Christian author: Cohabitation a 'trial divorce,' not a trial marriage

[marmar]

from the American Family Association's :crazy: One News Now:


Christian author: Cohabitation a 'trial divorce,' not a trial marriage
Ed Thomas - OneNewsNow - 4/2/2008 12:00:00 PM

Author Mike McManus says the conventional wisdom that living together to test the relationship before marriage is flawed, and actually has been proven a mistake.

Mike McManus and wife Harriet are co-founders of Marriage Savers, a marriage training and mentoring ministry. They also co-authored the new book Living Together: Myths, Risks, and Answers.

According to Mike McManus, two-thirds of couples planning to marry today are already living together. "The conventional wisdom is that you need to live together with someone to test the relationship before you marry. These couples call this a trial marriage," he explains.

But McManus says in reality it is more like a trial divorce. And in a new study highlighted in the book, couples who live together before marriage are 50 percent more likely to split before marriage, or divorce after marriage -- compared to couples who have never lived together.

"That's a huge swath of the American people," McManus contends. "It's actually diverted tens of millions of people from getting married at all."

McManus notes that statistics point to a tripling of the number of people unmarried between 30- and 44-years of age, since 1970.

http://onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=74371

OP's note: For some, well, fascinating reading, click the link and scroll down to read the comments at the end of the story.

[mondo joe]

1. They should adopt Massachusetts policies - they have the lowest divorce rate in the country.

Hmm.

[cynatnite]

2. My sister's been in a trial divorce for 12 years now...

:smoke:

[LeftyMom]

3. "It's actually diverted tens of millions of people from getting married at all."

Isn't that that point? That it's better to break off a relationship before making a lifelong commitment, than be stuck with a unhappy marriage or a divorce?

[FiveGoodMen]

5. Yes, that is the point if you're sane.

(Xtian author is the giveaway)

[LeftyMom]

8. I guess if you're selling relationship advice, you need to protect your market.

Encouraging people to be careful not to marry somebody they can't spend a happy lifetime with would hurt the bottom line.

[shain from kane]

4. So, is the point to mandate that 2 unhappy people live together for the rest of their lives?

[FiveGoodMen]

6. As gawd intended it!

[marmar]

7. I think that's exactly what AFA fundie types would like to do.....

n/t

[MadMaddie]

11. and to carry it further when your wife of 20 something years

is on her possible death bead (Contract with America - Author) you divorce her for a younger woman.

or

You go to an airport bathroom and tap your toe

[KaptBunnyPants]

12. Yeah, but if you're a guy, it's not like you have to be faithful.

Hell you don't even have to be heterosexual. Just marry up, pop out kids, ignore your wife, and do what you want. Isn't Christian love fun?

[elocs]

9. Living together is a predictor of the negative: not being able to live together.

I don't think it is a good predictor of the success of a marriage. Couples who cohabit usually don't do so for a long time and it is easy to put on the good face. Also in couples who live together and split the expenses 50/50 usually the female is paying a larger share of her income for that 50% since men make more money than women. It's easier for the guy to walk away. But ultimately cohabiting does serve a useful function inasmuch as it prevents many people from marrying who should not. It is not, however, a "trial marriage" and those who view it that way and want to extrapolate their time of cohabiting into years of married bliss will probably be disappointed.

[Berry Cool]

14. I think you're right. It's not just fundies who think "cohabitation as trial marriage" is bogus.

It doesn't have a good track record as far as resulting in solid marriages. Couples either keep living together without marrying, or they eventually break up, or they marry and then frequently divorce later.

[Stinky The Clown]

10. Clown Reactionary: Fuck you, Christian author

[krabigirl]

13. and the country yawned...

[juno jones]

15. Marriage is a commitment between two people

which is not made any more or less sacred by the 'blessings' of some wanna-be minister or the hand of the state. IMO, nobody's buisness if I do...

My trial divorce has lasted 11 years now, my legal marriages far less than that. Your mileage may vary. Why pay more?

[AnnieBW]

16. I lived in sin for two years

I heard all of it from my Mom. You know, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free..." etc. Fourteen years later, I'm still happily married to that guy who got the milk for free. This McManus guy can kiss my fat ass.