first post to this group--hi!

[ginnyinWI]

I would like some input from those of you with grown up kids, especially kids that live far away. Mine are daughters aged 26 and 34 and a son age 29.

My three kids live at least a day's travel away (all in different directions, lol). They are busy with careers, and one has two little kids of his own. They don't usually call or write unless I call or write them first. Sometimes they don't call back or answer the email for a while. Cell phones that go to voicemail are another barrier.

I don't think anything's wrong--they are just busy. And I don't want to start nagging or whining about them not answering. Don't misunderstand--I'm not calling or writing constantly--maybe every two weeks or so, so it's not that I'm always doing it.

I'd just like to know if anyone has learned any strategies that would make them more interested in staying in touch? I already am aware that I need to focus on listening to their news rather than going on and on about stuff I'm doing that is rather boring to them. I'm fine with that. I just would like to hear from them more often. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm missing some key element here.

[clear eye]

1. Can only speak from experience w/ my mother

since I'm childless. What we did when I was the age of your kids (on her gentle, but persistant suggestion) was institute the weekend call. She got me to agree to give her a ring at some point every weekend just to chat for a few minutes. And she was smart enough to keep it short.

Could it be that when you do connect w/ your offspring you tend to keep the conversation going longer than they are comfortable with? Or ask them overly probing questions? Young people often need to work things out themselves that they are not sure of, because they are insecure about their control over their own lives. So pushing for answers to loaded topics like what their career plans are, or what are their strategies for finding a mate tend to make a son or daughter leery of talking w/ mom.

If you make it easy to chat a few minutes each week about inconsequential matters, you will probably get more regular contact. And don't be shy about asking for them to touch bases w/ you once each week. It's not an unreasonable demand.

[Thickasabrick]

2. My son is 24 and lives in Canada. If I see a Southpark episode I

like or something that is really funny that I think he will get a kick out of, I'll send an email about it and he will do the same thing. If I don't hear from him for a couple of weeks, I'll just keep sending notes about how rotten he is to his mother (in a humorous mode), and he will get the hint and respond back.

I think it's just finding out what their interests are and trying to relate....if that makes any sense.