I wish I could be with her

[ceveritt]

Hello, PR.

It ain't worth much, but I am so sorry the holiday season is being hard for you.

I certainly understand. You've heard my story. Fall and winter are especially unpleasant for me because that's when my wife, my best friend, my lover, my partner and I became a couple. I miss her desperately. I want to be with her. For months now, I've wept like a beaten child every night. Can't stop.

You have my sympathy, I can assure you. Unfortunately, that doesn't count for much in making you feel better. I wish I had more to offer. I truly do.

Apparently, for some people, grief does indeed diminish with time. I have not had that experience either. I wonder what it would be like. I wonder if I would feel better, or if I would feel guilty.

Once, when I was in hospital and things weren't looking particularly great, Kathryn told me, "If you die, I'll kill myself and come after you, goddammit!" I wish I'd gone after her when she died. But I am a coward.

I have to go sob now. I wish you all the best, for the speedy passage of the holidays, and for less pain + grief for you, PR.

CE