Hi, KOEBabes and Buds... (sorry for the length)

[RevCheesehead]

I thought I should give you a quick update on what's going on in my life.

My mom's health is steadily declining. Her primary condition is an unknown pulminary disease that is building scar tissue in her lungs, reducing her breathing capacity. An effect of this disease is congestive heart failure on the right side of her heart. She has been on oxygen for several years, and taken massive doses of Prednisone, which has helped her breathing.

One of the side effects of prednisone is that it breaks down and destroys healthy bone tissue. In the past, she's had several surgeries, including a hip replacement. However, because of her lungs, she is no longer a candidate for elective surgery. In the last several weeks, her bones have been causing tremendous pain. She is now on the Limbaugh pain patch (Oxycontin), which, unfortunately, isn't doing much for her.

I knew when I saw her at Thanksgiving that she was really hurting. But once she was up and awake, she seemed fine. But on Monday, I got a call from social services. They are going to schedule an assessment conference, because they feel they can no longer care for her at her current level. They want to either enroll her in hospice care, or move her permanently to the nursing unit.

Yesterday, I called my parents to break the news. It was tough, but I couldn't let them just have this stuff sprung on them. My understanding is that the term "hospice" as they use it is merely descriptive of the level of care, and not necessarily a diagnosis of imminent death. But even so, the word is scary. It also forces us to face the inevitable - that she isn't going to live forever.

It is my hope that she and Dad will be able to live together in their apartment. Physically, it's tiring for dad, but emotionally, they need each other. We will probably have to make some decisions in the next couple of days. (why, oh why do these things always seem to happen during my busy times of the year???)

I wanted to tell you all what's going on, because you are like family to me. I cherish each one of you, and am so grateful for the outpouring of love and support you have already given me. I will continue to post, but some nights, I just won't be able to join in the merriment. Obviously, the NYC trip looks doubtful at this time... but maybe things will improve with better nursing care.

Thank you for all your concern, best wishes, prayers, and love. I am so glad we have this place to laugh, love, and snark together.

Ruth

[WolverineDG]

1. oh rev!!

:hug: i'm so sorry to hear this!!

how did your parents feel about the hospice care option? how is that different from the apartment they're in now? are they offering any support services for your dad as well? he's got to be going through all kinds of stress & might need those services to take care of himself so he can care for your mom. if they aren't talking about that, i'd start asking some questions. :)

:hug: i'm sorry to hear your mom isn't doing so well now. :(

dg

ps check your pm

[RevCheesehead]

3. well, it's more of a fear of the word.

In hospital/med speak, hospice is used to define someone as "end of life care." But at this place, it is used to define the level of nursing care the patient receives.

The advantage of hospice would be that she would stay in their apartment... it's just a matter of a different nurse showing up each day. They can also help manage her pain meds.

[gkhouston]

2. what *are* the local options for hospice care?

I know the word itself is scary, but I have been in some hospices that were fantastic places, simply because they're about making the patient comfortable. No clatter. No hassle about getting the pain meds you need. Wonderful staff. But oh, it's an emotional Everest, particularly when you've got a couple who don't want to be separated.

I hope that your parents can remain in their apartment, with additional assistance, for now, but you might want to use this meeting to get information about hospice options in case there comes a time when it's simply too much for your dad to handle, even with outside help. Don't let the word "hospice" scare you away from that possibility -- frankly they may be suggesting it simply because of the amount of pain medication your mom needs to feel comfortable these days. They may want to shuffle her off to a hospice or the nursing unit so they won't have the government crawling up their ass over the amount of pain meds they're dispensing to an 'regular' patient.

As always, my prayers, good wishes, and snark are at your disposal.

[RevCheesehead]

4. Thanks, Gina...

I'm not sure what the precise options are, yet. I'm thinking that we'll learn more whenever we have that consultation meeting.

I agree... hospice can be wonderful, and truly add to the quality of life.

I think I'll take an extra helping of snark, please. :)

[CC]

5. Sorry to hear your mom isn't

doing very well and is in pain. Its hard on everyone that cares about her and we all know how much you love your parents. Keep us up to date please and lean on us all you want and need too.
On the hospice, if they are not calling it end of life care, that sounds good. If they do as most hospices do they try to keep the patient at home if at all possible. My father in law spent the last 6 years of his life living with us. The last 6 months he had kidney cancer that had spread. If I could have one do over there it would of been to have called in hospice sooner. They were great, kind, caring, efficient, knowledgeable and angels. They not only did everything they could for Poppy, they made things easier on us and provided emotional support for all of us. It would not only help your mom but help your dad out too.
Big:hug:s.

[RevCheesehead]

6. Thanks, CC.

I needed that assurance. I told mom & dad that the emotional support may be of even greater help at this time. Plus, if they end up using the hospice I'm familiar with, they already have a relationship with the chaplain (in fact, she is my mom's preferred pastor for her funeral).

I agree - I'd rather see them reap the benefits early on. Plus, people go on and off hospice care all the time.

:hug:

[CC]

7. Even better if she already

knows the chaplain. It does help to have any ties. The hospice here was end of life care but when we first talked to them they said all they needed was for a doctor to say less than 6 months, with a strong hint hint in there. They also said there were people that had been caring for for years. They also assigned us a specific care nurse though when she was off (she needed home time too) others came in but they kept changes at the minimum. Oh and you are allowed to be a little selfish and know that it will take some of the load off of you. Specially if they are as wonderful as the hospice here.
Do you know when you are going to meet with them? I would think sooner than later would be better for all of you.

[RevCheesehead]

10. Still waiting to hear.

Red tape makes me ill. (in the Southern sense of the word) :eyes:

Thanks, Ferretessa. :hug:

[gkhouston]

15. you mean

bilious? :puke:

[RevCheesehead]

16. well, my NC friends told me ill = ill tempered.

In south-speak, if you're sick, you're feeling "puny."
The first time someone asked me if I felt "puny," I looked down at my big belly and roared with laughter, saying "I've NEVER been puny."

[gkhouston]

17. "puny" I grok.

That's not a variation of "ill" I was acquainted with. Must be a regional variant.

[RevCheesehead]

19. Yes - NC mountains.

And, of course, it's pronounced "eel". (I got a charge out of that!)

My friend Shelley told me that "ill" meant in a really bad mood, lashing out at people. I put it together and said, "you mean ill-tempered? That makes sense." Of course, ill also means wanting to lash out, but maintaining some control... steaming, and ready to erupt with rage.

They're so polite. O8)

[gkhouston]

20. ah...

the mood my mom calls "mad enough to fly". Believe me, you don't want to be the next person to cross her path. :scared:

[Patsy Stone]

8. All my love to your family

and a big bear hug for you. This is never an easy decision, permanent or temporary. I'm happy they have the option to remain in their apartment. Moving somewhere doesn't seem like the right thing for them to do. It's important for her mental health that she not think she's being put somewhere and will be separated from her family.

:hug: There will be other opportunities for us to meet, don't you worry. Right now, you've got other more important priorities, and we're all here for you.

[RevCheesehead]

11. But I want photos - and a pair of cuffs to call my own.

Can you beg MSNBC to send me a KO mugshot - autographed?

Thank you dearly, Patsy. :hug:

PS - was that hug a Bay Air hug?

[Patsy Stone]

13. It was a Bay Air hug!

Also, do you mind if the pictures are mugshots? Call it a feelin'. :P

[RevCheesehead]

14. Only if you get also

the pic, name, and badge # of the cops who managed to haul you all in.

[SharonRB]

9. I'm so sorry, Rev, that your mom isn't doing well

As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your folks.

Hopefully, somehow, you'll be able to join us, but we'll totally understand if you can't make it.

Take care,
Sharon

:grouphug:

[RevCheesehead]

12. or, next summer, bring the party HERE!

Actually, I've got a good friend who is moving to upstate NY in a few weeks. Gives me a good excuse to get out there - with a car, for better travelling. Maybe I'll take the KOEB "Travel America" tour... and come see each and every one of you in person! (watch Cuddles run for his life here)

Thank you, dear Sharon. :hug:

[Botany]

18. Hey Rev

Thought you might need a little light to make you feel better.

http://www.gorzow.mm.pl/~bebelebe/Wisconsin%20Point%20Lighthouse,%20Wisconsin.jpg

Fresh Gull Bay for you too.

I am sure that it will all work out as it should and remember you
are my FAV.

[RevCheesehead]

22. Botany - today, I believe you.

I think that's a photo of the Kewaunee lighthouse - just down the road 10 miles from here.

Thank you so much! :hug:

[spooky3]

21. Ruth, I am so sorry. I had no idea you were going through

such a heartbreaking series of events. I hope there is some good news soon for your mother. I am even more in awe of your wonderful good humor and wit that you share with us during Countdown, given what you're dealing with.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ (healing vibes to an infinite degree, to you and your family)

[RevCheesehead]

23. Thanks, spooky.

I come to the KOEB for respite, laughter, and snark. Never have I been disappointed... because these people (including you) are the best.

:hug:

[Muffstser]

24. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

I've been through this, though in a different way. My grandmother had Alzheimer's for almost 15 years. The last ten, she was in a nursing home. It was so horribly difficult to have to make that decision, especially since I was only 13 when it happened.

But ya know what? At least you have one major blessing. Your mom's mind is sharp, and you have had a lot more time with her than I had with my grandma.

The most important lesson? It's not the quantity, but the quality, of the time that matters. It sounds like you've had lots of both.

Take care, and you'll be in my prayers tonight.

[RevCheesehead]

26. Thanks, Muffster...

As long as you keep writing snark, I'll be laughing (that Reeter stuff was really, really good!).

:hug:

[Gogi]

25. Rev,

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

27. aw...

:hug:

[Berry Cool]

28. Rev, my heart goes out to you.

I have my own reasons for feeling for you in this area. Trust me on that one.

Please keep us posted. I'll pray.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

30. Thanks, Berry

I trust you completely. :hug:

[ralps]

dupe- delete

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[ralps]

29. Hi RevCheesehead, I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

I hope her situation gets resolved soon. PM or e-mail me if you need to. :hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

31. Aw, Ralps!

:hug: so nice of you to venture this way! And thank you so much for your kindness.

Why don't you come on in and join us in the nightly thread? Most of us are well-behaved, and the rest are under restraint. ;)

:hug:

[ralps]

37. I recently added the Keith Olbermann group to my forums. Yay!!

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[RevCheesehead]

38. Hooray!

You must join us during the show!
(sometimes ewagner lurks here, too)

[Patsy Stone]

40. Welcome!

Always nice to see new people. :thumbsup:

[ralps]

41. Thanks Patsy Stone

:hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[SharonRB]

42. Welcome to the KOEB, ralps

I look forward to seeing you on our nightly thread.

[seito]

32. Rev, I am so sorry that your family has to go through this pain

I lost my father a couple of years ago. He had prostate cancer and diabetes. As his condition worsened, my family decided to ask for hospice support. They were wonderful caring people.

The main focus of hospice is to keep the individual comfortable, and provide support for family members.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

33. Seito, it is so good to see you!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think we're all at peace about this. It's just the part we don't know that frightens me right now.

:hug:

[crispini]

34. Awwww.

Thanks for keeping us updated. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

Good thoughts to your moms and you. :)

[RevCheesehead]

35. Thanks, Crispi

:hug:

[merh]

36. My sweet friend.

Your mom and dad have been in my prayers, as have you, I will try to increase the efforts. Sending you cyber hugs and positive energies and so much love. You have been there for us, I hope I can help you through this trying time half as much as you have helped me.

((((((((((RevCheesehead))))))))))))) I do love you! :hug: :loveya:

And JimmyJazz sends her love too :hug: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

39. Thank you, dear sister!

Back atcha :loveya:

Say hi to JJ for me. :hi:

[bleever]

43. Cheese, dear:

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

44. * sets down underwear airer for a moment *

:hug:

* picks up underwear censer and moves downwind of Bleever *

[gkhouston]

47. you know, Cheese

if you had more than one pair of underwear, you wouldn't have to spend so much time with the airing and censing. Then again, I guess you don't wear them often enough to justify buying a second pair... ;-)

[RevCheesehead]

48. Have you been peeking in the boiler room again?

:rofl:

[Olney Blue]

45. Rev, I'm sorry about this.

:hug:

[bunny planet]

46. Oh Rev, I'm so sorry to hear this news. My husband and I are going

through something similar with his dad, my dad-in-law. His health has been deteriorating rapidly in the past year, and my mother-in-law, in her eighties, can't take care of him anymore by herself. None of the children live close. My sister in law is flying up from Nashville in the next couple of weeks and we are going to have a family meeting and decide what to do going forward.

I hope somehow that your parents can continue to live together. They are so lucky to have you near to help them through this. All of my best wishes and love and support go out to you and your family. I feel honored that you consider us as family. You have touched me and made me laugh so many times I feel as if I've known you a long time. Hard to believe it's only been less than a year since we all got acquainted.

[lizziegrace]

49. I'm so sorry Ruth

You and your parents are in my prayers.

Sue

[RevCheesehead]

50. UPDATE:

Today, we met with the people from hospice. I thought everything went really well, and was greatly impressed with all the things that are available through them. They can even manage all her medical bills, Medicare, and insurance stuff. That's a great relief, and will help my dad immensely.

After the meeting, Mom was pretty worn out - probably more emotionally than physically. I stayed until they had supper, then left for a quiet drive through the beautiful darkness of a WI moonlight night. I must say that Wisconsinners do enjoy Christmas lights!

Anyways, thanks again for your warm thoughts and prayers. I'm just kind of tired right now (I took a nap), and I'm sorry I missed the show. I tried watching at 11, but fell asleep. I'm sure today's problems will still be with us tomorrow (except for Tookie, and I'm sure God's got his back in this one).

Peace to all.
Ruth

[CC]

51. Good to hear things went well

with the meeting. Sounds like at least they relieved some fear there. Betting it wasn't only mom that was emotionally tired. I forgot about the taking care of medical bills and how much that took off. No more foot deep stack of forms to fill out. Will still keep you and yours in prayers.

[WolverineDG]

52. glad to hear things are going well

and having someone else handle the bills, etc will take some pressure off of your dad too. :)

i hope things keep looking up for your mom. :hug:

dg

[crispini]

53. Oh, good news.

:hug:

[Catchawave]

54. I feel your relief !

And the peace of mind that comes from supportive and caring people :hug:

[ewagner]

55. Hi Rev!

So sorry to hear about what you're going through....

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your Mom and Dad. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hi: :hi: :hi:

[RevCheesehead]

56. Thanks, Ed.

It's been a wild year. But friends have made it far more bearable.
:hug:

[gkhouston]

57. sounds like glad tidings, indeed.

Did you bounce any deer off the car? ;-)

[RevCheesehead]

58. No, but I did take out a rogue Kangaroo...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4437695&mesg_id=4437695

[gkhouston]

59. tsk, tsk. We shouldn't discriminate against

the non-Bay-Air population. ;-)

[ralps]

60. Hi RevCheesehead, I'm glad it's working out for your parents, & I hope

your christmas will be a happy one. :hi: :loveya: :hug: :pals: :woohoo:

[RevCheesehead]

61. Thanks, ralps.

:hug: We'll need a Christmas WI DUer gathering, won't we?

[Nothing Without Hope]

62. Sorry to come to this so late - today is the first time I've seen it.

I'm saddened to hear of the painful changes that are happening in your family, Ruth. I have no doubt that you are doing everything you can to lessen that pain for your parents and surround your mother in support and love. Just don't forget to take some time to replenish YOURSELF. Yes, this is a very busy time and many people in addition to your parents are calling on you for help and support. It's your JOB, after all. But all of this takes energy, both physical and spiritual. There is only so much of that commodity, and if you drain yourself too far without replenishment, you will not only not be able to do your best for those who need you, you are likely to fall ill yourself.

So please, take a bit of time for walks in the country, easy meals with undemanding good friends, play music, attend performances that will move and energize you, and laugh whenever you can. Find quiet moments to meditate and re-center. Or perhaps you know other ways to refill that well. Be sure to watch your diet to be sure you don't go too long without good nourishment, take vitamins, be sure to take in some sunshine each day, and get enough sleep at hours that are as regular as possible - these things are like "mental floss," and you really can't keep going without them. And in stressful situations, they're all too easy to let slide.

Don't feel guilty when you step back to take care of yourself. It's just too important to skip or shortchange. It's keeping the engine going so you can do what you have to do for everyone who is depending on you for so much.

Sending you a huge cyber-hug: :hug:

--Hope (Cat)

[RevCheesehead]

63. You're the best, Hope.

:hug:

I took good care of me today... but I'm still going to bed early tonight.

[Nothing Without Hope]

64. Wow, that was fast! I was just editing my message and you replied!

So please re-read once more. I'm very glad to hear you're taking care of yourself. Never, never feel guilty about it!!! :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

65. I still love ya!

:hug::loveya:

And I will, I promise.

[Nothing Without Hope]

66. Same goes. Maybe you can do some yoga - here's a site where

the "leader of the free world" in his "Mission Accomplished" gear demonstrates the poses with relevant commentary. Click on the little pose icons at the top of the page:

http://www.bushyoga.com