I didn't give blood today

[dsc]

I have given blood at every drive at every school I have ever worked at. But this time, I had to say no. I knew that I would be putting the people who know me to be gay in a very uncomfortable situation if I did give blood. I felt, well discriminated against. I know my blood is safe, heck unlike many others, I know it. Yet, only by lying could I give. I got asked by one of my students why I didn't give and said, it's complicated. Then he got a knowing look and said, I get it. On the plus side, my students know and apparently don't particularly care that I am gay. On the minus side, I had to wear the badge of no bandaid. I am O negative. My blood is needed. But like the Arabic translators who get unceremoniously booted, I am not needed anymore. What a shame.

[angstlessk]

1. does being gay (admiting you are gay) EXCLUDE you from giving blood??

I would think they should just test ALL blood for the same things and that should cover ALL people! I am SHOCKED really!

[dsc]

2. sex with a male even one time since 1977 excludes you

[bliss_eternal]

30. That's horrible.

What a discriminatory policy! :( I would think as badly as they need blood donors, they would revise their standards.
Thank you for sharing this, it's important to know how organizations discriminate. Red Cross may be joining the Salvation Army as far as my donations are concerned. :(

[dsc]

31. Do not blame the Red Cross

it is our government which is the problem. The Red Cross would like to revise that policy but the government won't let it.

[bliss_eternal]

Ugh.

Thanks for letting me know, dsc. I should have known. But it's rotten all the same.
:hug:

[Lyric]

46. It's worse than that, actually.

If a man has had sex with another man even once since sometime in the late 70's, he's disqualified. Forever.

If a woman has had sex with a man, even once, who's had sex with another man, even once, SHE is disqualified. Forever.

If ANYONE has ever had a false-positive HIV test, they are disqualified--along with anyone who was ever married to them or sexually involved with them--and even a decades' worth of subsequent tests to prove that it was indeed a FALSE positive aren't enough. They are banned from giving blood forever.

The rules governing blood donation are (perhaps) well-intentioned...but extremely harmful. It's impossible to get rid of the boogeyman myths about gay people and HIV so long as the government's "official policy" blatantly links being gay with HIV. It's also impossible to convince people that HIV is NOT easily transmissible through non-sexual contact so long as the government's policy seems to imply that even a false positive is somehow a "risk".

[Creideiki]

3. I found it very difficult to be around when the blood drives were going on

My students were very confused, since I was one of the "good guy" teachers that helped out all the fundraisers and volunteered for the school dances and sporting events.

[dsc]

5. I didn't realize just how tough today would be

I almost felt ashamed talking to that student. Funny how we are called selfish but can't even get people to let us not be selfish.

[angstlessk]

4. I do not give blood, so I am unfamiliar..sorry just HATE NEEDLES

when I was 12 it took 2 strong males to hold me down for a tetnus shot..anyway..do they ask women if they have ever had anal sex with a man?? Same thing is it not?

[dsc]

7. I am not a fan of needles but can take them

as to the other thing. It is HIV and dates from when AIDS was so prevalent in the gay community.

[rurallib]

8. They ask a woman if she has ever had sex with a man who

in turn had had sex with a man, or if she had sex with a man who had taken money or paid for sex or if she herself had taken money or paid for sex. But nothing about anal sex.

[angstlessk]

11. hell, the last (only) time I went to give blood, they asked me if I wanted orange juice and a cookie

of course that was a looonnnngggg time ago, and I could not give because of a low grade feaver, they thought might me a sinus infection or something?? never went back..

[Ms. Toad]

44. What they ask women is

have you ever had sex with a man who has had sex with another man even once since 1977

(As well as, have you ever paid money for - or been paid money for sex - same time frame, I believe.)

[Kali]

6. this is fucked

:mad:

First you people want to ruin american families by um, becoming families

and now you want to save lives by donating blood???:wtf:

[TechBear_Seattle]

9. We are the Spawn of Satan (tm) so what do you expect from us?

Let's see... Get married, check. Donate blood, check. Ok, next on the agenda: Charity bingo! Let's see if we can beat last month's haul of $2,187.05, which went to the Rainbow Fund

[shireen]

10. it's stupid...

I've experienced significant blood loss several times and needed blood transfusions. Losing a lot of blood is one of the worst feelings in the world: deflated, limp, and lifeless. But when that donor blood started tricking into my body, after about 20-30 minutes, I could literally feel the life creeping back into me! It is a really amazing feeling! It started with a tingling sensation in my fingers, then a warm energy slowly radiating up my arms; i could feel my legs, like every little cell was screaming, we're back! That slow "energy" continued creeping in till I was totally enveloped in it.

Blood donors, THANK YOU. You've saved my life several times.

dsc, I am very sorry that you're denied the opportunity to give such an precious gift. I would not have hesitated to accept it from you. :hug:

[dsc]

12. I am glad you got that gift

My dad got a few transfusions during open heart surgery. Given my blood type I try to give back. But thanks for your comment.

[eyesroll]

13. It's stupid.

I'm female, and I could have unprotected sex with a different person every night for 10 years, and so long as I didn't ask them questions (especially "have you ever had sex with another man?" or "have you used needles for drugs?") and I didn't charge them a fee, I could give blood.

But men who've been in a monogamous relationship since the early 70s can't give blood, if they happen to be in that relationship with each other. Men who religiously practice safe sex and get tested regularly (and thus know their HIV status better than most who come in to give blood) can't give blood. Heck, someone who gave his roommate a blow job in 1987 can't give blood, if they adhere to the letter of the regulation.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

[Ms. Toad]

45. Ding Ding Ding Ding

We have a winner.

My sister-in-law has had hepatitis for nearly the entire quarter of a century I've known her. She didn't know it - but the first time I went to donate after she found out (when it started to destroy her liver) I was almost deferred because I had had casual contact with her - even though I had been regularly donating blood during the 25+ years I'd been "exposed."

Fortunately, they changed the question between then and the next time I tried to donate (now it takes sharing a razor or toothbrush or something else that might have microscopic blood droplets for a deferral).

BUT - the risk didn't change - only my knowledge of the "risk."

[terrya]

14. I refuse to give blood.

I'm not going to lie about who I am to fulfill some bigoted, ignorant, outdated policy. Fuck that.

The Red Cross can end this policy today. And then I'll give blood.

[dsc]

16. actually they can't

apparently the government won't let them.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. its not red cross policy its governmental regulation

[Rhythm]

15. Because of an error, I've been on the 'deferred list' for about 20 years now

I'm O-neg as well, and used to be a regular donor from the age of 18 until i was about 22. At that time, the man i was married to received a 'false positive' HIV test, and both of us were permanently deferred. Both of us were rigorously tested over many years thereafter, with every subsequent test returning a negative result.

There were blood drives on campus this past semester, and it hurt having to tell the friends who tried to talk me into going that i couldn't, and then having to explain why. It was their mistake, but they are unwilling to rectify it, and now that mistake follows me around. It sucks.

[dsc]

18. that is a shame they won't fix that

It is even dumber for them to continue to defer you than to defer me.

[hulklogan]

19. I see the GD version of this post has been hijacked by the

"icky gays are no better than drug users" brigade.

Fuck DU, I'm done with this place.

[dsc]

20. I admit to being a bit pissed

almost to the point of asking it to be totally deleted.

[uppityperson]

21. argh aieeee! a "bit" pissed? jcoath

I came over here to see if you posted here too and that is just incredible. I am sorry. That sort attitude drives me up a wall. argh argh argh. (I don't mean your attitude but the hijacker there).

So. I will be glad when they change those rules to be more in line with reality. argh.

(jesus christ on a trailer hitch=jcoath)

[Creideiki]

22. There are few places outside of here I'll go

GD:P isn't one of them (neither is GD most days). If I want to be insulted, I can always take the hour drive to Colorado Springs.

[Solon]

23. What amazes me are the mods, showing an anti-gay bias like they do...

First thing I see are that the "Best of..." threads here are ALL locked here yet aren't locked in the African-American Issues forum, and I've seen posters who've compared Gays to drug addicts(sandnsea) and alcoholics(psychmommy) survive on this board, in addition to the many posters who don't support gay marriage, for, in their words, political expediency.

Frankly, DU is becoming a board that is homophobe friendly. Its atrocious.

[noamnety]

24. DU religiously practices

white male supremacy, and part of that is being homophobic.

(The threads in the African American Issues forum may not be locked, but what does it say that we even need those threads?)

[Solon]

26. All we can ask for is for the mods to enforce the rules consistently...

but they don't, that's the problem. I mean, its tragic that we have to have any "The Best of..." threads on DU, but most of the posters that are called out in them are usually tombstoned disruptors from other boards(Freepers). However, not all of them, and that's tragic in itself.

Another problem is that I believe the Admins have relaxed their own rules for the primary season, and I think that was a mistake. A lot of racism, xenophobia, etc. are pandemic on this board as well, and those posters shouldn't be allowed to post here any more either. I can understand relaxing the rules when it comes to attacking primary opponents on political opinions, etc. However they shouldn't extend that relaxation of the rules to include the outright bigotry displayed by all sides here on DU. Its against the rules to show bigotry, period, they should enforce that one vigorously, but they don't.

[bliss_eternal]

35. Please don't give up on the Best of threads...

..anyone here wondering how to keep those threads open consistently, pm me. Seriously. :hi:
If anyone is interested in putting forth the effort it can be done. But it does take effort.

Here's what I did on the Best of thread in AA:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=258x3450#3829

I hated being a pain in the ass in that sense. But the effort was worth it so the thread could be maintained for all. If nothing else, it serves as a vital resource. You never know who is lurking in the forum and reads. Maybe it teaches them how their words are construed by people outside of themselves.

Take a peek at those threads, there are deletions on them. Maybe a couple are from disruptors. But honestly most of the deletions were links to open threads. ;)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

25. i've wondered that too. best of gets locked in feminist forum and here but never in the veggie forum

[Solon]

27. The only thing I can think of is that to the DU mods and Admins, some minorities matter more than...

others. It makes them look like hypocrites, to put it simply, and its even worse than that, a Mod actually suggested that the second "Best of" thread in African-American Issues forum be started, because the first thread was getting too big and mentioned mostly locked threads.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=258&topic_id=3450#4391

Then again, it could also be because, since the GLBT forum is more public, it gets more disruptors than the African American issues group. Such people would be more likely to alert on posts here than paying members in that group.

[hulklogan]

28. Maybe it's a ploy to get us to donate by making us so frustrated by the relaxed mods and admins

that we WANT to punch them or shave them or whatever it is that is the goal of this particular fund drive.

[Solon]

29. I don't know, it could be, obviously, they are aware of the frustration in GD:P...

But I don't know if they are aware of many of the specific reasons for the frustration. Frankly, I think they have been far too lax with both racist, sexist and homophobic members of this board. Far too much bigotry around here, GD:P seems to be full of them.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[LostinVA]

33. .

:applause:

[Solon]

34. Grovelbot has told the truth there...

Fucking pathetic is what it is.

[insleeforprez]

36. Please don't hate me for this

I saw the discussion in GD, and I thought it turned into a flame war, and good points on both sides were missed. So I'll post it here.

I do the following analysis trying to remove any passion/emotion from the thinking.

Gays, *as a population*, are more at risk at HIV because of:
a. Initial conditions. Disease transmission follows some sort of exponential/logarithmic/logistic growth or decay, which depends very much on initial conditions. And, the gay community has higher rates of HIV currently, so they will likely have higher rates of HIV into the future.
b. The prevalence of anal sex (which is *not* universal, but prevalent), which increases rates of disease transmission.

I treat this as a numbers game. If the Red Cross/the powers that be decide that the added risk of taking on blood from a generic gay person is greater than the benefit of taking blood from the same person, then I can't disagree with their decision. In other words, there is no *right* to give blood, if it ends up being (on average) harmful.

Now, if you say that you know for sure that you do NOT have HIV, I'm assuming you mean that you have been tested. I would like to see an exception where *anyone* who has tested negative (in a certain time frame) can give blood, because that sidesteps almost the entire risk, and makes that part of the analysis moot.

BTW, I'm glad to hear that the GSA is going well. You are truly doing amazing work.

[dsc]

38. thanks

and yes I know I'm negative means I have been tested. The GSA has been very rewarding. At this point, I am all but wondering why I just didn't answer yes when I was asked if I was gay when the ads first appeared. Friday showed me I am fooling pretty much no one. That might be next year's project lol. I do understand the notion of increased risk but what I resent is that no effort is made to narrow the net when it really could be narrowed.

[hulklogan]

37. I wonder if the best solution is to have LGBT-only blood banks.

I don't mean a separate but equal Red Cross / Govt. run thing, but something we as a community do for ourselves. If hetero privilege is preventing us from participating in the mainstream blood drives, why not do our own? Do hospitals have to use only Red Cross blood or could we start something like the Pink Cross and give LGBT people a choice when they need transfusions?

[Mimosa]

39. You gave blood previously? I have a question...

DSC, how did it happen that you gave blood previously but not on Friday? Were you not gay before Friday?

I can see the logic to the 'question' since gay males still remain the population in the USA most likely to be infected with HIV. The virus might not be evident to testing until 2 to 4 weeks after being contracted.

I too want to be able to give blood: O positive. I don't have HIV or hepatitus. I have a compromised immune system from another weird illness which isn't even viral. But my best pals Vince and Tracey, both MDs, had each told me they really didn't think it was a good idea for me to give blood. Vince is gay and I don't know if he does. But he said if i gave blood I'd probably be doing the recipient no favour.

[dsc]

40. I haven't had sex for several years

and have been tested several times since then. I lied.

[Mimosa]

41. You must be married! LOL

A long marriage is like living in a monastery. At least in my experience.

[Toasterlad]

42. I Give Blood Every Time We Have a Drive.

Sure, it pisses me off to have to lie and bow to the stupid, archaic, bigoted, fear-mongering assholery, but I think the injury to my principles is more than offset by the lives I save.

However, I'm not generally known to be gay at work (not hiding: I just don't discuss my personal life there, something I wish was common practice ), so I don't get people looking at me askance when I have to answer that question. I don't envy you in the position you're in, dsc.

[dsc]

43. In fairness I don't know how they would have looked at me

I just figured it was a bad position to put them in. People deserved better than that. I will donate where I am not known.

[kdpeters]

47. Think of how it must have been for a 17 year-old kid giving blood for the first time

Happened to me twenty years ago. I haven't given blood since.

The blood drives were heavily promoted in high school and I had been looking forward to finally being old enough to participate my senior year. In the meantime, somehow, I had managed to fall in love with another guy and he with me. We had been sexually active for a couple of years even though we didn't dare call it gay.

I had no idea the kinds of questions I would be asked when I jumped at the first chance to sign up to give blood. It wasn't until AFTER the fact that I read "the question" that sent terror through my veins. Here I was with a pint of blood in my hands -- too late to back out inconspicuously -- being asked by no less authority than the Red Cross and a medical professional to betray the only thing that protected me from near total rejection and certain physical harm. It was hard enough growing up in rural Georgia simply knowing inside of me that I was different. Once I'd crossed that threshold of actually acting on my nature as a gay human being, secrecy and closely guarded privacy became a matter of survival.

I wasn't nearly as informed or as savvy about HIV/AIDS and the politics surrounding the issue as I am now. So when the Red Cross asked me if I'd had sex with another man, I thought it really was important information they needed to know. I actually believed that I might possibly be putting an innocent person's life in danger by lying. Being a small town, it was a certainty that a truthful answer would quickly get out putting me in certain physical danger. So without the information I needed to make sense of it on my own, I sat there and agonized over the decision to either answer honestly or wisely.

In the end, I chose self-preservation. I lied on the form and told them to use my blood. It was the right decision, but I wouldn't know that until I got to college and finally had access to the information I should have had long before then. It was a very very unpleasant experience that nagged at me for some time afterwards. I haven't given blood since.

What a foolish, foolish policy. For me, it's not even a matter of discrimination. It's a matter of idiocy and a policy counterproductive to saving lives. Isn't that the point? So what goal is served by arbitrarily limiting the pool of donors that can donate blood that can be used to save someone's life. If the point is to save lives, shouldn't the point be to save as many as possible?

[dsc]

48. yeah that is a huge problem with the policy

In Mississippi, they asked the questions out loud of all things. I can't imagine that as a scared kid.

[Obamarama]

49. I get off the hook on blood donation...I am disqualified because I lived in the UK for two years...

If you lived in the UK during the period of the mad cow outbreak, you are not allowed to donate blood, either.

[gduwgduw]

50. Deferred Donor List

As a child I had an experimental experience or two with a few of my male friends. We were all around the ages of 9-11 yrs old. I am not gay - I have no attraction towards men. I was a horny child and the idea was presented to me. The activity stopped and since that time my sex life has been limited to two women. Most people I know are more sexually experienced than I am.

During college I once went to donate plasma. I didn't know much about the law and asked a staff member if it mattered how young we were at the time. I was told that she was not sure. She then photocopied my license, told me that I cannot donate, and that I was banned. Between the time she told me she was unsure and I was banned she did not speak to any other staff members. She tricked me to get my information. To this day I feel cheated. Because I was honest enough to ask a question I am treated as if i am gay and am at high risk for HIV. I cannot donate blood. My friends and family do not know why I do not donate blood. I have become good at making excuses and have almost forgotten about this bad situation.

I am soon to be married and a thought came to me the other day.... If I am on a donor deferred list will my wife be automatically banned or would she have to knowingly admit to sleeping with me to be banned? She does not know about this part of my past. If she is going to find out she needs to find out from me and not from a nurse while she is trying to donate blood.

[Q3JR4]

51. It sucks.

I've never tried to donate blood, but I have sold my plasma before and have had to lie about it each time. The thing that gets me is that blood plasma is checked for HIV antibodies before you "really" donate (your plasma is actually used) and every time you donate afterwards.

It's not like I've had anonymous sex with millions of different men in my lifetime. In fact I think I'm the most celibate person I know.

Even with all the testing and my complete lack of non-safe sex you'd think there wouldn't be a problem, but still I have to lie to them when I sell parts of my body (you know, the plasma-y bits).

Q3JR4.