Late Night Comedians' Cheney Jokes...........list 'em here!

[Dover]

Just thought it might be fun to list all the cracks from Leno, Letterman, Conan, etc. about the Cheney incident. I'm sure they will be plentiful and I hate that I'll miss any of them!

[Ladyhawk]

1. Thanks from those of us who don't have access to TV! n/t

[Craig3410]

2. We've found WMD; and it's Dick Cheney!

Before the trip, Donald Rumsfeld denied Whittington body armor.

We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney!

[liveoaktx]

17. Adding the video links to the three comedy shows I watched

TDS

Craig Ferguson

Letterman

[American liberal]

25. thanks so much for the TDS link. This just made my whole day n/t

[hopeisaplace]

3. "We can't get Bin Laden, but we can get a 78 year old Attorney"

by Dave Letterman

:rofl:

[American liberal]

20. OMG He's killin' me! (Letterman, that is. Cheney, fortunately,

is in another state)

[HeeBGBz]

4. We can't get Bin Ladin

But we can nail a 78 y.o. attorney. ~ Letterman

[Dover]

5. Letterman: "What could be more American than shooting your

hunting buddy in the ass".

[Craig3410]

6. And, apparently, through the night, Biff Henderson of Letterman...

is shooting at random plastic dummies.

:D

[TheGunslinger]

7. Letterman has a running bit w/Biff as a hunter

[HeeBGBz]

8. Gift Bag: Sorry I shot you in the face

More Letterman

[TahitiNut]

9. "Mr. Cheney insists he would still have shot Mr. Whittington in the face."

The shooting was fertile ground for Jon Stewart, the host of "The Daily Show," the popular fake news program on Comedy Central. On Monday night one of the show's correspondents, Rob Corddry, introduced as a "vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst," said that "according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush," and "everyone believed there were quail in the brush," and "while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he would still have shot Mr. Whittington in the face."
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/14/politics/14whitehouse.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

[radio4progressives]

22. The best TDS i've seen to date.. it was SUPERB and FUNNY! n/t

[Bozita]

24. I watched it at 11. I'm still laughing.

The very best!

[question everything]

10. Jon Stewart and his team were a riot

The lawyer is getting better, but is still shot in the face by the V.P.

[radio4progressives]

23. Shot in the FACE by the Vice President of the United States of America..

:rofl:

[question everything]

11. From the Daily Show

Jon: why do they use ranch raised quails with clipped wings?

Bob Corddry: well, Jon, the V.P. travels with his security details, his ambulance with a team of 3 cardiologist, an ER unit, several defibrillators and the egg shape that Darth Vader uses. They all make a lot of noise and the quails can hear and fly away. So they use these quails to even the playing field.

[Dover]

12. Alan Coulter did a bit on Letterman insinuating that once 'fatso'

is doing time for killing the attorney, he (Allen) will show Mrs. Cheney a good time that will make Cheney's heart explode. And he invited her "lesbian daughter" to join her. (paraphrasing).

At which point Letterman began pelting him with snowballs.

[Dover]

13. Top Ten Cheney Excuses...

Will compile them later.

[tibbiit]

27. we loved that bit

Fatso's heart explodes lol.
tib

[question everything]

14. Leno: When the ambulance arrived, as a matter of habit the medics

went for Cheney. No, no, he said, take the other guy on the stretcher.

[Libby2]

15. LMAO, now that was a good one!

[BurtWorm]

16. There's a whole list of them here, including transcript from TDS

http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB113988242820273069-uV6g3R3JvkijUuStCosUy3Gv2Bs_20070213.html?mod=blogs

"The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (Comedy Central)

A partial transcript:

Jon Stewart: "Yes, as you've just heard, a near-tragedy over the weekend in south Texas. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt at a political supporter's ranch. Making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting VP since Alexander Hamilton.

"Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.
* * *

The other player in the drama? Ranch owner and eyewitness Katharine Armstrong.

Katharine Armstrong: "We were shooting a covey of quail. The vice president and two others got out of the car to walk up the covey."

Jon Stewart: "What kind of hunting story begins with getting out of your car? As I sighted the great beast before us, my shaking hands could barely engage the parking brake. Slowly, I turned off the A/C and silenced my sub-woofers…"
* * *

Katharine Armstrong: "A bird flushed. The vice president took aim at the bird and shot and unfortunately, Mr. Whittington was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty well."

Jon Stewart: "Peppered. There you have it. Harry Whittington, seasoned to within an inch of his life.
* * *

Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.

"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."

Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."

Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.

Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."

Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.

Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people … to get him some sort of mask."

[gordontron]

18. thanks that hilarious!

I love the dailey show

[American liberal]

21. OMG, days like these I wish I had cable

Tears are pouring out of my eyes I'm laughing so hard. :rofl: I think this is a really good thread to end my day on. Thank you all so much.

If anyone has video links of any of these routines, I'd be ever so grateful.

[Chovexani]

19. Dover!

Wow, so good to see you! :hug:

I miss your posts in the Astrology group.

[Dover]

26. Hi !

Yes I've been busy and scarce.
Hope all my buds in Astrology are doing well.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

28. From a Malloy "call:"

"Bill Clinton shot a woman in the face and HE got impeached."

Perfect.

[Zookeeper]

29. Last night, Jimmy Kimmel said something to the effect of....

"Of course, we all know Dick Cheney has to shoot someone every seven years to fulfill his contract with Satan."

Letterman said tonight, "The good news is: Our Vice President didn't shoot anyone today."

[renate]

30. I have recently developed a massive crush on Craig Ferguson--on after Dave

He plays videos of Bush's speeches slowed down to purposely make it sound like Bush is drunk.

At the end of his monologue on Monday night, he said something like "What lesson have we learned from all this? Well, we've learned that Cheney will SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE."

He also makes fun of Faux News all the time.

Craig, :yourock: :loveya:

[Zookeeper]

31. Craig is a cutie....

He was very funny on the Drew Carey Show.