What the hell is wrong with parents?!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

We went out to dinner tonight. At the next table was a mother and her five or six year old little boy. He was cute and sweet. He brought his action figures to watch him eat his mac and cheese. As soon as they sat down, they got their order taken and immediately this woman was on the phone. She drank her margarita, chatted on the phone, while her son sat quietly and ate while watching ESPN on the TV overhead. Seriously? Why do you take your kid out to eat then freaking ignore the poor kid like they aren't even there? I looked over a couple of times and I saw him look at her and sigh. I wanted to invite him to our table and talk to him about what he learned in school today. I realize I don't have kids, but dammit, if I did, I know I wouldn't ignore him! This kind of crap just makes me crazy!
Duckie

[KansDem]

1. I don't understand "cell phone culture"

I see folks on cell phones constantly: driving, shopping, walking down the street, eating, engaged in various business transactions, etc.

I shudder to think what these people did before cell phones...

[Shagbark Hickory]

5. We people basically had to stay in the office.

until the END of the day :wow:

[Warpy]

13. It seems to be an addictive behavior, too

It separates them from their environments and from any people they happen to be with.

I don't get it, either. One of the pleasures of being out and about is being out of range of the damn phone.

[TwilightGardener]

63. I don't either. Maybe I just don't know that many people, or maybe I just

am not into talking or communicating all the fucking time, but I would not want to have my meal ruined by answering a phone.

[catabryna]

2. I'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole...

;-)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

3. ...

:loveya:

[hlthe2b]

4. I see this all the time--with kids, with their spouse/SO, with their pets...

I see this at restaurants all the time. Why anyone would want to join someone for dinner who rudely sits their yacking on their cell phone is beyond me...Unbelievable.

As to the pets, one of the best off-leash dog parks with adjacent community garden-- that had been unofficially sanctioned/"tolerated" by the land owners, was finally closed for related reasons. Seems many narcissistic dog owners would drive up, toss their poorly animal-adapted dog inside the fence and go back to sit in their car yacking on the cell phone. Of course other owners would be left to break up any fights and the dog poop would just be left. When enough of these self-absorbed idiots repeated the pattern, the land owners closed it down and built a paved parking lot. :mad:

Clods....

[YellowRubberDuckie]

6. Poor dogs.

Our dogs are our kids. We consider them People. I can't imagining ignoring them at any time! I am usually on the phone talking to someone, they hear voice, and Poppin is immediately on my chest trying to talk to them. It's adorable. And then he has to give me kisses while I'm trying to do it. If anyone calls me they get that treatment if I'm not standing. I text more than I talk to people for obvious reasons.

[hlthe2b]

7. Ditto...

Imagine how they treat their kids if they so ignore their pets. It is heart-breaking.

[Darth_Kitten]

44. The stupid people always ruin things for everybody else...

I sometimes see some moron riding his bike, on the sidewalk, dragging some poor little dog out for a run. Oh, and yakking on his bloody cellphone.

Poor pup. :(

[Aerows]

54. Cell phones literally make me sick anymore

People spend more time blaring at the cell phone than they do living their own life. That's about all I have to say about it, and I'm sure that is more than enough.

[frazzled]

8. You should have said: "what the hell is wrong with THAT parent?"

Not all parents are like that. I'm not sure your anecdote represents a scientific study of the issue.

That said, I feel sorry for that sweet little boy. But you know what? We don't know what was going on. Maybe that woman's husband had been out of town for five days and she needed to get out of the house because she'd been talking to a five year old for days on end and cooking and cleaning and doing all the work herself, and really needed the margarita and a break from the chatter. Or maybe she's a bad mom. I don't know. But neither does anyone else.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. That's fair.

However, I see this far too much for it to be an isolated incident with one mom.

[Aerows]

55. Agreed.

Not all parents are like that.

[Fearless]

9. This is only one scene from one evening...

Parenting is difficult and maybe the phone call was important. Sometimes kids would rather watch ESPN too than talk with their parents... I know I would've (and would for that matter).

[YellowRubberDuckie]

10. LOL

They were gossiping about work and what who was wearing and crap.

[REP]

70. Wow, you sure invested a lot of time in their meal

[Hotler]

12. I can't do anything unless I'm on the phone.

and I can't drive anywhere unless I'm in the left lane even if the road is empty.

[Chorophyll]

37. Tell me about it.

And if there IS someone else on the road, I can't change lanes until I'm practically in their back seat.

[tanyev]

14. We saw an odd thing not too long ago at Macaroni Grill.

Nice looking family--mom, dad, two daughters not quite teenagers yet--all sat at the table, each reading a book. Even after the food came they all kept reading while they ate. I never even saw the parents talk to each other. I guess it's nice that they were reading quietly, but why bother taking the whole family to a restaurant if nobody is going to interact with each other?

[JVS]

20. Sometimes people go to a restaurant eat conveniently instead of converse.

[REP]

71. Heaven forfend!

What will other people think???!!!!11

[Mariana]

26. My family have done that.

From time to time, we go out to eat after a trip to a bookstore or the library. On those occasions, we can be seen sitting at the table, each of us reading a book, even after the food comes. We normally converse a lot, but who wants to talk when we all have new books to read?

[tanyev]

35. No worries about slopping pasta sauce on one of those library books?

(Sorry, library employee here)

[Mariana]

58. No more worries than reading while eating at home.

For the record, none of us has damaged any library books, in restaurants or anywhere else. My guess is that most of the pasta sauce on your library's books got there in the borrowers' homes.

[Chorophyll]

38. Real books though?... I'm kind of impressed by that. nt

[Withywindle]

49. When I still lived with my parents, we did that all the time.

I still don't see anything wrong with reading while you eat? Why have to force conversation if you have nothing to say? I am ALL about the companionable silence, people who care for each other sharing space while still pursuing their individual interests. That's a much greater intimacy to me than small talk.

[tanyev]

53. I've taken books to read when I'm by myself at a restaurant.

Hubby and I each have our own reading materials when we go hang out at Starbucks. But reading when I'm with someone else at a restaurant seems rude--just my own opinion.

[Withywindle]

57. I do that always too.

I don't think it's rude at all if BOTH people want to read. That just seems like a totally normal thing, I do it with my friends all the time. Now, if only one person has a book, it's definitely rude!

[Cali_Democrat]

62. Interesting

[TBF]

15. My dog and I have reached a compromise -

I like to sit on my deck and read my kindle - he sits right next to me and prefers that I pet him while holding the kindle in the other hand. We go for a long walk first though, otherwise all outside time is throwing balls for him to retrieve and/or bury.

[sarcasmo]

16. My wife used to do the cell pone and eat dance.

Told her it was quite annoying and thankfully she doesn't do it anymore. The worst part is people talk louder when on their cell phones. Manners are a lost are form.

[seabeyond]

17. it bothers me, too. i hear it is becoming a pretty big issue.

kids WISH i had the phone to my ear today. i looked at grades. but generally, it is a good time driving to or from school. dinner table with family a favorite. we dont even answer the phone if someone calls.

we have a rule. reading, on computer... and kids come to us, we have to stop and listen. always.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

18. That's awesome.

Kids should always come first. =)

[pink-o]

19. There's a beautiful running and biking trail in San Mateo County called Crystal Springs.

It's on a reservoir, socked in between the Pacific and the SF Bay, and every day it's breathtaking and new. I've run there for years, and think my most profound thoughts there. I'm an urban rat, yet I love this little slice of bucolic heaven.

So the saddest thing I ever saw there was when I was running across the bridge, which affords the most beautiful vista of the trail. This man had his 2 young sons with him, they all had VERY expensive bikes--parked along the wall, while the father was shouting in his cell phone about some work-related irrelevancy. This kids were sighing and bored, and Dad could not have been more clueless.

Just sad. Please, parents engage your kids, put the stress away and just live in the moment of beauty and awe. And if you don't change your ways, well I have a song for you right here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP839hV_aBw

[YellowRubberDuckie]

21. My parents never listened to me.

They never paid a lot of attention to me. They were alcoholics from that other era where kids were to be seen and not heard. To this day my mom has trouble just being there and not being my mom. I'm 32. I don't need a mother. Sometimes I just need her to be the person who has known me my whole life.

[raccoon]

42. My family of origin was very similar. ((Duckie)). nt

[-..__...]

22. Leave well enough alone...

at least he wasn't screaming, throwing a tantrum, running around and ruining everyone elses dining experience.

[SomethingFishy]

23. Talking on the phone at the dinner table is rude period.

It has nothing to do with "parents". You admit to not having kids. Wait. Wait till you are up every night for 3 weeks straight with a teether and still have to go to work and cook and clean and do laundry. Then come back and tell me that a parent does not have the right to a little peace and quiet once in awhile. Kids do come first, but parents need their space to keep their sanity.

[Chorophyll]

39. Whatever. I'm a parent and I don't need to be on my cell phone at dinner.

Especially since this was dinner with ONE kid (not a baby) and ONE parent. There are other ways to get space and sanity.

[Darth_Kitten]

47. Maybe she should have left the kid with the hubby....

and just gone out on her own. Why should people who just want a nice meal have to listen to somebody else shouting into a cellphone?

[Nye Bevan]

24. It's *so* easy for non-parents to do the "If I had kids" thing.

I did it myself, before I had kids.

"My kids will NEVER watch Barney".

"I will read to my kids every single night"

"I will be patient, tolerant, loving, and never ever lose my temper with my kids"

etc.

But when you are an actual, busy, tired parent, sometimes you are not 100% perfect.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

28. No, but it is really easy to at least not ignore them and not disrespect them...

Just an observation.

[LWolf]

31. I raised 2 kids and was not in any sense perfect.

Yet I also wish people would pay attention to their kids.

I'm a teacher. I've worked with other people's kids for 27 years, and I see the consequences on a daily basis.

[seaglass]

40. So true - though I was never judgmental about other parents before I was one. However I did find

screaming kids annoying...now I have much more tolerance and am more inclined to sympathize with both parent and child rather than finger pointing about shit I know nothing about.

My aunt who was a dental hygienist way back when used to chastise my mom about giving us candy, when she had kids one of them fell asleep with a lollipop in her mouth. No big deal. Funny how that works. :-)

[alcibiades_mystery]

25. Oh, that explains it

"I realize I don't have kids...."

Done and done.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

27. So, being rude and disrespectful to a kid is OK because they're a parent?

Seriously? I am allowed to have an opinion even though I didn't poop out a human being after a night drunken sex. It isn't like I don't have friends and family with children that I have been around. I just think parents need to respect their children. It is disrespectful to be on the phone at the dinner table especially when it is just you and one other person.
Duckie

[Name removed]

30. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Township75]

29. How old to do think the mother was?

This is definitely a generational thing. I find the cell phone culture obnoxious for reasons like you stated. You would think a mother would love to be out with a kid that sounds so well behaved.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

64. Late 20s, early 30s.

[chrisa]

32. I've seen worse.

Last week, a dad told his 3 year old kid to "get his a** out of the car" and then told the mother to "stfu" right in front of the kid.

Bad parents. They're everywhere.

[QC]

33. Many people are addicted to their cell phones.

When I give my students a break, they are frantically clawing at their phones as they walk out the door, like they are suffocating and it has oxygen in it.

They cannot even keep their hands off their phones for a short class period.

It's classic addictive behavior.

[Marengo]

34. The poor child had to entertain himself? How tragic! N/T

[REP]

72. Worst. Abuse. EVER.

[Chorophyll]

36. I love technology but...

There is nothing that turns a halfway-reasonable person into an utter douchebag quicker than a cellphone. It's been like that for at least fifteen years now. The more functions your phone has, the less likely you are to ever put it down.

Anyway, the OP just makes me feel sad. I have a son who just turned ten, and I'd rather talk to him than almost anyone.

[trumad]

41. Always been a strict rule at our table.

No cell phones.

We have teenagers who text like mad fiends.

Not at the table.

[newportdadde]

43. As a father of young children I see this constantly.

I'm at a park with my four young sons 4-7(set of twins). I'm by myself and obviously have my hands full. Girl about five is stuck on the monkey bars, she is screaming for mom to help her. I look around, nobody is coming. I see two women sitting next to each other both on their smartphones. Girl is now panicing, point of meltdown. Now any Dad reading this knows I'm the position I'm in here.. as a guy it is bad enough to touch another persons kid especially a girl. I mean I've gotten dirty looks just for talking to kids while they played with my sons. I go ahead and grab the girl so she doesn't fall and sit her down. Finally mom looks up and smiles at the girl and then gives me a look like I was wearing a yellow rain slicker and going to flash the park.

You know the best part? I'm going to guess the mom was posting something on facebook like "Little Annie and I playing at the park, so much fun!" Nothing like facebook so we can have our own little look at me moments, screw smartphones.

[LeftyMom]

45. You really can't judge somebody's parenting based on short observation.

I see posts like this all the time, bemoaning the fall of western civilization because of some short observation of some random family. It's stupid, knock it off.

Unless you were being even more of a busybody than you let on, you don't know what that call was about. Maybe it was business and couldn't wait, or a sick relative she hears from infrequently or something.

Also, I don't know if you realize this, but it doesn't hurt kids not to be the center of attention at all times. Really. It's okay for parents to do other things.

[trumad]

46. I think it was more of a general observation.

Your reaction was my reaction as well.

But there is some validity to the gripe.

Social Networking---especially at the dinner table, can lead to less family networking which in mho, is not good.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

69. Pretty much what I was going for.

I had a crappy home life. I recognize stuff. Plus, I've worked with troubled kids and their troubles most often started at home with inattentive parents. I do have a reference point, and I'm not just talking out of my ass. Maybe I took too many psych and sociology classes in college. But I pick up on stuff. Maybe I'm wrong sometimes, but sometimes when it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, sometimes it's a duck and not a platypus.
Duckie

[Name removed]

66. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Mira]

48. I go nuts when I see the mothers on cell phones and the kids on the hip

in super markets sucking their thumbs. That's when I taught my kid to count, colors, shapes and we talked and spent time.
I know what you are talking about. It is another way in which mental stimulation and learning are curbed.

[FedUpWithIt All]

50. We recently saw a little boy dining by himself in a bar/resteraunt

We live in a small town and assumed that he was the son of an employee who couldn't find a sitter. The waitress would occasionally check on the boy and ask him if he was alright.

We were stunned when later two couples emerged from the 18+ bar side of the establishment, they were dressed up for a night out and after happily saying goodbye to each other, one of the couples walked over to the little boy and asked him if he was ready to go. We could not believe it.

[MedicalAdmin]

52. And then ...

They drove the kid home with a snoot-full.

Ya shoulda called the cops. THAT is what cell phones are for.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

67. That is so sad!

That is even worse! Now I want to cry. No child should be treated that way! What the hell?

[AngkorWot]

51. >I don't have kids

Well there you go.

When you do have kids, you'll understand they're not some novelty that needs undivided attention every minute. In fact, if they want attention they're rather efficient at letting you know.

[Wait Wut]

56. Damn.

I miss those days. :cry: My son was so much cuter when he was little. I used to love taking him out to dinner.

Now, he eats too much and is too expensive. Enjoy them while their little because they grow up to be adults. Parents today are happier when their kids are in front of a TV/Video game or at soccer practice.


P.S. Just kidding about my kid, now. He's still fun to hang out with. Don't get to do it often enough. :cry: What? Yeah, I'm a mom...I friggin cry. :(

[Lydia Leftcoast]

59. I ride the bus whenever I can, and I see so many people who seem to be

incapable of sitting quietly. They sit down on the bus, and immediately the cell phone comes out, and they start yakking random, trivial stuff at the person they called.

I can see some cases, like when a person is on their way to a job interview, and they call their destination and explain that the bus is stuck in traffic and they will be delayed, something like that, but when the conversation is, "Hey, whatcha doing now?" "No, I'm not doing anything either. Just riding the bus." "Yeah, I just came from Target." "No, I didn't buy anything. Just looking around."...Oh, and they're always really loud.

[Book Lover]

60. If you *did* have kids,

you'd appreciate the value of quiet time. And of being a living example that the kid is not the center of your universe 24/7.

[adigal]

61. My children, while important, were not the center of the universe

But dinner time was special, a time for all of us to connect and share. A sacred rite.

[REP]

65. Playing Snap Judgement! is so much fun!

Her child was well-behaved; that seems to indicate that someone spends time with him. It's impossible to know what kind of day the mother had, yet she took her kid out to get a hot meal while she could attend to her phone call and he could play with his toys.

One short period in the lives of two strangers. Rates a 'meh' from me, but I don't like getting all worked up about nothing.

[LisaL]

68. As long as the child is quiet and doesn't annoy anyone else,

I really don't see how it's anyone's business if his mother is talking to him or not while he is eating his food.

[Arkansas Granny]

73. Maybe you don't approve of the behavior you saw, but my guess is

that she has spent plenty of time paying attention to this little boy or he would not have been so well behaved while she was on the phone. Not to mention that if he wasn't complaining, why should you? JMHO.