It's Monday. . . . What the heck? . . . Please come CAPTION Glenn Beck

[skip fox]

Head Wreck is saying: "And the simple fact is, America, that if you're sick that's because God wanted it that way. . . . And if you have insurance and access to a good hospital and doctors, . . . then God wants you to get better. . . . He knows what He is doing. . . . Simple as that. . . . But isn't it just like the liberals to think they know better than God? . . . . America, it's obvious, government-run health care is trying to take God out of the equation! . . . It's simply against God's plan!!! . . ."

[Vickers]

1. "Kraft Foods? KRAFT FOODS??!?!?! I told myself I wasn't going to cry..."

:P

[Drunken Irishman]

2. "This is my sex face..."

"Yes, the only lay I've ever received was when I sat on my hand until it fell asleep and jerked myself off for fifteen minutes..."

[eleny]

3. .

[foxfeet]

4. "Oooh! It smells like ass all up in here."

[DefenseLawyer]

5. I need a new head of ad sales for my show!

Perfect!

[skip fox]

6. "I never did like Kraft foods! They only had one really great product anyway:

Velveta Cheese. . . . Better than all the cheese coming out of France, in fact. . . . But they turned down Spam decades ago. . . . And their product line went down steeply after that."

[no_hypocrisy]

7. You must remember this: a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh . . . .

the fundamental things apply, as time goes by.

[PVnRT]

8. I will cry if I don't get some advertisers right now! In fact, I'll cry anyway!

[zbdent]

9. "Don't look at my eyes ...

I really, really, really believe what I'm saying ..."

[skip fox]

10. "Listen, America, I think Bill Maher is coming around. The other day he was quoted as saying

that I was personally an example that seems to disprove evolution."

[question everything]

11. ODE TO AN IDEOLOGUE

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6366719

Oh where in the heck did they get Glenn Beck?
That Bozo is the duke of dreck!
He rants and raves, and whines and cries,
While spewing out the vilest lies.

I think that the bugger’s quite inane,
And I do believe that he is insane.
I ask again, please be direct.
Where in the heck did they get Glenn Beck?

Burma Shave

[skip fox]

12. Beck is saying: "It's absolutely crazy for the liberals to call me a 'racist.'

How is it racist to point out the dark truth that this is our first affirmative-action president? Or how is it racist to call him an Oreo? . . . Heck, I like Oreas! . . . That's a good old American food. . . . Heck, I'm no more a racist than Limbaugh or O'Reilly or Dobbs or . . ."

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

13. I'm almost as attractive as Rush. So why don't you like me anymore?

[skip fox]

14. "I think I'll start a boycott against logic, the dictionary, and education in general.

Hell, they never did me any good."

[skip fox]

15. "One of the biggest problems with liberals is that they stick to facts!

How can you make a compelling argument if facts are always getting in your way?"