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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-28-09 01:14 PM
Original message
Rejection by the "family".
I didn't know where to turn with this one, as it is a sensitive
and very painful issue with my son who is 25.

His paternal aunt has rejected him since he was 2 years old, when
his autistic behavior patterns and ADHD began to surface.

Karl has been excluded from family get togethers and wasn't allowed to
share his experiences with his paternal grandfather at the GP's memorial
service.
I have loudly objected to this crappy treatment and exclusion of him, but
it falls on deaf ears. My Xhusband, the witch's brother and other relatives
are intimidated by her and will not speak up for Karl.( my son)
His father does love him, but he is too chicken to stand up for him.
:-(

This crescendoed yesterday when we found out the aunt is getting remarried
next week, Everyone was invited to the wedding except Karl.

What has he done to incur this ostracization?

He has PDDs.
He isn't one of the "beautiful people"
and she is embarrassed by him.

I can't shut up and act like nothing is happening while I see him so damn hurt
by his own "family".
If my brother excluded him like she does( which my brother would NEVER do)
I would not have a fucking thing to do with him, much less attend his wedding.

Thanks for letting me vent.
I don't know if anyone here has dealt with this.

It hurts like hell.


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DeeDeeNY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:56 AM
Response to Original message
1. That is awful
My husband and I no longer have anything to do with many members of his family because of a similar situation.
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:50 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. I hear you, DeeDeeNY.

That's how I feel right now.
I'm done trying to be nice to her.

Enough is enough.
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:34 PM
Response to Original message
2. She IS embarrassed by him,
that may be all of it, and she's unable to understand and/or explain it. Not too bright, undereducated, or lazy?

No, yu can't shut up and act like nothing is happening.

Have you seen any plain and simple explanations that might help some to understand?



:hug:
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:56 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. She is very hung up on money,property and prestige.
Edited on Fri Jul-31-09 11:32 PM by Kajsa
She is especially obsessed with appearances.

It's all very shallow and superficial.

She is an administrator at a local school district here,
which makes it more mind blowing- i.e. she should
know better!
Previously, she was a classroom teacher for many years.

I can't explain her behavior any other way, because it is
so damn strange to me.
We've never encountered this before, and hopefully won't
again anytime soon.

:(

Thanks so much for the hug, I needed that.

:hug:
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DeeDeeNY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 07:19 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. She sounds like she has some serious personality defects
Your son is a much better person than she can ever hope to be.
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 12:57 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Thanks, DeeDee!
:) :hug:
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lumberjack_jeff Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-04-09 11:34 AM
Response to Original message
7. Dad must choose his sister or his son.
If he attends the wedding, he picked wrong.

The family wouldn't do this if dad were to tell them unequivocally where his loyalties lie.

That said, no amount of pressure from his ex-wife is going to make that occur. In fact, it's counterproductive.

My advice, after a messy and unpleasant family experience, write them off. The aunt isn't your family, and Karl is old enough to realize that she isn't really his family either.

You didn't really say how Karl feels about this. Judging from my own experience, I am often far more offended or hurt on my son's behalf that he is from the inherent meanness of NT's.
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-04-09 06:17 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Hi Jeff,
Edited on Tue Aug-04-09 06:21 PM by Kajsa
Karl was very hurt by the exclusion.
He summed it up well yesterday, and his comment
took me by surprise,

" She is dead to me"

( he pulled a Midlo!)

I have never heard him use that expression before,
EVER, but hell, he means it under no uncertain terms.

Karl is 25 yrs. old.

His dad is too weak to confront his sister, so yes,
he picked the wrong side.

Your advice is well taken Jeff.
Thanks.




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Left coast liberal Donating Member (889 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-11-09 03:57 PM
Response to Original message
9. Wow, that sucks.
I can only say that they sound pretty shallow and you wouldn't probably really want to be friends with them anyway. It's just the family thing.

Sounds like your son realizes that.

Besides there are too many nice people in the word to put up with jerks. Life is too short.

And, sometimes you have to find new family out there among the unrelated.

Hang in there.

XO
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Thanks, LCL!
We have pretty much written her off.

Thanks for your support!
:)
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