Self-Harm

[lightningandsnow]

This is one of the hardest things I've ever written on DU.

I've been self-harming for 3 years, since I was 13. I don't cut, on account of the fact that I don't have sharp objects close at hand... I scratch myself really intensely when I'm upset, enough to leave marks that can last for a week.

I've been trying to stop. The last time I did it was New Years Eve, and after that it kind of became my new years resolution. It's been really hard though. I've been having a difficult couple of weeks, emotionally, and have been having some pretty bad family problems. So now I'm getting huge cravings. I never thought about it when I did it, it just happened. Now I'm just obsessing... it's almost like I need it, even though it's a shitty coping mechanism.

So yeah. Hi.

Any current or former self-harmers on here?

[EFerrari]

1. Hi there, AspieGirl.

You've gone all the way from New Year's Eve? That's awesome.

What's going on with the family? So glad to see you posting here.

:)

[lightningandsnow]

2. Arrgh... I actually messed up in a big way last night.

And actually "graduated" from scratching to cutting. Shit. Back to square one. It was a bit of a relief in some ways, as I'd been having hardcore cravings... but still. I feel like a total failure right now.

My parents are likely separating sometime in the next year. And my mom always takes out all her issues on me - since my brother is the golden child.

[EFerrari]

3. I don't know anything about self harming but I know some about

failing. It feels terrible!

What have you been using to help you for the last three years? I found that when I want to lay off eating wrong or drinking too much or that kind of thing, it's easier if I substitute instead of just "giving up" something that "helps" me cope. Does that work for you at all?

[fizzgig]

4. hey aspiegrrl

i was a cutter when i was younger, i don't do it anymore but i still get that 'craving' quite a bit. i don't know really how i stopped (or keep myself from starting again), so i don't know that i can do much more than give you support.

something a friend of mine did was wear a rubber band around her wrist. whenever she'd get the craving, she'd snap the rubber band.

are you in therapy or have any access to it? maybe a counselor at school? i probably would have laughed had someone said that to me when i was your age, but it might be worth a try. it really helped me to be able to talk with someone about it.

peace to you, sweetie :hug:

[Glimmer of Hope]

13. I think this happens quite often in situations like yours.

My mother was hard on me too and would often dismiss my problems.
You are so wise at your age to want to confront this issue now. It took me decades to deal with the same problem and I regret so much that I had not done so earlier. It was really difficult to admit that I self harm. I hope you find someone who can help you.

[AngryOldDem]

5. Find someone to talk to.

And realize that you are far too good of a person, and are much deserving to be loved and respected (especially by yourself), no matter what vibes the people around you are sending.

Find someone to talk to -- be it a trusted teacher, a friend's mom -- someone in whom you can be totally honest with and vent to, if needed. The people on this forum are super and are always here for you, too.

I won't say anymore than that for fear of sounding preachy and trite. Just be aware that a lot of folks here are sending you a lot of...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[lightningandsnow]

9. I have someone like that (kind of)

I have a friend who is about 30 years old - I spill all my problems to her, pretty much. She's a really good listener, and actually one of the nicest people I've ever met.

Except... she's in Thailand right now, and will be there for the next few months. There is always facebook/e-mail, and I did send her one a while ago saying I was kind of having a hard time. She was, of course, really supportive. But I didn't tell her about my self-harm or anything... I don't want to worry her needlessly when she's in a foreign country and can't actually do anything.

Plus, I don't want to drag her down. It's really not fair to her, since she seems really happy right now.

[EFerrari]

10. If my friend was dealing with self harming, I'd want to know.

I'd want her to trust me enough to tell me and to trust me to take care of myself once I got the information.

:)

Here's another :hug: to you.

[wellstone dem]

11. My daughter used to cut, and probably sometimes still does

Go ahead and tell your friend. She sounds like a great person and she will probably do what I did when I found out--learn a lot about cutting and why it happens. Then she will know better how to help. I felt very scared at first when I learned what my daughter did, but I also learned how to support other more healthy ways to deal with the pain she feels inside.

Try to find a way to talk with a counselor, most counselor's know a lot about what moves people to start cutting and they can help you.

Now, my daughter will still cut or self injure on rare occasions (come to think of it, it's been over a year), and she tells me, and we talk about the coping strategies that she learned from her counselor. And she says it helps.

[Forkboy]

6. Not a cutter, but the "it's almost like I need it" aspect I can relate to.

In my case it's suicide, which sounds sooooooo tempting and finally final, which would be nice. It becomes a type of comfort zone that no one can touch or disturb, you know?

But I know my thoughts are fucked, and there HAS to be a better way. I hope you can find the way that I'm missing.

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

7. My brother cuts and burns himself.

I don't get angry about it, although I used to.

I know that, as he's explained, it's a thing he does to cause pain outside his skin when the pain inside his skin becomes unbearable.

When I see fresh cuts or burns, I know it's time to take him away and spend some time with him.

:(

[qb]

8. I commend your courage in writing this. I used to harm myself...

mostly punching my legs or head as hard as I could to kill the emotional pain. After therapy and medication I am now feeling good enough that I no longer have the urge. Find someone to talk to... a school counselor, or perhaps a call to a public health or social services office can point you in the right direction.

Most of all, give yourself a pat on the back for confronting your problems. You have nothing to be ashamed of... it is natural to seek relief from pain and in your case, apparently, the most effective relief for your emotional pain is physical pain. The rubber band on the wrist idea intrigues me... a harmless substitute to cutting or scratching. Certainly not as satisfying, but maybe good enough. I encourage you to get help finding a more healthy and long-lasting remedy for your pain.
:hug:

[mdmc]

12. No pain, no

pain.

I've never been a cutter or anything, but my girlfriend's youngest sister is.
Thank you for your OP. You have courage my friend.

Peace and low stress and keep on posting.