Don't Hate Me Because I'm Happy

[Dora]

It's been ringing loud and clear in many threads of late that reality is concrete, it is what it is, and it's unalterable by the power of thought or belief.

If all of this is true, then where is the harm in any person choosing - I dare to say it - happiness?

Why are some of us so disturbed by others' whole-hearted, whole-minded pursuit of happiness?

Was this not one of the self-evident truths our forefathers immortalized in our national Constitution?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

My pursuit of happiness is all about me and my desires, hopes, dreams. Should it be any other way? This is My Life, and I Am My Best Influence. I am not Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama, or Princess Di. I have my own potential to fulfill, and my calling is different from their calling and it is different from yours, but it is mine and it is just.

I have a huge body of hopes and dreams. I can't make them happen all at once, and I can't be certain that I can make them happen at all, but I can damn well track the herd of my hopes through the terrain of my life, day after day after day. My darkest, most miserable, tear-stained times have been when I have turned my back on this quest and I will not turn away again.

And please, don't you ever forget that it is my Constitutionally validated, self-evident right to follow, chase, hunt, capture, and consume happiness. I choose to exercise that right with every breath.

So put away your pee sticks and stand up squatters: you're pissing into the wind, and getting nobody but yourselves wet.

I am happy, I will not be deterred, and I am not alone.

[lvx35]

1. For those who conduct themselves morally, happiness is not a right.

its a duty.

If you're being a good and moral person, than its your duty to be as happy as you can, to send the message to the world that moral action and happiness go together. Being moral and miserable is almost as bad as not being moral at all.

at least that's my excuse! ;)

[Dora]

3. Thanks for the validation.

Now I'm going to bed. I'll be curious to see if this sinks like a stone, or stays afloat in the night. I suspect my post may alienate some.

:thumbsup:

[truedelphi]

18. Yes this is very true.

I developped something called Joy Healing - a ten minute ritual in which you invoke the Powers that Be asking to be given Joy.

We get so mind-set on solving first this problem and then that problem and pretty soon our lives are over and we have totally forgotten that Joy is our natural state.

My husband and I are crediting this ritual with turning our lives around in many ways.

Any DU'er who feels a need for Joy, please feel free to PM me. I'll make the script available to anyone interested.

Carol

[TomInTib]

2. No, you are not alone...

and if I had not consumed so much wine, I am sure that I could have made some sense in ramblin'.

That was beautiful.

Recommended, for goddanged sure.

[Dora]

5. Thanks, Tom.

I feel like I've been in a cup of the red myself tonight, but not so.

Nighty-night. I'm off to bed, to dream some happy dreams. May yours be happy too.

[Warren DeMontague]

4. Grumble Grumble Grumble Piss Piss Piss Moan moan moan.

It's the same motivation that causes right wingers who haven't had a satisfactory orgasm in 20 years to rail against gays or legal birth control.

H.L. Mencken defined Puritanism as "The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

Unfortunately, there are puritans all across the political spectrum.

[Carni]

101. Wow that is scary

By hating the way the right conducted themselves from 1997 on I almost BECAME them :(

[bonito]

6. One Great Post!

:applause:

[Journeyman]

7. Your attitude is the first and last of the human freedoms. . .

The renowned psychotherapist Viktor Frankl dedicated his life to learning why some people can survive the unknowable while others succumb to what can only be seen as the mundane.

Years in Theresienstadt and Kaufering, followed by release at last from Auschwitz, granted Dr. Frankl a unique perspective on life and the psychology of its meaning. From his experiences, Dr. Frankl formulated a radical psychotherapy, a form of existential analysis he defined as the will to meaning, in which he sought explanation for why some find purpose and responsibility in their lives and others do not.

Beyond this psychological theorem, however, Dr. Frankl’s enduring contribution to the world of ideas resides in his assertion of what he believed is the core of human freedom, the basic block upon which we build our lives and our psyches.

Behind the camp wire, Dr. Frankl lost everything that gave purpose and meaning to his life: from the material to the sublime...his home and career, his humanity and sense of self. Of an extended family that spanned generations as much as geography, only a sister emerged with him to reclaim the fragments of their lives.

But in that shadowland between death and the grave Dr. Frankl learned that all can be taken from a man but one thing: the first and last of the human freedoms — the ability to choose our attitude in any situation, the possibility to choose our own way. It is this spiritual freedom — which even the Nazis in their death factories could not deny — that helps give life its meaning and imparts to it purpose.

[Why Syzygy]

10. That is an excellent POV.

At least I think so, because I agree. Purpose makes the difference.
I've read Dr. Frankl's book and found it fascinating. There were some answers there; but I have to admit, some of it was too deep to fully grasp. At least at that time.

[NMDemDist2]

14. you choose votes

remember me telling you if you're having a 'bad day' you can start it over again right where you are?

choose happiness, choose contentment, choose gratitude, choose joy. in every minute you have the choice. it's when you get tangled in the past or fearing the future you lose the moment in which to be happy, content, joyful or grateful.

:hi:

[Why Syzygy]

15. So True.

A few months ago, I finally heard myself say, "I cannot wait for/to/when ...". Frequently.
That was an interesting experience. Going from one situation I thought I wanted out of, into another situation which made me desire the original situation!
Interesting. I do my best every day to avoid those thought patterns.

Living in the present moment is much more preferable.
It has got to be Now.

Thanks for the encouragement :hi:

[NMDemDist2]

16. ...

:loveya:

[TahitiNut]

26. That's the essence of meditation.

I've found that being "in the present" is a fascinating and productive meditative experience ... to the point that being in the present instant has even allowed me to experience the spaces between instants ... the very heartbeat of existence itself. It's an awesome meditative experience.

[tenshi816]

120. "In the present"

I like your use of that term. It's kind of funny, but recently I was thinking about that in terms of my border collie, Riley the Wonder Dog, and the fact that he lives completely in the present - not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, but simply enjoying the here and now. I don't know what it says about me that I want to be more like my dog, but there you go. There are worse things to aspire to.

[TahitiNut]

127. "I want to be the person my dog sees when he looks at me."

The first time I heard that, I was blown away. Likewise, while I don't know whether there's a Heaven or Hell, all I know is I want to go where my dog went, wherever that might be. After all, if he's not there then it's really not worth going.

Yes - our best friends live in the present. They seem to understand that it's the Milk Bone in front of them ... not next week's or last week's ... that will fuel that wagging tail the best.

Dogs and children. They both serve to remind us of what we're designed best for.

[all.of.me]

129. bumpersticker

"i wish i was half the person my dog thinks i am."

i agree - dogs and children are the best role models for adults.

[lvx35]

11. Wow, wow, wow. I wish I could mod up that response somehow.

At least this OP is going to the greatest page on its own merits. Thanks for that reply though. Beautiful.

[eridani]

17. Frankl is no peddler of Secrets

--nor of any other sort of psychobabble. He never, ever suggested that he and other Holocaust survivors caused the Holocaust by negative thinking. Saying that you can find meaning and purpose in your life anyway if something like that happens to you is an entirely different matter.

[Why Syzygy]

19. No. He never said that.

But there were powerful fascists who certainly had that purpose in mind.
We have watched in first person how our very own country is up to evil intent.
Whose thought is creating that?

If your plan is to rule the world, I would guess that would give a lot of power to intention.
Would you agree the cabal expects it can (continue to) do that?
Is there a better tool than enforcing the Constitution to stop them?
Why isn't that our Aim, Purpose, Intention? (in this context)

Agreed on your second point. The question becomes, is there a way to prevent future evil-doing?
A lot of citizens have other plans in mind. We want to live on a Peaceful, Abundant planet.
You can fill in the blanks per your value system. I'm more idealistic than fatalistic.

We might start thinking about what that would feel like. I can guarantee there are those who plan your demise, in one way or another, every day. Who is ahead? This plight could turn out to be the "best thing" (as if anyone knows what that is). It is making me think more about Peace, and I meet many other people who are willing to believe in Something Different. That's all.

[MonteLukast]

92. Something fishy about "The Secret"...

Did you read the piece on Alternet about how "The Secret" may encourage conspicuous consumption?

I wonder if I'll be able to work for a boss who loves "The Secret". S/he will probably be constantly monitoring me for negativity and saying it's my fault when ALL relational issues out of my control go awry.

[Journeyman]

132. ? ? ? You'll have to explain your reply, as I see no relation between it. . .

and what I wrote. It seems like your reply is from an ongoing conversation I've not been privy to, and your use of caps on Secret (coupled with reply 92 downstream) indicative of an understanding I don't share.

Thank you for any clarification you can provide.

[TahitiNut]

25. Afuckingmen!

It was stunning to me to discover that simple truth. Anyone can, with any of a multitude of weapons and devices, take my life away in a instant ... but they cannot take away my attitude without my cooperation! Happiness cannot be stolen, it can only be surrendered. It's amazing to me how many years I struggled to deny this truth ... and the only person I was screwing was myself.

[Dora]

40. Thanks for that.

I feel stronger in my happiness now.

[all.of.me]

130. thank you. nt

[Reterr]

8. Nothing wrong with pursuing happiness-the question is what brings happiness

If its a large pile of stuff, stuff and more stuff, I just think we don't have enough "stuff" (ecologically speaking at the very least) to make everyone "happy".
Successful careers, healthy relationships etc. -well we all want that. If its that you HAVE to have the latest ipod/gamecube etc., well then Americans will be the only ones who can be "happy" while we depelete the rest of the world of their rightful share of the planet's resource.

Just my two cents.

[lvx35]

13. That's the interesting challenge of it all: The fine art of happiness with less crap.

Its the real treasure, as was explained very nicely in the post #7.

[Dora]

39. SeenThe Wizard of Oz lately?

Happiness comes from within. Unfortunately, our lives have become saturated by messages that tell us happiness isn't internal, but external. It's the iPod, it's the McHouse, it's the OS upgrade, it's the SUV, it's the hybrid car, it's the easy dinner drive-through so you have more time to watch your flat-screen HD television that will send you yet even more messages that what you have is not enough and you want more - and more will make you happy.

Happiness is quiet, unassuming, and not destructive. Anything else is just an imposter.

[Bluedogvoter]

9. Just curious, what are you doing to achieve your goal?

Anything I can do to help?

[Dora]

30. Heh - make that plural: "goals."

What am I doing? I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm doing the things that I can. I'm not worrying about what I have no control over. I'm telling myself every day that I deserve to be happy, and that I am happy. And when I have a moment where I feel my suffering - whatever it is - I tell myself that this too shall pass, and I'll feel happy again. I refuse to let unhappiness and dissatisfaction run my life for me.

There are many goals I have right now that I'm working at - chipping at debt, buying/selling a house, moving up my career path, building time and space into my life for creative work. I really don't know that you can "help" me, but it's very good of you to offer.

That alone adds some gas to my happiness tank.

[lyonn]

74. Reminds me of what I tell myself, kids and grandkids

You are going to have miserable, painful days, but, nothing ever stays the same. It usually turns out to be a learning experience. Try to avoid some of life's pitfalls. Some of the happiest times in a persons life is usually a simple thing. If you don't grab it and enjoy the hell out of it while you are at that perfect place in life you are missing what life is about. The other day my grandson and I were sitting on what I laughingly call my veranda, sipping a toddy, talking about life, the day was one of those great spring days, green all around and Good Company, oh, I live in the country, can't even see a neighbor! Several days later g-son came by for a minute and said he was ready for another day on the veranda so we could express deep, brilliant thoughts. We laughed, I was ready. You can't buy those moments.

[Dora]

125. Priceless.

"that perfect place in life"


Love to you, and to your grandson. Many more wonderful moments are yours.

[AZBlue]

79. WELCOME TO DU!!!

:hi:

[NMDemDist2]

12. I'm congentially happy

it pisses people off to no end and often, but hey, that's their choice

I choose to be happy

it's been a long hard road to get here and i'm not giving it up for any fool who wants me to be as miserable as they choose to be

screw 'em (and I mean that in the nicest possible way)

:hi:

[MonteLukast]

93. But what happens when...

... you FEEL happy inside, but still come across as upset or stressed out to others?

That's been my big problem.

It makes me happy to politically fight, to get involved, to plunge right in. It makes me feel part of something important, and like an effective, productive, socially active person.

But it does have the side effect of making me look stressed.

Which can complicate my claims to being happy...

[GeorgeGist]

20. Good for You.

[mmonk]

21. Happiness should not override any realization

of the darkness currently spreading through our society to the point of any inaction to rectifying wrongs.

[Dora]

34. I agree. Happiness does not override recognition. n/t

[MonteLukast]

94. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

BushCo has corrupted happiness. They've turned it into the very head-in-the-clouds, run-away-from-reality philosophy that makes the curmudgeons among us distrust happy people.

Part of our task as progressives is to reclaim happiness from the Bushies. A subtle part, but a big one.

[stellanoir]

22. Well stated. . .

and speaking of "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness," here's an interesting litmus test I conducted last Independence Day. . .

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=132&topic_id=2708184

Kinda gives ya an interesting sampling of where people are at proportionally.

It's the only poll I've ever done. I may repost it this year.

Great post. And amazingly, no flames yet dear.

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

[Dora]

32. I hope you do repost it this year.

It was a good poll. Funny, and thoughtful.

:loveya:

[entanglement]

23. Well as long as your happiness isn't robbing someone else of their happiness...

n/t

[Dora]

28. Of course.

And do you, would you, say the same to those who disparage people who pursue their happiness by changing their thoughts?

By virtue of their criticism and ridicule and shaming put-downs, are not they also attempting to "rob" someone else of their happiness?

:shrug:

[entanglement]

37. Have you had a bad experience on some other thread?

Sounds like it :)

For the record, I don't agree with ridiculing / shaming / putting-down people in general. BTW, I hope you're not accusing me of trying to rob your happiness :)

[Dora]

42. No, I've avoided those confrontations.

No accusations. You can only add to my happiness, if you so choose. :)

[earth mom]

24. Just as long as in your happiness you aren't ignoring that others are suffering

and dying while you are free to pursue your happiness.

FYI-DU is for those who have a social conscience.

[TahitiNut]

27. Happiness is neither the same as comfort nor antithetical to suffering.

There is no more important time to choose happiness than while suffering.

[NMDemDist2]

65. indeed!

truly that is the answer isn't it Tahiti?

[TahitiNut]

67. Works for me.

I'm not a 'nut' for nothin'. :silly: :party:


FWIW, here's what I did more than a decade ago that helped put it together for me ...
http://www.wings-seminars.com/seminars/personal/pes.html

It worked!

[all.of.me]

131. this is what i tell my kids

and my writing students. when you are having a tough time (i do this myself, too!), write down at least 3 things at the end of the day that you were grateful for that day. they don't have to be fancy, just things that made you feel good.

*i had spaghetti for dinner. it's my favorite meal.
*the sunrise/sunset was pretty.
*i saw the dog stretch after a nap.
*i have new shoes.
*saw a cloud shaped like a rabbit.

this is actually the basis of 'simple abundance' by sarah ban breathnach. she says if you do this consistently for three months, you will have changed your outlook. you will be more positive, because looking at happy little things takes the spotlight off the negative. it also makes you slow down and look at what's around you. in the beginning, you actually have to stop and think about a good thing, let alone three or five!

and the best time to do this is when you feel crappy. like you say, there is no time like suffering to look for and choose joy.

[TahitiNut]

136. That's quite possible the best lesson they'll ever get, imho.

As humans, we're good at "evidence collection" - selecting and filtering our perceptions to rationalize a predisposition. It takes ony a little practice to challenge those predispositions/moods and serve ourselves in many ways.

[Dora]

29. Suffering is universal. It's as true as impermanence, and suffering is that, too.

FYI - DU is for Democrats: it's not the "Social Conscience Underground."

Just sayin'....

[Dora]

35. delete - mispost

[DaveJ]

36. That's what I was thinking... Pursuing Happiness can be obstructed...

And that's what I think the Constitution was talking about.

The government should respect our right to pursue happiness, which includes the ability to have time off from work, have privacy, practice our own religions, take part in whatever activities we enjoy, etc.

I don't think they have done a great job at enforcing this in practice since 2000, especially compared to other countries. We see people from other countries posting all the time about how much they enjoy living there. How many people say that in the U.S. these days?

[AZBlue]

80. I can only answer for myself, but I've found that the more positive and pro-active I've become in my

own life, the more I've reached out to others - I want everyone to share in all the good things that life has to offer. But, I will say, I've also changed my focus from worrying about someone who doesn't have enough food, for example, to first making sure they have enough food today and then guaranteeing that they have the ability to feed themselves tomorrow. Because doing it for yourself is the greatest feeling in the world - and I completely believe in them and their ability. I recognize that, in the example of the hungry, I need to address their immediate need for their sake and for their physical health - but for their emotional health and their future physical health, empowering them is also required.

But I digress...

[peace13]

31. It is interesting to see this in print.

In January our yoga instructor was on a happiness jag. Four classes a week and at the end of each came a positive thought about personal happiness. After a while I began to feel stupid sitting on a mat surrounded by people who live in a safe community, well feed and cared for studying personal happiness. I felt like I was in the twilight zone . Couldn't these folks see that our country and the dollars that we send to DC are killing, maiming and stealing the happiness of people around the globe. I will admit that I felt it was selfish. I asked her how she could reconcile being so concerned about personal happiness in a world full of trouble that was occurring in our name. Her answer was that all of those troubles are bigger than we are. Then came the 'positive' thought that so much in life you can do nothing about. When I headed to the march in DC later that month I think she began to realize that maybe she had been a bit short sighted. We both learned something that day.

Don't get me wrong I admire those that can search for the perfection of self happiness. I do not look down on those that strive for this. To me it is a form of religion and I feel that we each need our own personal tool kit to get through this life. I do not judge your pursuit of this thing called happiness. As for me I struggle to find the balance on this issue. I have to reconcile the issue of how much happiness does anyone deserve at the expense of others. I am working on this....with the help of my friends. I thank you for posting this because I am sure to learn more about myself and others today.

Peace and love to all as we go our way on this planet, Kim

[Dora]

33. Thanks. I think my happiness makes me a stronger warrior for peace.

It makes me more resilient, less prone to despair and inaction. If I can take action to help myself, I'm far more able to take action to help you. Does that make sense?

I like to think of my happiness as a muscle that I let atrophy for too long. You know how our really big, muscular friends are the ones we like to help us when we're moving a piano?

I want my happiness to be like that.

[BeFree]

38. Happiness

As for myself, I've never been happier than when I was helping others.

Why are we here? It seems it is to experience Joy. This body we occupy is the best form on this planet to experience Joy, is it not?

And each of us gets to choose our pursuits. Happiness is a wise choice, eh?

[peace13]

71. I agree with how happiness makes you stronger.

I equate happiness with inner peace and that lets us focus on things outside ourselves. I love this line, 'I want my happiness to be like that'. Makes me smile. Have a beautiful evening. Peace, Kim

[helderheid]

41. BRAVO!! You are certainly not alone!

:applause:

[slampoet]

43. Don't hate me because I'm Happy. Hate me because I'm Complacent , Satisfied, unaware of the plight

of others in the world. Why would I want that to cloud my Beautiful Mind?



I hate to rain on anyone's parade and kudos to anyone in their personal happiness,
but as far as Humanity and their General Condition, "If You're Not Angry, You're Ignorant"

[helderheid]

44. People CAN chew gum and walk at the same time. I'm not complacent.

[Dora]

45. Why do you accuse me of ignorance? Why do you presume my tolerance of injustice?

Where is it written that I must be only angry, and not also thankful for the abundance that is my life?

We can feel many things.

[helderheid]

47. Gratitude is a wonderful and powerful emotion - as is happiness. It doesn't mean you turn your back

on injustice - I don't get why so many people think it does!

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

59. I am happy AND I am working for global change!

How dare you assume I am complacent.

[nashville_brook]

61. i think you can be aware of injustice and still be happy -- in fact, you owe that to your family

and everyone who comes within your orbit.

[stellanoir]

72. hmmmm

Some of this is cut and pasted from several previous posts so please excuse if it's choppy. I'm late for an appointment.

We certainly have available more that the two options you refer to. . . of anger or ignorance.

Energetically, anger is ideally meant to be a motivator for redemptive action.

It is perfectly understandable that those who are paying attention are "quite irate" and terribly frustrated over the decimation, seeming demise, and utter deceit of this administration.

My 50% thirteenth generational American blood has been rumbling at a slow boil since Dec. '00.

How to redirect that anger and frustration is the question for all of us. The answer to that question is as multifaceted as each and every one of our uniqueness. Distilling it down to a place of happiness and basic human kindness that is shared is simply a great place to start. A certainty that these conditions of gross inequalty are unsustainable often follows. Then our paths for positive action are often revealed.

What I gleaned from the stark simplicity and beauty of the OP is that, despite the oppressive and repressive times in which we live, basic contentment does indeed matter.

I often joke that a rewarding day is one in which I inspire smiles upon the faces of 10 strangers and that is my REAL job. Believe me, in these times it's gotten a lot harder to even make eye contact with many never mind inspire smiles.

But seriously, I'm reminded of that old cliche that says that people who smile all the time are usually presumed to be either geniuses or fools.

I just know it makes very little kids really intrigued and responsive. That can only be a good sign.

I feel we are suffering from an overwhelmingly acute cultural and national malaise.

Our currency says "In God We Trust" but we really collectively worship the almighty dollar often disregarding just how ethically it may or may not have been acquired. We reward selfishness and greed and subhuman machiavellian behaviors.

The in your face hypocrisy of alleged Christians condoning war and torture and excusing blatant deceit when that is the absolute antithesis of what he embodied is utterly mind boggling. When in essence, wasn't he probably the most notorious victim of torture and capital punishment?

It's as though all too many brainiacs hold on to their cynicism and snarkiness as though it's a badge of courage instead of seeing it essentially as investing in undesirable outcomes and is in itself, a self depriving prophesy.

The solution may just really be incripted in something as totally non linear as "Ooga, Booga, Smooga, Wooga" = OBSW = "Oh Bull Shit W."

Who knows. . .?

Amongst progressive thinkers are some of the greatest intellects in this land. I've watched in bewildered astonishment for the past six years, academics and experts in diverse fields. . .statistics, computer science, history, culture, the environment, education, economics, psychiatry, etc. had all of their empirical evidence dismissed and defied as "reality based."

I've watched the land I love that was once respected around the world as the "land of the lively discussion" deteriorate to intractable divisiveness and the disempowering myth foisted upon us that there are now only two possible points of view. Our national dialogue has digressed into shouting matches when it used to be far more inspiringly nuanced.

I'm saddened by the perversion of the labels of both "conservative" and "liberal," the former having morphed into extremism and the latter having been inappropriately demonized.

I watch our leader get away with misrepresenting everything of which he speaks. That coupled with the "disingenuous nomenclature" of most all recent legislation for 6 years has irked me to no end. The media's complicity and the public's apathy and lack of focus has disheartened me.

So in this regard we agree. My reaction is different than yours and that's okay.

If their approach is one based on illogic, and our finest minds have been drawing solely from fact and intellect and it has seemed as though these brilliant minds are doing nothing more than repeatedly hitting their heads against a huge wall of deceit, I thought why not engage our right brains AS WELL AS our left brains. . ? Thereby we may possibly trump the obfuscation of the truth which has had us in a virtual stranglehold for all these years.

No one is encouraging inaction or complacency. Quite to the contrary, there have been many times that I've been stymied in my life and felt as though I couldn't think my way out of a paper bag. Those like I, who employ the methodology of prayer and affirmations have often recognized practical solutions to possible resolutions and rectifications of problems that we had not been aware of prior to employing these techiques. So they help some to overcome blocks and motivate redemptive action.

"We are creating with spirit the establishment of true justice, honesty, memory, and equality on Earth. We are creating with spirit a lasting peace on Earth,"

Prayer and affirmations were never suggested as panacea for all that plagues this land. It would indeed be laughable to think so. However as supplemental techniques to help empower people to recognize their options for curative action, many find them helpful.

Again these suggestions are supplementary and not exclusive of other nobel and traditional endeavors.

I'm very pleased that you contributed here and I hope you recognize my appreciation because clearly this warranted further clarification.

Peace again.

A great discussion on this occurred on this thread a couple years ago.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=3569357

[MonteLukast]

95. The irony is...

I've watched the land I love that was once respected around the world as the "land of the lively discussion" deteriorate to intractable divisiveness and the disempowering myth foisted upon us that there are now only two possible points of view.

The irony is, how many people claim that one-choice-or-the-other, black-or-white thinking increases happiness.

[Laughing Mirror]

89. Anger's an emotion and all emotion good or bad clouds the thinking mind

You need a clear and calm mind to act clearly and calmly upon injustice; all emotion absent, if you really want to get anything done.

Anger does not give you clarity and calm and the peace of mind you need to deal with injustice. Complete surrender of your anger to recognizing the fact there is injustice is the only thing that does. Only from a position of complete clarity (not of anger) can you act from a position of strength. Only from a position of strength can you deal with injustice.

This is the exact opposite of Barbara Bush turning her beautiful mind away from scenes of death and destruction she helped bring about. She is denying that it exists and she is not acting to deal with it, she is running away from it, because on a very spiritual level, underneath her wretched fright mask, she just can't deal with it, so she turns her head way. It does not exist. She denies injustice exists. That is reacting to injustice from a position of fear, which is the same as anger, and it does not respond to the problem of injustice at all.

The word "happiness" might signify something to you other than what the OP has intended.

Happiness might be a word to describe that level of consciousness that your thinking mind really cannot describe, that something that you have deep down inside you that you cannot describe. It's that "peace that passeth all understanding" that "joy joy joy joy down in my heart" that you used to sing out loud every Sunday in Sunday School. It doesn't matter if you didn't go to Sunday school. It's that universal message that is the base of all religions and wisdom. You could call it simply love.

Frankly I can't understand how anybody could deal with all the injustice and horror in this physical world without that joy down in their hearts.

"Happiness is a warm gun." Remember that? Maybe the kiddies didn't sing that joyous tune in Sunday School, I'll have to ask my mother, but it's deeper message -- my perception of things may be just an illusion -- is just as profound. Maybe I'll turn my attention on that and see what happens.

Happiness, after all, is just a word, and words are just symbols, and cannot describe that calm and clarity, that serenity, that joy joy joy joy everybody has deep down in your heart. Let yourself feel it and maybe you'll call it happiness too.

[Carni]

102. You can't help anyone if you are ill mentally and physically

And that is what being angry all the time will do.

I just went through that last Fall...I ended up having a serious health problem and yes, I firmly believe that my stress and anxiety caused my physical condition.

After seven years of constantly being angry, constantly fighting, constantly researching and yelling the sky is falling about bush and company I looked around me and realized that the sky HAD fallen on ME personally as well as on the world.

ALL of my energy was devoted to the bad and the ugly and the evil for years--
I thought I was fighting it, but what I was actually doing is making it all my personal responsibility and stressing myself out to the degree where I was of no help to anyone because I couldn't manage my own life, little alone effect peace or save the dying in any capacity.

I'm not talking about going to the mall and buying a coach bag and shoes to be *happy* or consumerism type happiness here (yeah the republicans would like that) obviously a stepford approach is not something I endorse BUT with that said, if you do let yourself fall into the trap of being angry and putting all your energy into the rage against the ills 24/7, eventually it will eat an individual up and obviously if you're dead, or ill, you aren't of any value to anyone in that state.

Everyone needs to have SOME type of a dream--whether it be world peace, personal happiness, or maybe just laying on a beach with a beer watching a sunset...
there has to be a place in everyone's mind where they can go to heal.

I am not complacent and yeah I get angry, but I have been trying to channel *angry* into OK that's done, now what can *I* personally do about this?
Then I try to take that action, how ever small it may seem, to try to get past that point.

If EVERYONE did that we wouldn't be here at DU talking about bush because he wouldn't be in office--they couldn't take on 70% of the American population even if they all calmly complained!

I guess my point is, I have tried to make myself take ACTION now instead of just getting all pissed off and ranting about a topic and letting my anger rule me.

[mondo joe]

110. Happiness is not part and parcel of being unaware or complacent.

Sometimes happiness coincides with lack of awareness.

But one does not result from the other, nor are the two necessarily conjoined.

[omega minimo]

46. Don't be hatin'

"Pee sticks"? :shrug: That was a fine way to finish off that post. Did the Newtonian-bound piss you off?

[Dora]

49. Thanks for the feedback.

I know not what you mean by "Newtonian-bound," but nobody has pissed me off. I was motivated by the recent surge of ridicule I've seen on DU directed at people who are buying into The Secret, positive thinking, Law of Attraction...

Senses of humor will vary. The Management makes no guarantees that everyone or anyone will be amused.

[omega minimo]

87. Still like to read the whole damn thing

Looks interesting.

But SURELY you've heard of Newton. Isaac?

Humor? Varies? Yeah. Whatever, when there is not frame of........ oh nevermind........ :hi:









:

[Forkboy]

48. I'm happy for you

[Dora]

50. And me, you.

:hi:

[Bruce McAuley]

51. Be Happy! Be Nice To Women!

If a person had to pick two things to teach children, these would be what I would pick.
It ain't easy being happy and content either.
It takes work, personal work, to keep the negativity at bay and keep looking for the silver lining, but it certainly works out better in the long run.
Less stress, more acceptance of other's foibles.
Less diseases, less downtime.
You become a person others look up to, and they wonder why you are so happy.
For some lucky few of us, it's built in to be that way, but it still takes work to stay that way, and keeping the "psychic vampires" at bay, those who would suck your positive emotions dry.
Definitely worth the effort.
Classes in laughter are getting to be mainstream now.

Bruce

[Dora]

52. I think we could be nice to everyone.

We are in this together, after all.

:)

[bentley]

57. Evetry action has a reaction.:)

Happiness has the ability to grow and spread as long as we are willing to plant the seed.

You are right, we are in this together and I prefer to spread happiness over angry. I believe it does make a difference!

[Bruce McAuley]

60. I think so too...

But the men can take care of themselves.
Doesn't hurt to be nice to men too, though I would say being nice to women is way more important in the long run.

Bruce

[SmokingJacket]

53. Happiness has a tendency to sneak up on a person when

they're occupied with other things. And it has a way of slipping from the fingers when actively pursued...

And I think we're sometimes mistaken about what we think will make us happy. I achieved a life-long dream a few years ago. It was great! But I was actually happier pursuing it, than having pursued it.

Barring random tragedy or depressive illness, happiness is a natural byproduct of a well-lived life -- and only you can say what "well-lived" means.

[Chemical Bill]

54. You are not alone.

I am happy to be alive. I choose to face all of the injustice and inhumanity in the world with an attitude of happiness and gratitude for that which is just and human.

Bill

[I Have A Dream]

55. I agree 100%, Dora. I do everything that I can to make a difference...

in the world to help other people. Being happy does benefit other people because I have more energy reserves to pull upon to do the work that I need to do in the world. You can't give what you don't have.

Thank you for this thread!

[Jcrowley]

56. Just an observation here

There were 27 references to I-Me-Mine in the OP.

We live in a cult of individualism, different than individuality, in which the pursuit of one's well-being has become the consummate expression of one's existence. In a nearly invisible way this creates tremendous suffering for the rest of the world, particularly the so-called Third World.

The whole notion of "the power of thought and belief" is no more than cover for faith which is all well and good but let's be clear about what that is. Let's also understand that this is no substitute for economic and social justice movements. In fact it serves to obscure this fact throwing the burden upon the individual. A good question to ask is "Who does this serve?"

This sort of magical thinking is dangerous in that it serves the role of substitute for a collective refutation of the entire system which is grossly unjust by any measure.

How is it that one billion people are starving? Is their something else at hand here other than their inability to get into a positive frame of mind? Or their inability to harness their self-actualization capabilities?

No, it's not all about you there are an entire array of forces that are far beyond the control of the individual. We are talking about tremendous institutions that are working 24/7 to control and dominate. So let's look at that.

We must ask ourselves how is that this graph could come to be? Is it that not enough people have harnessed the power of thought and belief?



The new data also shows that the top 300,000 Americans collectively enjoyed almost as much income as the bottom 150 million Americans. Per person, the top group received 440 times as much as the average person in the bottom half earned, nearly doubling the gap from 1980...

The disparities may be even greater for another reason. The Internal Revenue Service estimates that it is able to accurately tax 99 percent of wage income but that it captures only about 70 percent of business and investment income, most of which flows to upper-income individuals, because not everybody accurately reports such figures...

The analysis by the two professors showed that the top 10 percent of Americans collected 48.5 percent of all reported income in 2005.

That is an increase of more than 2 percentage points over the previous year and up from roughly 33 percent in the late 1970s. The peak for this group was 49.3 percent in 1928.

The top 1 percent received 21.8 percent of all reported income in 2005, up significantly from 19.8 percent the year before and more than double their share of income in 1980. The peak was in 1928, when the top 1 percent reported 23.9 percent of all income.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/29/business/29tax.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

[meganmonkey]

58. I-me-me mine.

All thru' the day I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
All thru' the night I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
Now they're frightened of leaving it
Ev'ryone's weaving it,
Coming on strong all the time,
All thru' the day I me mine.

I-me-me mine,
I-me-me mine,
I-me-me mine,
I-me-me mine.

All I can hear I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
Even those tears I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
No-one's frightened of playing it
Ev'ryone's saying it,
Flowing more freely than wine,
All thru' your life I me mine.

I-me-me mine,
I-me-me mine,
I-me-me mine,
I-me-me mine.

All I can hear I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
Even those tears I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.
No-one's frightened of playing it
Ev'ryone's saying it,
Flowing more freely than wine,
All thru' your life I me mine.

--GH

[Laughing Mirror]

90. Another great song I'd forgotten about

It's nice to hear it again, if only in my mind.

Those songs had all the messages, didn't they?

[KittyWampus]

62. Sense of Self is highly developed in humans. It's intergral and important. Why do you disparage it?

How DARE you disparage it?

I, Me, Mine isn't the problem. Or being Individuals. Or taking the time to understand Consciousness and our Emotions and how to use them constructively.

It's the Materialists in the world that are the problem. And your snide "magical thinking" comment leads me to guess you are a Materialist.

Progress and Social Justice happen when we harnass our sense of Individuality to a cause greater than ourselves. Hell, it's realising there is something greater than ourselves. But the first step towards serving the greater self is acknowledging and understanding our little self.

It helps nothing to deny or malign our personal self (litte "S" self).

What helps is exploring that personal self and working to understand how our personal self can transcend its limits by serving the greater Self.

You know, like Martin Luther King or Mother Theresa did.

They seemed pretty happy.

[Jcrowley]

69. Lets' focus on helping others

Yes the embrace of self is everywhere you look in adolescent self-absorbed America.

This whole self-help movemet and nonsense about choice avoids reality. The overpriviliged have used variants of this stuff for centuries.

You've guessed wrong.


Dear Dr.Cecilia D'Felice,

It is with great interest that I read your article, "How to be Happy" in today's edition of the Independent.
Maybe you will be kind enough to reassure us in Iraq that we are indeed OK.
The whole of Iraqi society (what is left of it) has been exhibiting a myriad of strange behavioral patterns for nearly 4 years now and growing steadily more bizzarre.
For instance and I shall give you a few "cases":
Our women have been lately engaging in this weird habit of pulling their hair out and tearing their clothes. Do you think this is an "ethnic thing" or maybe a "transcultural" manifestation of a persevering borderline personality disorder? Others are just silent and sigh heavily.
Our men, on the other hand,have been oscillating between"passive-agressive"to outright "anti-social" behavior.
Couples and parents no longer speak to each other, they shout. Maybe you can recommend some manual for non-violent communication.
Another worrisome thing I noticed, is that our children have this blank empty look in their eyes.They seem to be recoiling in an autistic world shattered by intermittent hysterical screams.
Moreover, they seem to present some cognitive impediments, in particular speech. For instance, whenever one says to them "duck" they respond with "fuck" in a nasal twang.
Do you think this is an auditory dyslexia or are they just tapping into the "collective unconscious"?
As for our youth , they too, are exhibiting behavior that one might label as "acting out".
Apart from glue sniffing and other "recreational drugs", the boys have developed a fixation for plastic guns,cowboy hats and mullah robes. The girls refuse to wear colors and they seem to have gone mute silent.
Strangely again, some are immolating themselves or sticking their heads in gaz ovens. We don't really know why. Do you think it might have to do with puberty hormonal changes or a raped, sorry meant repressed sexuality?
Another thing, most of us have developed an insane fear of open space,in particular market places. I believe you call that "agoraphobia."
I wonder what this may be due to? The utmost we can manage is a trip to the roof of the house, furtively looking into the darkness and rushing back in.
Some of us have become obsessive compulsive. We keep checking doors and windows making sure they are well sealed and locked. You never know , someone might be lurking there.
Others are showing signs of delusional paranoia. They are convinced that some death squad is going to burst in, in the middle of the night and slaughter them.
We are also having serious "sleep disturbances" call it insomnia. If we ever manage to sleep, we wake up in the middle of a nightmare drenched in sweat with our hearts pounding.
Also, another noticeable thing is that the whole of the population is getting thinner and thinner."Anorexia nervosa" perhaps?
Doctor, one more thing and sorry this letter is taking too long, what medication would you recommend for sodomized,tortured individuals?
Do you think Prozac is good enough or would you suggest a more effective selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor?Tranquilizers are simply no longer doing their magical trick.
Kindly suggest something, not in a capsule form though. A few "patients" took them and developed kidney stones instead. (they said the capsules contained sand.)
And one last thing I forgot to mention, all the above symptoms started after we were "liberated" from our "tyrannical" shadow.
I thank you for your attention and await in great anticipation your invaluable diagnosis and remedy.

Your's truly,
Layla Anwar.

PS. I heard that Gaza is presenting somewhat similar symptoms, do you think it is a psychological epidemic?

[MonteLukast]

96. Maybe because of the dangers of self-promotion...

How many self-promoters get kicked in the butt down the road... lose credibility in the very thing that spurred them to self-promote in the first place?

And especially if you're talking interpersonal capabilities. At least one prominent career coach believes that one of the features of the socially awkward is to believe they aren't so.

So therefore, I can NEVER proclaim myself to be socially adept, even if I really am. Because I don't want to count myself among the company of those who can't relate.

[Dora]

68. Some responses

"There were 27 references to I-Me-Mine in the OP."

:rofl:

And you say that like it's a bad thing! Mine is the only point of view from which I can speak with authority. I can't speak for you, neither can I speak for a collective we. I certainly can't speak for he, she, or they. I feel no shame in speaking for myself. And judging by the color of most of the responses here, many have similar feelings.



"We live in a cult of individualism, different than individuality, in which the pursuit of one's well-being has become the consummate expression of one's existence."

I contest your use of "well-being." Our culture, with its rampant advertising and entertainment messages, with its insidious memes that we're bombarded with every day, insists that we pursue pleasure, not happiness, not well-being. I believe it is the confusion between pleasure and happiness that has led so many astray. I can discern the difference between what feels good to me and what is good for me; sometimes there is correlation between the two (a home-cooked healthy dinner), and sometimes there is opposition (a heroin trip).

I live without a television, I don't often see movies, I don't listen to much radio, and I throw out every catalog that lands in our mailbox. Because of this I do not receive the same cultural commands to consume and compete. My level of personal happiness skyrocketed after I freed myself and shut those voices out of my life and my home. This happiness was a direct result of freeing myself from mindless consumption and from neurotic fears of not consuming enough. My grandmother asked me why I stopped watching TV, and what difference it made. I explained that I stopped because it was taking too much of my time, and the difference was that I just didn't want so much stuff any more, and that I felt more satisfied with what I already had. She didn't understand. She watches 8-10 hours of television a day.


"The whole notion of "the power of thought and belief" is no more than cover for faith.... Let's also understand that this is no substitute for economic and social justice movements.... A good question to ask is "Who does this serve?""

You want to know, "Who does faith serve?" Ask everyone who fought and fights for civil rights. Ask the unionists. Ask the suffragists. Faith serves us all and serves us well because without it, we are faithless. If you find yourself in a darkened corner one day, bereft and on your knees, it is faith that can stand you back up even if it's only to brush your teeth before collapsing again. Faith serves us all, and in many disguises. Faith may not fill a bowl, but it can fill a heart.

And thanks for all the numbers, the stats, the inequities. I know. And I know where on the bottom of that scale me and my family dwell, and I know that by virtue of our citizenship, despite our economic struggles, we are "richer" and more consumptive than nearly everybody else in the world.

I refuse to feel guilt because I was born an American in its era of decline. I understand the relationship between consumerism and world poverty, and I've examined my own consumption, consumerism, and we've made adjustments accordingly. This, too, contributes to my happiness. Each fabric napkin, every home-grown fruit and scratch-cooked dinner, each mile ridden on a bus or walked to the store, confirms and validates my effort to contribute to a happiness greater than my own. And it works for me.

My happiness doesn't have to work for you, but I do hope that you can find a happiness that does.

[AZBlue]

81. You can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first.

If you're sick, you can't help the infirm. If you're hungry, you can feed the indigent. If you're broke, you can't help the poor.

True, some take this to the extreme and only fed themselves and keep all their mountains of money only for them. But, I would bet one of those mountains of money that's not what the OP meant. It's not how I read it.

[MonteLukast]

97. But also, you can't always wait until you're "all better" first.

Sometimes, you can't wait until you're "ready". Sometimes, there is no "ready", no "right time." And how many times do corporate types use "wait for the right time" as a cover for "never gonna happen?"

So, we need a reliable road map for helping others and yourself at the same time, because sometime it just has to be that way.

And what about the times that we help ourselves BY helping others? Sometimes, it happens the other way. I personally found political action much more therapeutic than therapy.

[AZBlue]

117. I'm not talking about therapy. That's something different.

I'm talking about a change of attitude and that takes about a minute.

[nashville_brook]

63. happiness is altruistic -- you OWE it to those around you to be happy

i'm speaking from experience. the ex-husband was/is a chronically unhappy person and dragged me down into his pit of despair for 15 years before I said "enough." all those years i tried to help him out of his funk (in every way imaginable) and what i got in return was his misplaced anger and frustration. i became the enemy because i was marginally happy, or at least still believed in the concept.

happiness is altruistic. it's something you GIVE to others. you owe it to your loved ones (your children for gods sake) to be a full person living in the moment WITH THEM -- rather than with your personal demons.

being an angry-humbug-curmudgeon is SELF-INDULGENCE. it takes WORK to sustain the ennui. it's selfish and destructive.

so, righton Dora! i'm down one hundred percent.

[Lilith Velkor]

134. Yeah, I always cheer up when people guilt-trip me about depression!

:sarcasm:

:eyes:

[nashville_brook]

64. take *The Happiness Test* from the "father of positive psychology"

http://reflectivehappiness.com/Happiness/Introduction.aspx

Meet Dr. Martin Seligman

Martin E.P. Seligman is the father of positive psychology. He has for forty years worked on the science of optimism, learned helplessness, and depression. He is currently Fox Leadership Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, and Director of the Positive Psychology Center. He was formerly President of the Division of Clinical Psychology of the American Psychological Association, and in 1997 was elected President of the American Psychological Association by the largest vote in modern history.

Dr. Seligman has written twenty-one books and 200 articles on motivation and personality. Among his better-known are the best-selling Authentic Happiness (Free Press, 2002), Learned Optimism (Knopf, 1991), What You Can Change & What You Can't (Knopf, 1993), and The Optimistic Child (Houghton Mifflin, 1995). His most recent book is Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification, co-authored with Christopher Peterson (Oxford, 2004). His books have been translated into twenty languages and have been best-sellers both in America and abroad. His work has been featured on the front page of the New York Times, Time, Newsweek, U.S. News and World Report, the Reader's Digest, Redbook, Parents, Fortune, Family Circle, USA Today and many other popular magazines. He has been a spokesman for the science and practice of psychology on numerous television and radio shows. He has written columns on topics such as education, violence, happiness, and therapy. He has lectured around the world to educators, industry, parents, and mental health professionals.

[LSK]

66. the problem resides in not "I" but "we"

I'm sure many of us are happy in our individual lives. But many more are not. And there lies the rub. I would be much happier if we lived in a society where many more were happy or even adequately taken care of.

[Dora]

70. And wouldn't it be nice....

If only we could learn that caring for others is itself another source of happiness.

[StrictlyRockers]

73. Service is happiness. If you are not happy, find someone to help. It will help you, too.

K&R and HAPPY to do so!

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

75. Your Path To Happiness Is Personal And Yours Alone. My Best Wishes On Your Journey.

It isn't up to others to define whether what you choose as your path is right or wrong, since that can only be defined by oneself. Some may try to define it for others, but such an attempt is always misguided.

So worry not what those say who will try and redefine your terms, for they are not of the power to do so. If you have walked down your path and attained what you seek, then you have my respect and best wishes that such fate will continue.

[stellanoir]

76. Oh "Ooga, Booga, Smooga, Wooga" to you pal.

Happy spring and have a great weekend.

:hi:

[omega minimo]

88. He needs noun, verb, noun, adjective, vocabulary, concept, idea, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. et.

:puke:

[Annces]

77. Right

If you don't take care of your own needs and create a life for yourself that fulfills your major desires, then you run out of gas, and don't benefit anyone.

[Carni]

78. *reality is what it is* naysayers are the reason we're in deep shit IMO

I have been known to be one of them (well not here but in life)

Yeah, OK, maybe positive thinking won't cure everything...but just because a person looks at the positive (or tries to) doesn't mean they are prone to turn into a bushbot or declare themselves as a repuke.

POSITIVE thinking would be visualizing a world where bush doesn't rule--he is a non-issue because he doesn't have any power--he's going AWAY because people are smarter than that and they are hip to his treachery.

Did people such as myself embolden the pig because I focused on *oh God help us he is going to take control!" I don't know...it's possible.

I never gave the public any credit and assumed and focused on them being stupid (it came to pass)

I have wasted too much energy freaking out and being miserable--this bush reich is going down, truth will prevail and these criminals will slither back under the rock, from where they originated from.

THAT is the reality that I want to focus on currently--there is no pleasure or reward in dwelling on fear JMO

[AZBlue]

84. I'd have to agree with that.

Just one example: we're stuck in a war because we're all wringing our hands and getting angry about it and talking about how miserable it is - but do we discuss our real goal of peace? No, we discuss war until we're blue in the face, then we go to bed, get up and do it all over again. If we could turn as much time and attention to peace and have that be our focus, we could really accomplish something. But, no, we have to worry about war now!

[Carni]

98. I agree

It's a weird concept to grasp but I think we're on exactly the same page.

It isn't that we cannot continue to fight the bush reich it's just that we have to focus on the fact that we WILL win instead of focusing on how hopeless it all is because *they will just do X,Y and Z bla bla bla*

You are absolutely right--our thinking has to change so that our energy is devoted to some type of action, as opposed to lamenting over something that is done.

[Jcrowley]

82. Learning from Ladakh

Robert: I just got back from the Soviet Union, where I was involved in a small way in doing a number of the things that you were just describing there, and that's a place, too, where there's a great interest and hunger for the kind of information that doesn't show up on the TV that much. But it is remarkable how rapidly that information has been getting to Gorbachev and the Central Committee. That's one of the things that's helping to drive the changes that are going on there. It's definitely worth putting energy into, whether it's in Ladakh or in Novosibirsk or in Beijing. Do you feel that there's more leverage for change than people recognize?

Helena: Yes, very definitely. And the change could be very rapid in the right direction, as long as there were the critical mass of people who were willing it that way. Another thing I want to say which is very unpopular and difficult, especially in America, is that we do have to look very carefully at our energy choices and technologies, and that we can't overlook the impact of certain technological options in terms of the terrible centralization. People don't want large nuclear energy plants or large rubbish dumps or incinerators near themselves, and yet they are not clearly saying politically. "We don't want them at all." I think sometimes with the New Age and the emphasis on the spiritual connections, we can forget some of those realities which we do have to deal with.

From my experience in Ladakh, I can say with great assurance that it's not an increased consumption of energy that makes us happier. On the contrary, with a lower consumption of energy, we develop our own energies much more, and I attribute the vitality and the joy that I feel in Ladakh to that. You get a lot more exercise as part of your daily life, and you're also using your psychic and creative powers much more. And almost all their activities are participatory, whether it's entertainment or whatever. There is no question that they have at least as much to teach us as we have to teach them.

http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC17/NHodge.htm

[Dora]

126. Collaborative learning, collaborative teaching.

"they have at least as much to teach us as we have to teach them"


This is the beauty of a strong community, and a community is only as strong as its individual members.

Peace be with you.

[susanna]

83. I love this, Dora. Thank you so much. n/t

[Jcrowley]

85. Not happiness, not a sense of self, rather....

...a sense of belonging.

"It took me a long time to accept that the smiles I saw were real," remembers. "Then, in my second year there, while at a wedding, I sat back and observed the guests enjoying themselves. Suddenly I heard myself saying, `Aha, they really are that happy.' Only then did I recognize that I had been walking around with cultural blinders on, convinced that hidden behind the jokes and laughter had to be the same frustration, jealousy, and inadequacy as in my own society."
As soon as she dropped her cultural preconceptions, she began finding evidence everywhere of an extraordinary dignity, self-respect, and joie de vivre. Most Ladakhis, she observed, derive contentedness from within and rarely allow external situations to disturb their highly prized equanimity. She tells, for example, of accompanying a traditional "thanka" painter on a trip to Kashmir. Everywhere the two visitors went, people ridiculed the man, poking fun at his "backward" dress and mimicking his language. But much to Norberg-Hodge's amazement, he remained completely unaffected by the abuse and never lost his cheerful, smiling demeanor. When she asked him why he didn't get angry, he replied, in characteristic Ladakhi fashion, "Chi choen?" ("What's the point?") -- meaning, why should I allow my precious peace of mind to be disrupted by such inconsequential circumstances?

Eventually, Norberg-Hodge began to realize that this peace of mind in the face of life's inevitable ups and downs was based not only on the teachings of Buddhism, but on a deep sense of belonging instilled in Ladakhis from infancy. "The Ladakhis belong to their place on Earth," she explains. "They are bonded to that place through intimate daily contact, through a knowledge about their immediate environment with its changing seasons, needs, and limitations. . . .

http://www.ratical.org/many_worlds/ladakh.html

[Dora]

103. Happiness. Self. Belonging.

Jcrowley, your posts are a puzzle. It's my perception that you're both protesting and validating my points. How can I respond to you?

Happiness. Self. Belonging. These are all part of the whole - one does not exist at the exclusion of the others.

I'm glad to know that you've discovered the peace that can be with Buddhism. We are one.


Peace be yours.

[InvisibleTouch]

86. It's hard to be happy sometimes...

...if I know there are terrible things going on in the world, that there's so much unbelievable suffering. Even if my own life were perfect (and it's not even close), I would think, "What right do I have to be happy when all these horrible things are happening?" But then I think, how does my being unhappy help them? It doesn't - it does the opposite. It makes me feel hopeless and dissipates my energy in anger. I know this intellectually. Feeling it and living by it is something else again, but definitely something to aspire to. It's much more effective to tackle problems without plunging into the suffering yourself, because then you have the energy to make a difference.

[MonteLukast]

91. I like this take on it.

It's much more effective to tackle problems without plunging into the suffering yourself, because then you have the energy to make a difference.

I'm a person who's had a hard time being happy herself, in part because I believe that the righties have poisoned the very concept of happiness. They've twisted it into "clap harder for Iraq". They've transmogrified a positive attitude into acceptance of their abuses... encouraging everyone to accept what they do as "reality" and "that's life." If they've confused me about what's possible and what must be adapted to in reality, they've certainly confused others.

Reclaim happiness. Wash off the neocon stain!

[sendero]

99. I'm personally ..

... going through some of the toughest times in my life. My wife is on dialysis, it has thrown our entire household into chaos because it takes up 4 hours a day of our time.

But I'm not unhappy. I've learned in my old age that happiness is a state of mind and there is no reason to let your tribulations and those of your family make you miserable. There is still plenty about life to love and enjoy, and that is what we are doing.

[Dora]

104. Sendero....

:hug:

:grouphug:


Peace to you and to yours.

[rman]

100. When you're sad, is that by choice?

Are your emotions just a matter of flicking a switch?

[bentley]

105. I think it is a choice.

I also believe, it's perfectly o.k to feel sad. If we don't know sadness how can we appreciate happiness. If people make it a way of life and not just a process to work through an event that triggered those feelings, then I hope they realize they are making a conscious choice of living in sadness and if that is their desire, then I respect their right to do so, but I will live my life being happy, by doing so it shows that there are other options.

Just my two cents.

[rman]

106. next time when you're sad, try feeling happy

and let me now how it goes.

[Matariki]

107. Do it all the time, it works great

first off I've come to realize that i do have control over what I'm feeling because I'm the one feeling it. How I react to external things is entirely my choice. I have learned to pay very close attention to my thoughts and 'self talk' and find that by changing what i'm thinking I can change what I feel. Admittedly it takes a fair amount of work (i meditate daily) to control one's own thinking patterns but it's worth the effort IMO.

This is my experience anyway, other people's will vary.

[rman]

108. Doesn't it depend on how bad the external things are?

Granted many people are unhappy because they are concerned with trivialities.
But some external things are non-trivial. I'm sure you can think of a few.

[Matariki]

112. Define unhappy.

I don't see it as quite the same as sadness. There are times when sadness is an appropriate thing to feel. I don't think I'd want to limit my human experience by not feeling a full range of emotions deeply. Yes, I was sad when my best friend shot himself or both my parents died of cancer. Yet the emotions I feel are still mine and in my control. I don't carry a burden of unhappiness because so many people I know have died, and while I'm not cheerful when people i love die, I choose to accept death as part of the dance of life, so i'm not nearly as sad as the next guy.

[rman]

113. Does that mean you can control some emotions (sadness) but not others (unhappyness)?

Or that you can control your emotions some of the time, but not all the time?

[Matariki]

114. Define unhappiness

I wasn't using that term as an emotion. I see it as a state of discontent.

[rman]

115. Does that mean to you that discontent does not involve emotion?

I'd disagree with that.

What about fear - do you think that is an emotion?

[Matariki]

116. I'd say that discontent could be defined as dwelling on a particular thought and not choosing change

If you pay close attention when you feel unhappy, and I mean in a day to day setting rather than when your dog died or something, I think you will find that you are playing some thought loop in your head that's causing the feeling. Whether it's "I hate my job" or simply "I'm sad", careful observation will usually shine a light on a repetitive thought pattern.

[bentley]

122. I think you misunderstood me,

I think it's perfectly fine to feel sad!

Been there, done that. I have loved, I have lost. Just last year I lost my brother to Hep C/ HIV, I supported him and took care of when he could not care for himself, it was very emotional and painful. Ten years ago or so I lost my arm and crushed half of my face, it was an experience that changed my life. Both events filled me with sadness and both events have made me a better person who's able to appreciate my happiness even more.

When you are sad you don't have to try to be happy as long as you are content with your sadness and as long as your actions and emotions achieve the results you desire, I respect everyone's choice to be sad, but I think it's important to realize we have other options.

Peace.

[mondo joe]

109. Sometimes. Often.

You can manage your emotions, or they can manage you.

[rman]

111. Emotions also depend on circumstances,

and you can't always manage the circumstances.

Besides, emotions are part of "you" - it's not "you" versus your emotions.

[mondo joe]

123. You can't always control your circumstance. You can control your response.

At least much of the time.

My emotions are a part of me - but so is a diabetic's levels. I wouldn't advocate not managing either.

[Tsiyu]

118. I suppose it is all about balance

DU for me is a sounding board. We can say things here that we can't express in "polite society." But it may make some seem as if they are negative souls, when in fact the essence of their posts is not the sum total of that person's day.

Expressing an opinion about a theory/book/self-help method is not necessarily pissing on someone else's happiness. You are free to disagree with their assessment of something you hold dear, but I would not call their criticism "hatred" of YOUR happiness per se; it is dislike or loathing for that theory/book/self-help method.

Some people loathe simplistic ways of looking at the world; others see people suffering and wonder how all the self-absorbed Americans can be so focused on themselves.

As for me, I find happiness every day in my life, but I still have anger and hurt over what is happening in our schools, our prisons, Iraq, our Vet hospitals.

Most DUers would not be able to live the way I live; they could not be happy with such a spartan life as I lead. But i have found so many wonderful, loving, caring people in my life, I have something to do every hour of the day and a fantastic community of friends who love me for myself. Like you, Dora, I have turned my back on the material mainstream things and it is so freeing, people just would not understand.

I do take issue with simplistic ideas to solve complex problems, and with people who just "want more' without asking themselves why or how. But this in no way indicates i hate anyone for being happy. I just wish people would open their eyes and see what their materialism is costing this planet.

[Jonathan50]

119. As someone who suffers from bipolar disorder..

I'm inclined to believe that happiness or sadness is in large measure determined by brain chemistry.

The meds I take make a big difference in the way I feel.

Studies of identical twins separated at birth show that they tend to very similar in outlook and personality, which certainly suggests that there is a genetic component to disposition.

A question: Given how common depression is, could it be that there is some evolutionary advantage to the tendency to be depressed?

[Dora]

128. Brain chemistry is fascinating.

I've suffered from recurrent severe depressive episodes since puberty. I first experienced meds in 1994 - it changed my life. I know little about bipolar disorder - my family's gene pool indicates a predisposition for depresion, narcicissm, and alcoholism.

Your question is interesting. I am inclined to think that depression isn't an evolutionary advantage, but an evolutionary response. A response to what? To the imbalance in our lives - thoughtless material consumption, perceived helplessness, our perceived lack of control over our own lives (how many of us work 40+ hours per week for somebody else, and resent doing so?)....

I don't know. Just some off-the-cuff thoughts.

[Jcrowley]

121. The self is perceived not as an isolated...

"Just as importantly, their larger sense of self has something to do with the close, nurturing, long-lasting ties between people. Everyone, including aunts and uncles, monks and nuns, belongs to a highly interdependent, emotionally supportive community. Within this nurturing framework, individuals feel secure enough to become quite free and independent.

In particular, Norberg-Hodge was impressed with the diversity of the interactions among people. Rather than relating primarily to age-mates and nuclear family members, as most Western children do, Ladakhis traditionally grow up spending as much time with grandmother or uncle or younger sister as with mother or kids of their own age and sex. The result, according to Norberg-Hodge, is that children, particularly boys, aren't constantly pressured into competing with, and comparing themselves to, their peers. Instead, they learn that a wide range of ways of being in the world, including those that we generally regard as feminine, are accepted and indeed valued. In such a rich interpersonal climate, Norberg-Hodge notes, true individuality flourishes, rather than the limited, stereotyped role alternatives available to most Western children.

As they constantly reexperience, in very concrete terms, their interconnectedness with others and with the natural world, Ladakhis are reminded of the essential teachings of Buddhism regarding the inextricable interdependence of all phenomena. The self is perceived not as an isolated, individual entity ultimately alone in an inhospitable universe, but as one small thread embedded in the vast fabric of being.

http://www.ratical.org/many_worlds/ladakh.html

FWIW I'm not a Buddhist nor adhere to any religion.

[Dora]

124. FWIW, I don't disagree with you at all.

And neither am, or do, I.

I do find it interesting that you continue to respond to my OP, rather than my replies to your posts. I appreciate the kicks, though, and also your continued validation of my perspective.

Just like you say here, and just as I said in the OP... I am not alone.

:-)

[Djinn]

133. In a world

where the majority live in poverty and/or oppression, your pursuit of happiness (particularly as a member of a nation that keeps much of the world poor) makes you come across a tad vapid , I don't hate you for that however, many people seem to think their "right" to happiness (by removing debt and moving up the career ladder) is more important than the right to basic needs the majority of the world goes without.

No-one said you can't be happy, but screaming about your "right" to it (when there's is absolutely nobody attempting to prevent you from being so) just sounds boorish to me.

[Dora]

135. "Tad Vapid"

I'm not going to doctor my expression because I am afraid you might think I'm a "tad vapid." That's your perception, and what you think of me is not my business.

I've responded to the few others here who criticize me on the same ground. Take a look at some of those, if you will.

May happiness be yours,
:)