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The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:43 PM
Original message
The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007
Here's just a couple of examples, but the rest are great, too. Love the "Punishment" section for each. Worth a visit: http://buffalobeast.com/122/50mostloathsome2007.html

16. Chris Matthews

Charges: Calling his show "Hardball" is like rechristening ping-pong "Thermonuclear Warfare." Displays the slurred, unmodulated speech and unfocused antagonism of an aggrieved middle-management drunk. Can read a scurrilous political attack into any paragraph at twenty paces. Continues honing his pointless questions as his guests attempt to answer, cutting them off with an affected imperial weariness when their responses are insufficiently inane. Apparently ignorant of the implications of satellite technology, Matthews shouts louder at geographically more distant guests. Has repeatedly called Ann Coulter "brilliant." Referred to Gerald Ford's yuletide demise as the former president's "Christmas card to the country." Unable to laugh like a normal human, Matthews compensates by simply shouting "ha!"

Exhibit A: "This country is based on generalizations!"

Sentence: Hillary's White House Press Secretary and personal toilet steward.

2. Dick Cheney

Charges: Worst president ever. So openly horrible, he now makes jokes about being Darth Vader. Unashamedly advocating for executive abuse of power and corporate theft. In and out of public office since his congressional internship during the Nixon Administration. Didn't care about the quagmire he foresaw in '94, because since then he'd deftly maneuvered to profit from it. Polling lower than HPV.

Exhibit A: His Halliburton stock rose 3000% in 2007. No joke.

Punishment: Raped by the sun.



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oldtime dfl_er Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:47 PM
Original message
And junior is of course #1
As is only right!

Sentence: Dismembered, limbs donated to injured veterans.
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FlyingSquirrel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:11 PM
Response to Original message
17. This is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen written about GWB:
Edited on Tue Dec-25-07 07:11 PM by FlyingSquirrel
'Is so clearly not in charge of his own White House that his feeble attempts to define himself as "decider" or "commander guy" are the equivalent of a five-year-old kid sitting on his dad's Harley and saying "vroom vroom!" '

---

Coupled with the reason that his few supporters still support him:

'Only supporters left are the ones who would worship a fucking turnip if it promised to kill foreigners.'

---

And the truest statement ever made:

'You can practically hear the whole nation holding its breath, hoping this guy will just fucking leave come January '09 and not declare martial law.'
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tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 10:00 PM
Response to Reply #17
26. That was my favorite line too!
Could we please have the foreigner killing turnip? We could just cut it up and eat it. Problem solved. Hmmmmm.............
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bullwinkle428 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 10:22 PM
Response to Original message
28. The Beast owes me a new monitor for the "turnip" line!!!
:rofl: :spray: :rofl:
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TwilightGardener Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:47 PM
Response to Original message
1. My favorite: Huckabee--
47. Mike Huckabee

Charges: What's worse, a calculating politician pretending to be a devout Christian, or a genuine heartland preacher who didn't come from no monkey? Huckabee is both -- a Southern Baptist who rejects Darwin, wants to give everyone a gun and thinks people with AIDS should be quarantined, and a seedy, corrupt politician who's never seen a payoff so low he won't stoop to pick it up. Democrats see Huckabee as easily defeated in a general election, but they shouldn't be so sure -- Smooth talking preachers tend to do well in this country. Huckabee is well-spoken, kind-faced, and the opposite of wordly -- he's Obama for hicks.

Exhibit A: "I got into politics because I knew government didn't have the real answers, that the real answers lie in accepting Jesus Christ into our lives... I hope we answer the alarm clock and take this nation back for Christ."

Sentence: Just as he's about to win in New Hampshire, a freak gust of wind catches Huckabee's excess skin and carries him out over the Atlantic, where he drifts for hours before God appears to him, tells him He's a Unitarian, and sends him to hell.

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Fenris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:49 PM
Response to Original message
2. 45. David Gregory
"Charges: The notion of his insight rests entirely on his striking resemblance to a shrewder, more beloved Dr. Zaius. "
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acmavm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:55 PM
Response to Original message
3. Here's a couple that are pretty obvious
31. Dana Perino

Charges: In a nation weary of White House press secretaries who feign ignorance, the Bush administration took an innovative step this year, appointing one who genuinely doesn't know anything. No more lies, America -- Dana Perino really can't answer your questions, honest! This slightly comely, over-promoted office wench not only didn't know what the Cuban missile crisis or the Bay of Pigs even were; she actually thought it was a funny story to tell on NPR.

Exhibit A: "This is an issue where I'm sure lots of people would love to ridicule me when I say this, but it is true that many people die from cold-related deaths every winter. And there are studies that say that climate change in certain areas of the world would help those individuals."

Sentence: Sent back in time to '62; Strapped to bottom of U2 spy plane for extreme history lesson.

30. Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman

Charges: Shocked a handful of innocents and turned into self-recriminating chum for Sean Hannity with the revelation that a redneck bounty hunter is-gasp!-a racist. Looks like an extra from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Married to a silicon-based life form. When a guy's own son intentionally destroys his career, you know he's got to be a singular fuckhead. Played at extraordinary rendition this year; got arrested for trying to physically extradite a Mexican national.

Exhibit A: "I'm not gonna take a chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for for 30 years because some fucking nigger heard us say nigger and turned us in to the Enquirer magazine." Yeah, 'cause not saying "nigger" is just out of the question.

Sentence: Neutered, dewormed, given to Michael Vick's buddies for sparring practice.

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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:59 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. Yeah, those are two of my favorites, too.
The Punishments/Sentence sections are fall-down funny.



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silverweb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 05:56 PM
Response to Original message
4. A great read.
Despite the horror of knowing that some of the worse of these "people" actually live and breathe (i.e., Cheney, Kristol, O'Lielly), I laughed often at the razor-sharp commentary.

K&R.

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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:08 PM
Response to Original message
6. 39. John Boehner
Charges: A Tom Delay disciple of shameless hypocrisy, Boehner won't stop weeping openly on the House floor -- real crying, from his tear ducts. It's not passion; it's the pathetic noontime inebriation of an obvious, documented alcoholic. Job title, "Minority Whip," is ironically hilarious. Bound by ideology to destroy nation.

Exhibit A: His name is Boner.

Sentence: Afflicted with voodoo hex that makes him cry poisonous spiders.

:rofl:
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jimshoes Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:10 PM
Response to Original message
7. An appropriate punishment for them
both. I would like to be there when the dick gets his.
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Maine-ah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:17 PM
Response to Original message
8. most of them are funny. 28 is not.
Bill O'rally: Sentence: Marinated, barbecued, and served at Sylvia's restaurant in Harlem, where the blacks eat just like real people.



now, that's frikkin funny :rofl:
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FlyingSquirrel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:01 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. 28 not funny, intended as satire... what about 32?

32. The Founding Fathers

Charges: Lionized as moral pillars and demigods ad nauseum without the slightest hint of irony. Can't be judged by today's standards. Electoral College? Dumb fucking idea. Invoked by every asshole in the last two hundred years to support every stupid idea ever. The original liberal elite. Able to withstand lightning strikes and the British military; unable to fathom poor people voting.

Exhibit A: Owned wigs, Africans.

Sentence: Depicted as cartoons on rapidly devaluing currency; beaten at effective democracy by former monarchies.

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bperci108 Donating Member (969 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 12:30 PM
Response to Reply #13
55. Fucking brilliant and spot on, if you ask me.
It's about time someone said it out loud.

If you want to love your country, you have to love it warts and all. :patriot:

A simple fact that eludes most of the knuckle-draggers on the right that chant "USA! USA!": many of these idolized founders were elitist, hypocritical, greedy douchebags.
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panader0 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
9. Hillary at 17?
Somehow my screen cut off the final ten.
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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:01 PM
Response to Reply #9
14. There's also a PDF you can download at the site.
Edited on Tue Dec-25-07 07:02 PM by faygokid
Plenty of wacky stuff at the website, and other articles of madness.

No comment on Hillary being on the list, other than it's a pretty irreverant site.

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Donnachaidh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 11:39 PM
Response to Reply #9
29. from the article
on Hillary at number 17 --

Charges: Began in politics as a teenage Nixon supporter -- that's twisted. Moved on to corporate law, representing Wal-Mart and bravely defending Coca-Cola from disabled employees. Married out of ambition. Failed miserably as the first lady of health care. Has spent whole of senatorial career as a hawk and a panderer. Would have no shot at becoming president if she didn't just happen to be married to one already.

Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place.

Sentence: Victim of vast right wing conspiracy to shove a brick up her ass.

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baldguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 08:21 AM
Response to Reply #29
42. Note that Obama & Edwards are NOT on the list.
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Donnachaidh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 10:52 AM
Response to Reply #42
80. duly noted.
Wonder how many Hillary supporters are pouting in a corner over that? :rofl:
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JI7 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:42 PM
Response to Original message
10. check out the Giuliani cartoon
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sniffa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
11. i'm shocked she has a job. more shocked she knows how operate her own lungs.
43. Sherri Shepherd

Charges: Perfectly illustrated the Creationist's level of intellect when she declared her disbelief in evolution, and was immediately stumped about the shape of the earth, explaining her ignorance was due to the fact that she was too busy feeding her children to acquire rudimentary knowledge about... well, about anything, presumably. Further compounded her astonishing lack of basic knowledge when she authoritatively declared that Jesus Christ came before the ancient Greeks, and that she didn't think "anything predated Christians." Judging by these statements, Sherri probably thinks there are dragons on the other side of her desk.

Exhibit A: Accurately reflects the intelligence of her viewing audience.

Sentence: Pushed off the edge of the earth.

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Yukari Yakumo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 11:46 PM
Response to Reply #11
31. Leave it to The View to find someone dumber than Liz. {nt}
uguu
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ChazII Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
12. Number 28
28. The Troops

Charges: Rubes, the lot of 'em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it's clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.

Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.

Sentence: Walter Reed.


I don't think this one is fair.
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Buzz Clik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 08:09 PM
Response to Reply #12
20. It's black satire. Edgy. Ouchy.
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orleans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 09:39 PM
Response to Reply #20
25. (you call it black satire. i call it dark humor) n/t
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maxsolomon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:50 AM
Response to Reply #12
48. in the tradition of Bill Hicks.
r.e. Gulf War 1: "i was FOR the war, but AGAINST the troops."

do you not remember the "shut up, wimps, WE'LL defend america" rhetoric prior to the iraq invasion?

i do.

rubes is not going too far.
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treestar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 12:08 PM
Response to Reply #12
53. I took it as "the troops" as embodied by the right wing's references to them
The right wing usually presumes them all to be repukes who would rather use their service as an excuse to make us follow the repuke line out of gratitude for "defending us" from right wing created enemies. They use them to try to force us into following lockstep on the need for a particular war.

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Lilith Velkor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:24 PM
Response to Reply #12
56. 32. The Founding Fathers
If you can take a poke at them, anyone is fair game.

The FFs did more to ensure my freedom (such as it is) than ANY of the troops.
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GMFORD Donating Member (202 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:56 PM
Response to Reply #12
60. That's because we have been
totally brainwashed.

This one is a sarcastic look at the troops as they are presented to us by the repugs.

1) We aren't winning in Iraq because the liberals don't support the troops. As if the average soldier in the field is terribly worried about what people are thinking about him all the time.
2) The troops don't want the war to be over, they want to stay and win. Sure they do.
3) As for body armor? According to the repugs, we are providing the troops everything they need in Iraq. The rest of us know that decent body armor should be included but hasn't been - hence the repugs implying that the troops want something 'unnecessary' that they are too cheap to buy for themselves.
4) Walter Reed - it's so sad that what should be a rescue for wounded troops is in fact a 'sentence' because the repugs have privatized the services which resulted in Walter Reed's standard of care being reduced to that of for-profit nursing home chains in this country.

#28 took some thought, not immediately obvious.

The entire list was aimed at conservatives (repugs for short). See the description under 'you', forget what # it is.
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trogdor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #12
67. Rubes, the lot of them.
I find the description quite apt.
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OhioChick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
15. HRC....
"Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place."



:rofl:
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FlyingSquirrel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:07 PM
Response to Original message
16. 5. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid
5. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid

Charges: Graduates of the Neville Chamberlain school of appeasement, the Democratic leadership continues to ignore the constitution-and the American people-by keeping impeachment "off the table" and refusing to defund the war. True pushovers, they're too stupid, cowardly, weak and outmatched politically to accomplish anything substantive, their "strategy" essentially boiling down to whining a lot while handing Bush whatever the hell he wants. There is just no way that appearing this weak and ineffectual could be any better for them politically than impeachment. Everything that the White House gets away with, it gets away with because congress allows it.

Exhibit A: Failure to woo the two thirds majority needed to override a presidential veto is moot: They could defund the war with a 41-senator budgetary filibuster. But that would take guts and conviction.

Sentence: 2 cups anthrax bisque.

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AllyCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 04:21 PM
Response to Reply #16
69. That's my favorite. What a pair of losers they are. n/t
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Tierra_y_Libertad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
18. Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh at the mighty. K&R
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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 08:31 PM
Response to Reply #18
22. Thank you. Tis the season.
Nothing says Merry Christmas better than this example:

21. David Vitter

Charges: And yet another family values Republican and Clinton-basher gets his glass house blown in. A staunch marriage defender and abstinence promoter who paid $300 an hour for his favorite hooker? The only surprise there is that he's still hanging around the Senate, but then again, he did say he was sorry. Denies evolution, yet was still compelled by his primate DNA to spread his seed far and wide.

Exhibit A: According to some, Vitter was nicknamed "the shitter" by Canal Street whores for his predilection for diaper play. Wholesome!

Sentence: Wife follows through on that Lorena Bobbitt comment she made during the Lewinski scandal.
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Selatius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 07:42 PM
Response to Original message
19. They TOTALLY ripped into Lou Dobbs
40. Lou Dobbs

Charges: Obvious, intensifying xenophobia and distrust of the yellow and brown races, possibly exacerbated by Mexican wife. Whatever useful message Dobbs once had about economic populism and the deleterious effects of globalization and cheap labor on American wages has long been tainted by his obvious animosity towards foreigners, specifically Mexicans and the Chinese. Every installment of his hour-long broadcast on CNN is dominated by reports about the "menace" of foreign imports, be they illegal immigrants crossing "our broken borders" to spread disease and rape our women, or poisonous products from "communist China." Proof that Dobbs is a venomous yellow journalist shithead can be seen in his reaction media criticism of a segment on his show in which it was erroneously reported that there had been a sudden upsurge in leprosy cases, totaling 7,000 in just three years, the source of which was a lawyer who had also said in speeches that Mexican immigrants tend to molest children. In truth, there had been 7,000 cases of leprosy in the past thirty years. Dobbs was confronted several times with this fact -- first he strongly defended his numbers, then strongly denied ever having used his numbers. A real journalist admits his errors. Dobbs is an ass.

Exhibit A: Sharply criticized the use of Mexican flags in immigrant demonstrations, then denied the obvious double standard of that comment by going on to say that he would have the same problem with Irish flags at the St. Patrick's Day parade, and, in fact, that he was against St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, sure, Lou.

Sentence: Stuffed with Green Cards; turned into amnesty pinata.
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mikeytherat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 12:05 PM
Response to Reply #19
82. I was in tears at the image of "amnesty pinata"
:rofl:

mikey_the_rat
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FloridaJudy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 08:28 PM
Response to Original message
21. BWAhahahahahahah! Snort.
:spray: :rofl:

I've bookmarked this!
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Catchawave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 08:49 PM
Response to Original message
23. LOL...Glen Beck : "Dumber than a
dumbfuck in dumbfuckistan" :rofl:
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alcibiades_mystery Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 08:58 PM
Response to Original message
24. Somebody finally said it!
28. The Troops

Charges: Rubes, the lot of 'em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it's clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.

Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.

Sentence: Walter Reed.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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JAbuchan08 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:50 AM
Response to Reply #24
49. To be fair I don't think they meant "ALL" the troops
simply those that are cited by the McCains and Bushes of the world. Not all of the troops are block-heads. There are a fair number of them though.
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Dave From Canada Donating Member (932 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:28 PM
Response to Reply #49
57. "simply those that are cited by the McCains and Bushes". you mean the phony soilders?
So just the troops that disagree with your point of view. Isn't that basically what Rush Limbaugh did? Except he attacked the troops that disagreed with his point of view. And everyone here was outraged. Hmm. :wow:
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JAbuchan08 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:51 PM
Response to Reply #57
59. I'm just holding the soldiers to the same standard as everyone else
I believe in a meritocracy of ideas. If you are one of these gung-ho types that not only buys into the Bush-world propoganda, but enjoys shooting civilians and thinks that they deserve it.
No. You're not my kind of guy - it doesn't really matter to me if you think your doing it out of a sense of duty, or service to your country.

Frankly I do think that some ideas and opinions are not deserving of respect. Among them is the idea that we need to shoot first and ask questions later. To the extent that the "troops" (at least those cited by guys like McCain and Bush etc.) support and agree with the Bush administration they are jerks and not deserving of my "respect."

In other words - soldier is a job description - no soldier who preforms in that capacity is a "phony" (and incidentally you put that word in my mouth) - but some who preform in that capacity are perfectly "real" soldiers who also happen to be morally complicit in this horrendous war.

The point of both my post and the original article is that being a troop does not automatically make you a good person or protect you from doing wrong, the troops certainly shouldn't be used as a shield for bad policy.

In short, yes, even soldiers can be bad people
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fascisthunter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 02:06 PM
Response to Reply #57
62. Like OMG...
:crazy:
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trogdor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 03:29 PM
Response to Reply #49
68. It was a broad-brush comment intentionally designed to offend.
Surely, the author is standing by his phone eagerly awaiting the inevitable death threats and hate mail so he can print the best of them in his next column.
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AzDar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 10:20 PM
Response to Original message
27. K & R....
:kick:
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sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-25-07 11:39 PM
Response to Original message
30. #41: Chuck Norris
Charges: Only famous for knowing Bruce Lee. Churning out puerile "action" bilge for 30 years. Skill as martial artist greatly exaggerated. Kitsch value wearing thin. Total Home Gym. Walker, Texas Ranger once let a little girl battle armed gangsters, because she had the power of belief in God. Doesn't understand evolution, despite access to mirrors.

Exhibit A: Campaigning for Mike Huckabee.

Sentence: Roundhouse kick from Charles Darwin.
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gulliver Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 12:14 AM
Response to Original message
32. #9 You (my favorite so far)
9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.

<<Perfectly stated>>
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Flabbergasted Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #32
85. It's a good one. nt
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americanstranger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 12:31 AM
Response to Original message
33. Hands-Down Winner: 9. You
(If I had an account, I'd post this over in Freeperville. Describes them to a T.)

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.

---------

It's funny because it's true.

- as
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IronLionZion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 12:07 PM
Response to Reply #33
52. The best part about it, is that it describes us DUers too
We get offended. We have problems with hearing Indian accents on the phone. We cling hard to purity of ideology vs. electing Democrats...and of course we (me for sure) cling to the Democrats. We blame victims for lots of stuff: wildfires, mortgage rate-hikes, Republicanism. We think we're going to get universal health care.
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FlyingSquirrel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:02 AM
Response to Original message
34. I missed that one. K for #9!
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:38 AM
Response to Original message
35. Absolutely fabulous.
K&R.
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diane in sf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 02:33 AM
Response to Original message
36. Very funny--have forwarded the link
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mogster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 05:13 AM
Response to Original message
37. Best description of Matthews I've read anyway
A waste of space, maybe he really should duel Zell Miller? :P
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Richard Steele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 05:50 AM
Response to Original message
38. Oh, that's some funny stuff right there! K&R nm
Edited on Wed Dec-26-07 05:50 AM by dicksteele
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TheCentepedeShoes Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 07:06 AM
Response to Original message
39. Thanks for the morning laugh
:hi:
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Bombtrack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 07:13 AM
Response to Original message
40. Somebody needs to give these guys a show. Once a year is not enough for their stuff to reach wide
in readership.
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madmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 08:09 AM
Response to Original message
41. I haven't even gone to the link yet and I'm spewing my coffee..this is great..LOL!
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BleedingHeartPatriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 08:30 AM
Response to Original message
43. K & R. LMAO David Gregory's "penile-cleft hair", I've been reading snippets from the article on DU
Edited on Wed Dec-26-07 08:36 AM by BleedingHeartPatriot
this morning.

Funny, funny stuff!

His absurd, overcompensatory assurance that he has "no problem with being tough" notwithstanding, his penile-cleft haircut -- much like the warning coloration of venomous reptiles -- betrays his true poisonous nature.


And this is the same thing I've said for years about David "the latest in summer fashion accessories" Gregory:

Exhibit A: No dignified reporter would be so visibly happy filling in for Matt Lauer on The Today Show.


:rofl:

MKJ
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progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 08:35 AM
Response to Original message
44. 25. Mormon Jesus
Charges: Least plausible Jesus. We heard his brother is the devil -- OMG! Won't even let his flock have a cup of coffee in the morning -- what a jerk. As with any celebrity comeback, lacks the oomph of the glory years. Won't stop baptizing dead people from other religions, which they generally don't appreciate as much as he thinks.

Exhibit A: Loves Mitt Romney, Harry Reid, and Glenn Beck. And magic long johns.

Sentence: Interrupted during the game by Mormon missionaries.

___________________________________________________________


I LOVE this list. And I'm only half done!
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madrchsod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 08:51 AM
Response to Original message
45. love this "picture" of romney

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femrap Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 10:27 AM
Response to Original message
46. Thank you!!!
So many great laughs. Loved it! Why can't some of our politicians say things like this?
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maxsolomon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:55 AM
Response to Reply #46
50. i still firmly believe Kerry could have beat Bush
with Ridicule. the emporer has no clothes, and his campaing "respected the office" too much to simply point it out.

there must be a reason they don't use ridicule - but it was used regularly in the 19th century in America. and is used every day in British Parliament.
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femrap Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 05:04 PM
Response to Reply #50
72. Sometimes I catch the British Parliament
on c-span and I just love the way they rib each other.

P.S. Being from Ohio, I firmly believe that Kerry DID win. We were robbed! But we could have made the theft more difficult if he had used ridicule and humor.
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dorkulon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:48 PM
Response to Reply #50
77. Speaking of Kerry beating Bush with humor...
...another gem from The BEAST, circa october '04:

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ElboRuum Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 10:38 AM
Response to Original message
47. I busted a gut at this...
K+R!
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Dangerously Amused Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:59 AM
Response to Original message
51. Proud to give the 50th rec.



Funniest thing I've read in a long time!



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barbtries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 12:23 PM
Response to Original message
54. ow the page must be getting a lot of hits
i couldn't access it. will try again. sounds great, thanks
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chemp Donating Member (569 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 01:35 PM
Response to Original message
58. Ha! Gonzo
The only Attorney General who ever could have made John Ashcroft a sympathetic character by contrast.

Exhibit A: "The fact that the Constitution -- again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution. There is a prohibition against taking it away."
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dorkulon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 03:00 PM
Response to Reply #58
84. The pic is amazing!
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wryter2000 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 02:01 PM
Response to Original message
61. OMG, O'Reilly
Edited on Wed Dec-26-07 02:02 PM by wryter2000
"A tiny, scared child of a man."

:wow: :woohoo: :applause: :yourock:
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Blue_Tires Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 02:07 PM
Response to Original message
63. lol....brilliant
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graywarrior Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 02:14 PM
Response to Original message
64. Did they miss Poppy and Babs?
No Dr. Phil.

But a great list, nonetheless. We could have put that together here.
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Maestro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 02:30 PM
Response to Original message
65. Daayumm! I want to read it but the server must be getting slammed.
Service unavailable now. Oh well, what you posted is great though. I hope I get to read it soon.
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Progressive Radical Donating Member (184 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 03:11 PM
Response to Original message
66. Absolutely fantastic! #9 is spot on (collectively, we are a nation of morons):
From OP link:

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 04:33 PM
Response to Original message
70. I thought of some alternate fates:
Edited on Wed Dec-26-07 04:54 PM by EOO
50. Nicole Ritchie - Father loses entire fortune in Vegas, media stops paying attention to her.

46. Bud Selig - Dog piled by every player named in the Mitchell Report.

33. John Hagee - Jesus takes all of his money during the rapture, declares him an "invalid", banishes him to purgatory for eternity.

29. Dinesh D'Souza - Sentenced to become the toilet scrubber for the next liberal president with no chance of job advancement.

23. Bill O'Reilly - First sacrifice in next year's War On Christmas, with Hannity following.

21. David Vitter - Has to have job of being the Depends spokesman for the rest of his life.

10. Alberto Gonzales - Waterboarding

7. Erik Prince - Whatever happens in Baghdad, stays in Baghdad.

6. Rudy Guiliani - Scarlett Letter Punishment: Has to have 9/11 tattoed on his forehead, has to live rest of life in drag as Zsa Zsa Gabor.
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Maestro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 10:29 PM
Response to Reply #70
74. I love your fate for Hagee
I despise that man!

And I am :rofl: with your fate for O'Leilly!
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:31 PM
Response to Reply #74
75. Thought of some more:
Edited on Wed Dec-26-07 11:39 PM by EOO
50. Nicole Ritchie - Forced to get a real job.

49. Trent Lott - Strangled with his own confederate flag.

47. Mike Huckabee - After death, is forced to spend rest of eternity as Satan's doormat.

41. Chuck Norris - Has to admit that internet jokes about him are greatly exaggerated until he is forced to try every one of them.

27. Britney Spears - Has to re-marry K-Fed.

11. Harvey Levin - Has to marry K-Fed.

8. Michael Chertoff - Flies commercial, is actually forced to go through DHS screening process.
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chknltl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 04:51 PM
Response to Original message
71. Like everyone else they too have been fooled by this guy:
He believes rescinding a womans right to vote would be good for the Republican party and he actively demonstrates the merits of his arguments each time he opens his mouth!

He has gone where a certain "wide stanced" Senator could only fantasize about and got away with it for decades!

He is truly the pot calling the kettle black when he calls John Edwards gay!

He is the very man the Bible has named "The Great Deceiver" (Not to be confused with g. bush who is playing a game of oneupmanship by being The Great Deceiver-er Guy)

Once his true name is uttered there will be much anger and gnashing of teeth by freepers everywhere, something which was also predicted in the Bible.

He has indeed fooled the entire world with his deception, a deception which has given him power to spread his vile hatred!

There is great power in names my fellow DUers and when you know his name his power will forever be broken, his words will become utterly meaningless and he will sink back into the mire of obscurity he deserves.

Let the Great Deception end now, let the number of the beast be placed squarely upon his head for eternity, his true name is:

Anne Coulter

There, it is done! No longer will this beasts words create anger in you my fellow DUers, when he speaks we will chuckle and do the "nudge-nudge, wink-wink", all the while knowing his power is broken.

Spread the word children of Democracy, reveal the great deception: Anne Coulter IS NOTHING MORE THAN A MALE CROSSDRESSER WITH A BAD ATTITUDE!

:patriot:
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 11:43 PM
Response to Reply #71
76. OMG!!!!
:rofl:
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chknltl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 12:31 AM
Response to Reply #76
78. The "seed " is planted! eom
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Joey Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-26-07 07:14 PM
Response to Original message
73. That's a classic! n/t
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Kingshakabobo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 01:21 AM
Response to Original message
79. Hi-fucking-Larious
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 12:02 PM
Response to Original message
81. Oh, spectacular indeed!!!!!
9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.



Ouch. Correct, but "ouch"!
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dorkulon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 12:44 PM
Response to Original message
83. Don't forget to check out the previous lists (links)
Check out the Loathsome Lists for 2006, 2005, 2004 & 2002!

All classics of vitriol.
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truebrit71 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-27-07 04:15 PM
Response to Original message
86. There's some funny stuff in there...
...
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