'Kids come first' and marriage...

[cynatnite]

I read this article:

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/sexualhealing/6100/honey-i-shrunk-the-kids

and proceeded to read the comments about it. A large portion of the replies dismissed it has crap and insisted kids should always come first. Well, I say BULLSHIT!

Marriage comes first. It's the commitment two people make to each other. It's not the kids, relatives, friends and so on.

When two people get married they make a promise to each other and that should take priority over everything else. I am sick to death of hearing about 'putting kids first' over the marriage. That is NOT how it should work.

How can two people be good parents if their relationship isn't healthy and on track?

My husband and I are best friends. We've been married 18 years and we have three children. We're not super parents nor are we trying to be. We put each other first above our children because we believe that if our relationship isn't what it should be then everyone around us suffers for it most especially the kids.

I do think too many parents feel guilty because when they hear 'kids come first' they think that means even at the expense of their relationship.

This doesn't mean if one of our kids is hurting that we ignore them or anything like that. It means we take care to make sure we are okay so we can be better parents for our children.

When our kids see a healthy loving relationship in front of them it provides stability and gives them a glimpse into what a marriage should be. We think they will carry this with them throughout their lives and in turn benefit their own children whether they enter into a marriage or a living arrangement.

[delphinium]

1. Good for you

[Berry Cool]

2. It has been said that the best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother

and I'm sure it works the other way too--the best gift a mother can give her children is to love their father.

If the children have the security of knowing their parents deeply love each other and are committed to their marriage, that lays the foundation for the whole family.

It's when one parent or the other puts the kids first that the other parent feels neglected as a spouse, and the marriage falls apart, and then the kids lose the thing that makes them feel the most secure in life--the feeling of being loved and cared for by two parents deeply loving each other, all in the same house.

Oftentimes that parent is the mother, because men aren't taught to be child-centric the way women are. But what women need to realize when they become mothers is that if they stop being wives, and lovers, and become Mommy 24/7, it hurts the marriage. Of course, what men need to realize is that in order for their wives not to feel they have to be Mommy 24/7, they have to put in some serious time and effort being Daddy. If both parents put in an equal share of being parents and also retain a sense of themselves as a couple, it will be a lot easier for the marriage to have a life on its own, instead of just being a vehicle for raising the children. That way it's more likely to remain satisfying to both partners and in the end that serves the kids better than having all of family life revolve around them.

It's not impossible for kids raised by divorced parents to turn out all right, but there's a kind of security kids get from being raised by parents in love with each other, all in one house, that is impossible to duplicate, I think.

[mondo joe]

3. I agree. I think some people make the relationship w their kids the primary, and

spouse secondary.

As a parent, I think the most important thing is to have a true partnership with your spouse, and to act as a team.