This may belong in the lounge..coming to grips with my dad dying

[w8liftinglady]

My aunt sent me this site with lots of good inspirational things.Use these if you need them.I found them really helpful
http://www.inspirationpeak.com/endingsandbeginnings.html

"I wanted a perfect ending...
Now, I've learned the hard way that some poems
don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear
beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing,
having to change, taking the moment and
making the best of it,
without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious ambiguity."

Gilda Radner, 1946-1989



Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.
Mary Frye

“Perhaps they are not the stars,
but rather openings in Heaven
where the love of our lost ones
pours through and shines down upon us
to let us know they are happy.”

Eskimo Legend


“When you were born,
you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.”

Cherokee Expression


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."

Tecumseh

more at site.

[gateley]

1. I'm so so sorry, w8liftinglady,

:hug:

I miss my dad every single day (and my mom) and it's been almost 20 years. I know I'll miss the 'til the day I die, it's become part of my life and who I am. Somehow, after the shock and numbness and unimaginable grief, you realize they're always with you. You'll see.

Until then, :hug:

[panader0]

2. My sympathies W8

I lost my folks years ago. It was a hard time. Some great quotes there.

[liberalmuse]

3. Those are lovely words.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Thanks for posting these.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

4. I went through both of my parents passing a year apart.

I went through it alone, too, because my brother is an alcoholic and could not afford to come to the most western part of the state when he lived in the most eastern part of the state. While making $150,000/yr.

In truth, he is a selfish prick and could not be bothered.

Dad went in a moment. He was eating lunch in the nursing home and keeled over. That was that. He never felt a thing. Heart attack. Mom slipped into rapid-onset dementia, took to bed, ended up with pneumonia and cracked vertebrae from osteoporosis and laying in bed. She went into the hospital, where they gave her atypical antipsychotics for the dementia, which they now know can be fatal. When she came out, she never spoke a word again. It was like she was in a walking coma. She died a few months later, in a rather ugly manner. The AA's caused most of her body's systems to go totally haywire.

It took me a while. I went through a lot of guilt, especially with Mom, as I felt I did not do enough. Thanks to friends and therapy, I found I did do enough, because I did everything I could do in my situation.

I hope you face this time of your life better than I did. Know that we all face it, be we the children of, or the person on the cusp of passing. You will be in my thoughts in this time.

[w8liftinglady]

5. Thank you all.I'm trying to prepare myself

knowing my dad,he has only weeks(he waited until the last moment to tell anyone).You all are such a comfort to me.Bless you.

[bananas]

15. hugs.

:hug:

[roguevalley]

16. sit with a tape recorder or cam corder and get him to tell you the

story of his life, the great jokes, the anecdotes. you will have it and it will comfort you. know that they never leave. you will see him when he goes because he will come to your side and stay there. do pictures and recordings. you won't regret it, honey.

[Warpy]

6. Many sympathies, my dad died 2 1/2 years ago and I'm still

trying to cope. It is a terrible loss.

One quibble, your Eskimo legend is a Hopi prayer. Eskimos don't grow grain.

[sicksicksick_N_tired]

7. I cared for my Dad until his last breath, recently.

I learned that, everyone handles the experience in their own unique way and I am,...cautious about offering advice.

I'll offer my personal experience.

Dying and death is easier when treated with love and respect and vision. Love the person, respect death, carry on the best vision of the beloved's life.

:hug:

[w8liftinglady]

9. Thank you.

I've always admired my patients' children who stayed by their dying parents sides.I've done what i could to make that journey easier.You never think YOU'LL be the one needing the shoulder.

[Parche]

8. Big hugs

Just went thru that this last month...............:hi: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Cleita]

10. I'm sorry.

Losing loved ones is always so very tough even when you are preparing for it.

:hug:

[malaise]

11. My dad died 25 years ago

Mum died 14 years ago. At first it's painful, then all the great memories replace grief. And yes I do miss them.

[madrchsod]

12. he will always be with you

we all live on in the hearts of the people who love us.....

[barbtries]

13. i'm sorry

for your loss
peace

[Journeyman]

14. My relationship with my Dad was very strained. He was an active alcoholic to the end . . .

and we didn't share much in common those final years. It took a long time for me to reconcile myself to both him and my deeply conflicted feelings. I wrote about it here:


http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=336x3207


I hope this proves helpful for you.

[w8liftinglady]

17. thank you..that mirrors my relationship with my dad.

:hug:

[easttexaslefty]

18. beautiful quotes

it's not easy to lose the ones we love....:hug:

[w8liftinglady]

19. Thanks..he's not even gone yet and I can't stop crying.

sigh.

[JNelson6563]

20. These things are very difficult.

The words sent to you are very inspirational. I hope someone here takes something away with them from your post. It says something about a person who is mourning but does something that benefits others, you're one of those people.

Bet your dad would be proud. :hug:

Julie

[w8liftinglady]

21. Thank you.It helps

:hug:

[w8liftinglady]

22. thanks to all who replied.Today has been a rough day.

I know I have you guys to lean on.Bless You.

[w8liftinglady]

23. More pearls of wisdom and comfort...it helps

http://www.sapphyr.net/smallgems/quotes-death.htm

When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the soul laughs for what it has found.

~ Sufi aphorism ~






Of course you don't die.
Nobody dies.
Death doesn't exist.
You only reach a new level of vision,
a new realm of consciousness,
a new unknown world.

~ Henry Miller ~





A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on
sympathy, education, and social ties -
no religious basis is necessary.
Man would indeed be in a poor way
if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

~ Albert Einstein ~