I interviewed for a job at British Petroleum today...

[AnArmyVeteran]

There's a BP office less than 45 minutes away so I thought I would apply for a job there. The interview went better than I thought. Here is a transcript of my interview:

I walked into the interviewer's office and sat down.

BP Interviewer: Hello.

Me: Hello.

BP Interviewer: What is your name?

Me: I'm afraid I can't recall that.

BP Interviewer: Why did you decide to work for British Petroleum?

Me: I was not part of that decision making process.

BP Interviewer: How many years of experience do you have?

Me: I'm afraid I can't recall that number.

BP Interviewer: Can you tell me what your education level is and what degrees you have?

Me: I can't recall that at the moment.

BP Interviewer: Do you have any experience with an oil company?

Me: I can't answer your question in that format.

BP Interviewer: What are your goals with the company?

Me: I don't know.

BP Interviewer: Do you know what an oil well is?

Me: I can't recall that either.

BP Interviewer: Do you know what position you are applying for with the company?

Me: I can't possibly know what basis that decision was taken.

BP Interviewer: I see you were fired in your last job, can you tell me why?

Me: Im sorry, I was not involved in that decision making process.

BP Interviewer: Well thank you for your time and your honesty. Because of the open way you replied to my questions I believe the only position in our company you are qualified to hold is Chief Executive Officer. Would you be able to start Monday?

Me: I'm afraid I can't answer that.

BP Interviewer: Well, very good. Our offer is six million a year with stock options and perks. Here is a check for five million for your sign up bonus. Can we expect you to show up on Monday?

Me: I'm sorry but I am not privy to any information regarding the details of that requirement.

BP Interviewer: Very well, welcome to British Petroleum Mr. CEO.

[KamaAina]

1. DUzy!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Turbineguy]

2. +1

Very drol.

[Jamastiene]

7. Yes!

[gleaner]

3. Beautiful and on point....

:yourock:

[Donnachaidh]

4. I humbly bow to MasterSnark!

:rofl:

[grantcart]

5. lol

[muffin1]

6. !

Fabulous! :yourock:

[AnArmyVeteran]

45. Thanks Muffin! I love the gif you sent me too!

Stay cool my friend :)

[mmonk]

8. .

:rofl:

:spank:

[malaise]

9. Freaking brilliant

Rec :rofl:

[Berry Cool]

10. Congratulations! Obviously you did well on the self-assessment! n/t

[femrap]

11. Thanks

for the laughs.

[EFerrari]

12. Very well done.

LOL!

[Soylent Brice]

13. lol

[noamnety]

14. I am assuming

you also provided them with a list of references they could consult if needed - all of whom are dead.

[Overseas]

15. K&R! Fabulous! //nt

[TheKentuckian]

16. I'm sure based off your interview you'd qualify for most positions on the board

and upper management.

[Rex]

17. That was brilliant!

:toast:

[daleanime]

18. I'm holding out....

for the film.:evilgrin:

[Fire1]

19. Good one. n/t

[DesertFlower]

20. you just put a big smile on my face.

:toast:

[Curmudgeoness]

21. Love it! Thanks.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

22. Very good indeed.

Two thumbs up.

It's funny now BP is referred to as BRITISH petroleum now. I think before people thought BP stood for Better Products. I'm ashamed of them.

[glinda]

23. painfully accurate

[greytdemocrat]

24. Sounds like Hillary n/t

[proReality]

25. Excellent!!! n/t

[flyarm]

26. K&R Most Excellent! eom

[Spheric]

27. LOL Well done.

[Shining Jack]

28. ROFL !

:rofl:

[MindandSoul]

29. Very clever!!! (smile!)

[barbtries]

30. very good

yes.

[Mira]

31. Reads like Deja vue - Great Job at making me howl. Recommended

[Empathic_1]

32. Obfuscater, is that you?

Er, maybe it's Lurita Doan.

[Maru Kitteh]

33. Awesome. Just beautiful.

[bertman]

34. From one Army veteran to another Army veteran: EXCELLENT!! nt

[AnArmyVeteran]

41. Thanks fellow vet! I appreciate that!

[Divine Discontent]

35. great snark!!!

[begin_within]

36. The final question:

BP Interviewer: So, is there anything else we can do for you?

Me: I'd like to have my life back.

[AnArmyVeteran]

40. That would have been perfect! I can't believe I forgot the line of the year!

I guess I was just fixated on Hayward's ridiculous testimony.

[LeftishBrit]

37. This needs a DUZY!

[era veteran]

38. Good

woke up my wife after reading this

[B Calm]

39. Without any doubt, you are CEO material! Makes one wonder why

companies waste shareholders money on CEO salaries.

[AnArmyVeteran]

43. A dart-throwing monkey could do better than most CEOs!!!

But thanks for your vote of confidence! Wait a minute! Did you just call me a Hayward!!! :)

[awoke_in_2003]

42. this needs to be pinned to the front page. nt

[Liberal_in_LA]

44. ha ha! n/t

[SammyWinstonJack]

46. !!!

:yourock:

[cwydro]

47. Excellent!

Thank you!

[meow mix]

48. lol Do you know what an oil well is?

someone shoulda asked him that, good control question

[AnArmyVeteran]

49. I wish someone would have asked him that too.

They could have also asked "Why are you making so much money if you don't know anything about what is going on in your company?" Or, "With your ignorance of everything going on in your company don't you think a dart-throwing monkey could do a better job than you?"

Members of congress should have used the moment to humiliate Hayward, since he had no intention of answering any questions.