Budget Mix-Up Provides Nation's Schools With Enough Money To Properly Educate Students

[joeybee12]

WASHINGTON—According to bewildered and contrite legislators, a major budgetary mix-up this week inadvertently provided the nation's public schools with enough funding and resources to properly educate students.

Sources in the Congressional Budget Office reported that as a result of a clerical error, $80 billion earmarked for national defense was accidentally sent to the Department of Education, furnishing schools with the necessary funds to buy new textbooks, offer more academic resources, hire better teachers, promote student achievement, and foster educational excellence—an oversight that apologetic officials called a "huge mistake."

"Obviously, we did not intend for this to happen, and we are doing everything in our power to right the situation and discipline whoever is responsible," said House Budget Committee chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI), expressing remorse for the error. "I want to apologize to the American people. The last thing we wanted was for schools to upgrade their technology and lower student-to-teacher ratios in hopes of raising a generation of well-educated, ambitious, and skilled young Americans."

"That's the type of irresponsible misspending that I've been focused on eliminating for my entire political career," Ryan added.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/

[Kber]

1. Too close for comfort!

"And politicians will be adversely affected as well,"† Boehner said. "What will our nation do if the next generation knows that all we care about is our own selfish interests and pandering to the wealthy elite? Is that the future you want? Not me."

[dkf]

2. So what did they cut out of defense? Healthcare for vets?

Counseling for PTSD? You know that is the stuff that goes first.

[JTFrog]

3. Try reading instead of the usual kneejerk response. n/t

[dkf]

6. I did read it.

I'm just saying we know what gets cut from military budgets. And yes I realize it is satire.

[ejpoeta]

4. it's the onion. do you think they would seriously give enough to education

much less accidentally give any defense money away??

[dkf]

7. I know that.

I was just running with it.

[ejpoeta]

8. oh ok. sorry.

[bobbolink]

9. You should have kept running.

[Ichingcarpenter]

5. I knew it had to be the Onion cause it made too much sense

whereas our congress doesn't ....kick nomitated

[Javaman]

10. It's a sad day when The Onion is no longer satire but having to

deal in fantasy. A fantasy of how things should be.