Update on my "War on Christmas."

[Cyrano]

O'Reilly and a variety of other crackpots have discovered that the official liberal "War on Christmas" is underway. I was holding back, but the fact that they're on to me has pushed up my timetable.

Here are some of my activities to date:

1. I dispatched an attack team to steal Santa's sled, bring it back and rename it "Rosebud" to throw off the Christmas police.

2. Eight of Santa's elves have been captured and painted orange to look like yams. (They taste like chicken.)

3. Baby Jesus dolls are being stolen from WalMart stores. We've attached Slinkys to their little feet, and we're selling them as Jar Jar Binks dolls.

Since the rest of my "War on Christmas" activities are still in the works, I can't talk about them right now.

So what are you doing to further the war effort?

[SoCalDem]

1. I am hoarding all the red and green candles, so the shelves will be empty

[Cyrano]

2. Great. Keep up the good work.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. I have infiltrated Christmas tree farms

and substituted giant marijuana plants for thousands of Scotch pines.

Santa's reindeer have been rustled and are now venison sausage; Santa will have to work with a team of water buffalo, which are bad-tempered and aerodynamically unstable.

Also, I have recruited former Representative Mark Foley to work as a department store Santa.

[Bucky]

6. I was in on the focus group testing out Mark Foley as the new Santa

He got the "ho-ho-ho" down (as most Republicans can) but for some reason I never got comfortable sitting in his lap.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. Was his lap a bit

lumpy? :evilgrin:

[Bucky]

13. The lump I could mostly avoid...

...it was that damn vibrating "jingle bell" that kept me squirming the whole time.
I don't even wanna think about how it was attached.

[Cyrano]

7. Foley is out of rehab? If so, remember to give him a bottle of scotch.

[louis-t]

4. I am taking one bulb out of each string of Christmas lights

in every Wal-Mart so none of them will work. Sha-boom.

[Der Blaue Engel]

20. Wal-Mart may have already beaten you to it

They're not really known for their quality, are they? ;)

[underpants]

5. This woman looks like she is planning on plucking that f**ker out of the air

Page 4 on google under "Mary Chirstmas"

[Cyrano]

9. She really needs Bah and Humbug painted on those steel plates.

[Bucky]

8. Everyone, remember the code words for our war on Xmas. 'Seasons Greetings' means "All Hail Lucifer!"

It used to mean "all hail Satan" but some idiots kept saying "all hail Santa". That's totally missing the point!

[SoCalDem]

10. I chopped down a Christmas tree..just to watch it die

:evilgrin:

[thingfisher]

12. I ignore it as much as possible.

Christmas in Amerika is the biggest sham of all time.

[Cyrano]

15. Oh, c'mon. It's a fun time. Just think. If we can get that soot covered

guy coming out of the chimney, we'll have ourselves an outstanding pinata.

[drm604]

14. I've been climbing around on roofs

placing steel-jaw deer traps and lining chimneys with barbed wire and broken glass.

[Cyrano]

17. Wonderful. You are now officially qualified to fill in for Dick Cheney.

[gratuitous]

16. Our church scheduled TWO Christmas Eve services

The regular Sunday service for the morning of Dec. 24, and our regular Christmas Eve service for the same evening. Knowing how holier-than-us the fundies must be, that will keep them in church all day Sunday AND Monday!

Bwahahahaha!

[Cyrano]

18. Dangerous move. Fundies have been known to engage in cannibalism when

they're hungry.

[gratuitous]

24. Not to worry . . .

We're a pretty tough and chewy bunch.

[valerief]

19. I keep my Festivus pole up all year round. nt

[Parche]

21. war on christmas

All the name tags on the Jesus's in the manger have been changed to 'Heyzoos'

[Iris]

22. The use of elves as candied yams is genius! Preemptive and makes good use

of Thanksgiving as an ally in the war on Christmas!

[TlalocW]

23. I've been switching the voice chips of Talking Jesus Dolls

With those of talking Barbies and putting them both back on the shelves.

Now the Barbies say, "No one may enter unto Heaven without first coming through me."
The Jesuses say, "Let's go shopping!" and "Ken sure is cute!"

(And to be completely honest, some people actually did this with talking GI Joes and Barbies back in the 1990s)

TlalocW

[Johnny Noshoes]

25. Perfect

:rofl:

Jesus is coming. Look busy!

[Cyrano]

26. I'm doing my best to look busy. Right now, I'm trying to nail my

neighbor to a cross and display him on the lawn. Unfortunately, he just doesn't have a sense of humor, but he did say that he might reconsider when Easter rolls around. (He may have something there. It'll give us a chance to start a "War on Easter."

[Johnny Noshoes]

27. oooh

two front war - I don't know that could be tough:7