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Bad Woo Cinema: The Empiricist

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charlie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Feb-19-10 07:18 AM
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Bad Woo Cinema: The Empiricist
What if Rain Man made a movie? No, really, what if you took his fixation on banal minutiae ("Charlie Babbitt yelled at me on Tuesday, September 3rd, 1987, 3:14pm") and applied it to screenwriting? To a hard-hitting indictment of modern medicine and story of personal discovery through better relationships?

You'd get Phosphorus Alights' The Empiricist.

Movie trailer (Quicktime, 3min):

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The Empiricist's auteur is Warren Metzler, a doctor who ditched medicine for homeopathy and lost his license, but not before he helped kill someone, natch. The final straw was when he gave an investigator complaining of rectal bleeding a packet of crushed oyster shells.

His weirdly disconnected list-as-narrative style is positively EPIC when he's not wearing his screenwriter's cap. Here's a bit from the HUGE "Phosphorus Alights' Model for Making Movies", which every sap on the crew must read and sign:
When Warren and Fred first entered the movie business back in 1996, they were already aware that they wanted to provide their customers with worthy movies (movies that add value to the lives of the people who watch those movies). And they had that awareness, because their work experiences, prior to entering the movie business, had taught them that all valid work produces worthy products. So, one of their first actions, back in 1996, was to search for the ingredients of a worthy movie. That pursuit took several years, but eventually was successful; and here is what they discovered: a movie is worthwhile if it tells a significant story in an entertaining manner. Okay, but what’s a story? It’s a description of a series of events that have a common theme (a common thread). All right, then what makes a story significant? It is significant when at least one of the main characters learns how to live some aspect of daily life in an optimal manner. I got that, but what makes a movie entertaining? It is entertaining when the viewers are drawn in from the very beginning, enjoy the movie throughout, and are refreshed at the end. At the time this document is being written, The Empiricist is almost finished; and Warren and Fred are convinced that its story is significant and told in an entertaining manner.

Let us explore stories a bit more, to further flesh out the ingredients that must be present for a movie to be entertaining. It was presented in the previous paragraph, that a story is a description of what happens to one or more characters, as a series of events unfold. In other words, an interesting phenomenon involving some people manifests (develops), and then unfolds over time, and is, eventually, brought to resolution. Now, all stories are told through the dialogue (told by what the various characters say). But, some aspects of a given story, especially in a movie, can be told through sounds that are not speech, and through visuals that don’t have any associated dialogue.

For decades, movie people have promoted a saying: "show and don’t tell". By which they mean, "if it is possible to communicate a story point with visuals alone, then don’t express that point with dialogue". However, when Warren and Fred first heard this concept they were confused. Obviously it isn’t valid to have a movie without any dialogue, or silent movies would still be made; and almost no one makes silent movies any more. And, therefore, some dialogue is required. But, what story points should be communicated with dialogue, and which with just sounds or visuals? Here is what Warren and Fred eventually concluded. When the story point is a common physical sensation (such as pain), or a strong emotion (such as anger or sadness), it can probably be fully understood by most viewers with just a gesture, or a facial expression, or a body posture, or some sound effect; and no dialogue. But, when the story point is a feeling (an experience of beauty and refinement), or a thought (a concept), or an attitude (a potential outcome for a given situation), that type of point must be communicated with dialogue, or the viewing audience will not grasp the communication. So, to sum up this paragraph, present the story points visually when you can, and with dialogue when verbal communication is necessary, but ensure that all the nuances of the story are clearly communicated...

http://www.phosphorusalights.com/PA%27s_Make_a_Movie_Model.pdf

Like that? There's more :)

The Empiricist production notes.

The Empiricist story synopsis.

Metzler's production partner: Fred Riskin. Warren's the more grounded of the two.
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Orrex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-20-10 09:12 AM
Response to Original message
1. I read your subject line three times, and each time I saw "Bad Woo Enema"
Certainly a terrifying addition to the horror genre!
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onager Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-21-10 02:00 AM
Response to Reply #1
3. And I kept seeing "Flatulence Alights!"
Clearly this is some sort of warp in the quantum field! Further investigation awaiting a grant from SRI.

Just out of curiosity, I checked Imdb. After SEVEN YEARS, not a single review by anyone who has actually watched this thing:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1094172/

Jebus! Even the worst movies in the world...and I've seen most of them...have one or two Imdb reviews.

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charlie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-21-10 05:03 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. I've only found one review anywhere
From a Mormon newspaper:
A really bad film, and one that's even worse

(review for the "really bad film" clipped)

..."THE EMPIRICIST," however, is worse. In fact, although "Messengers of Truth" is a complete misfire, it's nothing compared to "The Empiricist." Ed Wood would be proud of this movie. It deserves to become a cult classic in the bad-movie "Plan 9 from Outer Space" tradition.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_20030420/ai_n11396759
Metzler could be to film what the Shaggs are to music, a naif uncorrupted by knowledge of the methods, conventions, or even purpose of his craft.
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charlie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-21-10 04:55 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. You sir, are uncanny
Metzler describes the birth of his film:
"...they spontaneously decided to co-write a movie script; and by the end of the meal, they had flushed out a story."
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HiFructosePronSyrup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-22-10 04:39 PM
Response to Reply #1
7. Reminds me of the sherry enema threads that used to be popular in GD/Lounge
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EvolveOrConvolve Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-20-10 01:13 PM
Response to Original message
2. My head hurts
Never have I read something that used so many words to talk about absolutely nothing and goes no where.

I want to curl up in a ball and suck my thumb. :puke:
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charlie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-21-10 05:12 AM
Response to Reply #2
6. I know!
If he were a travel writer, he'd scribble reams while watching his feet move. And he's brought his weird sensibility to the big screen!

I'd love to see this flick.
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progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-25-10 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. The trailer was bad enough.
I don't think I could watch the entire movie sober.
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