What Can an Online community do when one of our Members needs Help but Won't Seek It?

[Wiley50]

we have a few heartless among us though most of us do care and would like to help

But we are anonymous

and when we have a member that's, obviously, falling off the edge and for good reason

What the hell do we do?

if it was Uncle Joe across town, we could go get him and take him to get help
or, at least, call 911

But we don't know each others real name or address

It's frustrating

OTOH
I was working the med tent at the 1977 Rainbow Gathering in Gila Bend in New mexico
with Wavy Gravy of Hog Farm and Woodstock movie fame ("The brown acid is Not poison, it is just poorly manufactured")

And I was concerned about a guy who was in the med tent on a cot and his other who was not but going nuts about the situation and was trying to get some kind of solution happening

and Wavy says to me,
' it's just fuckin Looney Tunes man. it'll be Ok in the morning"

and Wavy was right. it was.

[The Straight Story]

1. Support em the best we can

Listen, PM them, and not be judgmental as that will add to the stress.

Offer to find some local help for them, point them to some websites of people going through similar things, etc.

[EFerrari]

7. Agree. Good suggestions, all. n/t

[The Straight Story]

18. Thanks my friend, been there myself, still am in some ways

And it ain't easy having people beat you up online when you are jumping the shark in your pain.

My wife and I are still dealing with illness, and some days it just plain sucks. She can't work, so I work two jobs, and the stress on me is immense - then she feels bad about it and useless, etc and so on.

It can easily fry a person - especially when all you want to do is to protect the one you love, and in all your efforts you can't.

I can't make her illness go away, and it bothers the hell out of me. And I can't always give her ease of mind over bills, insurance, etc - and she cannot help me with those things. So when she is down over them, it makes me down and I feel bad.

Our dreams...well many of them are just that now. She wanted to be an artist that traveled the world, etc, and instead she is a stay at home mom and sick with no real security. And each passing day those dreams slip more and more. And she is married to a guy with his own damned problems.

But still, we are happy to see each other each day, to snuggle up in bed and talk about silly things, and dream our little dreams.

We laugh, then cry, then shout, then hug. We try our best in the storm of our life, while we see those around us we know living the life we dreamed of and not being happy and bitching about whether or not they were able to buy the latest coach purse, complaining that their new BMW can't pull their new ski boat, etc (and we do hear that from folks we know here).

Then they whine at my wife and ask her why she has not been over to see them more, going out shopping with them, etc, while she lays at home sick and I take another day off my jobs to care for her and our daughter.

It is enough to drive a man insane at times. All I wanted was to make her dreams come true, then life got in the way. And we wonder what we did that was so bad that we have to face all this.

So I get depressed, she does, we end up on meds, insurance gets messed up, checks get screwed up, and we end living as best we can and feeling frustrated that we cannot do more - and we are getting older, and it ain't getting better.

But still - like tonight when she was making some dinner, I put my arms around her and told her I love her and these are the best of times. We can drive to the mountains, we are together, and we have today with one another. It will get worse, we both know this and try to not talk about it - yet we do. So we try to enjoy today, knowing tomorrow will be sucky. But then, a part of us knows and dreads what is to come.

But somehow, we make it through each day.

I don't know how yet...

[pnwmom]

22. I hope you know, in your deepest heart,

that you didn't do anything so bad that you have to "face all this."

Bad stuff happens, even to the best among us. Keep on keeping on . . .

:hug:

[Hekate]

23. I think of you and your wife and daughter often, SS, and hope the best for you

I look for your posts here, and when you write about your family I think: how lucky they are to have you, and that you are lucky in love.
:hug:

Hekate

[EFerrari]

26. I think I know more or less exactly what you mean.

The thing is, we live real lives. They are not perfect artefacts, they are real lives.

My best to you and to yours as always. :loveya:

[havocmom]

2. What, indeed.

If there really seems to be an immediate danger, perhaps the admins could make contact with the person who is so far down up looks unfeasible?

And Wavy had a point. Sometimes it's just a bad place for awhile then the morning comes.

But it would be nice if we could be with a person in such need, to tell them that one on one, to offer the sparse comfort of caring company.

Thanks for the post, Wiley50. It reminds me that there are people none of us ever met who care about us none the less. Hoping those who need that rope to hang onto see this.

Good night, all. Have sweet dreams and know it is worth the fight to make dreams come true. Reach out and make contact. It helps.

hm

[countmyvote4real]

3. Whut?

?

[bleever]

4. Wavy, that clown,

would still be right.

[EFerrari]

6. Not to be confused with Willie the Waver, who would also

still be right.

[ConsAreLiars]

19. Or Wavy Gravy,

who was right long ago: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wavy_Gravy

[EFerrari]

5. I've never gone very wrong supporting and validating people

and trying to remember that I can't control sh!t. But, that's just me.

And, I worked with Wavy in later years, lol, at summer camp for the kids. Small world. :)

[Wiley50]

8. Cool! He was one of a kind, a special kind of kind

I'm fortunate to have lucked into interaction with so many of them Beth

I feel like such an underachiever sometimes
but I was just busy sweating to put pampers on my babies

Always said I'd write about it all someday
but it's never started flowing

But maybe there's still time

[EFerrari]

9. We were all sweating those Pampers.

lol

Still plenty of time, Wiley50

:)

[Wiley50]

12. Yeah. All that hard work

and then the kids would just crap all over the product of it

and then you just toss them away

I hope I live long enough to watch my kids do the same

so I can laugh at them about it

[EFerrari]

13. Living well is the best revenge.

:evilgrin:

[shadowknows69]

21. Not that I usually do the whole celebrity worship thing but

could one of you get his autograph, or a scrap of a shirt, hair, etc. etc. etc. the man is one of my Gods. Saw him host a Further concert but that's as close as I got.

[bleever]

10. sfexpat2000 is the Anti-Cheney.

"I've never gone very wrong supporting and validating people and trying to remember that I can't control sh!t. But, that's just me."


With that kind of values-frame, if you will, perhaps farming hogs might be the best use of your talents.


:rofl:

[EFerrari]

11. And me, a vegetarian.

:rofl:

[bleever]

15. Even the farming of hogs

is beyond you, and your pathetic (if you will), sense of entitlement that says that your need for freedom, fresh air, and what you like to call "compassion" surpasses the need to crush others.

That's just sad.


:shakingheadsadlylikefredthompson:

[EFerrari]

16. Damn others. Recycling is hard enough.

:rofl:

[uppityperson]

14. Do the best we can, be kind, wait for morning, k&r

[tech3149]

17. It's tough when people are scared into hiding their identity

A few decades ago I was in the same situation as Wavy but I wasn't so sure it would be OK in the morning. In fact it wasn't. It was only friends and family that got me back to some sense of normalcy. I consider all those here at DU to be friends and I don't think it serves any purpose to hide yourself from friends. There might be some risk at showing who I am to this community, but that doesn't scare me. I figure I've got much more to gain by being open to friends than being afraid of threats.

Thank the admins for spellcheck cause my keyboard and fingers aren't working well together.

[shadowknows69]

20. For what it's worth

and I realize it's not me you're talking about Wiley, but some of y'all have convinced me to get help before I "fell off the edge" and I'm forever in your debt. If they can pull me back that is lol. Keep on keeping on and keep being there and maybe it will sink in.

[Hekate]

24. We're counting on it to sink in, Shadow. Glad you know that.

:hug:

Hekate

[EFerrari]

25. DU is a special place, one that I appreciate very much.

:toast:

[Phredicles]

27. I appreciate your great compassion, Wiley;

I'd been wondering about the same thing but could not have said anything with such tact.

[Uncle Joe]

28. You don't need to call 911,

just P.M. me if you believe I've gone over the edge, maybe you're correct.