A news flash from Faux News. Jesus Returns !

[Wiregrass Willie]

From the news desk of anchor Jim Knowitall.----

After landing in Central Park, Jesus collected all of his followers and started to ascend. He stopped long enough to speak with a local reporter who brings us that interview. Can you tell me what he said Lisa Hogan ? :

Well, Jim, Jesus said he was quite disappointed in the small number of followers he had collected. He had hoped that after 2,000 years of instruction, more people would have followed his teachings. Standing in a cloud of light, he said in a firm voice "The prophecy has been fulfilled ! I shall not return !". With that he and his six followers blasted off like a bolt of lightening and were last seen at an altitude of about 40,000 feet, disappearing into the Eastern sunrise.

Thanks, Lisa.

It would appear that many church members will have to do some soul searching and reorganization. Told of the event, Jerry Falwell looked into the camera, swallowed hard and said -- "Not him ! There's been some misunderstanding. I didn't say Jesus, I said KESUS ! My church will begin a vigil for Kesus just as soon as we take up a collection".

All the lights went out in the Vatican.

The people in Tel Aviv are alternating between shouts and cheers of joy --- and weeping for fear of losing the political support of the Fundamental Christians.

What a day !