"If I Don't Stand With You ...

[NanceGreggs]

... What I Stand for Matters Not"
By Nance Greggs

(This is a repost from last fall. I think it bears repeating tonight.)

I wear a ring, a gift from my husband. It is inscribed in Hebrew with a quote from the Songs of Solomon: “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

It’s a simple statement, but it is one my beloved and I are free to declare – publicly and openly, without fear of ridicule or derision. That freedom of expression is not based on our commitment to one another – it is based on the fact that we are a man and a woman.

I consider myself a tolerant person, one who truly makes an effort to understand the viewpoint of others – even when their staunchly held opinion vastly differs from my own.

But on one topic in particular, I have failed miserably in trying to understand – or be tolerant of – the distaste and distrust, the baseless paranoia, and the incredible narrowness of mind that refuses to recognize that love knows no boundaries – nor was it ever meant to.

If we have one common destiny as human beings, surely it is to constantly strive for a more perfect world. And I can’t help but wonder how we can pretend to perfect ourselves in a world where love must be hidden for appearance’s sake, relegated to something “done” behind closed doors, or denied altogether because it is socially unacceptable.

To those who are currently living without the rights they so obviously deserve, I will not deign to say, “I know how you feel.” Because I can’t possibly know.

Never having been there, I can’t know what it’s like to worry about being denied a death-bed visitation with the person I’ve spent my life with. I cannot know how it feels to long to hold a child in my arms while resigning myself to the fact that the care I would give so freely is deemed unworthy by those who do not know me, and never will.

I cannot know what it’s like to restrain myself from spontaneously throwing my arms around the one I love for fear we are in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, and might suffer dire consequences for actions that come as naturally to us as they do lovers everywhere, and have since the beginning of time.

What matters now, more than ever, is this: If I do not stand with my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, everything I have ever believed in falls away. If I am not willing to fight their fight, I am woefully inadequate to fight at all. If I am not ready to do what is necessary to make things right for them, I have no right to believe that anything will ever be truly right for me.

I realize how easy it is to ask for patience, when I am not the one called upon to be patient. I appreciate how unspeakably glib it sounds to say your time is coming, when my time has already arrived. I am cognizant of how condescending it may seem to preach tolerance of the very people who have shown no tolerance at all. And if and when I am guilty of any or all of the above, I humbly beg your pardon.

Simply put, you are my beloveds, and I am yours.

And if I ever waver in my commitment to you or your cause, remind me that if I don’t stand with you, I don’t deserve to stand at all.

[NYC_SKP]

1. Hoping that this may be the last repost of "What I Stand for Matters Not"...

One day, hopefully soon, it can be 'retired'.

[redwitch]

2. Beautiful. And recommended.

Thank you Nance.

[Mike 03]

3. You are dead on right.

One of the privileges of marriage or heterosexual relationships is that freedom to touch in public, to express your affection for your SO without any kind of self-consciousness or worry.

Love your post, and I agree that a failure to stand up for the GLBT community at this time is a fundamental failure to stand up for the most basic tenets of justice, just as future generations failed to support the most basic and fundamental rights of Black Americans. There is no difference that I can perceive.

[blaze]

4. Worthy of a repost. nt

[Still Sensible]

5. An eloquent testament.

Worthy of a constant kick.

[TexasObserver]

6. Amen.

Very well said.

[Mythsaje]

7. K&R of course...n/t

[Wednesdays]

8. K&R

[FloridaJudy]

9. Brava. K&R. eom.

[liberaltrucker]

10. I love you, Nance!

In the DU sense, of course.

I could tell stories from hell about how my gay classmates in 1970's
Alabama were treated. One of my dear friends from the Class of '71 died
of AIDS. Did I know he was gay back then? YES! I was one of the few he
trusted with his "secret". Medically, it was HIV that killed him. But
the policies of Saint Ronnie prevented any research back then. He died, if
I recall correctly, in 1983.

Not that it matters, but I happen to be a straight man happily married to
a straight woman. But what if I weren't? What if I'd been born gay in 1954
in north Alabama? My adolescent years would have been a living hell, just
like his. Just like my other gay classmates who were too afraid to trust
ANYONE. My high school friend died not only from a virus, but from ignorance
and intolerance.

Unfortunately, things haven't changed much. The N and Q words are still used
in normal conversation, albeit less often and less public. I suppose that's
a start. We have a long way to go here in Alabama, but as a wise man once said:
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

Sorry I got off-topic, Nance. I tend to rant occasionally. I'm sure you understand.

[tavalon]

11. California conservatives accidently pushed gay rights ahead by 50 years

That is one thing I take comfort in. Mark Morford said it well when he reminded us that the social conservatives have already lost and Mythsaje added that they (the social conservatives) don't have the sense to just fall down.

[Mermaid7]

12. I love you too Nance...dito that

Beside the stupid fact I too am straight female person,(maybe a little bent, lol) I love you for saying what you did in this post!

I too believe 100% as you so beautifully said, that all love, any all fashions of love should be honored, cherished, considered a gift from heaven and should be free to exist and allowed to florish.

Thanks Nance. You said it like it should be said. Just like a pro!

I've read a few of your posts, and you are certainaly, just the best!

[BrklynLiberal]

13. +K&R

[BobTheSubgenius]

14. Unbelievable.

Stunning, jaw-dropping, lump-in-the-throat unbelievable.

[Lugnut]

15. Brava! n/t

[winyanstaz]

16. K & R...very well written

I couldnt agree with you more. Thanks once again for a great post that makes us think.

[Jakes Progress]

17. Wish more would read this.

I just finished a little discussion on another thread with one of the "Just wait" crowd. During the sixties we had those "liberals" who thought MLK was pushing too much. It wasn't them that were being denied basic rights so they though it was fine to suggest that the oppressed should stop being pushy and wait. Wait quietly and politely for change to happen. You get to handle the outrageously right-wing idiots. It's the supposedly left wingers who help the bigots that get you down.

The Prop 8 ruling and the Lt. Choi mess has bummed me out. I'm taking a rest from arguing with fools. I'll be back. But, right now, I need a glass of iced tea, a novel, and a hammock.

[SalviaBlue]

18. Always happy to K&R

[InfiniteThoughts]

19. you moved me to tears ...

that was amazing ...

[myrna minx]

20. K&R n/t

[Happyhippychick]

21. I always feel a little thrill when I see a post from you. This is why.

K&R

[AntiFascist]

22. K&R! n/t

[Kurovski]

23. OMG

You're JEWISH!!??

[volstork]

24. Would rec 1000 times

if I could!

[ckimmy57]

25. Thank you

for those eloquent words. Being the sister in-law of a gay man I know exactly the meaning those words hold.

[midnight]

26. I agree. The last sentence is the best.

[libnnc]

27. kick

[ladym55]

28. And a voice from a Neanderthal State

where we have an APPALLING constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage passed by an embarrassing majority in 2004 ...

Anyone who has a family member, friend, colleague, neighbor who is part of the LGBT community can no longer be silent. We are talking basic civil rights here. I read this post and got teary. I wanted to rant and rave ... I'm tired of Leviticus and pompous fools telling me that we all must take the bibly literally (then take off the damned cotton blend shirt. That's a no-no, too). I'm tired of the bull puckey that "God made marriage between one man and one woman" (then why are so many fundie Christians in their third marriage?). I'm tired of the smug, sanctimonious responses to this issue when I try to talk reason.

My cousin and his partner deserve to be married ... my daughter's friends deserve to be married ... my coworker, my volunteer friends ... What right do we have to deny others their basic human rights?

[ldf]

29. could someone please make sure

president obama reads this?

[Apollo11]

30. OK -- but why call it "marriage"?

In Great Britain, the law on "Civil partnerships" for same-sex couples came in 5 years ago.

Read all about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_partnerships_in_the_...

Tony Blair was successful in getting this law passed without significant opposition from mainstream churches.

Now I guess it does not really matter what I think about it (as an individual open-minded heterosexual atheist).

But I think it is interesting that the gay and lesbian communities in Great Britain seem to be satisfied with the new law.

As far as I know - nobody in Great Britain is campaigning for the word "marriage" to be used by the authorities when it comes to the legal recognition of same-sex partnerships.

But of course there is nothing to stop couples themselves from saying "hey we're getting married - please come to our wedding".

As far as I know - President Obama is also in favor of legal recognition for civil unions. So I guess that makes him as dumb as me?

If it provides for the same rights as marriage - does it really matter what words are used to describe it?