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Edited on Thu Aug-31-06 06:56 AM by BlueIris
I'll skip the specifics except to say that it is just not possible for me to function in an environment in which my direct superior is an aggressive abuser who basically answers to no one. It is literally not possible for me to think, let alone work competently, while dealing with constant verbal abuse. So, I guess this is kind of an easy call. I can't continue there.
I just can't decide when and/or how I should quit, as the cards and other feelings I get are actually better when I resolve to quit like, literally tomorrow, than they are if I decide to "stick it out," with the abusers for even two more weeks. I have never, in my life, considered quitting a job without notice, but this is ... I can't work, let alone around open flames, with someone insulting me every two seconds. The theme for today was actually, "Abusers abuse. You can't change them. You can't pacify them. And you can't 'work with' them. Especially those who are too damaged to know how much hurt they are inflicting on the world and have no motivation to reform as they have never faced any consquences for their behavior."
This theme were made clearer for me not so much at work, but after running into my abusive ex-father this morning, who was about to leave for California to watch my little sister marry a carbon copy of his non-recovering abusive alcoholic self. I got to be reminded that he basically thinks of me as his slave, something for him to use only to get his needs met, and that he never offers any form of love or affection unless it is to try to get something out of me (he offered me the use of one of the family vehicles a couple of days ago because he'd heard that mine is sputtering again and I needed transportation for my new job, an offer I politely declined which he said he was fine with, but which resulted in his showing up at my house to tell me what a bad person I am for not even offering to drive my parents to the airport--when I didn't even know when their flight was). Please, no one lecture me about the non-wisdom of taking even a single phone call from or coffee date with my father. He lives three miles away and until I have the financial resources to leave the city I'm in, hopefully without screwing up any spiritual pursuits or tasks I am desperately trying to honor, I have no choice but to avoid him and try to protect myself, two objectives I can't necessarily always succeed at.
Anyhoo, I'm going to choose to interpret the hateful abuse I was subjected to today as a reminder to get a move on WRT essential life changes, because the universe wants me to be safe as well as spiritually on target, fulfilled, and prosperous (not to mention have the opportunity to share my prosperity). Actually, despite the total silence from my guides about my questions regarding where to turn next for employment, how to maneuver out of my living situation while employment prospects are so shaky and how to get the book desperately crying out for completion done when I cannot manage to feel safe let alone concentrate, the main message sort of coming through from...somewhere right now is: "There's no need for you to suffer this way."
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