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I have just dumped my last remaining family.Except for DH.

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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 08:47 PM
Original message
I have just dumped my last remaining family.Except for DH.
My Aunt, who is the last of my "immediate " family living called me to say that my Dh running for office is "tacky" and in "poor taste'. She said we are inflicting our opinions on others! She also said if we do not support the President and this war (Iraq) we should be deported as we are "traitors " to this nation. She ended up by saying that a physical condition I have, for which there is NO cure, is because I am betraying God by not supporting Bush! And she doesn't even like Bush. I don't think she voted for him. But she has decided that she is proud of being a Republican who supports Bush! But I am done. The fact that she would say "God is punishing me, and I deserve to suffer" is enough. She is old and she still has a son at home that does not work, is 36 and has NEVER had a job or completed his education because he is too "intelligent". He is "better than other people." And he completely disrespects women and she says he is right! I am sure the son came up with this "god" thing as he has turned ultra religious recently.
I have helped her through illnesses and paid bills for her but never again.Whenever I have been ill, or in trouble, there has never been anyone there, except my friends and my hubby. . I feel somewhat hurt by this but at the same time, I have a sense of freedom.I just had to vent.Thanks for listening
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JI7 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:43 PM
Response to Original message
1. i would cut off ties with anyone like that also
i'm one of those who does not believe you have to support someone just because they are family. sometimes friends are better for you than family. it's nice you have a good husband who is family and friend.
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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-13-06 10:52 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. And I just can't believe anyone, related or not could be that cruel. But I
Edited on Thu Jul-13-06 10:53 PM by saracat
have to accept the fact that her cruelty won't go away. I don't know who I am sadder for, me, because it is sad when your family hates you(and I haven't even touched on other stuff she said!)or her because she lives that way. I guess I am sadder for her. She has no one to turn to.Sigh.
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rox63 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:40 AM
Response to Original message
3. So sorry you've had to go through that
Although I've never had to dump family members for reasons like that, I did eventually jettison someone who had been a close friend for over 20 years. She became a card-carrying member of the religious-right, and seemed to take delight in telling me about all the reasons I was dooming myself to hell. After a few years of trying to avoid talking about religion or politics, I just decided I'd had enough.
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demdiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 09:43 AM
Response to Original message
4. It's always hard to cut ties with family
but it really sounds like the right thing to do in this case. It's not just disagreeing with your political opinions, but her statements are downright abusive. I'm so sorry you have to go through this!!!!!
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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 02:30 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. I KNOW it is the right thing to do but i still feel vaguely hurt.
And I KNOW she is toxic.And this isn't the first time she has dons something like this! But I am still shaken by the venom that was directed at me! I initially told her about a meeting I had with John Edwards that day and what an impressive speech he made. She used to like Edwards, but she now said he was a traitor. And she started out talking about "love'" and said I should extend love to Bush and appreciate what he is doing. That the liberals are destroying this nation.She said activist judges have destroyed the judicial system! My reply was not printable and suggestive of what I think Bush should experience! She went personal from there. I still feel sad about this. Thank you all for the kind words. I appreciate all of you!
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ray of light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 03:03 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. tell her to spread her love to all America not just Bush supporters.
by that it means look at the NOLA people with compassion. She doesn't like JE anymore? So what! What would Jesus do? Jesus loves all of us.

Quote this biblical phrase, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they are the son of God" Matthew

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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 03:38 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Oh she hates African Americans. Says they have "everything handed to them"
Edited on Fri Jul-14-06 03:43 PM by saracat
while her poor baby of 36 can't go to school for free!(the fact that he will NOT go even when paid for is irrelevant) "New Orleans got what it deserved as it was mosly Black!" And she thinks she is a peacemaker. She thinks I am the trouble maker as I can't "accept the will of God". She has also decided that this is the end times and it is a good thing as she doesn't like this world anyway what with gays and feminists. She is grateful she grew up in a world where things were "normal" and women knew their place.She just wants to be "feminine". And make things "beautiful". But everything is about "her'. Do you know she was directly involved in every major news event of the last 60 years? It is how they relate to her that counts! But I will never understand as I am not as "beautiful" as she is and will never understand the burden of that! Grrr.
It is really hard for me to believe that my mother, who was one of the first women lawyers admitted to pratice before the Supreme Court, was related to this women.She preaches love but wants it to go selectively out to whom she approves. Mostly she wants it given to her.She is bitter as her husband divorced her and though wealthy, gave her nothing and she fought for years for child support. Activist Judges did this. BTW, women shouldn't get anything in a divorce anyway,except for her.She is "different". Her kids , except for the one still at home in his room at 36, both hate her. One son, she has all boys hasn't spoken to her in over twenty years. He left home at sixteen. It is very sad, but I can't take anymore abuse.
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ginnyinWI Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 12:04 PM
Response to Original message
5. she sounds like a toxic personality.
We value family for mutual support, so I'd say by that definition she's not family to you. Sympathies.
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JanusAscending Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 06:31 PM
Response to Original message
9. After reading all of the posts darlin'. I'd say you got the better
part of the deal!! Be proud of your husband, and his support. I will be praying for his VICTORY !! When is his election?? I've battled stupidity and bigotry all my life. Some of the worst pain was caused by family members. Your aunt is the one who is going suffer the most for her anger. I would say she is one of those who deserve just what her Pres. is dishing out to the rest of us. Don't hold bitterness in your heart like she is. It will kill your spirit. I like the Bible passage Pray for your enemies, and those who despicably use you, and you will heap coals of fire on their heads!! (meaning their consciences !!) here are some big hugs for ya!! :grouphug: and lots of love too!! :loveya:
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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 06:56 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Thank you so much DC. I am so grateful I have this forum to run to!
And I will not hold on to the bitterness but I hope to learn from this not only to not take abuse but never to become as bitter and selfish myself. I am very sorry for her. She states she is proud to have NO friends but I think she is lonely . Very said.
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TayTay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 08:05 PM
Response to Original message
11. I am so sorry for what you are going through
There is no bitterness like that which comes from betrayal. This is a fundamental betrayal of what you have done and what family is supposed to mean.

I remember when the Iraq War started in March of 2003. I was, like so many other people, angry and sad beyond words. There were several members of my family who not only didn't 'get this' but who were horrified that I would even question the need to go to war. There were a lot of angry words that went around. You can't totally erase something like that from your memory, it lives with you.

There is something really and perniciously awful about people who use religion as an excuse to hate. I have seen people pulled through some horrific events because they had a deep seated faith that sustained them. These people were able to use the positive side of religion to maintain their humanity and it enabled them not to give in to bitterness. The other side of that equation, wherein religion is an excuse and crutch for everything that goes wrong is terrible. It is even worse when belief in a divine being is used for what amounts to revenge fantasies against others. That is, however, part of the human condition. One the one hand, this can keep sustain life, on the other hand it can destroy it. Sigh!
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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 10:30 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. Thank you Tay tay. It is the "personal " element of this that hurts the
worst. She has a knack for finding the soft under belly of what hurts you the most and stabs the knife. I accepted long ago that she was an intolerant bigot. I can't change that.But to take a health issue that I have no control over and blame not only me but God saying I deserve it is beyond belief. That is something I can't reconcile. I might be able to forgive but I will never forget the pain. It is exactly the same as mocking an amputee.It is just wrong and she is a sad pathetic person. I also will not forget her words about my husband. We are sacrificing just everything for this campaign and to mock him for it.....! I am so grateful to Jim for accepting this cadidacy and I am proud of him. He is not just doing it for me but for the state of Arizona,He deserves every bit of support he can get. I just wish I could support him more.He is a great man.
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TayTay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 11:06 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. That is a mind and soul in free fall
This is the kind of attitude that blames New Orleans for it's own downfall, tells poor people that they are poor because they are lazy and unworthy and exhibits nothing in the way of human understanding or compassion.

You value both of these things. No wonder it hurts so much to see them flung aside in favor of petty and debased 'moralizing.' Your aunt must be a very bitter and twisted person. She wields her religion not as a way of gaining insight into others but as a cudgel to beat her supposed 'enemies.' There is nothing that can be done for that but to sever ties and give her nothing but base pity. Again, I am sorry you have to go through this. It's awful.
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saracat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-14-06 11:15 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. Yeah and I want to be able to "duck" when the sh-t hits the fan from the
free fall! Thanks Tay Tay.
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emulatorloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-15-06 08:45 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. you did the right thing. . .your relative sounds not only toxic, but
unbalanced and delusional -- The notion that God is punishing you on behalf of George Bush, coupled with her previous admiration of Edwards and current thought that he is "traitorous" sounds as if she is very disturbed and delusional. She needs help, and you don't need to be abused by this.

Thinking of you.
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ProSense Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-15-06 08:54 AM
Response to Original message
16. Sad! This is what happens when people
confuse being self-righteous with being religious. Add a bit of stubborness and a pinch of flawed thinking and there is no talking to them, that is unless you enjoy having a conversation with a brick wall. It's really frustrating. Better to focus on the few good people in your corner and cut loose the ones who disparage, berate and try to drag you down. JMO.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-15-06 08:23 PM
Response to Original message
17. I'm sorry, hon.
I know how you feel. Most of the friends and family members from before the election have passed out of my life now, not so much because some were conservative, but because despite their alleged librality, they chose not to take any action in 2004 to stop the impending re(s)election. I couldn't keep people like that in my life. I mean, I tried, but self-respect's a bitch. Good luck, I'm sure the pain will pass eventually. Maybe.

:hugs:
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