General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThis is kind of awkward.
I haven't been particularly close to my brother either geographically or otherwise for the last 30 years. Last he knew, I lived 3000 miles away. I didn't bother telling him I moved back across the country three years ago which put me about 500 miles away. Honestly, I never made much effort other than the random funeral.
Found out yesterday, he moved this month....to within 20 miles of where I now live (essentially, one county over).
We are polar opposites on the political/religious spectrum. You can pretty much guess where each of us lies on that spectrum based on the fact that I am a big D Democrat and the stuff I see him post is stuff that makes me more than a little apprehensive. I'm about We've managed to stay distantly cordial.
Now I find myself wondering if the neighborly thing to do is to try to reach out or just let sleeping dogs lie or is there something in between?
Maybe suggest a meetup and discuss some terms? Neither of us are toxic in the sense that we both are self-sufficient and not remotely likely to end up on each other's couch, but the political climate being what it is, I cleave to the peace I have in life I currently have and don't know that I want to introduce an unknown quantity into my life. On the flip side, it seems kind of rude to be so close and not make the attempt.
Like I said, awkward.
TreasonousBastard
(43,049 posts)Lives 20 miles down the road. Hardly ever talk unless something comes up, but when we do we are cordial.
Can't hurt to say hello.
rzemanfl
(29,557 posts)let him make the first move or wait for the funeral.
Liberal Veteran
(22,239 posts)...who probably isn't aware of just how much proximity there is now. Probably not too many opportunities where funerals are concerned anymore. We are the one's getting old now (no parents or grandparents surviving).
rzemanfl
(29,557 posts)malaise
(268,996 posts)Family matters - if it doesn't work out, you would have tried and can rest easy. :
madaboutharry
(40,210 posts)It sounds like there never was an ugly falling out between you, rather just a long drift.
I don't see how making contact is a bad thing. You can even get together and make a "no talking about politics or religion" rule, like at work.
Now that you are older, maybe you would both be grateful for the friendship.
blm
(113,059 posts)Surrounding Trumps election. Then give him a couple weeks to absorb it. Going through it myself.
Lucca2
(63 posts)if he were no longer alive. Would you regret not seeing him? I empathize with you and there is no easy answer. But humans are social animals and family is a big part of our early life. It can feel good to try...may not work but you reached out.
nevergiveup
(4,760 posts)Blue_true
(31,261 posts)Regardless of how hard we try, some bonds will never break. It is important to say important things to a person while they are living, because once they are dead, what was to be said is meaningless.
People have shared happy memories from childhood. Maybe set some ground rules about politics and meet at times to talk about other things in life outside views on Trump, women's rights, ect.
magicarpet
(14,150 posts)I curse the Fascist extreme Right-Wing to have polarized politics so it is this damn toxic.
They won't be happy until they whip things up and cause a hot Civil War II.
matt819
(10,749 posts)Politics has to be off limits.
Weather. Sports. Non-political hobbies. Nieces, nephews. Vacations. Jobs. There once was a time that we as a society didnt discuss politics 100% of the time. Try that. See if it works.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)Let him get in touch with you if he wants to. Luckily for me, I have no family like him.
FakeNoose
(32,639 posts)If so, maybe you can make it a sports-related event, and invite him to a ballgame or something. Then when you're together on neutral ground, find a way to gently tell him that you don't share his political views. Maybe he's fine with keeping it off-limits.
Do you or your brother have any childhood friends living nearby? Perhaps you can include a friend to break the ice and keep the conversation going. Hopefully your friend will understand and agree to help with handling your brother.
So I hope this helps, and good luck!
Liberal Veteran
(22,239 posts)There have been apologies and overtures, but no real healing and if I am completely honest there are some things I haven't forgiven that were said and done decades ago.
I guess in the final analysis, there will never be a semblance of closure or healing if I don't make an effort. I'm just not so sure I'm in a place where I want to pull the scab back on some old wounds.
Our political differences make it tougher call. We have so little in common, but we are family. I guess it's true that every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
FakeNoose
(32,639 posts)Good luck and God bless!
Your friends on DU will always understand and support you.
Phoenix61
(17,003 posts)we share genetic material. They are the people who see who we can be and help us become that person. They love the best in us and understand the worst.
We are rarely born into our spiritual family.
Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
NCTraveler
(30,481 posts)If you reach out, I hope its wonderful for both of you. The toughest ones for me are when I find myself saying I should have done something.