I started this in the LGBTQ thread but thought it important to post here

[blur256]

I don't mean thie about anyone here. But, even though I have been a mostly silent member for over 10 years, I feel like something needs to be said. And I'm probably going to be kicked out of here for saying it. But my wife and I are also scared of white people at large in certain areas of this country. Keep in mind, we are white people ourselves. But we are also married lesbians. We decided last week to go to the Brimfield huge flea market this weekend. This is in Massachusetts. Even though we are two hours away, we thought it would be fun to stay in a motel 20 minutes away so we could shop early. This motel was kinda out in the middle of nowhere. Driving up to it, my wife and I looked at each other like, what are we getting ourselves into... Turns out that the the folks running the place were of southeastern Asian descent. We were relieved thinking it would be ran by local Caucasians. Because honestly, we have ran into more hateful white people, well than anyone else. Because we have never ran into any POC that were hateful. Ever. But white people, yes. And I'm not knocking Brimfield because it was a glorious mix of people of all walks of life. As we drove home though, we saw a sign that said "glad we have a real president with balls, and a first lady that doesnt" I can't believe we have to be scared up here. We used to live in Missouri. I can't believe we even had to expect it there. But we did. And now here... I think we are right to be worried...

[Tavarious Jackson]

1. I'm scared to death of white people too.

I never know when one is going to lose it and shoot up a public place for reasons of " mental health."

[blur256]

2. Me too

[JoeOtterbein]

29. I'm sorry.

Please take care. Honestly Many of us old white guys are criminally insane. I know many personally. They cannot be trusted.

I wish I could be there to help both you and your wife.

[hlthe2b]

3. I 'hear' a lot of sensitivity in your post, but I guess I'm clueless & I sincerely don't mean to be.

Is your concern over being hassled when the two of you check in at a motel/hotel run by, as you say, Asian people?

I know the point may have gone right over my head and if so, I apologize, but why would they think anything? Two women stay in the same room all the time so i don't know that they would conclude that you were lesbian unless you tell them and probably would think you were friends, sisters, cousins, colleagues, whatever...PLEASE NOTE that I'm not saying you don't have every right to present yourselves as a couple--you surely do, but if that is what is causing you concern and seemingly fear, then perhaps it is none of their business?

Has something happened that causes you to be concerned as while I know I'm from CO and not MA, I really thought that most of MA was pretty darned tolerant and liberal. No?

You seem genuinely afraid of some response. Perhaps your post in LGBT will result in someone less clueless than me that can offer a better take on the issue...?

[blur256]

7. No what I'm saying is

We were relieved it was ran by Asian people. We were worried it was ran by white bigots being out in the middle of nowhere. I have experienced that before.

[hlthe2b]

9. Pretty broad stroke you are painting. I think you really mean RW bigots.

[blur256]

13. I do mean that

Like I said , no one here. I meant that to be clear. Sorry if it wasn't

[plimsoll]

31. Because the Alt Right / Klan / Neo Nazis / etc. all wear buttons so you know who they are?

Sorry, I hit all the easy settings markers white/male/heterosexual and I have to agree. I'm also a liberal and while easily identifiable minorities may be the first targets, I do listen to what the right says. I'm playing on easy, but they hate people like me nearly as much as they hate the identifiable minorities. Most RW bigots are going to look just like everyone else. We should acknowledge the reality that most of the crime in the country is committed by white people. Most terrorism in the US is perpetrated by white people.

Statistically speaking you're making an innumerate assertion.

[Doodley]

4. I am sorry you feel afraid, but remember that attitudes

are changing. Most people agree with same-sex marriage and the numbers are increasing. I can understand your fear in certain areas. There is a lot of hate out there.

[blur256]

14. Sadly for us

We grew up with it, so we are a little jaded. Trust me whe I say I go back home to southwest Missouri with skepticism it is warranted.

[Doodley]

15. For each person who will judge you based on their prejudices, two more will open their arms to you.

For each fear you have, the bigots are two times more fearful.

[blur256]

19. That is amazing

Thank you

[FM123]

36. Well said!

[Doodley]

12. Gee, the white waitress is saying "I am not judging you." Accept her outreach with

good intent, as she is going out of her way to say she is not one with a judgmental attitude that, as you say, is a problem.

[blur256]

21. Didn't see the post

But thanks. Sounds like it was counter my post. I appreciate it!

[madaboutharry]

6. Dear blur256

You are not alone, not at all. I didn’t know that there were so many people fillled with rage and hate in this country. I am scared too.

[blur256]

11. Thank you

So sad.

[JI7]

8. It's not white people and minorities can be bigoted also

But more specifically the trump supporters who have been emboldened . They are pretty much white xtian heteros who view anyone else as less.

And trump encourages their hate.

[blur256]

10. Yep

The hate is exactly why we won't venture to the south. I include Missouri in the south. My mom is a teacher at the school i grew up in and can't tell her fellow teachers her daughter has a wife because of the judgement and hatred. How sad.

[hlthe2b]

16. You can't hide from confrontation your whole life.. heavens, I've had my share for any number of

reasons. And, I have lived or worked in every region of the country, though Colorado is my true home. I have found nice tolerant people in the South and bigots in the North and vice versa. There are good people everywhere and I've found that if I expect someone to be nasty, they often are so maybe we put off vibes that attracts that kind of behavior.

I have also traveled extensively for work and pleasure by myself, including the Middle East and have always found most people to be basically kind and helpful.

You just can't live your life in fear of someone's bad conduct or reactions.

[blur256]

17. Oh I know

I just can't convince my mom of that. She is about to retire and doesn't want to stir the pot... as it were. Unfortunately my dad was a staunch Democrat and died too young... she is just protecting herself, which sucks it comes down to that

[Haggis for Breakfast]

28. It had to take a lot for you to post this

But know that there are many people out here who love for who you are. It's a shame that your Mum can't publicly be one of them. This tells me that she values the opinions of others over her won daughter. Now that IS sad. I hope you continue to grow in your courage and post more often. Stay safe. Be well. Love with all your heart.

[LuckyLib]

38. My 92 year old Mom's Bible Study group got

On the topic of homosexuality and some nodded that it was a sinful choice. Loving her lesbian married granddaughter the way she does, she spoke up and said “It’s not a choice.” It was a tiny and brave step to challenge these peers, and I wish she’d had the words to elaborate. I’m so proud of her. Your Mom can do it as well. It’s all about love.

[ismnotwasm]

18. I can't imagine

There are many bigots in Seattle, and I like to think they are mostly—not always but mostly, shamed into silence. At any rate, I live in one of those “ready for gentrification” neighborhoods that is extremely diverse, and I’m grateful for it.

Still, I think it pays to be wary, far too many bigots are now emboldened, and it is terrifying for LGBLQ community as well as for PoC when white bigots are emboldened. History tells us the tale.

[blur256]

20. Thank you

Hugs back

[Doodley]

22. A lot of it is jealousy too.

Who are the most outspoken critics of homosexuality? The closet gays who are entrapped by their own self-righteousness. Who is it that picks on the prettiest girl in the class? They ones who are jealous that they don't look so perfect. You are living freely, loving the person you choose, regardless of what they might think or what their version of Jesus wants, and they can't handle it. They look at you and they look at their own insular, conformist, repressed little world and you are are everything they are not. They hate that. Take their judgment as a compliment. You are special and that is why you are a target.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

23. Hate knows no color, creed, religion, or group.

[mnhtnbb]

24. I lived in Missouri (St. Joseph) for 6 years

and I've been in North Carolina now for almost 18 years. Parts of NC are quite welcoming and supportive of LGBTQ (despite the horrific
bathroom bill passed by the right wing Republicans here a few years ago). I'm currently living in Raleigh and last weekend a gay pride
day event was held downtown here on the main street that runs to the Capitol Building. No problem. A number of cities here in NC have
had out mayors, including Chapel Hill where I lived from 2000 until the end of last year.

I think there are hateful, bigoted white folks everywhere, but there are also open and welcoming folks of all colors everywhere.

That said, both my sons are gay and have partners with whom they've been for more than 5 years. Both of them are aware of
not being overly affectionate with each other in public just as a precaution against running into some bigot who'd like to make trouble.
But neither of them has ever had any trouble traveling together and staying in motels, hotels, or air bnb rooms.

[sandensea]

25. Some Republicans are a real problem

They are so brazen in their bigotry, that it can be contagious to the weak-willed.

Thank you for sharing this anecdote, Blur256. Very illuminating.

All the Best to you and your wife.

[MrScorpio]

26. Kickage

[thbobby]

27. Scared of White People ???

But Hitler was white. Stalin was white. Trump is white. White people are evangelical Christians who love profitable wars and guns and hate anyone not white. How could anyone be afraid of white people? They just believe in killing for profit and hatred.

[Cha]

30. I'm glad it turned out good for you and your wife

while on your get away, blur.

I'm in Hawaii and we don't seem to have the horrible racism and bigotry that I read about that is so prevalent on the Mainland. Thank Goodness.

About that stupid sign you saw..

We have someone rigged into office who is a vicious monster.. I don't care how many "balls" he is juggling. And, his wife is a birther like him and a plagiarizer who GasLights about "cyberbulling" and kids while her freaking spouse is out being the biggest bully online. Freaking Hypocrites.

Link to tweet

Link to tweet

Link to tweet

[Honeycombe8]

32. What a hateful, vulgar sign. In Massachusetts? I thought that was a sorta neutral area. nt

[patty_bateman]

33. Thinking the same thing in Memphis

It's sad that you encounter this crap in Massachusetts. Just last weekend, I was thinking "It's white people" - let me explain...I live in the LGBTQ part of Memphis - it's small, but the folks are very nice and tolerant of everyone, as far as I can see. Last week, I was recounting my day to a friend who lives in Pennsylvania and told her that during my 2 hours of errands that day I encountered at least 1: Muslim, Christian, Jewish person, lesbian, gay, transgendered, AA, Asian, white, Hispanic, wealthy (presumably), homeless, Veteran and active duty military. So, a pretty good cross-section of our country within 1 mile of my home. I am always uplifted when I return home IF I only go about 2-3 miles around my home.

My sister and mother live in a suburb of Memphis that's just over the state border in MS. At least once a month, I go shopping with my sister in her suburb and it is terrifying. I am not skittish; I have been gay bashed before so it's not some unknown fear. I do not look overtly lesbian and I don't go looking for a confrontation. When I shop with my sister, I encounter white people, lots and lots of white people. And I'm white, too, but I don't think I'm their type of white. I also see a few AA people, but they, like me, know they are in hostile territory.

It's been my experience that when you get a group of white people together in South, they get a little nasty, perhaps even deplorable. They say things to other white people thinking all white people think like they do. When I wrote above "I don't go looking for a confrontation" I realized that they do (Trump Cultists. Is it Trumpites? Trumpitarians? What's the word?). When you don't go along with their racism, sexism, intolerance, Bible-thumping cult-speak they get outraged - not upset - outraged. No matter how you present opposition, whether it is by simply existing or with words or just when they imagine opposition in their heads - they are outraged.

I am very worried that folks in MA are seeing what I see here in the South - I thought "I was asking for it" by living down here. I guess it's everywhere now, though.

[left-of-center2012]

35. Sadly there are some haters in all people regardless of color, religion, ethnicity, etc

Hopefully, most folks are not haters.

Perhaps you have been blessed to only encounter evil white folk,
and no evil poc,
as you have told us.

At 71,
I find most people are good people,
and I do not let those who are haters
prejudice me against a whole segment of society.

[trixie2]

37. I do see hope in the era of backwardness

I work in a high school that is very diverse and proud to include and not exclude. I see gay students walking hand in hand every day and no one even blinks. I was pleasantly surprised since I have not walked into a high school in years.

You are right that the Trump administration in giving license to those who used to hide under rocks.