Turned in all my unused psych meds at noon..

[HereSince1628]

Drove over to the VA and told them to dispose of them in their toxic waste.

The meds were supposed to support therapy.

I've got no supportive therapy.

No therapy so no drugs.

I'm not screwing around with chemical cocktails prescribed by guesses while no one is watching.

I know what I'm up against without them--it's unpleasant.

With them? Only a god could know and I'm not a theist.

[mopinko]

1. understandable

the 15 minute "script appointment", on its own, i unlikely to work out well. do you think they will realize what you mean? or will they assume you are just being belligerent?
i hope they can get their shit together. and hope you can find some peace. damn.

[HereSince1628]

2. I can't say what they'll think and assume.

Belligerent would imply a willingness to fight them. I am. So, I guess they'd be right to see me as belligerent.

[elleng]

3. Prayers enclosed (tho I don't pray.)

:hug:

[postatomic]

4. How did it work out?

I've tried to get off my meds twice and it was the worst experience I've gone through. 'Course I'm on some pretty heavy shit.

I hope it worked out for you. I have mixed feelings about meds. It's kinda' funny... the idea was to keep increasing/changing my regular meds so I wouldn't take the anti-anxiety meds. Now I'm addicted to the anti-anxiety meds. Truly... if I stop taking the anti-anxiety meds I'd end in the hospital.

Wishing you all the best. I'm just not in a place that would allow me to try that again. I can understand why people blow their brains out after stopping meds. After your brain gets re-wired it's difficult to get the wires working again.

Thinking good thoughts for you.

[HereSince1628]

5. The axiolytic was the only one I think did any good.

It's published profile indicates almost no risk of addiction or dependence. I think the buspirone helped with the impulsiveness, so I was better able to keep things bottled up. I am Borderline, so impulsivity is a big problem for me, particularly in the face of frustration.

I spent most of last month renovating a friend's basement. Working alone I've almost completely avoided people, and my reaction to them reacting to me. I've had a couple of episodes of dissociation that I find very disturbing because that always leaves me frighted by the schizophrenic feeling of it. My insomnia and bad dreams are mostly the same as they've been for a decade, none of the meds touched those things.

I'm still waiting for therapy, the private clinic the VA arranged to take it over has a waiting list that is getting around to making appointments for people referred to them in early July. My approval and referral for fee-based treatment outside of VA didn't happen until August 25 so I'm still way down their list. It feels like nothing is ever going to happen, but then feeling like nothing is ever going to happen is how I feel most of the time.

[postatomic]

6. And I just quit Therapy for the 3rd time (or is it the 4th?)

You're stronger than I am. I know that your mention of the frustration trigger is best treated with Therapy. It did help my own coping ability. Not much else, but it was nice to have someone to talk to. My drug pusher just gives me 15 minutes to determine what new drug(s) he wants to experiment with on me.

I quit Therapy after my Therapist pushed the panic button again on me. Pissed me off. We agreed to discuss it after the first time she sent a few cop cars to my house.

Next step is some powerful "booster" and then it's in-patient, which I won't do.

I'm really sorry that you have to wait so damn long to see someone. It just pushes your frustration trigger. Staying busy is definitely a good thing. I totally understand the dissociation feeling. When I get detached from things I just take another friggin' pill that shuts off my brain, but that's not a cure.

You can't take a sleeping pill? Or, maybe you don't want to take them?

Thinking good thoughts for you. I don't think the 'general public' realizes how severe the Mental Health situation is in this country.