Something really hit me today...

[TZ]

So I haven't posted here for awhile, because actually things are going a little better for me. Tomorrow I start a nice new job (just in time to pay the mortgage thank goodness) and I have tried to keep my nose out of the family issues I talked about earlier. I even politely talked to crazy sister on the phone yesterday, even though I have little interest. But of course its because I am at my mom's house dogsitting/birdsitting (chirping and arfing are the things i have heard a lot of this week). And she called my mom to ask about an old piece of clothing she had. Once again she is so self centered. My birthday is long gone and she never ever even acknowledged it to me (however her 3 year old who is perceptive wished me a late happy birthday with no prompting. I had complained in her hearing on the 4th of July that her mother had ignored me and my birthday entirely--she is so observant!):loveya:
Anyway what really depressed me today was looking at my mom and stepfather's wills (something they asked me to do, I am the executor if neither is available for the other). And my crazy sister is not named AT ALL in the wills. Wow. Thats so...depressing. Even my stepfather has me and my younger sister named along with his children in his will but not my older sister.
I wonder if miss self centered has a clue about this?
Thanks for letting me vent.

[DemExpat]

1. Ask them to name her in the will too.....at least your Mom's....

......ask them to do it for YOU so that can have the chance (at least) for a decent relationship with her further down the line. She has mental health problems, does she not? Shame to punish her further for that IMHO, but of course I'm speaking without really knowing the situation there....

Sometimes parents don't realize what awful family dramas they are prolonging by cutting a child out of their will.

(Speaking from experience with all of the feelings of siblings around the deaths of parents here)

DemEx

[mopinko]

2. i tend to agree.

my BIL is now trying to get back in contact with DH 5 years after MIL death, mostly over the handling of the will and estate. it is a mess that will probably never go away.

[CoffeeCat]

3. Wow, that's very insightful...

It's so true. If the parents do this, they are orchestrating chaos for the duration of these siblings' lives.
Omitting one child from their will, will cause tremendous strain on the relationships--and probably destroy
any relationship that is left.

I anticipate that my parents will leave me out of the will. However, I cut off my family 5 years ago. I was also
known as "the crazy one" because I dared to expose the abuse that happened in our family and the horrendous
dysfunction that most of them deny, despite the obvious suffering they've endured because of our childhoods.

Turtle, I may be projecting some of my own stuff onto your situation, but I really would question your parents'
motivations, here. Your parents are making decisions that will pit the siblings against one another. Do
your parents play games like this now?

My parents were experts at dividing all of us. They needed us all week, mad at each other, confused and
our relationships disjointed--to hold on to their power and to keep us all sick. It was very much
intentional. If we were strong, communicating and healthy--the jig would have been up for them. However,
they made sure that some children were favored and some scapegoated--to create more weakness and pain.

All of this may not fit for you, but I would seriously question why your parents are choosing a egacy of
chaos and unfairness---over harmony and peace.

[TZ]

4. Its kind of a long story but my

sister "decided" that she was mad at my mother and didn't talk to her or let her see her only grandchild for several months. I have some pretty good evidence that the conversation that my sister said made her upset with my mother never happened. My other sister has tried to mediate but its hard when my sister CANNOT see whats she has done. She is completely self absorbed at this point (oh and to top it all off most of the rest of my family thinks she is having an affair with a guy who moved in with his girlfriend and child right under her husbands nose, so its a LOT of factors. My mom is NOT vindictive at all, but is very hurt and distressed. This is more about she doesn't think my sister can be responsible anymore.