Cheney Admits All This Evil Is To Deflect A Childhood Fear Of Satire

[20score]

Washington DC – Dick Cheney’s part in the Bush Administration’s Rehabilitation Tour took an unexpected turn toward candor this weekend when the Vice President revealed what makes Dick Cheney who he is today. In an interview Saturday with Brit Hume, Dick Cheney talked not only about his part in torture, spying, illegal wars and indefinite detention, but also delved into his childhood and related milestones that helped shape his personality.

“I am not afraid to admit it now,” scowled the Vice President. “That’s what years of therapy will do, you know. That, and decades of work to make sure your fears never come true.”

“And your fear, since childhood, was of satire?” mumbled Brit Hume.

“Well, of being satirized, really. I don’t give a fuck about anyone else,” continued Dick Cheney. “When I was ten years old, the kids in my school passed around a picture of me carrying my pet duck. I was the only fifth grader balding, with gray hair. They all had a good laugh at my expense. But when I bit off the head of my duck and drank the blood, they stopped laughing.

“I learned an important lesson that day,” squawked Mr. Cheney. “You have to be evil enough to do whatever it takes to work on ‘the dark side’ if you will; then, kick it up a notch or two until they stop laughing.”

“And to your credit, Dick,” Brit fawned. “It worked. Most people would agree – you’re not funny.”


By 20score.

[jimshoes]

1. Creepy, evil, sick and twisted

but definitely not funny.

[BlooInBloo]

2. Funny. Where is it from?

[20score]

3. Thank you. From me.

Glad you liked it. I'm adding a byline while there's still time.

[Kutjara]

4. I wonder if he's considering a career in acting.

He'd be a fascinating replacement for Heath Ledger as The Joker, given that Cheney wouldn't have to act.

[20score]

5. .

[Lars39]

6. Just now saw it, 20score.

Very funny. :D :thumbsup:

[20score]

11. Thanks!

[ihavenobias]

7. Humor is about taking chances and you'll always have some people who don't get it (or even hate it)

If you can learn something from them do it, but sometimes it just comes down to different tastes. And on that note, off to the greatest with you!

[20score]

9. Hey ihavenobias. (What a cool name, by the way.)

It was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. It's the mood I'm in today after working 50 hours in four days.

Kind of slaphappy. And thanks!

[Swamp Rat]

8. LOL!!

:D

[20score]

13. Thank you! Great picture, too!

[Swamp Rat]

14. "Mmmm... Chuba chowbasa ma pateesa... hahahah!!"

:hi:

[20score]

15. Great!!

[punkin87]

10. Yes! LOL.

[suede1]

12. I got this visual of Cheney, as a kid...

biting the head off his pet duck. Not the super detailed gross out kind, just enough to 'see' it. Somehow, it all makes sense now.

20Score, you always bring something unexpected to the table.

Thanks!

k&r

[20score]

16. Thanks! Appreciated.

[hbskifreak]

17. Puppies

This reminds me of John Stewart's remark about Vampire Cheney stopping off at the pet store on his way home from work to strangle some puppies.

Great piece as usual 20score...K&R!!!!

A

[20score]

18. Thanks my man.

[20score]

19. I wanted to satirize Cheney, and couldn't think of anything far out enough to be recognizable as

satire. Then I thought of this.

[nadinbrzezinski]

20. Working on fiction that involves that kind of harassment at school

not funny

Kids have committed suicide over being harassed

I have no doubts that Chenney is persecuted by deep dark demons, but I personally will not make fun of them.

And by the by, Little Chenney did exactly that in the Comedy Channel

[suede1]

21. Ok, Sensitive Sally...

I don't know what your issues or those of your friends/family/loved ones are, but give me a freaking break with your criticisms! This piece,as written, is so far removed from the real world that your comment is just friggin ridiculous!

Get a grip, get a shrink and get a pill!

[nadinbrzezinski]

22. Have you ever met kids who were bullied to the point described in the piece?

Except for the duck biting bit, (done in Comedy Central LIttle Bush), it happens in our schools all the time

But I guess boys will be boys, got it.

Now some reference for you

http://www.psychologymatters.org/bullying.html

http://www.oecdobserver.org/news/fullstory.php/aid/434/Bullying_at_school:_tackling_the_problem.html

So go tell to somebody else that they are sensitive over a VERY SERIOUS ISSUE

[20score]

23. Wow! You went out of your way to give me an idea for satire. Thanks!

I am not going explain anything to you. If you didn't understand the peice, that's great - but also not my problem. You wanted to find something to judge. You judged.

[nadinbrzezinski]

24. Nah, didn't judge, just pointed a fact

and one reason why bullying is accepted is exactly because our society does not think it is a serious issue

As I said, been doing some readying into it, as I am working on some fiction that includes it... and it is definitely NOT a laughing matter

As to the duck, been there, done that, Little Bush, Comedy Channel, so not even original

[20score]

25. I've never had anyone respond to my satire like have. You are by far the worst.

Please, stay out of threads I start.

[nadinbrzezinski]

26. Sorry if I don't find child bullying funny

even if meant as satire

[punkin87]

27. There is something wrong with you.

[nadinbrzezinski]

28. You are making this judgment based on what Dr. Freud?

Just because I don't find kid bullying funny does not necessarily mean there is something wrong,

On the other hand this is a societal problem

Telling us that kids will be kids... and all that... then folks are surprised by things like Columbine or a kid that committed suicide recently over cyberbullying

Do some research, then come back and tell me there is something wrong with NOT finding the whole subject matter FUNNY, or even worthy of slapstick

[punkin87]

29. It's not about bullying. It's about you. It was a joke about Cheney and you came in and insulted

someone for no reason.

[nadinbrzezinski]

31. I see, look in the mirror

I pointed out WHY I DID NOT FIND THE BIT FUNNY

If not finding it funny, then you are right... I guess...

:sarcasm:

[hbskifreak]

30. And you claim to respect Darwin.......

The entire point of satire is to make fun of something or someone. And my perspective on bullying in the playground, while hard to contemplate, it that it always has been and always will be a fact of life. It is part of growing up and the social development of children. Not all aspects of a child's life can or should be positive. If we all grew up holding hands and singing kum-ba-ya all the time we would all be pretty weak and pathetic. Someone who so proudly displays the Darwin symbol as their signature logo should realize that.

And I personally don't care how badly it offends you. Cheney needed quite a few more ass-whippings if you ask me. That psychopathic lunatic is probably more than 50 percent responsible for every atrocity the USA has committed post 9/11.

This post is not about condoning bullying, it is about painting a dark, yet comical hue on someone who doesn't deserve to breath the same oxygen as the rest of the human race. If it offends you for someone to give Cheney a hard time, then you are clearly on the wrong website.

Go sell your crazy somewhere else, we aren't interested.

A

[nadinbrzezinski]

32. Go ahead and justify bullying

it says far more about you than anything else

As to Chenney...no he is not responsible for all... but those of us who live in the real world realize that those who give orders need others to follow them... yes, that is how the real world works

They also need people like you and me to stand by the side and do nothing.


I am sure you are one of those who's lips move, but that's it

I guess kids will be kids... by the same logic you could justify torture... after all we don't live in a kumbaya world and it is a fact of life

:sarcasm:

[hbskifreak]

33. You're right, it's all about me.

And you don't know me well enough to talk about my lips, sweetheart.

I'm so terribly sorry that you got too many wedgies as a kid, but you could have fought back.

And if you did fight back, then you can hold your head high, and look at yourself in the mirror with confidence and say out loud, "Fuck you bastards, you didn't break me after all, did you!"

But if you didn't, then you should seek help, get a puppy, get a clue, but don't blame your failure to cope with the hard times of your life on other people, that is just a cowardly cop-out. Own up, man up, and grow up.

Back to the original thought, this was a terrific piece of sarcasm, and 20score is to be commended. I know him and he is funny and patriotic and courageous. If he continues and ends up with his own TV show, the world will be a better place. Rock-on 20score!!

A

[earth mom]

34. You are un-f*cking-believable! First you defend the BILLION dollar bailout & now Cheney!

You are definitely on the WRONG message board! :puke: