The Penguin Laments Rise of BP Head Tony Hayward As Top Villain

[Wetzelbill]

The Penguin Laments Rise of BP Head Tony Hayward As Top Villain

One of Batman's greatest archenemies, The Penguin laments having to compete against today's breed of supervillain.

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"Look, I used to be the man, I was the top dog! Wah wah wah!"

The Penguin is amped. Nobody likes to be second best and ever since the Deep Water Horizon oil spill, BP's chief executive Tony Hayward has taken over his spot as the world's premier villain. A spot that even an archenemy of Batman admits is richly deserved.

"Hell I even think the guy is an a**hole", The Penguin adds. "He wants his life back? After what he's done? What a pr**k!"

The Penguin notes that several factors have contributed to Hayward's rise. At his best, he terrorized Gotham City under the dark of night. He had other rivals, such as The Riddler and The Joker to compete against. While BP not only has destroyed the Gulf of Mexico, the oil giant also inflicts worldwide pain on a daily basis. As the face of this havoc, Hayward's bad publicity is unparalleled. No villain has the reach or visibility to compete with him.

He also believes old school villains, like him, have come late to new media. "I barely even know what youtubes are, let alone do evil things on it every day. Sure I check out the google and know the internet is a series of tubes, but really, I am mostly lost" he shakes his head. "It's a whole new paradigm for us old guys, even John McCain couldn't use email, look where it got him!"

This paradigm shift is apparent in the good guy vs. bad guy relationship structure. "They don't make good guys like they used to, people are more apt to root for the bad guy these days, just look at people like Snooki or Simon Cowell." He continues: "It's simple, if you have a weak good guy the bad guy, like me or The Joker, seems cool. That is unless the bad guy is raping and pillaging half the world like Hayward."

And what about politicians? They make good bad guys, right? The Penguin doesn't think so. "Look, I respect Dick Cheney, I voted for the guy for president twice, but he's just a shill, small potatoes. Guys like myself, Hayward, and to a lesser extent, Miley Cyrus, buy people like Dick Cheney every single day." John Edwards? "Edwards is nothing, a dirtbag, for sure but just a run-of-the-mill con man and pu**yhound, I wouldn't hire him for my nightclub."

Still The Penguin sees a bright future, and believes that older villains can adapt to the new way of things. "I'll be back" he says. "I'm figuring this stuff out, guys like Hayward come and go, I'm more worried about Carrot Top than him, now that's a villain with longevity, I still get chills watching "Chairman of the Board."

It's at this moment when The Penguin finally pauses for a few seconds and a solemn look comes over his face. "Hayward, honestly, I don't know what to think", he says, incredulously.

"The balls on that guy."

http://www.opednews.com/Diary/The-Penguin-Laments-Rise-o-by-Bill-Wetzel-100609-426.html

[Blue_Tires]

1. no Luthor? Sinestro? Darkseid?

[Wetzelbill]

2. unavailable for comment.

The Penguin is a bit of a media whore.

[Wetzelbill]

3. Shameless Kick