Repeal Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way For Gay Sex Right On Battlefield, Opponents Fantasize

[meegbear]

As Congress prepares to allow gay individuals to serve openly in the military, those against the proposed change voiced their concerns Monday, warning the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" could soon lead to strong, strapping American soldiers engaging in mind-blowing homosexual intercourse right on the battlefield.

We're sending our soldiers out there with a mission, and that mission is to protect this country," said Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), one of many conservative politicians who staunchly oppose the change. "If this is repealed, what's to stop all-night sex romps from breaking out while U.S. servicemen are hiding in a bunker, or crawling around an irrigation ditch bathed only by the light of the moon, or, say, the dozens of other situations I've already thought through in elaborate detail?"

"We can't allow this to happen," Gohmert added as beads of sweat collected on his brow. "It's wrong. Sweaty male sex—no matter how erotic and uninhibited—is so wrong and so, so naughty."

Despite its support from the defense secretary and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs, the repeal has been condemned by many military officers who worry it could disrupt troop cohesion and endanger the lives of the taut young soldiers who have dedicated their lives to serving America with "every rippling muscle in their rock-hard bodies."

Others have argued that allowing gay soldiers to push their lifestyle on others, testing the limits of pleasure a man can take before he erupts in uncontrollable ecstasy, would seriously damage morale.

"Our men need to know they can count on each other in battle, and we can't have them getting distracted by illicit romantic dalliances," said Gen. James T. Conway, commandant of the Marine Corps. "Especially if one's a little blond Adonis farm boy and his buddy's a real tough street kid straight out of Brooklyn. I mean, think about it: What if they lock eyes and abandon their post to start ripping each other's fatigues off, revealing twin sets of glistening washboard abs and at last fulfilling their hidden passions?"

Continued Conway, "Is this the message we want to send to our enemies?"

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http://www.theonion.com/articles/repeal-of-dont-ask-dont-tell-paves-way-for-gay-sex,17698/

[EFerrari]

1. LOL

[Stinky The Clown]

2. Hey Gohmert, you dumbfuck . . . . .

Sex on the battlefield?

You got your nitrates mixed up there, Hoss.

Battlefield:IED:Amonium Nitrate
Sex:Intense Orgasm:Amyl Nitrate

Think, you moron, think.







(Yes, I know its the Onion. But you gotta admit, they've become a sort of future news organization, no?)

[tularetom]

3. I know it's the onion, but "fantasize" is really not too far off

Protest too much, much wingnuts?

[nykym]

4. I think Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX)

has a better career choice writing steamy homosexual fiction than being a politician.

[rfranklin]

5. Yea! Lots of 'sword fights!'

sounds like fun!

[Cal33]

6. Let these opponents try to have sex with bullets flying and

bombs exploding overhead!