What to Do When the Patient Says, ‘Please Don’t Tell Mom’

[groovedaddy]

Some years ago, in the candor of the exam room, a seventh-grade boy told me that he didn’t really have friends at school, and that he sometimes found himself being picked on. I gave him the pediatric line on bullying: it shouldn’t be tolerated, and there are things schools can do about it. Let’s talk to your parents, let’s have your parents talk to the school; adult interventions can change the equation.

And he was horrified. He shook his head vehemently and asked me please not to interfere, and above all not to say a word to his mother, who was out in the waiting room because I had asked her to give us some privacy.

He wouldn’t have told me this at all, he said, except he thought our conversation was private. The situation at school wasn’t all that bad; he could handle it. He wasn’t in any danger, wasn’t getting hurt, he was just a little lonely. His parents, he said, thought that he was fine, that he had lots of friends, and he wanted to keep it that way.

When treating older adolescents, pediatricians routinely offer confidentiality on many issues, starting with sex and substances. But middle-schoolers are on the border — old enough to be asked some of the same questions, but young enough that it can be less clear what should stay confidential.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/09/health/09klas.html?ref=health

[trotsky]

1. Interesting article. Thanks for posting it. n/t

[Arkansas Granny]

2. Good article. I have to admit that when my children reached puberty it was

the most challenging period of parenting. Your 12 year old might act like a 16 year old today and tomorrow like an 8 year old. It's confusing to parent and child. You have to establish those lines of communication early and work to keep them open while realizing that you are not going to be privy to everything that is happening in their lives. It can be really wonderful if there is another trusted adult, whether it be a professional, a family member or a good friend that they feel free to talk to in confidence.