Living Wills

[bothwell]

My mother has a degenerative brain disease and at the moment is pretty mobile and she is lucid about 50% of the time. She was laid low by a virus Christmas eve and lost motor control and speech, she has now recovered althiugh not back to how she was. I was talking about this to her doctor and he pretty much told me that the way she was during the virus infection would be how her eventual detirioration would happen. She being a very smart lady is acuitely aware of this and has asked my father to get the papers sorted for a "Living" will, i.e. what treatment she does or does not want carried out on her.

Yesterday it was all over the news here (UK) about a woman who had travelled to Switzerland for assisted suicide, my mother had the article and showed it to me to ask my opinion which I still have not given her. I know where this is leading, she has always been ferociously tough and healthy and hates how she is now. The article in question told how the woman in question had been taken to Switzerland by her son and daughter.

Whilst my father is still alive (he is 75 and in poor health himself) it is surely his call and he would not do it I am sure just because of the way he is. My dilemma is that if he dies first I may be asked by my mother to assist her in this way, now I will make the decision but I would be interested if anyone has similar experiences.

[Warpy]

1. A living will only goes so far. You need to combine it with a

power of attorney for medical decisions. I've seen living wills not honored if some relative shows up and screams that s/he wants everything done. A power of attorney is different, and appoints a single person to make decisions for the patient in question. No screaming relative has broken one of those. I would strongly suggest you do this for your mother while she is still lucid enough to participate.

Now, as to your question about Switzerland, all that will be entirely up to you, but I'd strongly advise against sharing your plans with anyone lest some right to lifer crazy overhear and run to a right to lifer judge to prevent you from doing this. The only similar situation is the one my dad did for my mom when she was begging for help to die. He refilled Dalmane prescriptions for two months, didn't take any, and left the lethal dose within her reach. She never did use them, but she did stop begging us to help her to die. Just knowing they were there made her a lot more comfortable. It was a control thing, too, and she knew she could make the final determination on whether to take them or not.

I didn't know about it until after she did die, and he fessed up. I thanked him.

End of life issues are only beginning to be addressed in this country, because for too long we've just called the paramedics and had Grandma and Grandpa taken to the hospital to die in intensive care. Hospice care for your mom can go a long way toward keeping her comfortable for the time she has left, and they can be a big help for you and your dad, too. She may find that assisted suicide is a far less attractive alternative than comfort care and support to help her enjoy whatever she has left.

Good luck to you whatever happens, and get that power of attorney for medical decisions.

[trotsky]

2. "Just knowing they were there."

I think that's what most people would like. To at least know the option is there, if the pain becomes unbearable. That was a very loving thing your dad did.

[bothwell]

3. Thankyou

For the considered reply. I checked yesterday and my father already has the power of attourney in place and it defaults to me when he is gone which is what I guessed he would have done, which will still leave me with dilemma if he goes first.

Interesting point about the right to lifers, I know that this ahs been a big issue in the USA luckily it does not seem to be here, of the several cases I have seen the press coverage tends to be sympathetic and basically asks why these people have to travel to another country to get it done.

I was talking last night to an ec colleague who is married to a nurse, she blithely informed me that it goes on all the time!!! Dont get it confused with the mass murdering nurse cases but she tells me that when terminal patients reach a stage when there is nothing that can be done for the pain it would not be unknown for all medical procedures to stop and the painkillers increased more than would be necessary, this may just be a myth I have no idea.

[Warpy]

4. It's not a myth

but docs in the US have to be especially careful about it, both for the right to lifers looking for a lawsuit to press and also for the DEA looking for a doctor's license to revoke.

The US is still a death phobic country where life is to be preserved at all costs and every last drop of misery wrung out of a prolonged death.

Patients in the US can refuse any medical procedure, but the amount of pain control is strictly regulated. We have the cruelest medical system in the world, both for this and the access issues caused by a for profit insurance system that refuses to cover the sick.

And yes, I'm a nurse, and that's why I didn't get the damned Dalmane myself. I had a license they could threaten.

[fiddlestix]

5. I am a nurse also

And when I used to work on the floors, before I moved on to the OR & Ambulatory Surgery...I have witnessed my share of....how to say this...."non-code codes."

Even in the medical profession, there used to be some common sense....

They shoot horses, don't they?