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Texasgal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 10:37 AM
Original message
Dear President Bush,
Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I
have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need
some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's
Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians.
Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees"
of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

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Kierkegaard Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 10:41 AM
Response to Original message
1. You go, gal.
Brilliant!

:thumbsup:
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iwanmycntrybak Donating Member (84 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 10:47 AM
Response to Original message
2. If we are going to take things literally let's go!
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Texasgal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 10:59 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. EXACTLY! n/t
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helderheid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 11:00 AM
Response to Original message
4. I saw this before - excellent! Wasn't it originally a letter to Dr. Laura?
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helderheid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 11:01 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. here it is - still makes me giggle
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Texasgal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 11:10 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. I dunno where it came from, someone e-mailed it
to me and laughed my ass off!
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 11:03 AM
Response to Original message
6. Should I smite them?
lol

I love the shellfish one
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helderheid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-01-06 11:52 AM
Response to Reply #6
8. that's my favorite line!
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