sure that Brother Kav’s boofing and 4F-ing were allowed in heaven, right, Kat? But our old friend Dave Daubenmire who preaches in front of an empty stadium backdrop apparently is repeating the lie that the MEN are the real victims here. Oh PUHLEASE won’t somebody think of the real victims?

On his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning, Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire said that the sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh are evidence that white Christian men “are being sexually profiled.”

Daubenmire said that he was traveling though a TSA airport checkpoint recently when the Holy Spirit spoke to him and revealed that white Christian men are under demonic attack.

“The Holy Spirit said, ‘Well, Coach, men are being sexually profiled,'” Daubenmire said. “He said, ‘Aren’t you watching? Aren’t you watching what’s going on there in Washington, D.C., with Kavanaugh? Don’t you realize that they’re profiling, particularly, white men?'”

He went on to recite a litany of characterizations purportedly made by Kavanaugh opponents—all offered without attribution: “All white men rape women. All white men are animals. All white men only care about themselves. All white men only care about their penises,” Daubenmire rattled off. “Can’t you see, fellas, that we are all guilty, that we are all being sexually profiled?”

Daubenmire fumed that nobody cares about the assault allegations leveled against “that scumbag” Keith Ellison because he is a Muslim and everyone knows “that Muslims are deviants … they’re sexual deviants.”

“Are they sexually profiling the Muslims?” he asked. “Are they sexually profiling the little Chinese people that come walking through, the little Japanese people? Are they sexually profiling them? Are the sexually profiling the black men that come through? No, no, no, no, no. They’re sexually profiling the white Christian men. That’s what’s going on.”

“We are daily being sexually profiled,” Daubenmire continued. “Every one of us white, heterosexual Protestants are being sexually profiled by the Jezebel spirit.”

Now Brother David, you are, and I say this with all of the heart and soul of a righteous man, a fool, a liar, and a hypocrite! And if I remember correctly, JAYSUS hated the hypocrites! He said “Be not like the hypocrites who preach on street corners!”. That is an actual quote from the Good Book! Can I get an amen??? Now as if things couldn’t get any crazier, apparently the woman who was abused was the “sexual predator”! Come on really!

Right-wing commentator Josh Bernstein appeared on Bill Deagle’s “NutriMedical Report” radio program on Monday, where he doubled down on his attacks on Christine Blasey Ford, who has accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her when both were in high school.

After baselessly claiming last week that Blasey Ford was “the aggressor” in any encounter she may have had with Kavanaugh, Bernstein ramped up his attacks on her by declaring that she is a “sexual predator.”

“It sounds like a jilted lover,” Bernstein said. “It sounded like somebody that liked him but he was more interested in getting into Yale and keeping a clean profile and doing what he was supposed to do and she was probably the sexual predator.”

“I don’t believe, as many Republicans and conservatives say … that something happened to her,” Bernstein later said. “No. Nothing ever happened to her in her entire life. She’s never had anything done to her and if anything, she and her Holton Arms sexual culture were predatory against the boys at Georgetown Prep … People need to wake up and see that facts and the truth, because the truth is that her and her friends at that disgusting Holton Arms all-girls school was nothing but a sorority of sexual predators.”

There you have it folks!!!! They are so insane that they are actually accusing the abused woman of being the predator!! Wow. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Neo Nazi Taylor Swift Fans
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It’s time for a new edition of:

This week everyone, it’s official!!! Taylor Swift, aka Tay Tay, has revealed her true political leanings, and guess what? She’s a democrat. Now you might be expecting that in this space we’ll talk about how Trump fans will burn her records and other merchandise. Ah, that’s inevitable. Like Trump calling someone a “stupid loser”, you know it’s going to happen. Instead we’re going to talk about something MUCH different! So while the Alt Right has proclaimed Kanye West as their new ideological celebrity who shares their views, we get Taylor Swift! In Idiots #2-1, I reported that Taylor Swift was a darling of Neo Nazis and that they saw her as an “Aryan Goddess”. Well, she’s about to make some heads explode.

The world can’t shake off Taylor Swift’s bombshell: that even she has a political opinion.

The typically apolitical Swift’s stunning endorsement of Democratic Senate candidate Phil Bredesen in deep red Tennessee left fans on Monday either embracing the "Love Story" singer or vowing to turn off her music.

In an Instagram message posted on Sunday, Swift acknowledge her previous lack of political activity and explained her concern about women's and LBGTQ issues.

"In the past I’ve been reluctant to publicly voice my political opinions, but due to several events in my life and in the world in the past two years, I feel very differently about that now," she wrote. "I always have and always will cast my vote based on which candidate will protect and fight for the human rights I believe we all deserve in this country."

Oh come on, Neo Nazis! Shake it off! Well it’s as if we did find the one flaw – that Neo Nazis love you! In fact the Daily Stormer had often called you an “Aryan Goddess” like they did in several headlines!

Other headlines on the Daily Stormer—a site guided in part by the ethos of “ironic Nazism disguised as real Nazism disguised as ironic Nazism”—read, “Taylor Swift, Avatar of European Imperialism,” and, “Aryan Goddess Taylor Swift: Nazi Avatar of the White European People,” and, “Aryan Goddess Taylor Swift Accused of Racism for Behaving Like an Ape in a Music Video.”

When right-wing provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos was still working with Breitbart, he tried to spell it out: “The alt-right can be given to conspiracy on occasion—hardly surprising, given how often they are lied to and about—and the thought that Swift is covertly ‘red-pilled,’ concealing her secret conservative values from the progressive music industry while issuing subtle nods to a reactionary fanbase, delights them.” As long as Swift said nothing, the lark played.

And now the lark is over. On Sunday, as she finished the American leg of her Reputation tour, Swift posted a photo of herself to Instagram with a long caption that warned against Tennessee Senate hopeful, Republican Marsha Blackburn. Blackburn’s voting record “appalls and terrifies” her, she wrote, and cited views held by Blackburn that tend to go against L.G.T.B.Q. rights and women’s equality. “In the past I’ve been reluctant to publicly voice my political opinions, but due to several events in my life and in the world in the past two years, I feel very differently about that now,” Swift said.

Yes even Hitler is facepalming at this one! But won’t someone please think of the poor little racists at 4chan? Really we might need the Sad Hulk Music for this one. They are either in denial, or smoking some Covfefe or something!

The notorious alt-right chat forum, 4chan, is beside itself with grief at the news that popstar Taylor Swift has officially endorsed a Democrat.

Swift broke her silence on party politics last night in a lengthy Instagram post, in which she announced that she would be voting for two Democrats in Tennessee in the upcoming American mid-term elections. “In the past I’ve been reluctant to publicly voice my political opinions,” she wrote before going on to condemn Republican candidate for Senate, Marsha Blackburn, “but due to several events in my life and in the world in the past two years, I feel very differently about that now.” The singer has previously remained almost silent on politics, to the extent she has been the subject of widespread criticism for not publicly denouncing the views of the far-right (especially Donald Trump), for not coming out in support of Democratic candidates, and remaining neutral during political elections for her entire career.

And the bros on 4chan are devastated at the change.

“Goodbye Tay”, “They took her from us”, “She was supposed to be our girl! Why did she break our hearts” are just a few of the hundreds of posts that have poured in over the last 12 hours from hard-right, alt-right, and neo-Nazi 4chan users stunned by the loss of their Aryan poster girl. Users are so shocked that many are hypothesising that she was paid to do this and her statement was ghost written, parsing out the message to argue that it linguistically didn’t match her usual style. “Ever notice how every celebrity seems to be reciting the exact same script,” one user posited. “That looks ghostwritten.” “All PR nonsense,” wrote another, “She just doesn’t want to be labelled as a white nationalist. Probably got paid to say all this.”

Which George Soros immediately handed her a large burlap sack with a dollar sign on it! Because that’s how the economy works in 2018 apparently – George Soros is paying Trump’s opposition large sums of cash to endorse democrats! Then where’s our check? We got a staff to maintain, yo! But the Neo Nazis are in full on denial right now. And it’s really sad when the only guy you could get on your show to justify the Tay Tay backlash is the guy who’s famous for wearing a diaper,

As The Daily Beast reports, the trolls are crestfallen. “It was good while it lasted, mates,” wrote one. Another posted an image of a picture of Swift aflame, while another said Swift’s endorsement had cost him his “last additional bit of hope,” causing us to wonder how, exactly, one’s entire well-being could apparently rest on the belief that a pop star might be racist.

Fox News, meanwhile, is scrambling. Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk—a man best known for wearing a diaper—swung by the network to push what seems to be the right-wing narrative for Swift’s post, which is that, actually, she didn’t write it.

“I don’t think she’s the only one that wrote that post on Instagram,” he claimed. “She probably got some very bad information.”

Taylor Swift is a modern pop icon, but, in a social and political climate that expects its celebrities to wield their massive influence with care, she’s been criticized for prioritizing glamour pics of her lavish lifestyle over any kind of opinion on the issues currently afflicting the country. It’s not that fans want Swift’s take on Trump so much as they do a proclamation that she, unlike a particular subset of the country, stands by the kinds of basic human rights the administration doesn’t. Of course, that silence has led to 4chan trolls and assorted to neo-Nazis to maintain that, secretly, Swift is one of them.

Oh, then what a disappointment it was for them when, last night, Swift took to her Instagram to endorse Phil Bredesen, the Democrat running for the U.S. Senate in her home state of Tennessee. In the process, she took several shots at his Republican opponent, Marsha Blackburn.

“In the past I’ve been reluctant to publicly voice my political opinions,” she wrote, “but due to several events in my life and in the world in the past two years, I feel very differently about that now.”

She continued, “I always have and always will cast my vote based on which candidate will protect and fight for the human rights I believe we all deserve in this country. I believe in the fight for LGBTQ rights, and that any form of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender is WRONG. I believe that the systemic racism we still see in this country towards people of color is terrifying, sickening and prevalent. I cannot vote for someone who will not be willing to fight for dignity for ALL Americans, no matter their skin color, gender or who they love.”

As such, she wrote, she “cannot support Marsha Blackburn,” saying “her voting record in Congress appalls and terrifies me.”

Bredesen expressed his thanks on Twitter. “Thank you for the kind words @taylorswift13,” he tweeted. “I’m honored to have your support and that of so many Tennesseans who are ready to put aside the partisan shouting and get things done. We’re ready for it. Last day to register to vote is October 9.”

As The Daily Beast reports, the trolls are crestfallen. “It was good while it lasted, mates,” wrote one. Another posted an image of a picture of Swift aflame, while another said Swift’s endorsement had cost him his “last additional bit of hope,” causing us to wonder how, exactly, one’s entire well-being could apparently rest on the belief that a pop star might be racist.

Fox News, meanwhile, is scrambling. Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk—a man best known for wearing a diaper—swung by the network to push what seems to be the right-wing narrative for Swift’s post, which is that, actually, she didn’t write it.

“I don’t think she’s the only one that wrote that post on Instagram,” he claimed. “She probably got some very bad information.”

His apparent source? 4chan, of course! “All PR nonsense,” they claim, citing the post as a means to “get the jew media off her back.”

Kirk even name-checked his new friend Kanye West, saying Swift’s “career has never recovered since Kanye ended it,” seemingly referring to the “Imma let you finish” heard ‘round the world.

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[font size="8"]What’s Up With India?
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It’s time for our new feature where we ask:

And yes, this feature is designed to ask the question “What’s Up With India?”. While the entire world is pointing out that the apocalypse is going to happen with Russia, China, the US, and Isreal, there’s one country out there that has the potential to kill a whole lot of us before any of those other guys ever would or could! And that country is India. Yes, India, a country that at one point in history was its’ own continent and has more population per capita than the next 60 countries combined! And when you have that many people, there’s things that can potentially get lost. Add to the fact that they’re led by a brutal, megalomaniacal dictator with global domination intentions – no, not Vladimir Putin, I’m talking about Narendra Modi, a BFF and ally of Putin who has been in power since 2014. So how is India going to kill us this week? Well maybe it’s through STDs!

Royal Caribbean International refunded nearly two-thirds of the passengers on board its Voyager of the Seas cruise ship that sailed from Singapore to Australia in September after several complaints against 1,300 unruly Indian men were filed. Passengers narrated how the men, who reportedly work for a chewing tobacco company, hosted wild parties with burlesque dancers, harassed young girls and took over several areas of the ship.

“During Voyager of the Seas’ three-night sailing from Singapore on September 6, a group onboard caused complaints from some of our guests who raised their concerns with us after they returned to Australia. We were able to quickly provide them with a satisfactory solution,” a spokesperson for Royal Caribbean was quoted as saying by The Telegraph, adding that they are reviewing the incident.

The Indians reportedly brought onboard women dressed as Playboy bunnies and burlesque dancers, took over several areas of the ship including such as the deck and buffet areas, and even got certain events cancelled due to lack of interest.

So really what’s up with these guys that they immediately get on a cruise ship and are just like “ah, fuck it, we’re in international waters, anything goes!!”? I mean were they really that starved for sex? And how are they sneaking people *ONTO* a boat? I have a million questions about this story. But we’ll save those for another time. Maybe it’s that deal with Putin and Modi that could potentially kill us all!

The US has urged its allies to forgo transactions with Russia, warning that the S-400 missile defence system that India intends to buy would be a "focus area" for it to implement punitive sanctions against a nation undertaking "significant" business deals with the Russians.

The US administration is required under a domestic law, Countering America's Adversaries through Sanctions Act or CAATSA to impose sanctions on any country that has "significant transactions" with Iran, North Korea or Russia.

The Act primarily deals with sanctions on Russian interests such as its oil and gas industry, defence and security sector, and financial institutions, in the backdrop of its military intervention in Ukraine and its alleged meddling in the 2016 US Presidential elections.

"We urge all of our allies and partners to forgo transactions with Russia that would trigger sanctions under CAATSA," a State Department Spokesperson said on Wednesday when asked about India's plan to purchase multi-billion S-400 missile defense system from Russia.

So what’s up with India needing a crazy missile defense system? And who’s to say it won’t turn Skynet on us? Well, you know Skynet wasn’t deployed in a day! But nah, it’s not going to be either of those things that’s going to kill us. You know what’s going to be the cause? Drunken rats! Yes, say hello to the new Black Plague! Black Plague 2: Bigger and Blackerer!

Drunk rats in dry state Bihar appears to have found an ingenious way to keep themselves in high spirits and overcome the state restrictions on alcohol availability. According to latest reports, rats in Bihar have begun targeting police store rooms where confiscated alcohol is being kept, stealing liquor without any trace.

According to The Times of India, the police in Kaimur district of Bihar have "found 200 beer cans confiscated by police and kept in the storeroom with holes". And "alcohol-craving rats" have emerged as the main suspects behind the theft. ABPLive said that in a similar incident alcohol was found missing from 11,584 bottles confiscated by the police.

Kumari Anupama Singh, sub-divisional magistrate, told DNA that prima facie, the act seemed like "a doing of rats".

"It looks like the work of rats because only cans and cartons have been damaged. All the cans are in place (none were missing) but most were leaking and empty," she said.

According to the report, Singh will submit a detailed report on the alleged violation of the prohibition rules in Bihar by the "drunkard rats" to the district magistrate for further action.

Ah it’s not so bad. Human prohibition may be doing some weird shit to the food chain but it’s created an army of drunk super rats! Maybe the drunk rats of Bahir can party with the drunk birds of Minnesota, it’s a thing, people, and it has the potential to kill a whole lot of that species’ populations!

They fall out of trees. They fly into windows. They stumble along branches and wobble their small feathered bodies as if they have had one marg too many.

Have the drunk birds come early this year?

In Gilbert, a city of about 1,800 people in northeastern Minnesota, the police chief sent out a lighthearted notice to residents this week informing them that there was no need to call the police on local birds that appeared to be inebriated.

The birds seemed to have been munching on berries that fermented as a result of an early frost, Chief Ty Techar wrote in a Facebook post, and some had gotten “a little more ‘tipsy’ than normal.”

But bird experts are skeptical that this public debauchery was really the product of drunkenness. It is too early in the season for many berries to have fermented, they say, and birds may be slamming into windows at unusual rates because of a large seasonal migration through the area.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let’s hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. So I want to start with the story that I’m sure you have all heard by now. It’s out of Tuscon, Arizona. And it falls under my favorite category of idiots – “stupid people with guns”. This guy was an ICE agent whose gender reveal party for his newborn started the infamous Sawmill Fire in Arizona. The sheer stupidity of this guy firing a loaded gun at a tank of highly flammable fuel is what “People Are Dumb” is made for!

"A Border Patrol agent will have to serve probation for starting a wildfire in southern Arizona while he was off duty. The fire was sparked accidentally during a gender-reveal party stunt gone awry last year, his lawyer tells the Arizona Daily Star.

Federal prosecutors announced Friday that 37-year-old Dennis Dickey, of Tucson, has pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor violation of U.S. Forest Service regulations. He will face five years' probation and make a public service announcement about the fire.

The fast-moving "Sawmill Fire" was ignited near Green Valley in April 2017 when Dickey shot a rifle at explosive powder inside a target. Dickey's lawyer, Shawn Chapman, told the Daily Star that the incident happened during a party celebrating his wife's pregnancy, and the target contained blue or pink powder to announce the unborn child's sex. It also contained Tannerite, an explosive substance designed to detonate when shot at, according to a Department of Justice statement.

Authorities say the blaze spread to the Coronado National Forest and burned more than 45,000 acres of federal, state and private land. The damage was estimated to be more than $8 million."


So… were they having a boy or a girl? We may never know!!! By the way when doing the research on this story I came up with a ton of gender reveal party disasters, and I may have to devote a future edition of "People Are Dumb" to these. Next up, sex robots. We’re entering a time where the machines are going to take over and possibly go Skynet and murder everybody. Yes, you have been warned. But at least the good people of Houston have had the good sense to stop it before it starts! And why Houston? Are they implying that the most red blooded city in America loves them some robot sex?

Houston’s perhaps lesser-known status as a sex trade hub was noted by Texas’s governor, Greg Abbott, in June when he lamented that the city had more brothels than Starbucks outlets. And this city has a lot of coffee shops.

But what Houston is apparently badly missing is a robot brothel, so called. Now a Canadian company is trying to fill that yawning gap.

Kinky S Dolls, a firm that bills itself as the first “adult love dolls rent-before-you-buy service in North America”, sells realistic-looking life-size dolls with basic artificial intelligence functions – and also offers them for use by the half-hour or hour at a warehouse in Toronto.

Now the firm is targeting Houston as the first market in a planned US expansion, but is meeting resistance from a Christian anti-sex trafficking and anti-pornography group and the city’s mayor.

Damn straight!! Next up – pot! But surprisingly this story doesn’t take place in Florida. Instead we go to Hartford, Michigan for this story. And people if you’re running for homecoming queen, maybe don’t try to win over people’s loyalty by bribing them with pot brownies! Although I’m sure Trump would approve of this story.

A 17-year-old cheerleader at a Michigan high school is accused of giving pot brownies to fellow students in hopes they'd vote for her as homecoming queen.

The student, now the subject of a criminal investigation, allegedly brought 12 marijuana-laced brownies to Hartford High School on September 26, authorities say.

Hartford patrolman Michael Prince, who is investigating the incident, told WWMT-TV that some of the brownies, nine of which are unaccounted for, were given to football players in "goody bags" as a way to campaign for homecoming queen.

In a letter sent home to parents, Hartford Public Schools said they were contacted by state police following an anonymous tip that students were eating pot brownies at the school. The school confirmed the report and involved students "are being dealt with" according to district policies and student handbooks, superintendent Andrew Hubbard said in a statement.

Well let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Next up of course we can’t do People Are Dumb without mentioning America’s most penis shaped state of Florida. But you kind of have to feel bad for the convenience store owner in this story. And, as always this is one of those times where location does matter, people!

A Southside gas station owner is asking people not to warm urine in the microwave.

"We got sick and tired of people bringing their urine containers,” said Parul Patel, owner of On the Fly convenience store and BP gas station on the corner of Phillips Highway and Shad Road. “They're just random people walking and it's happening every day.”

The people who come in to do it are not customers, Patel said. "They walk in off the street, microwave urine containers then leave."

The gas station is within walking distance of a Quest Diagnostics and a LabCorp. Both companies offer drug testing services and collect urine samples.

Read more: https://www.firstcoastnews.com/article/news/dont-microwave-your-pee-jacksonville-gas-station-owners-bizarre-request/77-600936013

Yeah maybe having a liquor store with an easily accessible microwave between two drug testing sites might not be the best thing in the world. Especially if it happens to be in Florida. Finally this week we’re going to end with this bizarre story out of New York. It doesn’t specify where, but you know what? Don’t take more than the recommended dose people!

One man’s experience with a common erectile dysfunction drug turned out to be a lot more eye-opening than he expected. According to his doctors, he developed a seemingly permanent red tint to his color vision after taking a massive dose of sildenafil citrate.

Sildenafil is sold as a generic drug for erectile dysfunction as well as under the brand name Viagra. Despite being relatively safe, even a typically prescribed dose of sildenafil is known to sometimes cause people vision problems, such as blurred vision, increased light sensitivity, and a change in our color vision (usually blue-tinted vision). But these problems are seemingly temporary, usually lasting no more than a day.

The 31-year-old man, whose case was detailed in a report published this month in Retinal Cases, didn’t turn out to be so lucky.

According to the report, the man’s troubles began pretty soon after he took an unknown amount of liquid sildenafil he had purchased from the internet. He started seeing multicolored flashes of light, his eyes became more sensitive to light, and his vision took on a reddish tint. By the time he visited an urgent care clinic at the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary of Mount Sinai two days later, the flashes had stopped. But despite receiving treatment, his red tint has remained in place for more than a year.

At least not with that doctor! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 15: The United States Coast Guard
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It’s time for episode 15 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The United States Coast Guard[/font]

So we’ve got 3 of the 5 branches of the US military covered and now we’re on to the 4th branch – the United States Coast Guard! The Coast Guard was founded in 1915 and has been in service for over 103 years guarding the east and west coasts of America. They are also one of the largest employers within the United States government after the Army and Navy. And one of the CG’s missions has dealt with America’s never ending war on drugs, and guess what? When the rest of the world is ending this nonsense, in the backwards Trump administration they are trying to escalate it! Of course, this is where the Coast Guard comes in.

n nights when the November rain poured down and he had not slept at all, Jhonny Arcentales had visions of dying, of his body being cast into the dark ocean. He would imagine his wife and their teenage son tossing his clothes into a pit in a cemetery and gathering at the local church for his funeral. It had been more than two months since Arcentales, a 40-year-old fisherman from Ecuador’s central coast, left home, telling his wife he would return in five days. A cuff clamped onto his ankle kept him shackled to a cable along the deck of the ship but for the occasional trip, guarded by a sailor, to defecate into a bucket. Most of the time, he couldn’t move more than an arm’s length in either direction without jostling the next shackled man. “The sea used to be freedom,” he told me. But on the ship, “it was the opposite. Like a prison in the open ocean.”

By day Arcentales would stand against the wall and stare out at the water, his mind blank one moment, the next racing with thoughts of his wife and their newborn son. He had not spoken to his family, though he asked each day to call home. He increasingly felt panicked, fearing his wife would believe he was dead.

Arcentales has wide muscular shoulders from his 25 years hauling fishing nets from the sea. But his meals now consisted of a handful of rice and beans, and he could feel his body shrinking from the undernourishment and immobility. “The moment we would stand up, we would get nauseated, our heads would spin,” he recalled. The 20-some prisoners aboard the vessel — Ecuadorians, Guatemalans and Colombians — would often stand through the night, their backs aching, their bodies frigid from the wind and rain, waiting for the morning sun to rise and dry them.

Yes, the Coast Guard has been building a real life version of the super prison from Captain America: Civil War that would make Supermax look like a Ramada. Yes, that is it in a nutshell. But let’s not look at the negatives of the Coast Guard, we like to point out the positive aspects as well!

A new 2,000-square-foot cyber lab at the Coast Guard Academy will be used by cadets studying to become cybersecurity officers in the Coast Guard.

This year, the academy started offering a new major in cyber systems, the first new major to be created since the 1980s. The idea is to get cadets engaged in cybersecurity earlier in their careers, before they become officers in the Coast Guard.

"The Coast Guard is recognizing that cyber is everywhere," said Cmdr. Joe Benin, program coordinator for the cyber systems major, adding that the service needs more "cyber competent officers."

Academy officials say they are impressed by the interest in the new major so far. Sixty-six cadets in the Class of 2022 expressed initial interest, despite the cyber systems major not yet being listed on the academy's application form. Of them, 31 said they were interested in declaring cyber systems as their major after receiving a follow-up briefing. Cadets don't get formally accepted into their major until the beginning of their second year at the academy. Already, those applying to be in the academy's Class of 2023 are emailing Benin, the program coordinator, to say they are interested in the new major.

Because if there’s one thing we need more of, it’s cyber security experts! Especially when you know Putin and his troll army are planning the next attack on us. Or are they?

The office of Russia's infamous troll factory believed to be at the vanguard of Russia's information war has been set on fire in St. Petersburg overnight.

An investigation revealed last year that the secretive troll factory had rebranded itself as a media conglomerate with 16 news websites generating more than 30 million pageviews every month. Its operational hub, a website called FAN (Federal News Agency), is based a stone's throw from the troll farm's original location in northern St. Petersburg.

The Fontanka.ru news website cited police as saying that an unknown suspect broke the agency's ground-floor window and threw a Molotov cocktail inside at around 3 a.m. on Tuesday.

The troll farm is believed to be run by billionaire restaurateur Yevgeny Prigozhin, known as President Vladimir Putin's "cook." A U.S. special counsel indicted Prigozhin and 12 other Russians this year on charges of defrauding the U.S. government by interfering with its political process.

OK so maybe cyber security while it is important shouldn’t be what they need to focus on right now because there’s far worse threats about to hit our coast, like I don’t know, helping prepare our country’s fishermen.

The Coast Guard has scheduled marine safety and survival training next month in Charleston.

The 2-day training will also be available in Astoria, Newport and Garibaldi.

The Coast Gaurd said the trainings are designed for commercial fisherman.

“This is required training for documented commercial fishing vessels that operate beyond the boundary line,” said Curt Farrell, Coast Guard Fishing Vessel Safety Coordinator for Oregon and Southwest Washington.

"The training gives commercial fishermen the opportunity to receive valuable hands-on safety equipment and emergency drill training in select Oregon fishing ports leading up to the commercial Dungeness crab season," the Coast Guard said in a statement. "Participants will practice with emergency equipment required aboard most commercial fishing vessels—personal flotation devices, life rafts, immersion suits, distress signals, EPIRBs and fire extinguishers. They will learn and practice emergency procedures like man overboard retrieval, abandoning ship, firefighting and flooding control through on board emergency drills and practical demonstrations."

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: A+
Likely hood To Survive: A+

Overall: A+

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

It’s our final stop in the military as we check out the best of the best, the United States Marine Corps!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Umphrey’s McGee[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my next guest is a legendary jam band whose latest album is called “It’s You”, you can see them everywhere this October and a 4 night stay at Atlanta’s Tabernacle Theater on New Year’s Eve. Playing their song “Attachments”, give it up for Umphrey’s McGee!

Lexington, we love you! This was fun! We are shipping off to Boston next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Comedy Off Broadway, Lexington, KY
Special Thanks To: Comedy Off Broadway Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: University Of Kentucky Choir Club, Lexington, KY
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Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Umphrey’s McGee Appear Courtesy Of: Hanging Brains Music
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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